


717 Miles

by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: #skamchristmas17, Aupair, Bullying, Catfishing, Christmas Epilogue, Cuddles galore, Did I mention cuddles?, Dirty dirty daydreams, Graphic descriptions of Male/Male sexual encounters, Hand Jobs, If you have read my fics before you know that I am all about the fluff love and smut, Loads of food references and food talk, London, M/M, Masturbation, Nothing bad will happen to our boys, Oral Sex, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pornhub, Rimming, Shower Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut. Yup. Lots of it., Social Media, The story might have a dark undertone, Then more cuddles, This fic will be no exeption, Well this is the fic that nobody asked for and nobody needs but hey....., Yes I had to get that in there didnt I?, alternative universe, dirty kissing, enemy to lovers, oslo, spunk galore, trust me - Freeform, we love cuddles, well kind of, will add tags as i write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2018-10-12 05:28:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 114,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10483104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/MermaidsandMermen
Summary: The calculated flying distance from Oslo to London is equal to 717 miles which is equal to 1153 km. If you want to go by car, the driving distance between Oslo and London is 1732.79 km. If you ride your car with an average speed of 112 kilometres/hour (70 miles/h), travel time will be 15 hours 28 minutes.Even Bech Naesheim should not be here. Well it was not his plan to be here. Not at all. Even Bech Naesheim, age 19, is supposed to be on a beach in Bali. He is supposed to be on the first stop on his Asian backpacking trip of a lifetime. THAT was the plan. That is where he is supposed to be. Not here. Alone in a house in fucking London. Being paid to look after some troubled 17-year-old.Isak Valtersen has 3 weeks left of school. He has to survive 3 more weeks. Make it through 21 more days of hell. Then he is going to hide out in his room for the rest of the summer until he can figure out how to get his life back on track. Find a school far far away where he can start over. Not make mistakes.He doesn't need a fucking babysitter. He just doesn't. His life is fucked up enough as it is.Tweet me @sophiasoames. Be kind. Be nice. Always





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 717 miles, the fanfiction, has a visual companion on Instagram. Follow 717-even on his account 717milesfromhome to see pictures to accompany the story. There are no spoilers really so far, and ''Even'' will update with visuals chapter by chapter. 
> 
> ''Even'' will follow his followers back, if your instagram account is open. IF your account is private he won't follow you back unless you ask him to, as he is keen to respect your privacy. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little addition to enhance your reading experience.

Even Bech Naesheim should not be here. Well it was not my plan to be here. Not at all. Even Bech Naesheim, age 19, is supposed to be on a beach in Bali. He is supposed to be on the first stop on his Asian backpacking trip of a lifetime. THAT was the plan. That is where he is supposed to be. Not here. Alone.

But here is better than nowhere, and the fact that I am even thinking that I am feeling quite happy. That this is Ok. That it’s better than some of the alternatives that life could have thrown at me. This is just a curveball. It’s OK. It’s just that there is this uncomfortable ball of fuzz in my stomach ruining every thought of excitement and happiness that I should be feeling. I am not supposed to be here.

I am not strictly alone either. I am on a plane full of people travelling to London. England. Fucking UK. It’s always been on the list of places I wanted to visit, and now I am going to live here for 2 fucking months. Well it’s a plan, and I am getting paid for it, which doesn’t suck. It doesn’t suck at all.

It wasn’t a knee jerk decision. Working as an Au pair was never part of my big life plan. I always thought it was something that girls did like a gap year, travelling off in a group to cuddle babies and have coffee and shit. But then this ad just kind of appeared on the screen when I was desperately googling jobs abroad. Anything abroad. Just the idea of getting away from Oslo for the summer so I could forget that everything that I had carefully planned for the past six months had gone to shit. That all this carefully saved up money, well most of it, was gone and basically, I had enough to maybe eat for the next couple of months until Uni starts. If I am lucky. And don’t eat very much. At least I have a place at Uni in September. Thank the fucking Lord and God and all that shit.

So, I had been googling jobs. Jobs abroad that required no experience, because Even Bech Naesheim has fucking zero experience in anything. Apart from fucking shit up and going to school and doing a few shifts for my Dad’s company driving a delivery van. And it’s not like my Dad will give me a glowing reference for the reluctant half-hearted shifts I have been pulling lately. 

I had laughed at first, picturing myself with arms full of screaming bratty babies and a double pram and bottles and nappies and it had been quite funny reading the ads. Because never in a million years would any respectful parent employ a Norwegian kid like myself to look after their precious offspring. I am not good with babies. OK, so I have got 2 younger brothers, but Einar and Mach, (yes, my dear Mother was high on drugs when she named him, she tells the story every year on Mach’s birthday, how she was so delirious on gas and air reading this article on Machiavelli, some Italian philosopher dude, and she got inspired and named her darling new-born son. Yes Machiavelli.) I always wondered how Mach has turned out so fucking perfectly level headed and ridiculous with a name like that. Well Einar and Mach are hardly babies. They are both skinny spotty grumpy teenagers like myself.  
It had been the first line of the ad that had stood out, that had made me kind of rethink the whole idea of working as an Au pair. The ad had read: Please come and be a friend to my son. I mean how fucked up did that sound. This mother was actually willing to pay someone to be mates with her kid. What a fucking life. It had probably been a good idea if the kid was 7, but this kid was, wait for it. The kid I am travelling across the water to look after is fucking 17. Which makes me laugh again. It’s just so fucked up.  
I applied as a joke. I mean it wasn’t like there were many alternatives out there. I had written a little essay about my epic skills as a big brother, outlining that I met all the criteria asked for (can drive, willing to drive on the wrong side of the road, can cook, responsible, not scared to pick up the hoover if needed, and willing to accept 120 pounds per week for the pleasure of being the mate of a 17-year-old.) It’s better than a kick in the teeth. Well it’s better than the alternative. The alternative being staying in my room for the next two months wasting the last summer of my youth.  
It was the SKYPE-interview that followed that settled it. The way the mother used the word ‘’troubled’’ in every sentence when speaking about her son. The kid’s name is Isak. And he is apparently troubled. Whatever that fucking means. I kept thinking if that was MY mum, describing ME, well maybe the word ‘’troubled’’ might have featured just as heavily. Well whatever. The kid sounds like a normal 17-year-old. Goes to school. Stays in his room. Needs to be driven to school and picked up every day. Fed dinner. And my job is basically to make sure that he is in the house every night. Alive. In his bed. I mean how hard can it be?  
The Mum’s job sounds cool. She is a long-haul flight attendant for one of the big airlines, so she is basically away most of the time, and has a boyfriend in something called ‘’The Cotswolds’’ which sounds all posh and fancy, and spends time there so they can have time together. (Which sounds even more fucked up considering that the 17-year-old is ‘’troubled’’ and apparently needs another person to look after them.) I just don’t get it.  
She sounds nice though. Her name is Birgit, and she even spoke to my Mum. In Norwegian. Because Birgit is from Bergen, and her son, this Isak kid, needs to practice his Norwegian so he can apply to go to school in Norway next year. I am the ideal candidate Birgit said. Told me she was desperate for me to say yes. Mum said she sounds lovely. She does.  
At least Mum and Dad are proud of me. They said so this morning when they dropped me off at the airport train. Told me at least I had taken responsibility with getting a job for the summer and sorting myself out. Not that I feel like I have sorted much out, but at least I have a job and a plan and a bit of an adventure to look forwards to. Because I intend to use every day of this little impromptu adventure to do stuff that I want to do. It might not be Bali, but it is Fucking London. Fucking London is full of art, theatre and movies. Places to see. People to meet. Chances and encounters and fate and all that fluffy stuff that dreams are made off. Then in September I can go back home and start Uni. It will be fine. It will be all right. I will be fine. I can do this. I can.

I feel sick when the plane touches down at Heathrow. Ridiculously worried. Thinking maybe this was a fucking mistake too. I seem to be making loads of them lately. Stupid irrational last minute decisions. Mistakes that cost me things. Money. Friends. Sanity. I hang my head clutching the airplane paper sick bag. I feel like an idiot. I should be sitting here feeling all cool and suave. I am off to live in London for two months. Instead I am retching into a paper bag and having the guy in a suit next to me pat my arm saying that ‘’I will be fine, that everyone gets airsick occasionally and that it was a bumpy landing so I shouldn’t feel bad.’’ I don’t feel bad. I just feel sick. 

I fiddle with my passport in the queue for immigration. Try to get on the free Wi-Fi so I can send a message to Birgit that I am here. Try to text Mum and Dad. Nothing is bloody working. No wonder people have meltdowns at Airports. I have only been here for 20 minutes and I am already wanting to scream at someone, I don’t really care who. Just AHRHHGHGHGHG. Bloody Wi-Fi.

At least my bag is here, and Birgit is waiting outside immigration which is a relief. I recognize her. She recognizes me. We chat. It’s cool. She also drives some kind of cool 4-wheel drive thing built for off-roading, yet she drives it like it’s a tank down the motorway towards London, being all aggressive and honking and swearing through her teeth when other drivers cut her up. The traffic is crazy. I mean I have never seen this many cars in one place like ever.

‘’So Isak’’ Birgit rambles on. ''He needs to be at school at 9 tomorrow. So, if you can bang on his door at 7 and make sure that he is up, and leave a plate of toast and a cup of tea on the doorstep, then he will sort himself out. If you don’t hear him leave at 7.30 then bang again. He needs to have left at 8 latest. Once I get the insurance for the car sorted for you, you can drive him which is better. He is not very good on public transport, he gets nervous. So hopefully on Tuesday you can drive him and then pick him up again at 3.30. You need to be on time. He will show you where to park so he can find you. Don’t be late. Ok?’’

I am trying to process all this information, scribbling on a piece of paper as we drive. Wake Isak at 7. Leave at 8. Pick up at 3.30. 

‘’I have got you an Oyster card, so you can use all the public transport and go anywhere during the day. Just make sure you are back in time to collect Isak. I will also leave you a weekly kitty with cash for food for the week. You need to buy anything that you want to cook so there is food for both of you. I am away all this week, then I am back Friday and you can have the weekend off. Does that sound OK?’’

I just mumble. Trying to take in the ridiculous traffic, the ads, and the buildings flying past us. The motorway seems to move from snaking through the streets with ridiculously narrow lanes that make me flinch when Birgit overtakes with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand gesticulating wildly. Then suddenly we are above the roofs on some weird bridge flyover contraption, houses and offices and billboards blending together across the skyline. 

‘’It’s massive, London. Nothing like home’’ I don’t know why I am speaking. It’s just such a big city. Never-ending skyline. Cars everywhere. Houses packed together in neat little rows. 

‘’I came here 20 years ago, and it hasn’t changed much’’ Birgit says. ‘’It’s nothing like Norway. All smog and brick and people and crap. You are lucky growing up at home. I kind of miss home, but then London is my home now, this is where my job is and my friends and my family. I can’t complain. It’s a crazy city, but hey, I still love it. And here we are, Home sweet Home.’’

She is swinging the car around in a narrow road, doing some crazy three point turn in-between the traffic to line the car up so she can park it in front of a row of grey houses. There is no parking really, just a bit of space in front of the front door but somehow, she manages to squeeze the tank onto the pavement and manhandle it around. Well the car is basically parked in the front door. Like she would be able to squeeze it into the hallway if she just tried. Madness.

‘’That’s’ your car’’ She says pointing at a blue Mini parked in the street.  
‘’Awesome’’ I blurt out. Because it is. It’s a freaking Mini. How cool. 

I barely get my shoes off before Birgit is taking me on a whirlwind tour of the house. There is the front room with a strange dining table setup. Then a back room with a sofa and TV, that leads down to the kitchen which is downstairs. I mean the floor plan is just crazy. I keep looking around to get my bearings. There is a fridge. A washing machine and tumble dryer. Stuff to clean with. Stuff to wash with. Stuff not to touch. Alcohol. Well we are not to touch that either. No drinking when I am working. No parties. (Well hello. Who am I going to party with? It’s not like I know anyone in fucking London is it?)  
Then upstairs there is Birgit’s room. Birgit’s office. All off limits. That’s chill. Up another set of stairs. Two doors. One room is mine, which is like a double bed and a closet. A tiny TV and a set of drawers that look like they belong in a museum. Weird. Then there is a bathroom and the other door is apparently Isak’s room. Birgit knocks on the door and shouts that he needs to come out and meet me. He just grunts. Charming. She shrugs her shoulders and says ‘’I love you darling see you Friday ok? Be good to Even!’’

He doesn’t even reply to that. Strange kid. There are pictures of him on the walls downstairs. A little cherubic curly haired blonde with dimples and charm. I bet he is a fat spoiled brat of a 17-year-old. Greasy hair and smelly and weird. I mean who the hell does this kid think he is? 

It’s pretty surreal. I mean I was at home in my bed this morning. 7 hours later I am standing alone in the kitchen of a weird house somewhere in London holding a bunch of keys in my hand and watching this woman called Birgit leave with a suitcase. She has left me in charge. Me. Does she even know what she has done? 

I am now a proud owner of an Oyster card, the keys to her house. The keys to a Mini that I cannot drive until Tuesday when my insurance kicks in, and 120 pounds in my pocket to last me the week. Oh, an additional 50 quid for food shopping is on the side. And apparently a 17-year-old kid locked in his room upstairs.

What could possibly go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

EVEN

I am up at 6.30. Showered (well if you call the water pressure in that thing that is supposed to be a shower, an actual shower. It’s more like someone has drizzled some lukewarm water over my head.) I have also read the manual Birgit left me. They must have had hundreds of au pairs, each of them scribbling notes on the side of every page. Stuff that Isak eats. Stuff that Isak doesn’t eat. Loads of notes saying BE ON TIME FOR PICKUP. Someone has written ‘’don’t make Isak Mad’’ on one page, followed by ‘’Bye and good luck!! ‘’. It scares me a bit, but then I think, he is a kid. A bloke. What the fuck is wrong with him? 

At 7 o clock I put a cup of tea and a piece of toast on his doorstep. Knock hard. I don’t say anything. I mean he is as much of an adult as me. Surely he can get himself up.

I also go through the food in the kitchen. There is no proper bread. I mean there is some cheap foamy toast bread that smells funny, and there is milk. That is about it. I find a packet of cornflakes and some moldy marmalade in the cupboard. Then there is a couple of bags of crisps. Not a single piece of fruit. I have already made a shopping list, and I very much doubt the 50 pounds will cover what we actually need. I am going to bake some bread later, and make a lasagne. That should sort us for dinners, and some salad, fruit and basics. Chocolate. We need chocolate too. Proper coffee. I have found a coffeemaker, but there is not coffee grounds which is just mad. Unless Isak knows where they are. I really need to meet him. Ask some stuff. Get this whole thing under control.

I drink the tea. Well it tastes fucking vile. Strong and dark without milk in it. I need coffee. Proper shit.  
It’s Monday, and apparently the cleaning lady comes on Fridays, but on Mondays I am supposed to get all the rubbish outside in the bins. I can do that. Not that there is much but the cornflakes and the marmalade go in a bag, along with some rubbish I find under the sink. I check the bathroom and hurl out some empty shampoo bottles. Easy. I can so do this. I knock on Isak’s door again. 7.30. Not a sound. The tea and toast is gone though. 

I wander around downstairs. Rethinking my shopping list. Googling art museums nearby. Chewing the back of a pen. I barely register the footsteps coming down the stairs. I hear the front door slam shut though. I suppose that is Isak gone then. Well that was easy. Day one done. 

 

ISAK  
I can’t believe she got another one. Another fucking babysitter. It’s getting ridiculous. I mean I have basically looked after myself for years. Along with an ever-changing line of fucking babysitters who I do my best to piss off so they will leave me alone. I get that Mum insist that they pick me up from school and shit, but some of them can barely drive. I will die in a car crash one of these days with these girls behind the wheel. The last one was Spanish. Crazy as fuck. Never shut up, in Spanish. Couldn’t understand a word the chick was saying. The one before that was Italian. Ate all the food in the house. Not that I mind, I can sort myself out, but she even went in my room and ate my crisp stash, whilst going through my stuff. She had to go. Well it was easy. I just made her life hell and she left a week later. Job done.

This new one can at least make tea. Mum said she is Norwegian. Probably as crazy as the rest of them. 

I just wish I could be left alone. I would like that. Just to have the house to myself. Make my own food. Watch TV. Chill. Not have to worry about someone else walking in on me in the shower. I mean the fucking lock on the door doesn’t even work anymore. I Need to learn how to drive as well. Not that I will need to drive much once school is finished. I am just going to stay put in my room until College starts. Wherever that is. I have applied to loads of schools. Anything to get away from here. Anywhere I can start over. Even maybe make some friends. Some new good friends. I have learned my lesson. I don’t get close. I don’t talk too much. I don’t tell people about feelings. That is fucked up. That is how you lose your best friend and then they never speak to you again. It was all my fault. I won’t let that shit happen again. 

I pull my hoodie over my head as I dive down the stairs to the tube. Head down. Move your feet. Breathe. In and out. 

The chance that they will get me is slim, I know that. They usually don’t get on at this station. But then they have once. Got me down on the platform. Almost knocked me out against the platform wall before someone came along and they let me go. 

I keep to the crowds. Try to blend in with everyone else. My heart beating out of my chest. I need my music on to calm me down, but then I won’t hear them. I need to stay alert. 

I fidget. Tap my feet against the dirty tiles on the platform. Push my back against the wall. Hide behind a bloke reading a paper. I am constantly scanning the crowd. Listening out for the voices. Hoping that I will be lucky today. That they won’t see me. That I will get away. 

If I can just get to school and get within the gates then there is CCTV. They won’t even try it there. Not that I am safe at school, but there are rules. There are teachers. They don’t make it obvious at school. I get shoved against the wall. Pulled. Pushed. Called names. It doesn’t matter. If they get me in the toilets it’s bad. I’ve had my head shoved down the loo’s enough times. I just stay well clear of the toilets. Hide in the crowds. Sit in the library. Run for it when the bell goes. Hoping that whoever picks me up is parked outside so I won’t have to wait. It’s bad when I have to wait. I am like a sitting duck by the gates. Just a prime target. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

It wasn’t always this bad. I mean I still got bullied a bit. But I had Jonas. Jonas always looked out for me. Told people to fuck off and leave me alone. I fucking miss him. But it was all my fault. Me and my fucking big mouth. He hasn’t spoken to me since. Avoids me. Looks right through me whenever we pass in the corridors. So now it’s just me. Three more weeks. I have to somehow survive three more weeks before School is finished and I can leave all this shit behind me. Three more weeks.

I hope this Even or Eva or whatever her name is can drive. I will have to take the tube back tonight again which is making me nervous already. At least tomorrow she will drive me. Easy. I can do this. I have no choice. I can do this.

I close my eyes as the tube doors close. Feeling grateful for the crowds. Somehow, I am crushed up against strangers who are unknowingly protecting me. Making me feel safe and calm. I can relax for a few minutes. Knowing nobody can get to me. I’m safe. If only for a few minutes.

EVEN  
I have had the best day. I mean this is great. Fucking brilliant.  
I found this little art gallery where I wasted an hour and half just sitting and sketching. Getting ideas. Getting lost in my head in the freaking awesome drawings. Chatted to the gallery owner who turned out to be a cool dude too. So, I have two more galleries to visit tomorrow with what sounds like really good art. Post-modern pencil sketches, and caricature cartoon strips. I am beyond buzzed.

Then I went shopping. I found the local supermarket that had nothing really, just weird ready meals and fluffy chemical bread. Nothing that looked remotely interesting. I need proper bread flour. I googled that. I need seeds and yeast. Not the English kind apparently. Thank god for Google. I know what I need. I also know where the Scandinavian supermarket is so I waste half my food budget on overpriced shit that would have cost half the amount in Oslo, but hey, it will last a while and make proper bread. The good stuff. Soft brown rolls full of scolded rye flour and seeds and oat flakes and flax seeds. Then I found this epic organic food store and walked away with some fresh herbs that smell heavenly. I mean I had a ball. I got meat and fruit and a few bits from the corner shop which has left me with 10 pounds for the rest of the week. But I think we have everything we need to feed two blokes for a couple of days. 

I walk home from the tube station swinging my shopping bags and whistling. Sunglasses perched on my face and my jacket wide open letting the warm air float through my clothes. I feel OK. Like things will be OK. Somehow the last couple of weeks seem to be a distant blur. Apart from the fact that none of my friends are speaking to each other and that everything is weird and tense and not nice. I kind of even miss Sonja. Even though she hasn’t even bothered to text me to see if I am OK. I guess I was not as important to her as she always said I was. 

I unlock the door, and disable the alarm. Well nobody told me about the alarm but there were instructions in the manual so I figured it all out and set it when I left. I suppose this is London. It really is nothing like Oslo, with its safe easy streets, friendly people and wide sidewalks. London is crazy and loud and busy and, well frankly a little overwhelming.

I also found what I think Is Isak’s mobile number on a post it on the fridge, so I send off a text, in Norwegian. I mean part of my deal is that I need to speak Norwegian to him so we should at least try to speak at some point. 

‘’Hi, This is Even. I am making Lasagne for dinner, if you want to join me for food at 6 then I will be downstairs eating. It would be nice to meet. ‘’

I don’t hear back. Not that I expected him to reply or anything. I kind of get that he is not the sociable kind. Grumpy little fucker. 

I decide I am going to wait him out. Corner him on the stairs so at least I know what the hell he looks like. He should be home around now, I mean how far can it be from here to his school? 

I prep the lasagne. Cook off the beef and measure out the milk for the béchamel sauce. Grate the cheese. Line all the ingredients up on little plates ready to cook off. 

I am kind of hoping he will join me in the kitchen. Help me cook. We could bond over gruyere cheese and fancy herbs or some shit. It would be fun. We could be friends. I mean I am a nice guy. I can talk shit to anyone. I can spend hours with my brothers and we don’t kill each other. Well most of the time we don’t. 

It’s almost 4 o clock when I hear the click of the door. Fast steps running up the staircase. I run for it, almost losing my balance taking the corner to the first staircase. He is way ahead of me, taking the steps two at the time. I just about catch the back of his legs as he slams the bathroom door in my face. Little fucker. Big fucking idiot of a fucker. 

I am panting. I am not fit. I need to go to the gym or something. Or not. If I am going to run up and down these freaking stairs every day trying to get a word in with this kid then I will be fucking fit for a marathon by the end of 2 months. 

Well How long is he going to spend in the bathroom? I can wait. It’s not like I have anything else to do. So, I plonk myself down on the floor opposite the door. Then I wait. Quietly. I can play this fucking game too. If I am going to be his bloody slave and driver and cook and get-you-up-in-the-morning kind of bloke (well not in that sense of the word OK? Because that would just be wrong, wouldn’t it?) Then he can bloody well be polite enough to at least say hello. That is what I intend to tell the little shit. However weird and ugly and shitty and smelly and frankly rude he might be, we have to be some kind of friends if this is going to work. 

I hear the lock click. Just tentatively like he is going to sneak out and make a run for his room. Well he has got something else coming the little shit. So, I stand up. Cross my arms and wait.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! It's amazing to have you all along for the ride! Well here is chapter 3. Enjoy!

EVEN

‘’Who the fuck are you?’’

That is the kid speaking. Well he is not a kid. Definitely not a kid. He is some kind of Man-God-thing. 

Not that I can speak. Because his voice is just mesmerizing, speaking in that proper British upper class twang you see on BBC dramas on TV. I am swooning a little. Being an idiot. And the kid is staring at me.

‘’Oh, It speaks! Thank God’’ I reply in my best sarcastic voice. In Norwegian. Because he pisses me off. Because he is fucking pretty. Not that I would usually describe boys as pretty but fuck this kid is seriously taking the piss in the looks department. 

‘’Where is Eva?’’ He almost shouts. Looking terrified. Well he looks like he is clenching his fist ready to swing at me. Which is not good.

‘’Who the fuck is Eva?’’ I kind of half shout back. Staring at him. Trying to take him in. He is as tall as me. Blonde. Wearing some kind of cheap looking polyester suit with a school logo on the jacket. 

‘’Fuck you are bleeding, what happened to your face mate?’’ That’s me. No filter. Suave Even. Really cool. I was going to go for the friendly and kind approach. The ‘’I could be your friend if you let me’’ approach. Instead I am now holding his chin in my hand and trying to wrench a blood-soaked hand towel out of his hand so I can see what the hell he has done to the side of his face.

‘’Get off me you twat.’’ He is shouting. Pushing me off him with both hands. Making me stumble a little. 

‘’Look you idiot, I am only trying to help.’’

We stare at each other. Bloody Mexican standoff style. Him with blood dripping on what must be his school uniform shirt. There’s quite a few stains already turning brown on his collar. Me still holding the blood-soaked towel in my clenched fist. 

‘’I’m Even. I live here. I’m your fucking driver cook and general slave it seems. Well I assume you are Isak. ‘’ I want to say more. Hurl some built up abuse at him. Throw some home truths of rudeness right in his face. But the kid is bleeding. So, I don’t. 

‘’You are a bloke’’ He snarls. In English.

I glance down at my feet, then look up again. Sarcastic grin on my face. ‘’Yeah last time I looked. I’m a bloke. You have a problem with that?’’ God I am a fucking idiot. Even in Norwegian.

‘’No’’ He whines back. Wiping blood from his chin. That cut needs taping up.

‘’That cut needs taping up. Have you got Steri-strips? A first aid kit?’’

Well he takes that as his queue to leave. Slams his door in my face. 

Well that went well Even. Nicely played. The Man-God of a kid that is apparently Isak now hates my guts. Well I was not very nice. Well neither was he really. I am like a petulant kid. Sulking on the stairs. Wondering if Isak will bleed to death in his sleep and I will be charged with manslaughter. Negligence in the steristrip department. Well that’s another thing I could add to my list of misdemeanours. Destruction of property I already have on my file. What a fucking resume. 

I pull myself together and walk downstairs. Look in every cupboard in the kitchen. Who the fuck doesn’t have a basic first aid kit. There is not even a plaster. I raid the downstairs loo. There is not even a packet of cotton wool. 

I have grown up in a household full of rowdy boys. We live off alcohol swabs. Wound clean up kits. Steristrips and bandages. Packs of bloody frozen peas. 

I grab the car keys and go and dig around in the Mini. Bingo. A Mini first aid kit. Complete with alcohol swabs. And a nice new pack of steristrips. A few good plasters. Bandages. Wool. Perfect.

I run back upstairs and knock on his door. He doesn’t reply but I go for it anyway. In Norwegian. 

‘’Look Isak. My brother plays hockey. I snowboard. I have had some pretty nasty incidents with cuts. If you don’t get it taped up you will get a god-damn-ugly scar. I have got the first aid kit from the Mini and I am going to go downstairs and get the Lasagne in the oven. It would be really great if you could come down and just let me sort out your cut. You don’t have to talk to me. You don’t even have to eat my fucking lasagne even though it will be epic. Best Lasagne ever.’’ 

I am rambling. But hey. I am trying here. Trying to be nice and friendly and save myself a manslaughter charge. The kid is not bleeding to death on my watch. 

‘’Bring your clothes down as well and I will get the blood out. You need to soak it in cold water for a bit and then it just comes out. Please. I just need to know you are OK and then I will piss off and sit downstairs and binge eat Lasagne and leave you the fuck alone. OK?’’

I back off. I hope he understands enough Norwegian to actually get the gist of that. It hits me that he might not have understood a word of what I just said. I might just be a fucking idiot. I still go downstairs. I’ll wait. Give him some time. I’ll check again in half an hour. I’ll just have to google how long it takes for someone to bleed to death from a head wound. 

ISAK  
I don’t know what the hell just happened. There is a bloke living in my house. Who is Norwegian. Called Even. She got me a fucking bloke for a babysitter. I know my Mum can take the piss but what the hell? She could have asked me. She could have fucking told me he was a bloke. Not that it makes any difference. I still don’t want him here. Fucking idiot. Poncy uptight Scandinavian twat. In his skinny jeans and slim fit t-shirt and socks with holes in them and that fucking hairdo. The bloke has some kind of Elvis thing going on with his hair. It makes me laugh a little. Well just a little. Because I am still bleeding.

They got me, and I didn’t even hear it coming. I was just heading down the stairs to the tube, thinking I was fine. Thinking that this was a doddle. It was just a simple hook of my ankle. Just discreet. Nobody would have noticed if it wasn’t for the cackle. He always does that little cackle just after I go down. Like he mocks me for being so easy. That I don’t even try to fight back. I don’t. I just take it. Well I fell down a couple of steps. My knees will be bruised as hell. I haven’t even looked. I think it was Hassan that gave me the kick. Elias did the foot hook. I’m sure Hassan was right behind him. Or it could have been Ben. Not that it matters. The three of them usually lead the pack. Followed by some year two wankers who just follow them around. Laugh at every word they say. Fucking brainless hanger-on’s. Well the kick wasn’t very hard but my face hit the tiles on the wall, and whatever I hit on there was bloody sharp. 

I just got up. Walked away. I fucking walked home. Because there was no way that I was heading down to the tracks. They would have been waiting. There is just no way I would risk it. This is London. Nobody even cares if some kid is getting beaten up on the tube platform. ‘’It’s just kids messing about’’ they will say. Turn away. Look somewhere else. Then the train will come through and they will all disappear leaving me alone. With them. It’s not like Elias will ever stop. He fucking lives for this kind of shit. Lives for tormenting me. I know that. It makes him look big and cool and strong in front of those idiots he hangs out with. Well it’s my fault. I keep letting it happen. I am a fucking coward.   
They didn’t hurl much abuse at me today. Too public. Too noticeable. People tend to not like hearing ‘’Fucking faggot’’ on the underground. Funny that. At school, it’s a laugh. People giggle when they hurl abuse at me. Calling me names and insults and pulling at my clothes. Pushing me into the walls. It’s not like anyone really care’s there either. It’s just easier if I hide. 

I change into a clean top. Try to press an old t-shirt against my skin to stop the bleeding. Kick my school trousers off. There is a hole in the fabric on one knee. I am bleeding a little bit there as well. Not much. Just a scratch. Some bruising already showing up on my kneecap. 

I pull some joggers on. Check out my face in the mirror. I look like shit. Crusted lines of blood running down the side of my face. Hair an absolute mess. Looking pale and tired and exhausted. Well it’s not like I sleep much. There is just too much going on in my head at night. 

I dab with the t-shirt again. Fresh red blood trickling down my face. It doesn’t look good. 

I look around my room. There is nothing here I can use. I need plasters. Something to stop the bleeding. 

I guess it’s inevitable. I will have to go downstairs. Get that bloke to sort it out. He said he knows what he is doing. Says he had that steri shit he was on about. Whatever. 

EVEN

My béchamel sauce is freaking perfection. Smooth and silky and not a fucking lump in sight. Just a touch of salt and pepper. There was even nutmeg in the spice rack. Fucking ace.   
I don’t notice him at first, and when I do I just ignore him. I don’t want to spook him. But he can fucking say something. If he wants me to sort his head he can fucking ask. Not just stand there like an idiot and wait for me to fix shit.

He walks around the kitchen island. Tentatively. Like he wants me to notice him. 

I just continue layering my lasagne. Letting the grated cheese crumble between my fingers. Bolognaise sauce dripping on the worktop. Fresh basil leaves softening under the hot white sauce. 

‘’Pass me that tea towel?’’ I say. Casually. Like it’s nothing. He does. Standing a little closer so that he can watch what I am doing. 

I wipe the sides of the dish. It’s lush. Smells like heaven. Letting the last handful of grated cheese land on the top. Then I slide it into the hot oven. Wipe my hands on my t-shirt. Give him a little smile.

He doesn’t smile back. But he kind of cocks his head to the side and says ‘’It won’t stop bleeding’’ in Norwegian. Which kind of melts my heart. It’s not Bergen dialect, and he certainly doesn’t sound like and Oslo kid. It’s just soft. Cute. 

‘’Can I see?’’ I say. Trying to sound calm. Kind. 

He nods. Plonks himself down on the barstool next to the sink. 

I look. Well I am looking at his cut. But mostly I am looking at him. Soft blonde curls framing his face, long at the back just touching his collar. He needs a haircut. Or not. I kind of like the curls. Perfect skin. Pale and soft. Tiny bits of fuzz on his chin. I doubt he shaves. Perfect nose. Gorgeous profile. Little thin lips that just curl at the edges. Fucking pretty. Not like me and my skinny freckled self. I’m not pretty. I’m just, well I am me. But Isak is fucking pretty. Which annoys the hell out of me for some reason. 

His cut is a fucking mess. There is dirt in it. Grit. If it was up to me I would get it stitched. Cleaned out properly.

‘’If I said I would very much like to take you to A&E to get this stitched up, would you let me?’’ I kind of know the answer before he even starts to shake his head.  
‘’Do I want to know what happened? Is there someone that I need to beat up tomorrow? ‘’ I am going for quietly amusing. He is not laughing though.   
‘’I am just going to wash my hands then I will tape your head back up.’’ 

He nods. Looking very young all of a sudden. Shoulders hanging low against his chest. Playing with his fingers.

I start ripping open alcohol swabs. Antibacterial wipes. Whatever they are called. Get a cup and fill it with boiling water from the kettle. Grab the tea towel and tell him to hold it under his chin to catch the drips. 

‘’This is going to sting a little, I just need to flush some dirt out of the cut. Ok?’’ I dip a cotton ball in the hot water and blow on it. Let it cool enough that I won’t scold him. Drip a few drops into the wound, catching the dirt as it pools below. He winces. Closes his eyes.   
‘’Almost done. I know it hurts like hell. Sorry’’ I have my hand under his chin. Trying to hold his head steady so I can get the last of the grit out. Dabbing gently with an antibacterial wipe.   
He has his eyes closed. Leaning into my touch. Which makes me feel a bit weird. Because I kind of think this kid might be so starved of affection, of simple things like human touch, that he is letting me hold his face. It’s weird. It’s just that. It’s got nothing to do with that I suddenly feel like giving him a big hug. Holding him. Pressing little kisses to that fucking perfect skin on his forehead. It’s got nothing to do with that he is fucking perfect. Pretty and gorgeous and shoulders to die for. He is broad. Perfectly proportioned. I can see the shapes of his shoulder blades under that t-shirt he is wearing. 

I take a deep breath. Dry my fingers on the tea towel. Let go of his face. 

‘’Just hold still. I just need to tape it all up now and you will be all done.’’ He nods. I nod back. Wipe the last of the blood from his cheek. 

I stick the steri strips on in perfect little lines. Nice and tight holding the skin together. Dabbing little droplets of blood that are seeping through. Finish it off with a plaster. 

‘’Can you get away with wearing a beanie to school tomorrow? Then you won’t be able to tell it’s even there?’’  
‘’Not allowed. No hats with the school uniform. Bloody rules. ‘’ He sounds defeated. Tired.  
‘’I don’t get this school uniform thing. In Norway, you can wear whatever you want to school.’’  
‘’Yeah, this is the fucking UK. It’s all about rules. That nobody follows anyway.’’ I swoon again. Bloody Isak and his voice. I love when he speaks English. I love his Norwegian twang too.

‘’Thank you’’ he says and points at his head.   
‘’Welcome’’ I reply. Giving him a little smile. Throwing all the wipes and cotton wool in the bin.   
He gets up. Washes his hands in the sink. Looks all confused and sad again.   
‘’Lasagne will be done in 40 minutes. If you are hungry.’’ I try to smile at him but I think it comes across more like a smirk. I wipe my hands on my t-shirt again.  
He nods. 

‘’Oh Isak, do you know if there is any Coffee? I fucking hate tea.‘’ Smooth Even. Isak actually smiles. Starts rumbling around in a drawer and produces a handful of coffee pods.   
‘’Oh, thank fuck’’ I am actually relieved. Just not being overdramatic so that he won’t leave. I am kind of hoping for company. That we can hang out.   
‘’Can you show me how it works? ‘’ I try to look clueless.  
Isak can do overdramatic too. He rolls his eyes. Gives me a little smirk. Kind of saying ‘’Are you a complete idiot or are you just plain fucking stupid?’’

He loads a pod in the machine where it says LOAD. Yeah. I should have seen that. Then he presses BREW. Grabs a cup and sits it on the base.   
He doesn’t even say good bye. He just turns around and walks out of the room. Letting the creaks of his footfall on the stairs mingle with the bubbling of the water as it hits the coffee pod. 

I think I am in trouble here. I mean I have crushed on boys before. I am pretty sure that I am somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. That doesn’t bother me. But this could be fucking messy. Because Isak is doing things to me. Making me feel all warm and funny inside. He is so fucking pretty.   
I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect that at all. 

ISAK

I love Lasagne. Love it. And Even’s lasagne looked freaking brilliant. I can smell it up here. All cheesy and rich. I am bloody starving.   
I don’t really want to go down and hang out with him though. I know what will happen. I will open my big fucking mouth and say something wrong and things will get awkward and shit. Because Even isn’t just some bloke. I can tell. He is like super cool. Popular. The kind of guy with people following him around. Loads of friends. Girlfriends everywhere. Gets laid like every Friday. Goes to cool parties. I know his type. I see them at school. He is nothing like me. Nothing like someone like me. 

Not that I have a type in anything. I just stay away from people. I hang out with my Mum. I mean she is my mum. But otherwise I don’t hang out with anyone. I have nothing to say. 

I suppose I like music. I like films. TV series. I read books. Keep my homework ticking over. I do OK. I just don’t do friends. I don’t even know how to hang out with people anymore. How to do small talk. I have no idea how to make friends. I couldn’t even become Even’s friend if my life depended on it.

Well my life depends on Even. That bit is kind of true. Because I need him to get to school, so I can get these last weeks done so I can fucking disappear. Forever. Because I am not coming back. Not here. Ever.

I fiddle with my phone. Look at the message he sent me earlier. I suppose it is good that I have his number. I save it. Could be useful. Then I jump. Because he has sent me another one. Just a ‘’Food on the table. I am not bringing it up. Come and get it.’’

The bloke is like some deranged Dad. And I am not his kid. 

I still move. Hobble down the stairs. My knee is seizing up. Bruised and sore. 

Even is on the sofa, with a plate on his lap. Remote in his hand. Eyes firmly on the TV.  
‘’What do you want to watch? Homeland is on. 24 Legacy? Or there is something called EastEnders? Looks totally shit. But whatever’’  
‘’Homeland sounds good’’ I can do that. And there is a plate on the side with cutlery. Two glasses of water on the coffee table by his feet.  
I sit down next to him. Put my feet up. Shove a forkful of Lasagne in my mouth. 

Then I almost come. I mean that. Its bloody orgasmic. I am moaning. Crazy sounds coming out of my mouth.

‘’Good?’’ Even is smiling. Proud as fuck. 

I just nod. It’s amazing. Just right. My mouth chewing. Hand loading the next fork. Eyes firmly on the TV.

We eat. We watch. He doesn’t even ask. Just loads up another portion when the last forkful lands on my tongue.

I can barely move by the time the credits are running on the TV. I am full. Sleepy. Stomach full of nerves. 

‘’Can I check your head again before you go up?’’ He asks. 

I sit up. He leans over. Lets his fingers run through my fringe so he can check the plaster.  
His fingers are hot against my skin. Well I shiver anyway. His thumb stroking the edge of the wound. 

‘’ It’s not bleeding anymore so all good. I will look at it in the morning and change the plaster for you. I can add that to my CV now, not only am I your cook and driver and slave, I am also your personal Medic.’’

I smile weakly. Stand up. I leave the plate. Mutter ‘’Thanks for dinner.’’ Then I run. I leave him standing there, with the washing up and shit on the table. I am a spoilt brat. A little shit. Whatever. At least he won’t get any deluded ideas that we are friends. Because we are not. We are not friends. Nor will we ever be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might be a little while until the next update. Be patient people. All the love xxxx

EVEN  
I am hyperventilating. Leaning my head against the steering wheel. Whining between breaths. At least we are parked. We are here. Outside Isak’s school.  
To top it all off he is laughing at me. Just flashing little snippets of smiles at me from behind his hands. I don’t blame him. That was the worst. I hate London. I hate this Mini. I am never driving again.

‘’I am going to walk back. I am leaving this shitheap of a car here. I am never driving it again.’’

Isak let’s another little giggle slip.

‘’You are a shit driver Even. Shit’’  
‘’You are not helping dickhead’’  
‘’Arsehole’’ He is swearing at me. Calling me names. In Norwegian. It’s so fucking cute that I have to look up. Grin at him. My hands are still clinging to the steering wheel. Knuckles white. 

‘’You wankers drive on the wrong side of the road, and don’t indicate for fuck and those fucking roundabouts…’’  
‘’You will get used to it. They usually do. Nobody has killed me off in this car yet. Although there was a Romanian chick that wrote the last car off. And some Swedish girl that scraped the side of the old car and lost both wingmirrors on her first run.’’

He goes silent. Stares out the window. Scans the crowds of students milling past on the pavement.

‘’So, I meet you here at 3,15, is that right?’’  
‘’Yeah but you need to be parked up at 3 if you are going to get a space at the front here. Any later and you will be out on the road waiting and I won’t be able to find you quick enough…’’

‘’Quick enough for what?’’

Well that is Isak gone. Slamming the car door shut behind him. Throwing his bag over his shoulder. 

I sit there and watch him nervously scanning the crowds behind him. Then keeping his head down as he disappears through the gates. I try to keep track of his blonde curls but I lose him in the masses of heads. 

6 hours later I am back in the same spot. My t-shirt is drenched in sweat. I fucking hate this car. 

There is fresh bread at home. Bolognese sauce left over from yesterday ready in the microwave. I am so fucking domestic that I almost scare myself. I didn’t even make it out of the house. 

Tuesdays I am supposed to pick up dry-cleaning. I haven’t got a fucking clue where from so fuck that. 

I did open Isak’s door though. Just a little. So, I could get his laundry. 

I didn’t step inside. I mean I am not going through his stuff. I just needed to get that shirt and whatever else that he ruined yesterday. Well I grabbed all the clothes off the floor. Just what I could reach from the doorway. Felt like a right wanker crawling on all fours to reach a shirt from under the bed. Fucking teenagers. Not that I am any better. I haven’t even unpacked. My shit is in a pile on the floor. All I have done is plug in my charger. 

I felt lonely today. The amount of times that I picked up my phone thinking I should text the guys. Yousef would laugh at some of the shit that is going on. He gets me. He always got me. Well he is not speaking to me. I mean his Dad has grounded him until he is 35 or something. I doubt he has his phone back anyway. Matthias told me to fuck off last time we spoke. Told me to grow a spine and take the hit with the rest of them. Like I didn’t try. There is a reason I am the only one sitting here without a charge for possession. I tried. I fucking told them. 

I am not going to cry again. We were all idiots. I just wish I had someone to talk to. That I didn’t feel so alone in this.

I text Mum. I mean she is still loves me. She laughs at my photos of the leftover Lasagne. Marvels at my bread dough. Sends me her recipe for fishcakes. Reminds me to eat vegetables. Get some fruit inside of me. Not to drink too much coffee. Tells me she loves me. I am not going to cry again. 

His school shirt is drying in the tumble dryer. It took some elbow grease but the bloodstains are gone. His trousers are in the bin. I mean I can fix most shit but I am not sending the guy to school with a huge hole in his trousers. I mean, just no. 

So, I just sit here like some idiot and google shit on my phone. Thank God for free roaming. I am hitting Tate Britain on Saturday. Then I am going to this art house film place on Monday when they are showing the original Frankenstein’s Monster. That is like awesomely cool. 

Then suddenly Isak is in the seat next to me, hitting the central locking button and sinking down in his seat. He looks terrified. Exhausted. Then stares at me like he hates me.   
‘’Just Drive OK?’’ He is so fucking rude. I decide I hate him back.  
‘’Why? ‘’  
‘’Go! ‘’ He is sinking down further in his seat. Not that he can hide. The bloke is as tall as me. Legs that go on for ever. And we are in a Mini. Neither of us can hide.  
‘’What the fuck have you gotten yourself into Isak? Who is after you now?’’ I take the key out of the ignition. If he is going to be rude I am going to fuck with him back.  
‘’Please just drive? Get me out of here?’’ He does genuinely look scared.   
‘’One condition’’ I stare at him. He is not getting away with this shit.  
‘’What?’’ He is doing the pissed off 3-year-old look. Bloody child.

‘’One, you stop treating me like shit. I don’t like it. It’s not cute. It’s not funny. Just be fucking polite and have a little chill. OK?’’  
‘’Fine!’’ He snarls. I just stare at him.  
‘’OK.’’ He sighs and sits himself up. ‘’Please can you please start the car and drive me the fuck out of here?’’

‘’Good try’’ I say back. Sarcastically. Because I am me. And he is getting on my nerves now, however pretty he is. ‘’Secondly you are going to tell me what the fuck you are getting into at school. I am not going to tell your Mum. I have no interest in shitting all over whatever you are doing. But I need to know whether I need to fear for my life every time I pick you up from school, and why the fuck all your school uniform is covered in blood. I found another shirt under your bed. Covered in it. And before you shout at me I didn’t go snooping in your room. Tuesday is laundry day and I am supposed to get your uniform sorted out. Which you didn’t bother to bring down so I just got what was left of if off your floor. ‘’

Isak just folds his arms. Looking furious. Which is fine. Angry I can deal with.

‘’Don’t fucking go in my room.’’ I love when he swears in Norwegian. It’s like hearing a baby curse. Fucking cute.  
‘’I will never go in your room if you can just bring the fucking laundry down so I can get paid every week. I am not doing this because I am a kind human being. I am doing all this shit so I can get out and do something with my summer. I am fucking broke and I need that cash from your mum every week so I can get out and see something apart from your kitchen and the inside of the damn washing machine. Is that clear?’’

‘’Crystal’’ He replies. Good reply. I put the key back in the ignition. 

‘’So, start telling me why you got beaten up yesterday, whilst I try to get us back to the house in one piece.’’

He doesn’t say a word. I don’t turn the key.   
He looks at me like he hates me. Truly hates me.  
I just lift an eyebrow at him. I have years of practice with this shit. Einar pulls more crap than our parents will ever know. And Mach tells me everything. I mean I make him. He never stands a chance. 

‘’Talk and I drive’’ I am the master of blackmail.   
‘’You are not my Dad’’ He hates me. Really.   
‘’Do you think that is going to work? ‘’ I remove the key from the ignition.   
‘’OKAY!!! ‘’ Bingo. We are getting somewhere. I start the engine. Fasten my seat belt. Indicate. Then I look at him again.   
‘’You are not talking!’’  
‘’Fuck you!’’  
‘’That’s better. So. What happened yesterday?’’ I pull out. Doing 10 miles per hour. Then I stall the car. Swear. Swear again. Loudly. Get the car back into gear. Start the engine. Move forward.

‘’You’ve still got the handbrake on Even’’ That’s Isak. I really fucking hate him.

 

ISAK

I start giving him directions, just to keep talking. I mean if I tell him where to go he won’t ask any questions. So, I am ultra-nice. Tell him to change lanes. Look over my shoulder. Tell him to keep left. Turn left. Stay in this lane. You are doing well Even. Much better. Chill. You have got this. 

He has. He looks more relaxed. Not so uptight. Changing gears and not stalling the car every time we stop at a red light. He also has his sunglasses perched on his head. Looking very cool.

He is wearing an old white t-shirt with torn Khaki shorts. Threadbare converse. Just normal clothes. Yet he looks like he has just stepped out of some fashion shoot. I want to get some new jeans, skinny black ones. Plain t-shirts. Sunglasses. I am going to look like that when I can finally get rid of these school clothes, I am going to be effortlessly cool. Like Even.

‘’You are going to turn right at the end of this road. Stay in this lane and then we are going to go right again just opposite the park. You are doing well Even. Good driving’’

I sound like my Mum. Even just looks over at me and gives me a little smile.   
‘’OK, once we pass this park we are turning right. Right here. Right Even!’’ 

He has passed the turn off. Cheeky sod. He is just laughing at me, turning left into the carpark by the park. Doing a perfect reverse park into an empty bay.  
‘’Thank you. That was helpful. ‘’ He is looking at me. Making me nervous.  
‘’You are welcome. Now can we go home?’’ Even is doing that eyebrow thing again.  
‘’Please Even can we go home?’’ What the hell is he up to? I am begging here. Begging with my eyes, my voice well. For fucks sake, Even. ‘’PLEASE!!’’

‘’We had a deal Isak. So. I am going to drag you out of the car and buy us ice creams from that van thing over there, and then we are going to sit on that bench there and you are going to talk to me. ‘’

‘’OK.’’ I haven’t got the strength to argue. I don’t. I just get out of the car. Leave my jacket on the seat. Unclip my tie and throw it on top of my bag. Slam the door shut.  
It’s warm. Sunny with a little breeze. Perfect pre-summer weather. I go sit down on the bench. Stretch my legs out. Wishing I had some sunglasses. Wishing I was someone else. 

He hands me a cone of soft whip. I love that stuff. I wonder how he knows, because he sure didn’t ask. He has got one as well. Licking the trails of melting ice-cream from the cone. Sunglasses perched on his head. Leaning back into the bench and stretching his legs out next to mine.

‘’Spill Isak’’ He is not even looking at me.  
‘’What?’’ I can play that game too. Drag this out until he gives up and we go home.  
‘’What happened on the way back from school yesterday?’’  
‘’I fell over. It was nothing.’’  
Even shifts so he is facing me. Taking another lick of his ice cream.

‘’I am going to ask one more time before I lose my shit with you Isak. Who beat you up on the way back from school yesterday? You are limping. And I taped your head back together.’’  
‘’Some dude from school who hates me. It’s nothing’’ I don’t know why I said that. I need to keep my mouth shut. I have 3 more weeks. I can survive 3 more weeks.  
‘’Some dude from school who hates you is not good enough Isak. What is his name?’’   
‘’Elias. We used to be friends when we were kids. Me and him and Jonas and a bunch of other kids. We all used to hang out in primary school. Then we all moved into different schools, and Me and Jonas and Elias ended up at Ham Academy, and Magnus and Mahdi ended up at William Morris down the road. So, we kind of lost touch.’’ I don’t know why I am telling him all this. It’s stupid. None of it matters. But if I tell him enough useless info he might just back off.

‘’So, does this Jonas hate your guts as well or is it just Elias?’’ He is paying attention. He is a twat. Why can’t he just let it go?  
‘’Can we just let it go? I don’t want to talk about it.’’  
‘’No, because you getting beaten up on a regular basis is serious shit. And you are fucking terrified whenever you are at school, that's pretty obvious. It’s not right babe. It’s not the way things should be.’’

‘’Babe. You called me babe.’’ I giggle. Trying to deflect.  
‘’So? I call all my mates babe. Well I used to. None of us are speaking now. I will tell you about it sometime. Back to you. Why does Elias and Jonas hate your guts? Are they both kicking the shit out of you?’’

‘’No, Jonas just ignores me. We used to be really good friends, we were close and used to hang out all the time. Elias is just a twat. He has these guys he hangs out with and he want to be all like big and tough and I suppose I was just a handy target, because I was this small skinny kid and didn’t put up a fight. He gets off on messing around with me at school. Showing off in front of his mates. Calling me names and shit.’’

‘’And the school allows that? I mean don’t the teachers sort him out? You are at school, and there is CCTV and stuff isn’t there?’’  
I shrug my shoulders. ‘’The last time the headmaster got involved I ended up with a broken collarbone. It’s easier just to let him get away with it.’’   
I don’t know why I am telling him all this. I am kind of spilling all these words, like once I start talking I just can’t stop myself.   
‘’I just hide at school, stay away from the toilets, sit in the library, don’t go anywhere near the canteen and turn up for class the minute the bell goes. If I know where he is I can avoid him, but sometimes I am not paying attention, and he gets me.’’

‘’So, he got you yesterday? At school?’’ Even is licking his fingers. Chewing the last of the cone. A little drip of ice-cream stuck on his chin. I don’t know why I do it, but I reach out and wipe it off his face. Wipe my fingers on my shirt.   
‘’You had some ice-cream on your face’’ I do a little gesturing with my hand. Pointing at his chin. Smiling politely. Licking my ice-cream.

‘’Where did he get you?’’ Even is not letting this go is he.   
‘’Tube station. Tripped me up on the stairs, then one of his hangers on kicked my head into the wall. I wasn’t paying attention.’’

‘’Isak, why do you make it all sound like it’s your fault? You know it’s not your fault. If they are kicking the shit out of you for no reason other than that they get off on it, then we need to stop it. We need to speak to someone and get him taken down. It shouldn’t be like this.’’   
He is all animated and upset now. See what I do? I talk too much and make people hate me. Make people not want to be my friend. I am just too hard work. Too much. Too weak. 

‘’It is my fault. I mean Jonas hates me because I told him stuff I shouldn’t have. And Elias….’’  
I don’t know why I am getting emotional. I shouldn’t be talking. I need to shut up before Even decides that I am a hopeless piece of shit. Before I tell him all my fucking truths. I wipe my eyes. Shut my mouth. I’ve talked enough. No more. 

‘’Isak. Let’s go home. Let’s have dinner and watch rubbish on TV and just hang out and chill. Forget about all this shit for a while.’’ He wipes a tear from my cheek. Speaking to me really softly like i am a baby. I don’t know why the fuck I am crying. But I am. Big ridiculous sobs leaving my chest. I am an idiot. Hiding my face in my arms. My fingers sticky with ice-cream. I feel like a child. Useless. Helpless. I don’t know why he is so kind to me. I don’t know why he cares. 

‘’Come on babe. Let’s get out of here.’’ So, we do.   
**********

‘’Have you got Facebook? Insta? Twitter and all that? ‘’  
Even is on his laptop. I am shovelling spaghetti Bolognese down my gob like it’s going out of fashion. It’s bloody gorgeous. Even can cook. I need to learn to cook like that.   
‘’No. Deleted it all. I was getting hassle on there. You know who.’’  
‘’Cool. Do you still know your passwords?’’  
‘’Why?’’  
‘’We are going to get you back on there. Set your accounts up again. See if he takes the bait. On line bullying is big shit. It’s easy to screenshot, so there is instant evidence.’’  
‘’Don’t’’ I say. Mouth still chewing. ‘’You will just make it worse. If he gets pissed off my life won’t be worth living.’’  
‘’Your life is not worth living like this Isak. Trust me. This guy is going down.’’  
‘’Even, you are leaving in a few weeks, and then it’s just me and all this shit. I can’t deal with it. So just leave it. Leave things alone. Just drive me to school and pick me up and things will be fine.’’

‘’Isak things are NOT fine. They are nowhere near fine.’’ He grabs his mobile and straddles me. Pushes my fringe off my face, and lines the mobile up over the cut on my forehead. It’s still held together with the tape, and now sporting a nice green tinged bruise all around it.   
‘’What are you doing now?’’ I want to kick him off me but I have a plate in my hand and a fork in the other hand and he is holding me down. Taking photos of my forehead.  
‘’Evidence. Whatever happens we are documenting everything from now on. Just in case.’’  
‘’Even’’ I whinge. ‘’Please don’t. Please don’t bother’’  
‘’Isak. I’m not going to do anything stupid. I am not going to do anything that points back to you. I am just going to have some fun with this Elias guy. Rattle him a little. Now what is his full name?’’  
We look him up. Yup there he is. On Face book. Some stupid photo of him in a snapback and sunglasses pretending to do some lame rap move. Fucking wanker. 

‘’What an idiot’’ Even mutters. ‘’He has no privacy settings. We can see everything. Brilliant’’  
‘’What are you going to do?’’ I am seriously worried here. Butterflies in my stomach.   
‘’Here, grab my laptop. Go onto Hotmail. Set up an email account for someone called. Let’s see. We need a girl’s name that is no one he knows. Make one up.’’  
‘’Katie Smith’’   
‘’Good. Set it up.’’  
I do. Whilst Even is setting up a Facebook account. Screenshotting random photos from the web. Katie Smith now has an Insta too. I am kind of giggling.  
‘’One more girls name.’’  
‘’Sarah. Sarah Patel. He likes Asian girls.’’  
‘’Hello Sarah. OK. Set up her email’’ 

We are like some undercover office. Me on Even’s laptop. Him on his phone.   
‘’Oh look. Sarah and Katie are now friends on Facebook. And follow each other on Insta. Ahhhhwww’’  
He makes me laugh. I am actually having fun. Drinking water. Hanging out with Even.   
‘’We need a few more. What did you say that other school was called? Morris something?  
‘’William Morris.’’  
‘’Good They all go there. How convenient. Does this Elias know anyone there?’’  
‘’Doubt it.’’ I am setting up email addresses. For someone called Philip White. And his best friend Carlo Moretti. I just made that up. Sounded cool. It’s the name of some posh Italian biscuits I think. Even wants someone called Anton Berg too. Like the chocolates. We are both grinning like idiots.   
He is good. All those imaginary people are now friends with each other. Following each other. And all following Elias on Insta.   
‘’Don’t you think that is suspicious?’’ I ask. I mean it looks a bit crazy.  
‘’Nah. If Elias is the kind of idiot I suspect he is he will be flattered. Think he is the big man with all those kids following him. I made them all year 1 kids, so they are 16 something. More gullible. And all the accounts are private so he will have to request to follow them. Which we wont allow. Bitches.‘’

‘’So now what?’’  
‘’Now we are going to leave it until tomorrow. Make them all follow his mates. Integrate them a bit.’’

He looks like his birthday and Christmas has come at once. Smiling like a crazy person. I am starting to think he is a bit of a crazy person. 

He slams the laptop shut. Throws himself back next to me on the sofa. 

‘’Don’t worry Isak. I mean it. We can’t fix this. But we can make your last weeks of school worth it, so you can walk out on that last day with your head held high, saying to yourself that you fucking made it. Despite Elias and his shit. Despite that Jonas being a twat. And I will be here with you. I promise. ‘’  
I whack him on the arm. Because if I try to speak now I will cry again. Fucking emotional twittery. 

‘’Now tell me about Jonas. What did you say to him that made him behave like a shithead?’’

That does it. I can feel the tears. The sobs rising in my chest. I stand up and leave. Slam the door behind me. I can’t take all this. It’s too much.

I will have to make him leave. That’s the only solution. Rather than get him hurt in all this mess I am in. I will just have to make him hate me. So, he leaves. So, he leaves me the fuck alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn you AO3. Instead of spending my morning doing proper real life important shit, I was going to catch up and read some fics. Well. That didnt work. #AO3Downtime sucked. Sucked balls.  
> So here you go. You get another chapter instead. Because that is what I did. I got nothing done. NOTHING.  
> What if? is getting a chapter too. Fuck my life. Just fuck it. 
> 
> Apologies for all the homophobic slurs that Elias is hurling around. He is not a nice person and will be put in his place. I promise.

ISAK  
The tiles of the platform floor are hard against my face. He is holding me down. Warm breath on my cheek that feels like spikes against my skin. Whispering that he will fucking finish me off this time. That he has had enough of my queer arse. That he is going to kill me. Because I deserve it. Because I am disgusting. I disgust him.  
I can feel the wind swirling out of the tunnel. The soft rumbling of the ground. The train approaching. I am terrified. Trying to get up. Trying to get him off me.  
He just cackles. Smashes his fist in my mouth. I can’t feel any pain. I am too scared. 

The sound of the train approaching is deafening. I am screaming. Trying to be heard. But nobody is listening. There are people everywhere and nobody can hear me. Everyone is looking away whilst he is lifting me off the ground like I weigh nothing.  
He has his arms around me. Gripping me tight. Laughing. 

I hope it will be quick. I hope it won’t hurt. I am screaming. Struggling. Kicking. Panic bubbling through my veins. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Please someone help me. Please.

The wind from the approaching train hits my face. He is whispering something in my ear. I can’t hear what he is saying. I can’t hear it. I am screaming. Kicking. Crying. I don’t want to die. Not like this. Not like this.

I am in my bed. I am still crying. Sobbing. He is still holding me. Arms tight around my chest. I am lashing out. Trying to break free. Shouting for him to get off me.  
He doesn’t though. He just strokes my hair and wraps his arm tighter around my waist. 

‘’Calm down babe, it was just a dream. Just a bad dream. You are safe’’  
I freeze. Because I am an idiot. And because I am only half awake. Terrified. I am too hot. Yet I am shivering.  
‘’You had a bad dream. Screaming the house down. It’s Ok.’’  
He sounds half-awake himself. Still stroking my hair. Lying down with his body curled up around mine, arm around my waist, with his fingers softly resting against my chest. Breathing into my hair. 

I am breathing far too fast. Still sobbing. Leaning into him. There is nothing else I can do. I am such a mess. A complete mess. 

‘’I’ve got you.’’ He says. Pulling me closer. ‘’I have got you. Go back to sleep’’ We are both on our sides. His legs pushing up against mine, and his nose buried in my neck.  
He lets his arm leave my side for a moment as grabs the duvet and wraps it tight around us. I whimper. Snuffle. Bathe in the warmth from his body squashed against mine. 

I don’t even contemplate that this might be weird in the morning. I need this. I need him to protect me. He has got me. I have got him.  
I drift back to sleep. I don’t dream again. And when I wake up in the morning he is gone. 

EVEN  
I have been texting with Isak all day. We are actually having a laugh.  
He was all quiet and grumpy this morning. Moping around and not speaking to me in the car. Looking tired and drawn again. At least he had some breakfast. Some of my bread with cheese and ham. 

I have made a flowchart on the table, like you see on TV when they do criminal investigations and shit. I have Elias and his friends on there, with red lines connecting who knows who. I have all our fake people with their emails, accounts and passwords. We have given them all some background stories, and I have updated their profile pictures with random screen shots. 

I have gone through their lists of friends. Looked at who comments on who’s posts. I keep asking Isak to confirm that I am getting it right. This Ben guy has a girlfriend called Nicole who has a real potty-mouth and can’t spell. Poor guy. Hassan is the only one with privacy settings so we have decided he is smarter than the rest of them. I am stalking Jonas too. He has a girlfriend. Pretty girl. Eva something. 

I have reactivated Isak’s Facebook. It was all still there for some reason, and I have gone through all his posts. There was not much there to start with but the last post where he said he was at the cinema with Jonas has a load of abuse from Elias underneath. Calling him a faggot and disgusting little gay boy. It’s not nice. It makes me really upset. People must have seen it and nobody is defending him, nobody is calling Elias out on it. And Elias is obviously a complete knob head for a not covering his tracks and deleting his comments. Well I have it all screen shotted now. Neatly date stamped and printed out on Birgit’s office printer.

I asked. I texted her and said I needed to print out some stuff for my Uni applications. She is really cool. I had some lovely texts back saying she appreciates everything that I do and that Isak likes me and can I please save her some lasagne? Well it made me feel all mushy inside. I like that Isak has told her what we have been doing. That he at least has a good relationship with his Mum. I wonder how much she knows. I have a feeling he is probably just telling her all the good stuff and not even mentioning all the shit he is going through.

‘’Are you still on your lunchbreak?’’ I text him.  
‘’Yup. I have another 20 minutes’’  
‘’Can you log in as Sarah? I am going to be Katie, and I am going to go on FB and comment on that last post on Elias' account, where he posted the Wu Tang Clan track. Just follow my lead. OK?’’  
‘’OK’’  
I log in. Get the post up.  
Katie Smith: I love this song!!!  
Isak is hot on my heels making me laugh out loud.  
Sarah Patel: Siiiiiiick track!!!  
Katie Smith: Elias are you the guy we met at Liquid in Fulham on Friday? It was such a cool night!  
Sarah Patel: Liquid was wiiicked! I can’t believe they let us in! Epic night!  
Sarah Patel: (Dancing Emoji) (Cocktail Emoji)  
Katie Smith: I am still hung over  
Sarah Patel: Girl, it’s like Wednesday…..(rolling eyes Emoji)

I am laughing. Epic. I text Isak back. Tell him to log out and wait for Elias catch up. He sends me a smiley back. I send him a kiss emoji. He tells me to fuck off. I have decided I like him again. He is cute. Very cute. 

ISAK  
We are back on the sofa. With the laptop logged in as Philip. Sarah is my phone. Katie is Even’s phone and Carlo is my ipad. Its fucking confusing but we are getting the hang of it. Even keeps making us coffee, like we are some criminal investigators, and taking notes and screen shotting things.  
‘’We are going to delete everything once we have something that will stick, but just in case he is screen shotting stuff then at least we have the originals. There is nothing here to connect these profiles to us anyway. ‘’ He is all excited again, his hair a mess, sticking up at every angle. He keeps running his fingers through it and making it look even worse.  
Elias is fully on board now. Fucking idiot. Well it is funny. The girls are flirting with him. He is talking to Sarah on Messenger, and she has made a group chat and Carlo is commenting on Elias post getting narky about Katie being there because Carlo thought that him and Katie had ‘’sumthin goin’ on’’ and Katie is telling him to ‘’TTTH’’ and then Philip is calling them all ‘’Bitches’’ and things are getting slightly out of hand. It is funny though. 

Even hasn’t mentioned last night. I am hoping that he has kind of forgotten that he slept in my bed and had to cuddle me back to sleep. I haven’t forgotten though. I loved it. I loved that he was there. Loved having him hold me. Which is so fucking fucked up that it’s not even funny. I blush just thinking about it. 

We have invented another person too. Anna. Anna has a crush on this guy in Elias class at Ham Academy. They have brought her into the group chat too, because Anna really wants to meet this guy, because he is gorgeous and pretty and she fancies him. That was Even by the way. Even is Anna, and she is whinging on about this bloke and can Elias hook her up? I mean can he introduce them?  
I just shake my head. Even is hysterical, talking along in this girl’s voice as he types and fluttering his eyelashes and pretending to swish his hair like its long and girly or something. Carlo is taking the piss out of her, I mean they have added him to the group chat as well because apparently, he is the guy to talk to if you want cheap booze. Which he venomously denies. Katie is adamant that he owes her a bottle of vodka. I am laughing. Even is writing stuff down. So, we remember who is doing what.  
Elias keeps asking who this guy Anna fancies is. She says she doesn’t know his name but that he is just beautiful. Tall. Handsome. Gorgeous eyes and really nice hair. Says she met him at a party. That he is a very cool dude. That he left with his friends before she could get his number, and all she can remember is that he goes Ham Academy and is in the same year as Elias. Carlo is posting vomiting emojis. Sarah is posting Heart eyes. 

I feel a bit sick. I kind of get what he is hinting at. I look at Even. He winks at me. Logs out.  
‘’Let’s just leave it at that for tonight. Let the guy stew. Get ideas. OK?’’  
I just nod. With a sinking feeling in my stomach. 

Then my phone pings with a Face book notification. Someone has written on my wall. The name makes me want to throw up.  
Even grabs my phone and swipes the screen. Sits down next to me, so that our legs are touching. Holds the screen so we can both see.  
He has written ‘’FUCKING DIRTY FAGGOT’’ on my wall. I can’t breathe. I am holding my breath. Feeling the panic brewing. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. Not again. No more.  
Even has his arm around me. Holding me against his chest. Making stupid little soothing noises as he rubs my back. Tells me to breathe. Tells me he has got me.

‘’This is good. This is just what we need. This guy has just signed away his nice summer holiday. I promise you Isak. This is good. This is how it all begins, and this is how we bring him down. Trust me babe, we have only just started. ‘’

I hate this. I hate it all. I hate my life. 

EVEN  
Isak is calmer when he goes up to bed. He is exhausted. Weary. I don’t blame him after being on edge at school all day. I don’t think he sleeps much either, his light is still on when I go up to bed and I wake up when he moves around during the night. 

I like when we hang out like we did tonight. When he is relaxed and happy he is just such a laugh. Then he clams up and looks all sad. Won’t look at me. Goes quiet.  
He likes my food though, which makes me happy.

Today is Wednesday which is the day I am supposed to prepare Isak’s school lunches according to the manual. It says to make sandwiches and freeze them. I mean that is just rank. I asked him about it and he just laughed, saying that nobody has made him sandwiches for months. He says he just buys a packet of crisps from some vending machine at school. 

That stops right now. Well I told him that. I am making him lunch from now on. Not some bloody frozen sandwiches, I mean who does that?  
I have found a plastic bag. Put an apple in it, and a napkin, and found a bottle of water. That will do for a start. I have cleaned up the kitchen as well and texted Sonja. I haven’t spoken to her for weeks. She is in Paris, Loving her new life. Soaking up the atmosphere she says. She asks where I am, if Oslo is still cold. I don’t reply back. If she can’t even remember where I am, then she can fuck right off. 

I have a shower and curl up in bed. Wrap the duvet around me. Then I get up and open the door so that I can hear Isak if he needs me. If he has another nightmare. Then I sit up thinking that I am stupid. He is a grown up. He doesn’t need me to baby him. I shuffle down and kick the door shut. 

I don’t remember falling asleep. I can’t have been asleep long. I just notice that the door is open, and the bathroom light is on casting a soft shadow on the hallway floor.

He is very quiet. Moving slowly, and sitting down on the edge of my bed. Lifting the duvet and sliding his body in under the covers. I can feel his breath. Fast and shallow. Little hiccups that he is trying to suppress as he lets his head come to rest on the pillow next to me.  
I reach out and pull him in. Let my body curl around his. Holding his back tight against my chest. 

It’s exactly what I would do if my little brothers were upset at night. They both come and sleep in my bed sometimes. It’s what anyone would do. It makes me want to cry that he is so upset. I bury my face in his hair. Sigh contentedly. I love having another body next to me. I love cuddling. I love that it’s him. 

‘’I’ve got you’’ I whisper. He doesn’t reply. I stay awake until his breaths are slow and even. His body soft and relaxed in my arms.

‘’I’ve got you’’ I murmur. I do. And he has got me. He has somehow crept into my heart and he has fucking got me. I tell myself it’s just cuddles. That he will be gone in the morning. That we can just ignore it. It’s nothing. It’s nothing at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be real life things that will need me and my excellent adulting skills this week. Please be patient for the next chapter. xxxxx

Even  
He smells really nice. Softly of soap. A little bit of skin. Little locks of hair stroking my eyelids. 

He is still fast asleep. Breathing deep and slow. My arms are still tight around him. I have somehow ended up with his head on my bicep and both arms wrapped around his neck. Well his arm is in there as well somewhere, and my foot is tangled up in between his legs. 

God I love cuddling. I missed this. Miss waking up with another person in my arms.

Sonja used to love cuddling. I used to love having my hand on her boob, just resting against her skin. Her back against mine. Bum against my cock. I almost let a little giggle escape. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know when we became so distant. When she stopped caring about me.

She always told me everything. She did. And Elise, her best friend, used to be my friend too. We all hung out. 

I suppose I got needy with all the shit that went down. I just needed one thing in my life to be constant. To be stable. I needed Sonja to stick with me. To hold me up and keep me together. I thought she would have. I thought she had me. Well she didn’t. She had Paris all planned out instead. Then conveniently she forgot to tell me about it. Like ‘’Hey boyfriend, I am moving to a different country next week’’. Hell, I am moving to a different continent next week. Sorry. Shit man, why are you upset? I thought you would be happy for me? I always wanted to live in Paris! 

Did she? She had never mentioned it before. I don’t know what part hurt me the most. The fact that she left, or that she left me. I mean I told her to fuck off and never speak to me again. Which was probably a bit over the top, but whatever. I was burning bridges at that point. Full of rage. Regret. Fear. Lots of anger. 

I trail my finger over his shoulder. He is wearing sweatpants. Topless. All that skin against mine. I kind of want to kiss his neck. Nuzzle into his hair. Let my hands roam over his stomach. 

I don’t though. Because that is not why he is here. He is here because he is alone and scared and hurt and he needs someone to stand in his corner for once. Which is me. That is kind of my job.

I am not about to fuck that up. I am not about to fuck him up any further. 

So, I slowly untangle myself. Wrap the duvet back up around him. Place a very soft kiss on his head.  
He snuffles slightly. Turns over and buries his face in the pillow. Curls up.  
I don’t close the door. Just sneak out of the room grabbing my clothes as I leave. 

ISAK

Even has made me lunch. I can’t remember the last time someone made me lunch. He has made me a pasta salad with some green stuff in it and tomatoes and some little nut bits that I will have to ask him what they are. It’s nice. I am trying to eat it slowly, so that I can drag it out as long as possible. Keep my hands busy. 

I am hiding at the back of the library on the floor. The seat I usually sit on is taken by some girl with a laptop, so I am just on the floor in the corner. Reading some random book I just grab off the shelf to justify why I am here. Hiding the box of pasta salad on my lap. Taking little sips out of the water bottle. 

I have logged back onto my Facebook. I don’t know why. Just to torture myself. Look at the profiles of all the people I used to know.  
Elias post is still there, which makes me shiver. I fucking hate it. Someone has commented on it, which scares me even more. I bet it’s one of his mates, egging him on and hurling more abuse at me. I still click. I just don’t know how to protect myself anymore. I might as well know what they are saying. Not that any of it will be a surprise. I am a disgusting little queer gay faggot. That’s the usual slur. 

The comment is from Magnus. I haven’t seen him since year 7. Then we texted for a bit but I blocked him out when Jonas shut me out. I mean he was more Jonas friend.  
His comment takes up half the screen on my phone. It goes on and on. It actually makes me giggle. Because it is very Magnus. I remember how he used to get into these epic long rants about things he was passionate about. Like saving the dolphins. Midwest Rap. Classic Eminem. Trying to grow his hair so he could have dreads like Snoop. 

Magnus is telling Elias that he is the fucking cunt of the century. That he should get his stupid brain into gear and figure out how to be a decent human being and grow the fuck up before someone shoves his sorry ass in front of a bus for being so lame and ignorant and downright pathetic. 

I feel like crying. I actually do. Wiping my eyes that area watering. Shoving the last piece of pasta in my mouth. 

I open Messenger. Because I think I should probably say hi. Say thank you for being kind. Well I shouldn’t. But the phone pings and there he is.

Magnus: ISAK DUUUUUDDDEEEEEE. It’s been far too long. How are you man?  
Isak: Hi.  
I am an idiot. I don’t know what to say. I can’t do cool speak. Not like me. I am not cool.  
Magnus: Elias is a dickhead. I can’t believe he hasn’t changed a bit since we were kids. He was always a bully and a total idiot. Please tell me you don’t hang out with him.  
Isak: Thanks. He is still a twat.  
I am wiping my eyes. Rummaging in the plastic bag for the napkin so I can blow my nose. I don’t know why he is being so nice to me.  
Magnus: I have been looking for you for ages, I never got your new number and then you disappeared off FB and Jonas says he deleted your number so I have been googling you and hoping that you would pop up somewhere. I even went to your house but there was some girl living there now who didn’t understand much English so I guess you moved.  
Magnus: By the way Jonas is a dick too. He says so himself and he really wants to meet up and talk to you and apologize but he is too chicken shit to do so, so, hey, there we go I have said it. You need to speak to him and sort his sorry ass out.  
Isak: Really? Jonas hates my ass.  
Magnus: Jonas does not hate your ass. Your ass is fine.  
Isak: (peach emoji)  
Magnus: I missed you dude. Stoked that I found you again. Look we need to meet up. Just hang and chill and catch up. Are you free Friday?  
I start to sweat. I don’t do parties. I don’t do friends. The thought of going to someone’s house and talking and drinking and doing all that shit just fills me with panic. Dread. Total fear.  
Isak: Let me check. I’ll get back to you. Thank you again, for like calling Elias out on his shit. I meant it. Thank you.  
Magnus: Welcome. Love you man.  
He is a dick. A funny dick. He hasn’t changed at all. He is still crazy. Making me smile. I read back the messages. Stifle a little laugh from behind the napkin.  
I throw the empty box back in the bag, and grab the apple. There is a little note stuck at the bottom of the bag. Probably some forgotten till receipt.

It is not a till receipt. It’s a little drawing. It’s me. I mean it’s just a sketch, but it’s me. Wearing a superman costume. One arm raised ready to fly. Which just makes me giggle. I even have a plaster on my forehead.  
There is another tear running down my face. I am a fucking emotional wreck.  
Underneath he has written. ‘’Isak you are super cool. Love E.’’

EVEN  
Sarah has had a busy morning. She is trying to set up to meet Elias on Friday afternoon. I mean she thinks that he is super-hot. She does. She also thinks he should bring his friends so they can all party. She is bringing Katie. And Anna. Carlo. Fuck it, she is bringing the entire squad.

Philip is messaging Ben. Asking if he knows that Elias is trying to flog the concert tickets that Ben paid for. I mean the stupid fuckers had a long argument on Ben’s post about those damn tickets, so Philip is just stirring. 

Katie is messaging Hassan. Telling him that she knows he is going to that concert and can he get her a ticket because she heard that Elias has one going spare. Just to rattle him. They are expensive tickets, and Hassan has paid Elias for his too. Oh dear. Drama!!

I’m a little bit worried about Elias. I mean he is going to look like a right twat when none of these hot people turn up and take them to this party on Friday. And Ben and Hassan should be a little bit pissed off with him to. Just enough to have that little doubt in the back of their minds that they are old news. Yesterday’s trash. Ready to be replaced by new cool people. 

Carlo is also flirting madly with Nicole. On her wall. Calling her ‘’Hotlips’’ and alluding to her servicing him at the weekend. He is a twat. Well Ben will be all over that shit in a minute. Isak is really funny. He texts me when he is on his break and we both hit FB with comments. Mess around on Messenger. Carlo has got loads of booze fo r Friday so there is no need to bring stuff. Carlo is a champ. Well Isak is. He has some really funny ideas.

Not that I have time to spend all day stirring on Facebook. I am very busy posting Anna’s party pics from the weekend on Insta. I have screenshotted photos from a club in Helsinki, so it’s not like anyone is going to recognize those seriously hot girls in their little dresses and tousled hair. I have tagged them all. I even found someone looking just like a Carlo.

Thursday is the day I clean my own room. That’s what the manual says. I am supposed to change my sheets and hoover. I don’t. Because hello. I haven’t even unpacked. Then just slept in my bed. My pillow smells of Isak. So, Fuck that. 

I go out to the gallery I looked up the other day instead. Marvel at the genius of the artist with his little drawings and subtle humour. He is good. Really good. I copy some down in my sketch book. Not as good as the originals, but still funny. Trying to think up ideas for satirical comics. I end up drawing Isak as Batman instead. Little curls escaping under the hood. Hands on his hips. Nice muscular legs. It’s quite sweet. Cool. I will put that in his lunch bag tomorrow.  
Then I am perfectly parked outside school at 3, trying not to eat the pastries I bought from the Portuguese bakers down the road. They looked amazing, and the lady serving me was telling me all about how they are made and the special ingredients she imports to make them taste just right. I love shit like that. I could have stayed in there drinking coffee and eating my weight in bread and cake for the rest of the afternoon.

He is running towards the car, slamming the central locking on as soon as the door shuts. Panting. Face flushed. Looking embarrassed and small.  
‘’Where is he?’’ I whisper. I don’t know why I am whispering.  
I recognize him. I mean it’s obviously him. Talking with his hands to the two guys walking next to him. Ben and Hassan. Hassan looks pissed off. Yelling at Elias. Ben has his arms folded over his chest.  
‘’Let’s go.’’ I whisper. I start the engine. Indicate. Drive. I don’t even realize that I am holding my breath until we are well away from the school.

ISAK

Mum used to have this rule. No food in the car. It meant there was less clean up. She once sat in a chocolate mini roll too which I think scarred her for life.

That rule is now gone. Well I am dropping crumbs of flaky pastry everywhere, not only on myself, but I am trying to break off little bitesize pieces and get them in Even’s mouth so he doesn’t have to take his hands off the steering wheel. Because he is busy concentrating on driving, and he is covered in crumbs. And a bit of custard on his top.

He bought us Espresso’s too, which are stone cold but I still drink it. Because it’s nice. Like an after school drive picknick. Even is making me hold his cup. Then taking a sip at every red light. He laughs that we are like some married couple or something. Tells me that his parents used to drive up to their cabin in the winter, and his mum would bring this giant thermos flask of coffee so that his dad would stay awake during the long drive. Which is quite hysterical when it turns out that it took just over an hour from their house to the cabin. 

I show him Magnus' comments. I even show him the messages he sent. Well that was a mistake because now Even is all fired up about inviting Magnus over for dinner tomorrow night. I mean he is talking about homemade pizza. Getting all excited about the thought of pizza dough and fresh basil and a load of other shit. Fucking Mozzarella. 

He makes me reply. Makes me tell Magnus that I still live in the same house and that my mate is here and he is making pizza and come around at 6 and it will all be chill.  
Magnus sends me an obscene amount of ridiculous emoji’s back. Saying that he can’t wait. Who is my mate? Does he know him? 

‘’Who do I say that you are?’’ I ask Even. Who is standing looking inside the fridge and making little worried sighs.  
‘’Tell me that I am your fucked-up cousin from Norway who got caught doing stuff he shouldn’t have and his parents sent him to stay with you so he wouldn’t fuck up any more. ‘’  
‘’Really?’’ That sounds sad. ‘’Is that what happened to you?’’  
He shrugs his shoulders. ‘’Well close enough. I fucked up. I fucked up a lot of things.’’  
He closes the fridge door. Opens it again. Looks deflated.

‘’Or tell him that I am your babysitter. Your Nanny. Your boyfriend. Your fucking husband for all I care. I don’t really mind Isak. Whatever you feel comfortable with. He is your friend. I just hang out here and look after you. ‘’

‘’OK. ‘’ I don’t know what to say to that. I like that he looks after me. I like that he is my friend.

We have sandwiches for dinner. With some salad. He says he needs to go shopping tomorrow, and sort out more food for next week. Apologizes for the crap dinner. Then we watch some documentary on TV before Even decides that he needs to go to bed. 

He turns out all the lights. Puts the chain on the door. Walks up the stairs with me following behind like some freaking shadow. 

I let him use the bathroom whilst I sit on my bed feeling like a twat. I scratch the plaster on my head. Sniff my arm pits. I need a shower. 

I can hear him close his bedroom door, so I dash to the bathroom. Turn the shower on and let the water run until it’s nice and hot.  
The water may be hot but the cold tiles cool my skin. I lather my chest with soap leaning against the wall. Close my eyes, trying to think of all the usual little fantasies that I usually let my head play out when I am feeling horny. Dark eyes. Firm chests. Soft lips on mine. My hands roaming freely over my cock. It doesn’t take much to get me hard. A few strokes and my breath is catching. Eyes closed. Hand flying over my hard cock. 

I am getting annoyed with myself. Trying to get the usual faces to play out in my internal wank fest of a fantasy. I mean Vin Diesel is usually in there. Bieber if I am feeling kinky. The guy from 5Sos who I keep meaning to google. Instead All I can think of is Even. I pretend it’s his hand. That he is standing behind me jerking me off. Kissing my neck. Making me arch back into his touch. Whispering that he loves me. That I am so fucking sexy. That he wants to fuck me. Fuck me hard until I can’t stand up. 

Well that does it. I come right into my hand. Letting the water wash away any evidence of my little.... Well My stupid wank. My face is hot. The water is too hot. 

I put my old joggers back on, the ones I usually sleep in. Brush my teeth. Comb my hair. Not that it makes any difference because it will still be a big messy mop of curls in the morning.  
I try to be quiet. Tiptoeing across the hall to my room. Looking at Even’s door. Which is not closed. It’s half open. His light is off and its dark and quiet. I just stand there. Wondering. Wishing that I could go in and curl up in bed with him. Wondering what it would be like if he was my boyfriend. If he loved me. 

I don’t move. Instead I daydream. In the dark. I don’t want to go to sleep. I am sick and tired of the nightmares. Tired of lying awake with my head full of worries and thoughts and shit that I have no control over. 

‘’Isak, just come in here. Come to bed’’

I freeze. I can’t move.

‘’I can hear you standing out there. It’s ok. Come and sleep in here. It will save you waking me up in the middle of the night, and you will sleep better. You always sleep better if someone is next to you. Promise.’’

I take a few steps forward. Stop. Move again. My eyes are used to the dark now. I can see his shape on the bed. His arm raised holding the edge of the duvet up waiting for me to crawl underneath.  
I sit down. Swing my legs up under the covers. Shuffle down a bit. Lay down on my side.  
His arm is underneath me. Pulling me close. I end up with my chin against his chest. Duvet being shaken out and neatly tucked under my chin. His lips brushing against my forehead. Then his head rests on top of mine. I am held in his embrace like a baby. Like an awkward child being comforted against his will. 

I don’t know what to do with my arms. They are just folded over my body. Weirdly bent against his naked chest. My face breathing against his neck. His chin firm against the top of my head. 

He strokes my back. Just letting his fingers dance over my skin. Breathing softly, his chest rising and falling against my arms. 

I can’t go anywhere. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just give up and let go. I am warm. Held tight. Safe. 

I uncurl my arm and let it embrace him. Let my fingers find a place to rest on his back. My face flush against his skin. 

‘’I’ve got you’’ He whispers. 

Then we sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love and epic comments! I am hoping to get another chapter up tonight. And things are ramping up. I promise. 7 chapters in and they havent even snogged. I am taking smut free and slow burn to ridiculous levels here. Watch this space. Hang tight. Sit tight. Wait for it.

ISAK  
I am barely awake, just in that kind of freaky subconscious space where you are still asleep but somehow you know you are not. I am hot. Warm and sweaty under the covers, a little sticky with all the skin that is draped against my back. There is also the hot breath on my neck which is, well it’s hot. In every sense of the word.

I am also holding Even’s hand. Fingers all joined and curled up against each other, with my thumb slowly stroking his. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until now. So, I stop. Untangle my fingers, then regret it and want to grab them back and kiss them and do all sorts of silly shit to his hand. I don’t though, because that would be weird and then he might wake up and then we would have to talk, because I know Even now and he is not the guy who lets things go. He would definitely make me talk. I am not going to talk. There are just some things that I don’t talk about anymore. Like the fact that I am a little bit gay. Well fuck that, I am gay. I don’t fancy girls, never have and probably never will. I always fancied boys, crushed on men with shapes. Firm bums. Deep voices. I have a thing for smiles too. And apparently, I have a bit of a cuddle kink. Sleeping next to another body is awesome. Sleeping next to Even is awesome. Not that we sleep next to each other, I mean, we sleep together. Entwined. Cuddled up. His arms around me holding me like he is scared that I will fall off the edge of the bed if he let’s go me. And I am clinging to him right back like some needy baby monkey. Holding his hand in my sleep like I am a three-year-old. 

I have already decided that today is going to be a disaster, even though I can’t think of anything better than waking up like this. Being held and cuddled and feeling, well a little bit loved. Not that Even loves me, that is just my brain making things up in my head. I know it’s not real. I know this is not going to be some happily ever after fucked up fairy-tale. Even is going home in a few weeks, and will forget about me. He will go to Uni and meet all these cool people and, well do stuff that cool people like Even do. Whilst I hang around hoping to get into a school as far away as possible from here. Like Bristol. I will probably get a place at Bristol. I don’t want to go to Bristol. It scares the shit out of me. I have applied to schools in Scotland. The Lake District. Newcastle. I have even applied to some weird schools in Norway. I mean come on. I will never get a place there. I don’t know anyone in Norway either, well apart from Even and it’s not like he would want to hang out with the little kid he used to look after for the summer, the little kid who was so scared of his own shadow that he had to rock him to sleep at night. The little kid who couldn’t go to sleep in his own bed because of nightmares. I will be 18 years old in a few weeks, officially an adult, and I still can’t cope with the nightmares. Both the ones that happen during the day and the ones that creep up on me at night. I just can’t. 

Magnus coming over is going to be hell. He will get here, I won’t know what to say, then we will all sit there in silence until I say something stupid and then Magnus will go home and never speak to me again. Today won’t be easy either, I mean every time I think about tonight I feel like throwing up. Elias will probably be unstable, well more unstable than normal with all the crap Even and I have been writing online, so I will have to be careful. Alert. Stay well away from everyone. 

Even shifts in his sleep. Muttering something I can’t make out and moving his arms around so he is holding me tighter. Making sure I am still there. Kissing my neck. He is kissing my neck. I am smiling like an idiot. Wondering if he would wake up if I kissed his arm. It’s right there just inches away from my face, bent so his hand is gripping my shoulder. I wouldn’t dare though. I want to. I don’t want to wake him up. I don’t want to wake up full stop. 

I wait until his breaths are slow and even again, with little snores escaping from him. Then I untangle myself and slip out of bed. I have another shower. Hot water sloshing over my head as I bring myself though another shuddering orgasm. The release pushing through me and making my legs give way, my whole body shaking as I sit down on the shower floor, my head full of him. Of is face. His breath on my neck. Little kisses on my shoulders. 

I feel like someone has shaken the foundations of my carefully planned idiotic idea of what is my pathetic little life. Like the ground that I walk on is no longer stable. I can’t control shit. I don’t know what I am doing. I just know that everything is not going to end well. That everything I touch ends up in a fucking disaster. 

EVEN

I walk into the kitchen to find Birgit in her uniform eating a thick slice of bread. My bread. Well the bread that was going to be Isak’s lunch mostly. Not only that but she has cut thick slices of the Italian mozzarella I spent the last of the housekeeping money on, and layered them with my fucking organic basil. Grown by virgin fairies on a remote island in space or something if you are to believe the cheek of the price.

Isak gets it. He does. He is in half hysterical giggles behind his hands. Eating another slice of my bread. Whilst Birgit is hugging me and launching in to some epic rant.  
‘’Oh, God Even, this bread, I can’t believe you made it, it’s heavenly!! I shouldn’t be having carbs, you have to promise not to bake more, because I will just put on so much weight and I am squeezing into this skirt as it is, but god Even, it’s just like home, Oh. Uh. Ugh.’’ She is rolling her eyes. Making faces like she is having sex or something. Weird. 

Not only that but she is eating my fucking cheese for the pizza.

‘’Mum. I think this was Even’s pizza cheese. For tonight. I think just we ate most of tonight’s dinner’’ The little shit is giggling.   
‘’Watch it Isak or you are walking to school. And home’’ That is me. Being a Dick. I don’t care. I am pissed off. 

‘’Oops! Sorry Even! I will replace it. Don’t worry. God, I love cheese.’’ Birgit is delirious. Clearly out of her mind. But then I think she has been working all night and just got off a plane from Hong Kong or somewhere so I suppose, well…  
‘’I wish we had found you years ago Even, you are amazing.’’ She is cutting herself another slice of cheese. Buttering another thick slice of the bread. Shoving it in her mouth like she hasn’t seen food for weeks. Whilst I try to rack my brain for what on earth I can make for Isak for lunch. Well the little shit is still laughing at me. 

‘’Even, mum goes all hypoxic when she comes back in the morning. Something to do with lack of oxygen on the plane. She eats the entire contents of the fridge if you let her. Just ignore her. She will go to bed in a second and be more normal this afternoon when she has had a sleep. Well. Sometimes she is more normal. Sometimes she just gets worse…’’ He is laughing, whilst Brigit is smothering him in cuddles and kisses and telling him that he is evil but that she loves him more than anything in the whole wide world. 

I just smile. Make myself a coffee so I can calm the fuck down. Over cheese. Whilst Birgit hands me another 50 pounds and tells me to get some nice food for the weekend. Makes me promise to keep her away from the carbs. Yet she whispers that she loves cinnamon rolls. But she shouldn’t have them. But Do I know how to bake them?  
I almost tell her to fuck off. Because what kid doesn’t know how to make fucking cinnamon rolls?

There is one slice of bread left. ONE. I tell Isak he is fucking lucky. I make him the sandwich of the century. Loaded with the rest of the mozzarella, some tomatoes and basil and drizzled with a little olive oil. Black pepper on top. Neatly sealed up in a Tupperware box with the batman drawing cello taped to the top. I stick a napkin in there, and a fork. Tie it up in a shopping bag. 

Then I have another cup of coffee whilst I pick at the crumbs left on the chopping board. 

At 3 o clock I am outside school. Breathing like I have just run a marathon. What a fucking day.  
I spent an hour in the kitchen trying to plan a weeks’ worth of meals and lunches for Isak with 50 quid. Thinking what do I do with Birgit. Am I supposed to feed her too?   
Then this Polish woman turned up in the kitchen with a basket of cleaning stuff, scaring the living daylights out of me. Turns out that she doesn’t speak English, well she shook my hand and said her name was Ela, then pointed at the coffeemaker and nodded. I made her a coffee. Which made her smile. So, got out of there and left her hoovering in the hallway.

I took the car to the supermarket. Shopped like a bloody Stepford-wife with a list. Drove home and packed the shopping away. Got on the tube so I could get another block of Mozzarella. Found a French deli where I bought some amazing sliced ham. Then I ended up in Harrods. Because whatever. And the food hall was just as weirdly quaint as I imagined, full of tourists mingling with little old ladies in Chanel coats doing their weekly shop. I mean who buys tomatoes in Harrods. Unless they were actually grown by the fucking Queen or something. I actually ask one of the blokes working there who informs me that the Queen does grow tomatoes and that her produce is available for purchase from the Royal Windsor Farmshop, and if I contact the food concierge on level 1 they can arrange for me to have a batch delivered. Fuck me. I said that to him as well. I don’t think he was impressed.

Then I went to Harvey Nicols, which Google said was THE place to go for lunch. Well my Mum would have loved it, but It was definitely not for me. Ugh. No way. They did have some weird Nutella stand where you could buy a jar of Nutella with your name on it. Well I think I lost the plot by then, having had crumbs for breakfast and not eaten lunch, because I bought a jar with ISAK on it. Only because it was seriously cute. And I think he will find it funny. Then I took the 7 escalators down and almost lost the will to live fighting the crowds. Because then I was thinking that I should have gotten another jar. With my hard-earned cash. I am supposed to have fun with my wage. Do things that I remember. See London. Instead I take the lift back up and buy another jar with my name on it. So, I can put them on the kitchen counter. ISAK and EVEN.   
I had to laugh. Feverishly eating ham slices straight out of the packet and ripping bread from the baguette on the side, as I lined my Nutella jars up on the sparkling clean kitchen counter when I got home. Took a photo then loaded it up on Insta, sent it to my Mum, hell I even sent it to Sonja. She would have laughed. I think.

I am still breathing too fast. Trying to remember how to make pizza dough. Sitting in the car with the phone in my hand texting Isak that I am here. Almost sending him another text telling him to hurry up. Only because I missed him today. I did. Although I push that though to the back of my mind. I am not crushing on him. I am not. I just like touching him. Sleeping with him in my arms. Wondering what his lips taste like. Trying not to think of what it would be like kissing him and grinding my cock against his bum until I come. I don’t think about that. I don’t. Honestly. 

Birgit texts me. Telling me she that I better be making pancakes for all that Nutella. With a little P.S that she loves the jars. Loves it. Little heart at the end. The woman is mad. Totally crazy. In a good way. 

I have almost forgotten everything else. It hasn’t even crossed my mind. Not until I see Elias run past the car heading towards the park. I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. He is out of class early, running to his date with Sarah.   
I quickly log in as Katie and send of a message. ‘’Tonight is going to be wiiiickeeed’’  
Then I text Isak. Tell him that the coast is clear. Finish off with a little x. 

ISAK

I am going to throw up. My forehead is covered in bead of sweat. I am going to be sick on the floor. In the kitchen. Right now. Because the doorbell has just gone and Even has bounced out in the hallway to open the door for what I know must be Magnus. Because it is 6 o clock. And he is always on time. He is. I remember. He doesn’t do late.   
My knuckles are white gripping the kitchen counter. Trying to breathe. Trying not to retch. Hoping that this will be quick and swift so that I can go to bed and let Even hold me until I feel a little bit more like myself. Until I can breathe again and my head can function. 

I have had a bottle of beer. I shouldn’t have. All I can taste is beer repeating on me. Mouthfuls of gas. I am going to faint. I can’t do this. I can’t. 

Well here is Magnus. I can hear his voice. Loud and cheerful. Even is laughing. Magnus is squealing. Walking into the kitchen like he never left. Just taller, more chiselled, still covered in spots and in need of a good haircut, but it’s all him, and somehow, I relax into his arm when he hugs me like some long-lost brother. Planting a loud kiss on my cheek. Shaking me and telling me I am fucking too tall, how the fuck did I get this tall? Were the same height now. Magnus was always the tall kid. I was the little skinny one.   
He doesn’t let go of me. Just keeps talking and hugging me and talking to Even who is handing a beer to Mahdi. I haven’t even noticed Mahdi. Where did he come from? 

Madhi comes up and hugs me too. Well I kind of get pushed into his arms. Big manly slaps on my back. Magnus shouting to Even that he is super thrilled that the old gang is back. Telling him that we all used to be tight in primary school and that he can’t believe we all lost touch, can Even believe how crazy that is? But that he is determined to fix shit now because we are ‘’Bro’s for life’’ or something. Magnus is now rapping. Making Even loose the plot. Laughing as Mahdi tries to hide behind his jumper in shame.   
Even is opening another bottle of beer. Handing it to someone standing in the doorway. 

That is when I finally crack. When it all becomes too much. When I sink to the floor and burst into tears.   
I am a shit. Everything goes to hell. I can’t do this. I need everyone to leave. I need everyone to leave me the fuck alone. I need to be alone. I am OK if I am alone. I don’t get hurt when I am alone.   
I know Even tries to hug me, but I push him away. Magnus is talking but I don’t even know what he is saying. I just sob into my hands. Someone is rubbing my back, whilst the room has gone quiet.   
I can’t speak. I just want to die. Curl up in bed and forget that I ever existed.  
Instead I look up at Jonas who is on the floor next to me, letting his hand stroke my shoulder.  
‘’Oh Isak’’ He whispers. ‘’Oh fuck Isak.’’


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slow burn continues. Well some of you like it and asked for more so we are moving slow. 
> 
> Please give me a shout if anything doesn't make sense. I have this story very clearly laid out in my head, but sometimes the story in my head doesn't fully translate on paper. If you see what i mean. 
> 
> There should be another update in a few days. Hold tight. 
> 
> As always thank you so much for all your support and love and epic comments.

8  
EVEN  
Mahdi is about to lose a finger. Or two or three. He is chopping onion like some professional chef. I have decided that he is my new best friend, since his parents run a Somali restaurant in Shepherds Bush, and I am invited for dinner and cooking lessons. Any time I fancy it. He is also teaching me to chop fast and hard like a ninja chef. I am about to lose a finger too. 

The three of us, Me, Mahdi and Magnus are huddled up by the stove making Pizza. I had enough for Pizza for 3, maybe four people but we are making it stretch. Magnus is also providing starters. Sliced French baguette with Nutella. Epic. He has eaten half a jar already. Isak’s jar. I told him to leave mine the fuck alone. It has my name on it. EVEN. I keep pointing at it. Mine. So, hands off. 

I keep glancing over to Isak. I am desperately worried about him, but Magnus keeps rubbing my arm and telling me to chill. Saying that Jonas is just what Isak needs, and to trust them all. They have known Isak all his life, and they are not about to fuck things up now that they have finally found him again. Even though he is a crying little sod. That was Magnus words. Magnus actually cried when Isak lost it, sobbed along with him over by the sink trying to hide his mushed-up face from the rest of us. What a fucking mess this has turned out to be. 

The pizzas are finally in the oven, all thin and stretched covered in cheese and basil and a silky tomato reduction that Madhi has spiced up with chilli, cumin and coriander. He has told me to trust him. Saying he won’t let me get away with feeding him some lame ass Scandinavian bland shit. This pizza is about to kick ass. Big time. 

He is not wrong. Not when we are all on the sofa with beers and pizza that is blowing the inside of my mouth off, in a good way. Full of flavours and a kick of chilli. ‘’The power of Africa’’ Mahdi shouts as we are all crying. It’s so fucking hot. Tears running down my face. Blowing our noses and laughing at how lame we all are when Mahdi isn’t even drinking between bites. 

Isak looks OK. He is curled up next to me with a bottle of beer. Wiping his eyes. Smiling. Which makes me calm. Not talking much but he is OK. Calm. Jonas and Isak talked for ages, both sat awkwardly on the floor. Well I think Jonas mostly talked. Apologized a lot, and they hugged. For a long time. 

I still don’t know what happened between them, and I don’t really want to ask. Not when Isak looks happy. Jonas keeps trying to drag him into the conversation, and Magnus and Mahdi, well they are just ace. Keeping things light and steady. Asking me questions about Scandiland as Magnus calls it. 

‘’What are you doing here?’’ He asks. Looking all genuine and kind. ‘’I mean why are you in the UK?’’  
‘’Long story’’ I say. Taking another bite of Pizza and hyperventilating from the chilli. Making them all laugh as I cough and down a pint of water. Again.  
‘’We have all night’’ Mahdi says. Pouring me another glass of water.

‘’I have these friends at home, a bit like you guys. We grew up together. Hung out. We were really tight. Always together and in each other’s pockets, doing stuff at the weekends even when we all went to different schools. There is Yousef, Matthias, Fredrik and Jon and Me. Always the five of us.  
So, we had this idea that after graduation, we were going to have the best summer holiday ever. We saved up like crazy, washed cars, did jobs, I mean, I worked for my Dad for a bit doing deliveries even though it sucked, worst job ever, but we raised all this money and spent every weekend planning, googling things and figuring out how to see as much as possible. We were going to start by flying to Singapore, then Bali, then KL, onto Perth, then backpack our way around the coast to Melbourne, Canberra, Sydney, The gold coast, Then onto Hong Kong, Bangkok and back home. We had so much planned, cars booked, hostels scouted out, we bought rucksacks, sleeping bags all kind of stuff. It was all planned. We were all ready to go. ''

‘’Sounds fantastic! God I am jealous, I would love to do that’’ Jonas is leaning forwards. Lapping up every word. Whilst I am leaning back into the sofa feeling like an idiot.

‘’We decided to have a last epic Friday evening. We were going to fly out on the Monday, so that would give us the weekend to recover. It was a good plan.   
There is this place we used to go hang at, kind of a wooden shelter with a fire pit for people to grill hotdogs and warm up in the winter, kind of a park that families go for walks at the weekend and people go jogging, you kind of get the picture, so we went there, with a load of beer and booze and hotdogs and stuff to start the fire. Yousef doesn’t drink so he drove us up there in his Dads car. Matthias had got us some, well, you know, herbal refreshment, from his brother. His brother said it was good strong stuff and to go easy on it, but we used to smoke quite a lot so we were just doing what we normally do. Rolling nice big joints. Being silly and happy. Drinking and messing about. ‘’

I go quiet. I kind of should compose myself. It’s not the first time that I have to tell people what happened. We were interrogated so many times. Different police officers. Lawyers. The judge when we had to go to court. The kind lady solicitor who agreed to represent me. Mum and Dad. 

I find it hard to go on. Especially since everyone is silent and just stares at me. Waiting to hear the rest of the story. Even Isak is leaning forwards. Looking at me like he does. Like he is trying to figure me out. Wondering what fucked up thing is going to come out of my mouth next. 

‘’I was high as a fucking kite. I totally lost my shit. There was this portaloo on the other side of the clearing, and I decided I needed to wee. I think. I suppose that is why I went in there. I locked myself in and then I was too wasted to figure out how to get out. So, I panicked. Kicked the shit out of the portaloo whilst the guys were pissing themselves laughing at me in there. So that was kind of shit. I mean It wasn’t funny.’’

Magnus is giggling. ‘’it sounds like it was funny. Not for you of course but Even, man, you were high as a kite kicking the shit out of a portaloo. Thinking you were locked in. That is kind of funny. I bet the door was open the whole time.’’

‘’I suppose it’s a little bit funny. Well I ended up toppling the portaloo over. I don’t know how but I think I was trying to climb out of the roof window and the whole thing went over and covered me in shit, Masses of slimy shit. Everywhere. And I was still kicking the crap out of everything in sight, thinking the portaloo was out to get me. ''

Jonas and Mahdi are howling. Magnus has his head in his hands. Isak just looking at everyone like he is seriously confused. He is giggling a little though. I suppose it is funny. A little. 

‘’Where were the others? Did they not come and help you?’’ Isak sounds concerned. Typically him.   
‘’ They were as high as me. Seriously off their heads. I still don’t know what that weed was spiked with but I will never be able to smoke again. Ever. Scared the shit out of me. Seriously.   
So, I was running around there covered in shit, thinking that the portaloo is following me, and then the next minute the rest of them are gone. They left me in the forest. Got in the car and drove off. They didn’t even look back. Just left me. Which was fucked up enough, but I was so out of it that I didn’t think clearly. I don’t really remember why but I ended up setting the shelter on fire. Burnt the whole thing down. Along with what remained of the portaloo. The police picked me up a few hours later, when they got the call about the car.’’

‘’They crashed the car?’’ Mahdi is not laughing anymore. No one is. They are just staring at me.   
‘’I always sit in the front. Yousef drives. I’m the music maestro. I also get carsick so it saves them having me vomit down their backs. Then the other three hold up the back seat. Matthias in the middle. Always. We always sit like that. It is kind of the rules.’’

Nobody is saying a word. I have seriously put a damper on this party. Typically me. I should just have stuck with being Isak’s fucked up cousin. Turned it into some lame excuse about wanting to improve my English. Instead I am telling them the true story of how 5 guys who used to be friends lost a years worth of savings doing juvenile shit that none of us can really remember. It is not even funny. It is lame and embarrasing and well plain stupid.

‘’What happened to the car Even? ‘’ Jonas is looking at me. Concerned. Kind. He seems like a nice guy. He does. Even though I can feel myself starting to well up. I am not going to cry. I am not.

‘’Yousef went down for driving under the influence. Wrapped the car around a tree. If I had been in that car, sitting in the front seat there would have been nothing left of me. I would have been killed. Yousef would have lived the rest of his life with having killed me off. Well he might as well. He hasn’t spoken to me since. Said he can’t bear to think that he could have killed me. That he was so off it that he could have killed all of us. Matthias was thrown into the windscreen, and had his face rearranged. 20 stitches on his nose. The others were fine. They had put their seatbelts on. Clever fuckers.’’

‘’Nobody died. You all survived. You are all here, and you learnt your lesson. You have to see the positive in all of it. Don’t you? ‘’ I am kind of learning that Magnus is full of positivity. Always seeing the best in things. And Isak has his arm around me, whilst Jonas is opening another bottle of beer and handing it to me. Clinking his half-drunk bottle against mine. ‘’You are here. That’s the most important bit.’’

‘’Yeah, but I lost my friends. We were all so scared and angry and we all blamed each other for what happened. We all got arrested. Went to court. Yours truly here is stuck with a criminal record for criminal damage. I got away lightly, just a fine and I had to pay to replace the portaloo and rebuild the shelter. I also have to complete 150 hours of community service when I go to uni this autumn. In the drugs prevention office on campus. I suppose that is not too bad. ‘’

''I hope you put a plaque on that portaloo. Kindly donated by Even Bech Naesheim'' Isak is making a joke. I nudge him. Smile a little.   
''Good Idea. I might have to go back and put one on. I mean It is my portaloo. I paid for it.''  
‘’What about the others? Did they get fined too? ‘’ Isak’s voice is making me want to cry again. He looks scared. Sounds scared. And all I want to do is hug him and curl up with him in my arms. I am so fucked up in my head. 

‘’They were all done for possession. All of them. Except me. Because my fingerprints weren’t on the bag. I told the police it was equally mine, that I paid for it, that It was all ours. I begged them to do me as well. It was so fucked up and I was such a mess and they all hated me because they thought I got away with it. That I didn’t get done. I still got done. We all lost everything. ‘’

‘’So, all the other’s fingerprints were on the bag of weed, but you hadn’t touched it?’’ Mahdi is shaking his head, as if he is trying to make sense of it all. I don’t blame him. It is a mess. It still is.  
‘’ I think it was more the fact that the bag of weed kind of exploded when they crashed the car. They were all covered in it. In their hair. In their clothes. Stuck in Matthias head. He was high for days. Talking about flying saucers and being chased by hotdogs and shit’’

Everyone laughs. Leaning back with relief. Hoping that’s the end of the serious stuff. That we can get back to having fun. Talking about normal things. Hoping that I won’t cry. I don’t want to cry. 

‘’Oh yeah, then my girlfriend left me and moved to fucking Paris. I mean talk about kicking me when I am lying down. She had planned it for months and conveniently forgot to tell me. Just like that. ‘’

They all say ‘’AHHWhhhhhhwhwh’’ Doing the sympathy thing for a second or two. 

‘’You probably deserved that. Smelling like shit from that portaloo.’’ Magnus is a cunt. 

‘’Well she can take fucking Paris. You don’t need shit like that. More fish in the sea and all that. ‘’ Mahdi is stuffing his face with another piece of pizza. 

‘’So, after all that my Mum thought you were the ideal candidate to hang out with me over summer? Smooth Even. Great parenting Mum. No wonder I am so fucked up that I need a nanny. I did tell you guys that didn’t I? It’s Even’s job to look after me. Keep me safe. Keep me from fucking up. ‘’ Isak is on a roll. And they are all laughing at me. Taking the piss. Yet he is looking at me like he wants to cry. Like I have hurt him. Voice full of sarcasm. 

‘’What did I miss?’’ That is when Birgit decides to join the party in her pyjamas. Popping a piece of pizza in her mouth before shouting ‘’OH FUCK’’ and grabbing a random beer of a table. Downing it in one.   
‘’Fucking hell Even are you trying to kill us?’’  
Yup. That’s me. My cooking. We all point at Mahdi. Then we all laugh until I think I am going to wet myself. 

ISAK

Jonas hugs me before he leaves. Hugs me properly. Leaving me with a big knot in my stomach. I have spent so long trying to forget what happened that evening, that I kind of twisted the whole thing. I never thought of it from Jonas point of view. I only thought of myself. Me and my never-ending list of fuck-ups. 

I feel better though. He is not mad. I am not mad. We just need to figure it out. Figure out how to be friends again. How to talk. I need to figure out how not to be me. He needs to figure out how to be what he used to be. Before everything went to shit.

It was good. It was really good. I had a few beers, and didn’t really say much, but I didn’t have too. I felt safe. Like It didn’t matter that I didn’t know what to say. I could just sit there and still be part of it. They are my friends. At least tonight they were. I loved that we laughed. I loved that we all cried a little too. I could tell Even was hurting telling his story. It hurt that he hurt. 

Even is trying to tidy up around my Mum who is on the sofa drinking red wine and watching some chat show, whilst eating Nutella with a spoon. Out of my ISAK jar. My jar. I fly into pretend rage and rescue it back. Hold the jar like a baby and place it back on the counter next to the EVEN jar. I love those jars. I couldn’t care less about the Nutella. Honestly. But the idea that Even bought them for us has given me flutters in my stomach. It made me insanely happy. Now I am just sad. 

‘’Stop tidying Even, you two go to bed or something, you are making me all dizzy running around. Shoo’’ Mum is jetlagged. Wide awake. Ready for an all-nighter with a bottle of red on the sofa. Even is going to have a fit in the morning when he realizes that she has eaten half the week’s food again. I know her. Midnight munchies is nothing compared to Jetlag feasts. My mum has done this job for years, and apparently, food is the answer to all things when it comes to jetlag. 

I give her a kiss and go upstairs. Get changed. Fiddle with my phone. Brush my teeth and pop another spot on my chin. Fidgeting around.   
I used to hate going to bed. Now I hate going to bed for a totally different reason. I hate this game were playing. The ‘’let’s go to bed together’’ game. Even had a girlfriend. Even is fucking straight. I am crushing on a straight dude that is just cuddling me to death because what? I don’t understand it. I just feel betrayed. Like I had imagined that somehow in my head Even was gay. Like me. That He liked me. Just a little. Well I got that wrong didn’t I. 

I throw myself on my bed. I am growing the fuck up. Sleeping alone. I can do this. I am going to get this thing back under control. Not have a crush on Even. Even the straight dude. With his girlfriend. I don’t know shit about her but I hate her already. With a passion. 

‘’Hey Isak. Have you checked your phone? Elias is going mental on the group chat. What do you think? Should anyone reply or shall we just let him sweat until tomorrow?’’   
Even is standing in my doorway. Leaning casually against the frame. Handsome as fuck. Hair everywhere. I don’t even look at him. I don’t. I just mumble ‘’whatever’’.

‘’What’s the matter babe?’’ He sits down on the bed next to me.  
‘’Nothing. Just tired.’’  
‘’It was a good evening. I like those guys. Magnus is great. Jonas seems great too. I’m glad you two got to talk. Talking is good. ‘’  
‘’Yeah’’ I am still not looking at him. If I do I might just do something stupid. Like cry again.   
‘’OK Isak. I’m sorry if I have done something wrong. If I upset you.’’  
‘’You haven’t. ‘’   
‘’Ok’’ he gets up. Walks out. Shuts my bedroom door behind him.

I curl up into a ball. Throw my phone on the floor. I am too tired. Drained. I can’t think anymore I just need to sleep. Rest. Get my head straight. Get my life back. Get over this crush and just be normal again. No more. I need to protect myself. Make sure I don’t get hurt. Shut Even out a little. Get him to back off.

I don’t like my bed. I don’t like being cold. I have a hoodie on over my t-shirt with the hood up over my head. Duvet wrapped around me. I am still cold. Feeling utterly alone. I switch the light off. Fidget around. Take my socks off. Put them back on. 

I Pretend I am not listening out for Even. Wondering if he is in bed. If he has turned out his light. Trying to see if I can see light under the door. Wondering if he is thinking that it’s nice to have his bed back. To have space. So he can stretch out without me crowding him and being clingy. I am wondering if he wishes that I was there with him. 

He is not discreet. His footfall loud and sharp against the floor as he opens my door. Closes it behind him with force and throws his pillows down on the bed next to me.  
‘’I can’t sleep without you’’ He says as he crawls under the duvet. Pulls the hood on my hoodie down so he can get his nose against my head. Buried in my hair. Taking a deep breath as his arms pull me in. Holding me tight with my back against his chest.

I growl. I don’t know why, I just do. I turn around in his embrace, fighting against his arms and kicking his legs so I can get him where I need him, every limb battling for space and a home. My face against his neck. Breathing him in. Lifting my leg over his hip so that I am all over him. Holding him tight with every everything I have got. Planting desperate little kisses on his skin. I don’t know what I am doing. I just don’t. 

‘’Oh Isak’’ He whispers. ‘’What have you done to me?’’

I feel like shouting ‘’What have I done to you? Look what you have done to me? I was fine! I was just fine until you came along’’ Not that I was. I was not fine. I am not fine. 

Instead I kiss his skin. Just soft little kisses along his neck. Needy and heady and desperate. Tracing his collarbone with my lips. Leaving my breath against the stubble on his jaw. He doesn’t say a word. Just whimpers when I stop and let my head come to a rest on his shoulder. 

His fingers tangle in my hair. His lips resting against my forehead. 

The rain is belting down on the rooftiles above us, making the roof creak. Heavy droplets hitting the glass on the roof window. 

Not that it matters. We are already asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next update should drop Monday. With a bit of luck maybe earlier. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the support and love. Just to clarify some of the questions that have popped up in the comments, I dont feel that I could give Even's Bipolar disorder justice in writing, I just dont know enough to make it right, so in my fics it simply doesnt exist. I think this Even has enough to deal with as it is. He is a little wild and wacky, but that is just him.
> 
> All will be explained about everything else. Promise. All the love xxx

EVEN  
I am on my third espresso. Feeling a little bit pumped as my foot is tapping against the floor. Legs jumping. Trying to sketch something like the wall to wall monstrosity of an artwork in front of me. Tate Britain is seriously cool. Not that I understand any of the installations, I mean most of them are seriously insane, but that’s part of my fascination with art. That I don’t get most of it at all. Yet someone has spent serious time making this stuff and thinking about what it all means, which is enough for me. I just sit there and stare. Wondering if I could ever be brilliant. Get other people to look at my stuff and think WOW. Just WOW. Like this painting. Full of colours and angles and making me feel dizzy if I stare at the shapes and lines long enough. 

I left Isak asleep in his bed, stuck a pillow in his embrace when I slid away from his arms. He looked beautiful. Soft and pale in the morning light, breathing quietly whilst his eyelids fluttered with dreams. I hope they were good ones. I kissed his cheek before I left, letting my nose just nudge his. 

It’s not like I could have stayed. I woke up with a raging hard on, pressing my groin against his hip. Grinding against him in my sleep. Thanking my lucky star or whatever that he hadn’t woken up, because that would just have ended badly. I would probably have kissed him and dry humped him until I came in my pants and scarred Isak for life. 

That is the last thing he needs, having his oversexed au pair, the one that is slightly obsessed with all things Isak, jump him first thing in the morning. It’s true though. My brain is full of Isak, he is all I can think about. From the shape of his lips to the simple fact that I can’t sleep unless my hand is tucked under his top resting against his bare skin.

Well things could have gotten awkward. So, I did what was best and snuck out, had a quick wank and got things sorted in my pants, had a shower and headed off. 

I have walked around Westminster. Taken a selfie with Big Ben. Battled the crowds on the bridge and sketched the London Eye. I have drawn a little Isak drawing too, for Monday. The two I drew for him last week were pinned to the wall next to his bed. I love that he kept them, that they mean something to him, mean enough to him that he wants to look at them every day. This one is Isak as Thor. Hammer in hand and curls everywhere. Little smirk on this face. One eyebrow raised. He is cute. Seriously.

I am not obsessed with Isak’s curls. I am not. I just like the way he smells, the way his hair feels against my face, how I can let his curls wrap around my fingers. I love the way he holds onto me and kisses my skin. His lips are a menace. He is a menace. I must not think about Isak. I must not think of him that way. 

I have been busy Googling that night club in Helsinki again, going through all the party photos. I have found several photos of ‘’Katie’’ and ‘’Sarah’’ and the gang, so I have screenshotted and cropped and edited them a little to look like they are at a different club. Far far away from where Elias was yesterday. They have all been on the group chat. Not even apologizing for ditching him and his mates and flaking out on their date. Instead they brag about getting VIP tickets to a club and it was absolutely brilliant and Sarah is so hungover. Carlo wonders if Elias knows of any clubs where they can go next weekend, somewhere where nobody checks ID and they can get served. Sarah says preferably a place where there are hot men. Katie and Anna have tagged them all at a club on the other side of town on Insta. Random commments everywhere. Tagging Ben and Hassan. Just so Elias will get confused and pissed off. Messing about. I just want him to feel small. Like he is unimportant. Make him feel ignored and friendless and pathetic. A little bit like me. 

I don’t know how many times I go onto our old Whats app group. Look at all the posts. Look at the photos of us all being naive and stupid. Think back to how excited we were, and how happy I was when my life was still easy and uncomplicated. I start writing a message. Stop. Erase it all. I don’t know what to say. There is nothing I can say that will make it all better. ‘’I hope you are all OK?’’ None of us are OK. 

‘’There is nothing that I can say to make what happened go away, or to make us all feel better. I know that. I just want to say hi. Miss you all. Even’’

I send it. It doesn’t make the lump in my throat go away. It just makes me feel even lonelier. I miss Isak too. 

I was going to stay out all day. Instead I throw my sketchbook in my bag and head home. 

ISAK

I should have stayed in bed. But I went looking for Even hoping that he would be downstairs, expecting to find him messing about in the kitchen. Instead I found a note from Mum that she has gone to see her boyfriend for the weekend. She has left an envelope of cash for Even too, his name neatly printed on the front. There is no Even either. Just a cold and empty house.

I tried to watch TV but there was nothing on. I was just getting annoyed. Irrationally irritated. Curling up under a blanket and trying to sleep. I can’t sleep. I just sit here and wait. I don’t know what for. 

Magnus has started up a group chat for us on Whats app. Me and Mahdi and Jonas. Asking me to add Even too, because he is our new Bro. I can kind of hear him rapping that line out.

ISAK added AUPAIR-EVEN to the group.  
MAGNUS : Eveeeeeeennnnnn   
EVEN: DUDES  
MAHDI: Thursday evening dinner on me at the restaurant? Does that work for everyone?  
JONAS: (Fireextinguisher Emoji. Firetruck emoji. Fire Emoji. Chilli emoji.)  
ISAK: My mouth is still on fire from that Pizza. I will never be able to taste food again.   
MAGNUS: Lightweights all of you. Losers. I have had Mama Disi’s stew before, it’s epic. With that rice she does and the pancakes thingys. Can we have that? Love that shit!   
MAHDI: Mama Disi says yes. She will make your coconut rice too Mags. (somalian flag emoji)  
MAHDI: Thanks for last night dudes. Really nice to hang out.  
EVEN: Great meeting you all. I had fun. Stoked about Mama Disi’s Somali dinner. Can’t wait. Please do not let Mahdi near that the chilli jar again! *ducks*   
JONAS: Wait until you meet his Dad. He snacks on chillis for fun. Crazy dude.   
MAHDI: *Throws a goat at Even* * Bans Even from Thursday nights dinner* Respect the African chilli dude!  
EVEN: *Cries in Norwegian* *Begs at Chief Mahdi’s feet* *Offers two goats as apology*  
MAGNUS: What the fuck is this thing about goats? Have you got pets?  
JONAS: (goat emoji)  
MAHDI: *Lets Even re-enter the tribe* Dinner at 7. Be there or face my Mum and her wrath.  
EVEN: (heart emoji) *kneels at Chief Mahdi’s feet*  
ISAK: You are all idiots. All of you. *abandons you all again* * moves to Outer Mongolia*  
MAGNUS: WTF have I done. *Joins ISAK in Mongolia* *Buys a goat* (PS Is that a good thing? Do I need a goat?)

EVEN

I don’t notice him at first, wrapped up in a blanket sitting on the sofa. The house is dark and quiet and if it wasn’t for the light from his phone I wouldn’t have noticed him at all.   
He just looks up and meets my eye for a second. Looking a little bit sad. 

‘’Where is your Mum? I thought you were going to hang out today?’’  
‘’Gone to her boyfriends. Not sure when she will be back. Didn’t check. She left you money on the side there’’  
‘’Oh’’ I don’t know what to say. Apart from that I am sorry she is a bit of a shit mum. Leaving him here alone, whilst she goes off to see her bloke. Then I kind of think that we are all adults. Well Isak might be. I am not. I still don’t know what to say.

‘’Philip went on the group chat. I got bored.’’ Isak gets up from the sofa. Walking over to the kettle and flicking the switch. At least it fills the silence, the kettle humming quietly as the water heats up.  
‘’I saw that, it was funny. Really good.’’ I pretend to check my phone.  
Isak gets a cup down. Pulls out a teabag. Tilts his head towards the coffeemaker. 

I get a coffee pod out and load it whilst Isak gets another cup. Nudging my hand as he places it in the brewer, which makes me jolt back. I don’t know why. I just don’t know how to act around him when we are alone. Like this. 

He is leaning back against the counter. Chewing on his bottom lip with his arms crossed over his chest. Wearing joggers that are slung low over his hips, and a hoodie that just doesn’t quite cover the blonde fuzz on his stomach. 

I am standing here biting my nails and fiddling with the envelope on the counter. I try to catch his eye. Staring at his lips, and thinking dirty thoughts. Then looking away the minute he looks up. 

It’s different flirting with girls. If Isak was a girl I would be all charming and touchy-feely and wink and compliment her and we would both know where things would end up in the end.

With Isak I haven’t got a clue. I don’t know where he falls, if he is straight or gay or whatever he defines as. He might just think of me as some big brother figure, someone who makes him feel safe. Someone who he kisses and clings to and cuddles. He seems as confused as me. His hand shaking a little as he pours the boiling water in the cup. Stirs with a teaspoon. Spills a little on the side. 

I try to be helpful, I mean I try to wipe it up with a tea towel, only to nudge his arm with my elbow which makes us both jump. I spill half of his tea. The cup spinning on the worktop. Isak’s hand touching mine, as we both try to catch the cup before it falls, me catching it, and Isak jolting back like he has been burnt. He is sucking his finger into his mouth. Catching my eye. And not looking away. He just looks at me, all eyes and hurt and feelings and, I don’t know, I suppose it’s heat. Desire. 

It makes me a bit crazy. I mean I am already crazy, but I think I must be more crazy than should be allowed, because I grab his face with both hands and launch at those lips. Just smashing my mouth on his, walking him backwards until he is being squashed against the kitchen table, that is creaking and scratching along the floor under the weight of us.

I am panting. Hard. Being the worst kisser in the world. There is nothing sensual or soft about me and my kissing. Not like I would kiss a girl. I am kissing Isak because I need to. Because I am desperate, and because his hands are fisting the hair on my head, pulling and scratching my scalp whilst he catches his breath. Letting his forehead rest against mine, breathing hard and fast against my lips. 

Then he starts to kiss me. Properly kiss me. The way I should have been kissing him. Lips and tongues and more than a little bit of teeth, hard and hot and making me feel light headed. I am not breathing properly. Not getting enough oxygen to my brain. Grinding against him, rutting and jerking, whilst he is whimpering and panting and making all these little sounds that just egg me on. 

I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know what got into me. I let go. I let him go. Pull my hands back and step away from him. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Stumbling backwards and blinking into the light like I have just woken up. 

‘’I shouldn’t have done that’’ I mumble. Well I shouldn’t. I wasn’t supposed to do that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How good was the first clip of S4? Loved every second. What an opener! 
> 
> BTW, no goats were hurt in the previous chapter. Stunt goats are were used and were totally unharmed. 
> 
> I will update again as soon as humanly possible. Real life, school holidays and the distinct lack of a norwegian male aupair who can cook and shop and drive me around in the Mini is severely disrupting my fanfic writing. I am sorry.

ISAK  
I have never fixed anything in my life. Everything that has ever gone wrong for me, well I just tend to think that it was meant to be, that it’s just life mocking me again and that there was nothing I could have done to change it. I just let things slide. Hide in my room and wait for the storm to blow over. Get on with things. Try to forget about it.  
Yet I am standing here, well I am sitting on the edge of the kitchen table thinking that I must fix this. This. This thing that just happened. This wasn’t me. He kissed me. He started it. HE KISSED ME FIRST. Then I kissed him back. Then he ran off. Upstairs.

Shit, he is probably packing his bag. He is probably leaving. He is leaving. He is leaving me. He can’t. I don’t want him to leave, oh Even please don’t leave.  
I am pacing around in a circle on the floor. Chewing the side of the nail on my thumb. I want to cry. I need to fix this. I do.

The only good thing that has happened to me this year is a skinny Norwegian bloke with ridiculous hair, that kind of just turned up one day and then went on to fuck up my careful little life. Well he has fucked it up in a good way. And I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want to go back. I can’t let him leave. 

Well I put the chain on the front door. Like that would stop him leaving, hell, I am an idiot. I am always an idiot. 

I’m fucking British, like bloody Churchill. I can fix this I say to myself. Well pathetically shout to myself. Pulling at my hair and flicking the kettle back on. Slamming the lid down on the coffee maker. Pressing Brew. 

I am making a cup of tea. Because a cup of tea solves everything. Even if you are Norwegian I recon. If I can’t fix this with a cup of tea then, well, to be honest I don’t know what to do. I can’t fix shit. 

So now there is a perfect cup of tea in my left hand, and a hot black coffee in my right, and I am shaking. My whole body is shaking trying to get my legs to cooperate with my brain and walk upstairs. 

What do you say to someone who just kissed you, ruining every single pathetic wank-fest of an imaginary kiss for you, forever? What do you say to the boy that has taken over all your thoughts, kissed you like he loved you, then decided it was a big mistake and just ran away from you? Fucking story of my life. 

His door is open, and he is curled up on his bed. Thank you, God. He is not packing his bag and ringing for a Taxi like I thought he would be doing. Thank you. 

‘’Please don’t leave.’’ I need to fix my mouth too. Figure out how to not say things out loud. 

He sits up slowly. Hair all over the place. Taking the cup of coffee from my hand. Not looking at me. Not even pretending not to look at me.

I sit down on the bed next to him. Staring straight ahead. Taking a sip of my tea.  
‘’Tea fixes everything.’’ That is me again. ‘’Well coffee if you are from Norway’’.

Even giggles a little. I think. He could have just been choking on his coffee. 

‘’Thank you.’’ He whispers. 

I wiggle my toes. My socks are filthy. Kind of a grey colour with brown undertones. I don’t know why I keep wearing them. Even’s are mismatched. One blue and a grey one with footballs on. 

‘’Good socks’’ I say. Wiggling my toes again.  
‘’I’m crap at laundry. I think the blue one is yours. I have never seen it before.’’  
‘’Nope. Not mine. Could be Mums.’’  
‘’Oh. Sorry. God. I’m wearing your Mums clothes now?’’  
I laugh a little. Wiggle my feet. Nudge his blue foot with my filthy sock. He kicks me back. And again. Then lets his shoulder touch mine.

‘’You are a good kisser’’ He whispers. Just loud enough.  
‘’That is the second time someone has told me I am a good kisser. Both of you ran away after. So, I can’t be that good. You are probably both lying twats anyway. ‘’ I shouldn’t have said that. I still did. What is wrong with me?

‘’Why else has kissed you? Who? A girl?’’

‘’No!’’. I take a sip of tea. Clear my throat. Here we go. This is the part where I fuck up again.

‘’Even, I am gay. I have always been gay. Always known. I kissed someone that I had the biggest crush on, and he never spoke to me again. Until the other day. He told me that it was the best kiss he has ever had, and that it messed with his head. He thought he was gay for a while, thought I had made him gay by sticking my tongue in his mouth and making him hard. I only kissed him. Nothing else. Anyway, it was stupid. I knew Jonas wasn’t into me, I mean I knew he was straight. It was a selfish stupid thing to do just because I wanted to kiss someone, and I wanted him to be my first kiss, at any cost. And it cost me everything.’’

‘’You kissed Jonas?’’ At least Even is looking at me now.  
I just nod. Take another sip of tea. There we go. It’s all out now.

‘’Does your Mum know?  
‘’That I kissed Jonas? No! What the fuck? Why would I tell her?’’  
‘’No, no, no, does your Mum know that you are gay?’’  
‘’Yes, of course, I never hid it. I told everyone as soon as I kind of figured it out. Everyone knows. I never thought it was something to be ashamed of. My mum has all these gay friends and I grew up with all these people that were open and out with who they loved. My godparents are gay. Everything was fine until I kissed Jonas. Well Elias was always being a dick, but the whole Elias thing has kind of gotten out of control. My whole life has kind of spiralled out of control.’’ I don’t know why I am still talking. Probably so he will stay next to me. Not run away. I am looking at him, watching his hands holding the cup. His lips as he takes another sip. The way his nostrils flare when he breathes. He is not calm. He is probably figuring out how to get away from me. How to let me down gently.

‘’I’m not gay’’ He says. Yup. Here we go. Here it comes. 

‘’I think I am probably bisexual. I like girls. I just like boys too. I keep having these ridiculous crushes on boys, but nothing like this. Nothing like you Isak. I keep thinking I should apologize for kissing you but I wanted to kiss you. I wanted desperately to kiss you. I should have asked probably, if you wanted me to, not just launched myself at you and wrecked the kitchen table whilst I was at it.’’

Now I am smiling. Shaking a little. I think Even just told me he likes me. Something about crushes on boys which all made me warm inside. A little embarrassed. Like I don’t know what to do next. I am hopeless at fixing things. Rubbish. Smiling. Fiddling with my empty teacup. Twisting my fingers. 

He is kicking my feet. Giggling at our socks. 

‘’Do you know how to make Pancakes?’’ Well I had to say something. 

He nudges me with his elbow. Looking at me like I have just said something deeply offensive, which makes me grin like a lunatic. Smiling to the point that my cheeks hurt.

‘’I am the fucking king of pancakes. Who do you think I am? I’m Norwegian. Of course, I can make pancakes’’ God he is gorgeous. I am so glad he is not leaving. I love that he is not leaving me.  
‘’Can you teach me? Can we go down and make pancakes? Just hang out and kind of …Chill. ‘’

‘’Let’ do it. Tea fixes everything in fucking England. Pancakes solve the rest in Norway. ‘’ We are both laughing. Tentatively. Standing up by the side of the bed. Swinging our empty cups from our fingers.

‘’Are we OK Isak? ‘’ He suddenly looks scared again. Sad. Worried. Beautiful in his pale skin, with his hair tousled and messy against his forehead.  
‘’Yeah, we are ok. You can kiss me again, anytime.’’ Oh fuck. Me and my big mouth. I can’t look at him. I can’t.  
‘’OK.’’ He whispers. His finger trailing down my arm. Just gently stroking my hand. 

‘’Let’s make pancakes. Lots of pancakes. With fucking Nutella. ‘’  
‘’Strawberries’’  
‘’Lemon and Sugar. British Style’’  
‘’Hell no. Lemon? Ugh. Strawberries. Sloppy jam. Whipped cream’’  
‘’I think Mum has a waffle maker in the cupboard. We have never used it. Can you teach me how to make waffles too?’’  
‘’You have a waffle maker? Epic! God, we can make Waffle dinner. Waffles topped with Avocado and red onion and smoked salmon’’  
‘’Oh, god no, that would be like having dinner for dessert, like all mixed up. That is rank man. What kind of Au pair are you? ‘’

‘’I’m yours’’ He says. ‘’I mean I am your Au pair’’. Then we both go quiet again.

EVEN

Isak has gone out. Just to the corner shop to get strawberries and whipping cream and eggs and milk. 

I missed him the minute the door slammed behind him. But somehow, I am grateful for the break from him. Just a little breather where I can just sit on the floor and try to get myself under control and figure out what on earth just went down. 

I think Isak likes me. A little. He liked me kissing him. Well I liked him kissing me better. Holy fuck. If that is how boys kiss then I might have to rethink the whole bisexuality thing. I think I will stick to boys. Stick to Isak. I wouldn’t mind sticking a lot to Isak. However much he is clouding my judgement and making me think totally irrational thoughts and well I couldn’t think at all when Isak was next to me and I was trying to find stuff in the fridge and had a mini meltdown when I realized that someone has used up most of next week’s food. Who does his Mum think she is? 

There is no bacon, my avocados are gone. The eggs are gone. What the hell has she done with the slab of tuna I bought? When did she find time to cook that? I found the remains of the lime in the bin, and she has eaten 4 bananas. I think I had steam coming out of my ears. No wonder Isak offered to go shopping. 

To be fair though it is Birgit’s house. Her money, and her shit. And she did text me and say she has left me more cash for food in that envelope. It’s like I am looking after two troubled children. Birgit is just totally unpredictable and eats all the food, and Isak, well Isak is just trouble. TROUBLE. 

At least she hadn’t found my stash of chocolate. I spent an obscene part of last week’s budget on chocolate. Slabs of milk chocolate with chopped hazelnuts and little bars of something called ‘’Twirls’’ and ridiculous plaited chocolatey toffee-strands that are called a ‘’Curly wurly’’. Like pubic hair. The British are seriously deranged. Who names chocolate bars after pubes. Only in England. And they say us Scandi’s are weird.

I am on the floor in the kitchen wolfing down my third chocolate bar. Ripped up wrappers on the floor and chewy toffee slowly melting on my tongue as my hands are shaking trying to open the fourth bar. Something called Galaxy. Swoon. Nice. I love chocolate. Love it. It kind of calms me down. Puts me in a sugar coma. Then I get the shakes if I eat too much of it and if I top it up with Espresso I feel like I am high. I ate about 15 bars the night before I came to London. I just couldn’t stop myself. It’s my drug of choice. 

I scramble to my feet when the front door slams, trying to get all the wrappers off the floor and in the bin before Isak catches me. Letting the last square of Galaxy slowly melt on my tongue as I pretend to measure out flour in a jug and look cool. Nonchalant. Like nothing is wrong at all. 

‘’Strawberries. Strawberry Jam. Whipping cream. Milk. Eggs.’’ Isak is lining up his purchases on the counter. Shoving the plastic bag in the side and wiping his hands on his joggers. 

‘’Thanks’’ I mumble. Dropping the bag of flour on the floor. Hands shaking. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. 

I feel like crying. I probably need to cry. There is flour everywhere, on our feet. On me. On the floor. All over Isak’s trainers. A mushroom cloud of white slowly floating to the floor.  
We just stand there. I am deflated. Isak, Well I don’t know what Isak is doing because my eyes are stinging and I am trying to breathe. Not even the chocolate is helping me now. What the fuck is wrong with me. I don’t even know why I am upset. I don’t know shit. I am just confused and sad and I think somewhere in this I have gone and fallen a little bit in love with Isak and then I think I might have made things all weird and I just don’t know what to do with myself and my hands and it’s just so damn hard…

Well that’s all I have time to think to myself before Isak's hands wrap around my face. I can feel his breath on my skin, soft and calm. I don’t know how he can be so calm when I feel like I am about to explode. 

He just nudges my mouth with his lips. Soft and warm. Making a tiny sob escape from my throat, as he nips at my bottom lip. Just softly tasting me. 

I whimper. I throw my arms around him. Gripping and pulling at the fabric on his back so he is tightly held in my arms. 

‘’You taste of chocolate’’ he whispers. Forehead against mine. Nose stroking my chin. Lips back on mine. Soft little feathery kisses. Then a stroke of his tongue on my lip. Barely there. And again. 

‘’Agthh…’’ I don’t know what I am saying  
‘’Even?’’ he has stopped kissing me. Please don’t stop kissing me.

He has some soft stubble on his chin. Brushing against my face as I try to get my lips back on his. Opening my mouth enough that I can let him in. Letting my tongue touch his, stroking, tasting. We both taste of chocolate. Soft and smooth as his fingers are on my face, in my hair, everywhere. His thumb stroking my bottom lip whilst his mouth is kissing the top and I am whimpering again, because it is good. This is just so, well it’s comforting me like a blanket, wrapping me up in some fuzzy state of mind where I can just let go. Not worry and fret and shake and feel stupid.

I am suddenly just feeling so calm. Loved. Perfect with his lips against mine and our tongues slowly tasting each other. Just feathery little strokes of skin and wetness and soft lips and, well, us. Him and I. 

I wrap my arms tighter around him, just holding him as hard as I can with my chin pushing down on his shoulder and his lips kissing my neck. Nuzzling into me like he does when we sleep. Arms softly snaking around my back, slow strokes across my shoulder blades. 

‘’You are a very good kisser. The best.’’ I whisper. 

He giggles softly. Kisses my neck again. Soft little butterfly kisses from his eyelashes stroking my skin, his lips warm and soothing. 

There is a thumb stroking my mouth again and as I finally open my eyes. Look at him. Properly. I haven’t quite dared to do that until now. I haven’t allowed myself to dare. But he is smiling at me, just gorgeously smiling and cupping my face in his hands and planting another ridiculous little kiss on my lips. 

‘’I’ll get the hoover if you just start making those damn pancakes. Please. I am starving.’’  
‘’Hungry?’’ I still can’t get my brain to function. I am still staring at his eyes. His mouth. The way it curves into his dimples when he smiles.  
‘’You are supposed to feed me. Look after me. I’m sure that my Mum made you sign a contract about all that. ‘’

I whack my palm on his chest. Hit him. Again, and again. Smiling as he laughs in my face.  
I am feeling a little bit more like myself. Like I am back in the room. Feeling a little sick from chocolate and emotions. Happy bubbles of adrenaline fizzing in my blood. Pulling him back in for another quick kiss. Right on his lips. A little bit of tongue. God his kisses. The way he tastes. The way I melt when he kisses me. When I kiss him. Oh god. What have I gotten myself into? 

He hoovers. Pushes me around when I am standing in his way whilst I am whisking pancake batter and melting butter in a frying pan until it is just the right shade of gold, fizzing and spitting in the pan as the cold batter hits. I am the king of pancakes. They are perfect. Not that I get to taste them, as Isak is stealing them from the plate the minute I take them off the heat. Making me chase him with the spatula and kiss him again. Ridiculous boy. 

He has batter in his hair too. I just can’t help it. I think I love him. I think I love him a little. 

Isak whips the cream, moaning and complaining that his arm is cramping, whilst I tease him and chop strawberries into perfect little quarters. Flip pancakes. Pour batter. With the prettiest boy in the world trying to get Netflix to load on the TV, cradling his Nutella jar like a baby in his arms. Mine is still unopened. Ha. Isak’s is almost empty and apparently, he is not sharing. Even if I threaten him with the spatula. Stick my tongue out at him. Laugh at his little face then smother him with kisses again. 

I still don’t know how to behave around him. 

We eat in silence whilst Jack Bauer saves the world on 24. It’s old and we have both watched it before, but it means we don’t have to concentrate. I can steal glances at him. Marvel at how gorgeous he is. How his throat moves when he chews. How his eyes twinkle when he laughs. The way his mouth closes around the fork. A little drop of strawberry juice escaping his mouth. 

I want to kiss it off. I don’t quite dare though. I just reach out and wipe it off with my finger, and he catches my hand and holds it. Let’s our fingers entwine and rest on the sofa between us as our eyes fix on the screen. 

3 episodes later and my head is on his lap, with his fingers stroking my hair. Feeling sleepy and happy. Wanting him to take me to bed. Needing him to hold me. Its lovely lying here with him but it’s not nearly enough. 

I get up. Switch the light off. We can leave the mess until the morning. I don’t care. I really don’t care. 

Isak disappears up the stairs whilst I put the milk away. Check the stove. Hope that Isak will let me sleep in his bed. Well I am sleeping in his bed. Well I am sleeping wherever he is sleeping. Period.

I struggle up the stairs. My legs feel like led. Just tired. Happy. Loved. I feel loved. A little.

One more flight of stairs to go. Almost there. The door to the bathroom is wide open and the shower is on. There is a naked bum just walking in to the shower. I have just caught naked Isak walking into the shower. Pile of clothes on the hallway floor. 

He has left the door open. Water sloshing over his head. I can see him through the glass with his arms over his head, probably putting shampoo in his hair. Probably washing the pancake batter out. 

I sneak. Tiptoe. I don’t know why. Maybe because I am watching him shower. Wondering why he didn’t close the door. Well I hope he didn’t close the door on purpose. If he didn’t want me to see him, he would have closed the door. There is some kind of lock on it. He could have closed and locked the door. But he didn’t. He didn’t. 

My t-shirt is gone. I am stepping out of my shorts that are on top of his clothes on the floor. Flicking my socks off. Stopping for a second with my fingers gripping the elastic on my underpants. Just for a second before I let them drop to the floor. 

Isak still has his back to me. I don’t think he has heard me yet.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, sorry that I haven't responded to everyone, but I appreciate it all and love having you all reading along with me.   
> I am also very grateful for the virtual crowdfunding of coffee vouchers and offers to send aupairs. I gracefully accept. Thank you. I dont mind who the au pair is but if he could look a little like Henrik Holm I would be very grateful. Thank you. 
> 
> SMUT WARNING> This chapter is basically porn, without plot. I am sorry. If smut is not your thing then you can happily skip this chapter as there is no plot really. Just smut. Porn. ISAK KISSES™. EVEN KISSES™. That's about it. Chapter 12 should drop monday or tuesday, and will be back on track to move this story forward. I just got carried away with the smut. Sorry.

11  
ISAK  
I almost smash the shower screen into him when I step out of the shower. I don’t know how he got up here so fast. And he is naked. Just standing there brushing his teeth like it’s nothing. Like that him being stark naked is normal. 

And that me being naked is fine.

Fine.

Oh. 

Oh. Okay. 

I pick up my toothbrush. Squeeze some toothpaste on the bristles whilst my hand is shaking. Dropping the damn lid in the sink. Rolling around clattering against the white porcelain.

Then we brush. Both of us. Eyes meeting in the mirror in front of us. Just for a second, but it’s enough. Enough for me to blush and look down. Spit into the sink. Wipe my face on the towel.

‘’You still have stuff in your hair’’ he says, letting his fingers touch the back of my head. Pretending to pick something off. 

‘’You have Nutella on your shoulder Even. Looks disgusting.‘’ I am a child. He tries to look. Angles his back in the mirror. Smiling at me. 

‘’So, you think I need a shower then?’’ He is so cute. Hand stroking his shoulder like he is trying to find my imaginary Nutella stain. A little blush on his cheeks. I don’t dare to look down, even if I am dying to. I want to know what he looks like. I don’t though.

‘’You stink Even. You do. When did you last shower? ‘’ I’m getting silly. I know. Shooting a quick glance below his waist. He is gorgeous. I knew he would be. Just right. Not hairy, not too big, not small. Just perfectly formed and a little aroused. Not just hanging there. Kind of half mast. 

‘’Not as dirty as you, I mean you just had a shower and you are all filthy. Like everywhere’’ The water flicks back on behind me as he leans across nudging my shoulder with his chest. I swallow. I swallow hard. Putting one foot back in the shower cubicle. Not quite meeting his eye.

I don’t have to ask. I don’t even have to pull him in. He is just there, with his lips on mine and his chest pressing me up against the cold tiles behind me. Oh, god Oh Fuck Oh Hell on wheels. 

I think I am actually pulling his hair out with my fingers, I just don’t know where else to put them. I know where I want to put them but I need to build up a little bravery. Not that Even needs bravery, He has one hand on my chest and the other one gripping my bum, grinding his cock against mine. I can feel his cock. I can feel him, hard against me, whilst me, well I don’t know when I started getting hard, but I am now. Rock hard. Solid. Jerking my hips against him and moaning under his tongue. God, he is still kissing me. 

Desperately kissing me. Teeth and spit and lips and skin everywhere. It’s not like this in movies. It’s not like this in porn. It’s never like this, all slippery and hard and intense, to the point that I can’t breathe. I forget to breathe, I just kiss and kiss and kiss and my hand is on his hip so I can hold on to him and not fall over. Not that I am going to fall with him pushing me halfway through the wall. I am stuck. Stuck to Even. All over.

I push off from the wall, in one hard movement. Slam him into the other side against the glass, making the shower door shoot open with a crash. I don’t care. I am climbing him, leg up against his hip, arms around his shoulders. Kissing his neck, well I think I am more bruising his neck. Sucking his skin and licking him and kissing and trying to taste him whilst he whimpers in my ear. He moans. I think, I think that is what he is doing. He is making all these little noises, whilst my mouth is kissing every little part of skin I can reach. Kissing his chest. Licking his nipple. He has gorgeous nipples. Soft and hardening when I flick my tongue over his skin. I suck. I kiss. He moans. Shouts a little. Shaking under my touch. 

He touches my hand. Grabs it. His other hand is in my hair, pulling me back up so he can smother me with hungry kisses. He is kissing me. He is kissing little fucked up me.

Then he puts my hand on his cock. Warm and wet. Throbbing a little. That is when I moan. I growl. He is letting me touch him. Wanting me to touch him. Asking me to. Whispering in my ear that I am making him crazy, that he can’t control himself around me, that he is in love with me, that he loves me, that he loves everything about me. 

I just growl. I wish I could say something back. That I could tell him how much I love that he loves me. How much I love him back. How he has turned my life upside down to the point that I have lost the plot. I have. I shouldn’t be standing here stroking his cock, this shouldn’t be my life. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve all this love and kisses and oh fuck he is pumping my cock. Hard. His hand moving whilst his fingers are moving my foreskin over the head of my dick. Twisting. Making my knees buckle underneath me. 

I cling to him. Arm around his waist, fingernails digging into his back whilst my hand pumps his cock right back. Whimpering into his shoulder. I don’t know where his mouth has gone, I don’t know how to get to him, I can’t move, not more than my hand that is tugging at him at a desperate pace whilst I am coming. I am coming I can’t hold it. His mouth is on my neck, sucking and licking and I think he is biting down on my shoulder and I just lose my shit. I do. I am not me anymore. Poof. Gone. Instead someone is shouting EVEN and rambling about that I am coming and don’t stop and please and I love yous and all kinds of shit. It’s all coming out of my mouth. I can’t control it. I can’t control shit. I can’t. And I have come all over his hand. Cool water sloshing over my shoulder. It’s going to be freezing in a minute. There is never enough warm water for two showers. Never. 

I am still stroking him, fast and hard, whilst my face is flush against his chest. Trying to breathe. Trying to figure it all out. Then he comes. His chest kind of caves in underneath me as he jerks and shoots all over me. Long stripes of white hitting my legs. His head resting heavily against mine whilst my body is holding him up against the glass. 

I think we just kind of had sex. Oh god. I think I just had sex. With Even. In the shower. Oh Jesus. Oh, God help me. 

He pulls me up so he can hold me. Tight and firm against him, my arms squeezing him right back. Cool water falling over us. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore. 

‘’I think I love you a little’’ He whispers.   
‘’Me too. I love you a little too’’ I say back. Because I do. I love him a lot. I am stupidly loving him right back. 

I am not going to let myself remember that he is leaving me in a few weeks. That this is just temporary. That he is not staying, He is not going to be mine forever. But for now, just for now, he is all mine. I just squeeze him tighter. As tight as I can. 

EVEN

I never woken up with someone lying on top of me before, which kind of makes me giggle. But I can’t breathe very well with him there and he is fucking heavy. 

Still it’s lovely. He is on top of me with his arms around my neck so I can’t move. He told me last night, just before he fell asleep, he said he was going to hold onto me so I can’t leave him in the morning. He is so cute. I think I love him. I think I love him a lot.

I still wiggle my hips so I can push him off me, just so he slides to the side and I can kind of scoop him back up so he can rest on my shoulder. Phew. I can breathe now. And Isak is blowing little bubbles of spit and snuggling into me whilst I kiss his hair. Let my fingers stroke the little scar on his forehead. He has picked all the steristrip off now. It looks OK. Not infected. Healing well. I kiss it. Just softly. Stroke his arm. Hug him. 

I think that I might just be the luckiest little fucker in the world. 

I can’t believe we did that last night. That we got each other off in the shower. It was hot. Damn hot. Shower sex. I have never done that before. I have never done anything with a man before. And Isak is all man. His cock is big. Huge. I have never thought mine was small or anything, I mean us Bech Naesheim boys have good tackle. We all do. It’s all good in that department, but Isak is long. And thick. And gorgeous. Mouth-watering. I blush and hug him again. I can’t believe I just thought that. But I do. I want to suck his dick. At some point. When we get there. 

I lift the duvet up, just so I can look down. Yup. There they are. Mine is twitching. His is. Well. It’s there. Lying against my leg. Ugh. What am I doing?

‘’What are you doing? It’s cold.’’ Isak is pulling the duvet back up against his chest. Snuggling into me. Kissing my skin.

‘’Just staring at your dick. It’s a nice dick. I like it.’’ Isak is smiling against my chest, his eyes still closed. 

‘’I like your dick too’’ He whispers. ‘’I like you too.’’ Then he reaches up and pouts his lips at me. Begging for kisses. Which just melts my heart and I kiss him. A lot. Wondering how the hell I am so calm and happy with a naked boy in my arms. What the fuck has happened to me? I am lucky. Fuck me I am a lucky sod. 

Oops, there it is. I have a boner. Again. Because Isak and his kissing is back. He should trademark it. ISAK KISSES™ . I’m sure it could be a thing. Well it’s my thing. All mine. I never want him to kiss anyone else like he kisses me, not ever again. ISAK KISSES™ are all mine. Period.

‘’Was that OK, what we did last night?’’ I feel like I should check. Not that I have any regrets, it’s just that I want more. I want so much more, and I kind of know myself though, I want to do it all, right now and I know that might not be the best way to woo him. I probably shouldn’t jump him and suck his cock first thing in the morning. Even though I am stroking his back and kind of dry-humping his hip under the covers. 

‘’I loved it. It was the hottest thing I have ever done. Well it is the only thing I have ever done. It’s not like I have had a boyfriend before.’’ Now he is embarrassed. I don’t know why, but he is burrowing into my neck and hugging me to death. 

‘’Isak, I have never even kissed a boy before yesterday. So, you are way more experienced than I am.’’

‘’You had a girlfriend. You have had sex before.’’ He is still talking to the back of my neck, his voice muffled by pillows and hair and skin. 

‘’Babe, she was a girl. Different equipment. Totally different. Don’t get me wrong, sex with Sonja was great. She was amazing in bed. But you can’t compare it. I’ve never had sex in the shower before either, so this is all new to me too. I don’t know what I am doing Isak. I have no idea what I am doing with you, I am kind of hoping you can teach me. Show me how to make you feel good. Show me how this boyfriend thing works.’’

He is still breathing into my neck. I rub his back. Kiss his hair. Marvel at how lovely this is. Waking up on a Sunday morning with no alarms, nothing to do, no worries. No regrets. None. 

His fingers are touching my nipple. Just stroking it. That’s nice. Very nice. My cock thinks so too and I kind of squeak. Rub against him a little. Just a little. 

Then he is leaning up on his elbow and looking at me. Touching my lips with his finger.   
‘’This Boyfriend thing, does that mean that we are boyfriends then? That you are my boyfriend?’’

I just smile at him. Drag him in and kiss him. One of my hard sloppy uncoordinated EVEN KISSES™ kind of kisses. 

‘’I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I would love you to be my boyfriend. If you want to be.’’

‘’Ha-ha, that sounded like you were proposing to me or something’’ He is nudging his nose against mine. Laughing softly in my face’’

‘’Well I was kind of. Isak Valtersen, prettiest boy in the world, would you be my boyfriend? I mean I am not much of a catch but I promise to look after you and love you and feed you, as per your Mums contract, and kiss you all the time. Oh, on one condition.’’  
‘’What, Mr Bech Naesheim. What is this condition you talk of?’’ He has gone all posh and British on me again. So, I kiss him. Lots of little kisses. I just can’t help myself.  
‘’Well, on the condition that you always sleep in my bed. That I don’t have to sleep on my own. I like sleeping next to you, and cuddling you and holding you. It’s kind of addictive.’’  
‘’Deal, Mr Bech Naesheim, most handsome boy in the world. Even if your hair is slightly ridiculous. I think you have just bagged yourself a boyfriend.’’ 

I do my pretend shock face which makes him laugh, and he has got the cutest pink blush all over his face. Smiling. Stroking my cheek. 

‘’Even, I am a bit fucked up. My whole life is fucked up. I’m sorry about all that. I’ll probably do something stupid at some point and mess this up.’’  
‘’Shut up Isak. You are amazing. Amazing, and I love you. ‘’ I roll on top of him, just so I can have him right where I need him. His eyes on mine. My eyes on him. My lips on his. His hands on my face. He is so incredibly sexy. Gorgeous. Jawlines and angles and curls. Prettiest boy in the world™. 

I give in. I give in to the crazy again, because he makes me. I kiss his neck and he whimpers. So, I just continue. Kiss a little wet trail of licks and kisses and bites and nuzzles down his stomach. Trail the lines on his stomach with my fingers. Taste his skin. Grinding my dick against the sheets. 

He is hard against my chest. Hard and wet. Little beads of moisture at the top. 

I have no shame. I kiss. Kiss his cock. Right at the top. With tongues. I am learning, learning from the master of kissing. Slowly taking him in, my lips all around him, letting his cock sink into my mouth. Not that I can take him all in, I can barely think. I just lick. Suck. My tongue twirling around the head. Then letting go with a little pop.

The smell of him is intoxicating. He is nothing like a girl. Nothing. Strong and heady, soft hair against my fingers, stroking his balls and kissing down the length of him. 

I am thinking I am not too bad at this boyfriend thing. I know how I like to be touched. I know what I like from a blowjob. Well I think. So, I do that. Suck down hard, with my hand pumping his shaft, making Isak roar and arch of the bed. I’m doing OK I think. I think I’ve got this. I lick. Suck. Touch him. All whilst he is making crazy noises up by the pillows. Struggling to keep his hips still. Arching and twitching and his legs bouncing around digging his heels into the mattress. 

‘’Even I’m going to blow… ‘’ he pants. Trying to kind of fuck my mouth I think. Jerking in and out whilst I try to hold him still. My jaw aching from the strain of blowing him. I am blowing him. Giving him head. Sucking his cock. One hand in a fist around his length, pumping him hard and fast, the other one firmly jerking myself off. Oh gosh, what am I doing. It’s hot. Sexy. Ridiculously so. I am going to come before him. I can’t hold it either. I can’t. 

I let his cock slide out of my mouth, and my head falls against his groin. Still pumping, uncoordinated and messy, panting into his leg. Drooling a little. This is not pretty. This is not what I expected. Not at all. Instead I shout. Just roar. Scream into his stomach as I shoot my load. I can’t even see. It’s all gone black. I’m out. Out. Gone. 

There is come on my face. I can feel as it hits. He is shooting. Jerking. Coming. Whimpering above me. Oops. There is more. On my shoulder. On my chest. I just lie on his stomach. Bouncing slightly with every breath his body takes. Deep and strained. His hand back in my hair, stroking slowly. 

I am trying to breathe. Laughing a little. I don’t know what for, I am just happy. Loved. I’m sure I heard him shout that he loves me. Well he is laughing too. Stomach bouncing. My head bopping up and down against him.

‘’So, what do you fancy for breakfast Isak?’’   
‘’Fuck off Even, I can’t even think right now. That was just. Wow.’’  
‘’Yeah. I know.’’ I don’t think I have any braincells left. I can’t think of a single funny thing to say.   
‘’Do you want to go out and do something today, just you and me? Hang out?’’  
‘’Have you been to Hyde Park yet? Shall we go down there and just sit in the sun? Have a pick nick? Mum used to take me when I was little. Feed the ducks and stuff down by the water.’’  
‘’Perfect. That sounds perfect.’’ I kiss his leg. What the fuck. I kiss it again. I think I love his legs. And his stomach. His balls. That cock. I kiss it as well which makes him giggle. 

I am going to be the best boyfriend ever. Isak won’t know what hit him. Because I think I love him. A lot.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love. I mean it. Thank you. More smut to come.  
> Next update tomorrow, so sit tight.

EVEN

Sarah: Anna did you find out what that guy’s name was, the one with the gorgeous hair?

Isak just looks at me, mouthing ‘’Don’t’’.

Katie: Are we going out next weekend? I want to go somewhere cool. Did you know of anywhere Elias? You must have all these cool friends that know of cool clubs to go to. I mean you are 18 so you must have been to a lot of awesome places.

Carlo: I want to go somewhere in Soho. Where there is some action.

Sarah: My friend told me about this really cool gay bar that has podium dancers. Really hot dudes that dance almost naked in front of you.

Now Isak is laughing. Stroking my head that is resting on his lap. I am lying in his lap, spread out on a blanket in Hyde park eating crisps and wiggling my toes in the grass. Like all the other cool Londoners around us. All being hip and cool and drinking stuff and lounging around on the grass. Like you do. Barefoot. Wearing sunglasses and getting totally fried in the sun. I need to buy some sun cream. Isak is wearing a snapback so he is OK. Well his arms are turning a little pink. Tapping away at his phone whilst his mouth is curling into a little smile. 

Anton: Are we going to a gay Bar? Can I come? God, I want hot podium dancers, I have been to a gay bar in Acton, it was a brilliant night out.

‘’Have you been to a gay bar in Acton?’’  
‘’No, but Anton has.’’ Isak is giggling softly. A little smirk on his face.

I sit up. Lean over and kiss him. I love kissing him. I love everything about kissing him. Like the way he holds onto my face with both hands and strokes my bottom lip with his fingers. I love his nose, I love rubbing the tips of our noses together. Our foreheads touching and our hands entwined. I am a sap. An emotional twat. I just love it. 

I log out. Log back in as Carlo. Go to Elias Face Book page and start a new post on his wall. Tag a load of people. Including Ben and Hassan and Nicole and one of the hangers on, that I have found out is called Thomas. 

Carlo: Anyone up for a hot night out hitting the Village in Soho on Friday? It’s a gay bar, so are you ready for some hot dude action?  
Elias: Hell no, why would you go to some shit place like that? A fucking Queer Fag place?

Isak has gone all stiff. I am screenshotting so fast that I almost drop my phone.

Katie: Why do you say that Elias? Have you got a problem with Gay people?  
Sarah: That is a really disrespectful thing to say Elias.  
Anton: Who is this Elias dude anyway? Why are we talking to him?  
Elias: I’m not into that shit, No fucking gay bar.

I almost laugh, is that the best he can do?

Anton: Elias, I am gay, and so is Philip so you better watch your mouth dude. And I think an apology is due.  
Carlo: Remind me who this Elias is again?  
Anna: Some dude we befriended so I could meet my hot Scandi dude again, the one I met at Preeti’s party, you know the one, that tall dude with the gorgeous dimples. Swoon.  
Isak hit’s me on the head with his phone. I am back on his lap. I love his lap. 

‘’Don’t drag me into this. He will make my life hell’’  
‘’I just want to make him realize that other people think you are the coolest thing ever. That he is the only one that thinks that you are someone he can mess with’’  
‘’Nobody thinks that I am the coolest thing ever.’’  
‘’I do Isak. And Anna has a crush on you. And you and your cool friends obviously went to this party.’’  
‘’Me and my imaginary friends Even. This is not real remember? Tomorrow will be real, and Elias will be pissed off and try flush my head down the toilet again. ‘’  
‘’He has done that?’’  
‘’Yeah. Quite a few times. I don’t go anywhere near the toilets now. I told you that. ‘’  
‘’Nothing will happen. I will take you to school, and pick you up. And you will be fine.’’ I don’t sound so sure. I just sit up again and pull him into my arms, rocking him against my chest and kissing his head. 

‘’I don’t want anything to happen to you. Ever. Can I come into school with you? Be your body guard? Hang around and keep an eye on you?’’ I kiss his cheeks. His eyelids. His nose. The little scar on his head. All whilst he clings to me and lets me cuddle him and squeeze him and go all overprotective mummy bear on him. Because I can. And I am supposed to look after him.

‘’I’m not sure that would be allowed. You would probably get arrested for trespassing on school property or something. Although it would be cool to have you there. You could sit there in a suit and dark glasses like some undercover agent or something.’’  
‘’I suppose so. I won’t mention the Scandi hottie again on the Face book thing. Promise. ‘’

Katie: Elias why wouldn’t you go to a gay bar? I mean it’s just a bar, with people having a good time.  
Ben: I’d go. There might be some hot girl on girl action going on.  
Sarah: Ben you are a dick.  
Ben: WTF  
Elias: No Faggot places. Disgusting shit.  
Anton: Who are these losers?  
Philip: Elias, you need to apologize. What is wrong with you?  
Anna: Let’s sort details tomorrow at school. I have a friend who can get us on the guest list, his Auntie works there sometimes.  
Anton: Cool.  
Carlo: I’m out. I don’t talk to idiots. Elias. Still waiting for some decency. I mean mate, grow up.  
Philip: He is no mate with language like that.  
Anton: Elias. Dude it’s 2017, get with the times. Fucking hell. 

‘’Isak, what do you want for dinner?’’ 

He just laughs at me. I kind of laugh too. This whole thing is kind of absurd. Random. Us pretending to be imaginary people and being boyfriends and lying in the sun and being happy and it’s making me a little lightheaded. And my feet are pink. Burning in the sun. 

‘’ Fish and Chips down the pub? Have you been to the pub yet? The Hog? On the corner?’’  
‘’Perfect. Is that a date?’’  
Isak blushes. Strokes my cheek. Looking a little young and confused again.  
‘’I’ve never been on a date. Like a proper date.’’  
‘’Well this is a date, isn’t it? I mean we bought sandwiches and crisps and sat in the sun on a blanket. Proper romantic stuff.’’ I lean in and pout for another kiss. Which he gives me. A proper kiss. With a little tongue action. 

‘’I suppose so.’’ He is cute. He is so cute. 

‘’Isak? Would you go on a date with me? To the Hog or whatever it was called?’’  
He just smiles. A little pink blush across his cheeks. Almost matching the pink sunburn on my legs. Bloody Scandinavian genes.  
‘’Okay’’ He whispers. 

I just jump him. I can’t help myself. Roll him around on the grass and kiss him and tickle him because he is so fucking cute and adorable and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what else to do. So, I just kiss him. Again, and again. Until I am a little bit out of breath and my arms are tingling from the weight of him lying underneath me and squashing my arms into the grass. I am hot. Sweaty. In love. I am in love with this whole thing. Mostly I am in love with the boy in my arms. Who is looking at me like he loves me back, and I just cant deal with that. With all the emotion. With everything he is making me feel. 

‘’Isak, what am I going to do with you. ‘’ I am mumbling into his neck. Smelling him. Sniffing him. Kissing. Burying my nose in his skin.  
‘’I don’t know’’ He whispers. ‘’Just don’t leave me.’’  
‘’I won’t’’ I lie. I don’t know why. I know I will have to go home. I have Uni at home. I have the bloody community service. I can’t stay. I will have to leave him. I will have to leave him behind. 

My phone pings. And again. And again.  
JON: Hope you are OK Even.  
JON: Has anyone heard from Matthias? Mum said he is back in hospital.  
MATTHIAS: If you see me please don’t punch me in the face or something. I know I have been an arse the last couple of weeks but I had a metal plate put in my nose yesterday and I don’t think I would survive another broken nose. Please  
JON: Rise Terminator Matthias. You OK?  
MATTHIAS: Dying. Fucking hurts.  
JON: Wimp  
EVEN: Matthias *HUG*  
MATTHIAS: Thanks. Need one. Wish you were here. Food in hospital is rank. Miss your cooking E.  
FREDRIK: Hi  
MATTHIAS: Hi F.  
EVEN: Hi F. OK?  
FREDRIK: Yeah. I am stuck in the middle of nowhere painting the parent’s cabin. I never want to see another tin of paint ever. I’ve been stuck in this place for a week now, still have another wall to do. I think the fumes are making me hallucinate.  
MATTHIAS: Don’t. Don’t even go there.  
FREDRIK: Sorry  
JON: Where are you Even? Haven’t seen you around.  
EVEN: London. Got a job here so went. It’s good.  
MATTHIAS: Jealous.  
FREDRIK: Cool. Good for you E.  
EVEN: Love that we are talking. I missed this. A lot.  
MATTHIAS: Me too.  
JON: I’m sorry about everything.

I feel like crying. I don’t though. I have Isak. Holding me and stroking my hair reading along on the screen with me. 

FREDRIK: (Heart Emoji)  
EVEN: (Hug Emoji)  
YOUSEF: Fucking wankers the lot you are. I didn’t miss you at all. I still hate you all. A lot.  
YOUSEF: Not really. I love you guys. Are you allowed visitors M? I won’t punch you in the face even though I bet you are still ugly as fuck.  
MATTHIAS: Yes, from 6 to 8. I’m on ward 8. I look like a freak. Trainwreck.  
YOUSEF: Mum made biryani yesterday. Shall I bring some?  
MATTHIAS: I LOVE YOU!!! YES PLEASE!! Marry me Yousef!!  
YOUSEF: No thanks, ask Even. He might.  
EVEN: Not marrying either of you. I have bagged myself a seriously hot boyfriend.  
FREDRIK: Fuck Even, really? You have done it? Gone over to the dark side?

Isak is giggling softly in my ear. 

EVEN: No, I still swing both ways, but Isak is amazing. You would love him.  
FREDRIK: AHHHHWWWWW  
JON: (Heart eye emoji)  
MATTHIAS: Sonja who? Rise ISAK! Photo please!  
FREDRIK: Yup. We need a selfie.  
EVEN: Only if we get a mugshot of your face Matthias.

Oh god, I shouldn’t have asked. Matthias looks like he has been run over by a truck. Two black eyes. Bandages everywhere. 

FREDRIK: OUCH! 

I roll off Isak. Lie down on the grass next to him and hold the camera over our heads. Just the two of us on the grass in the sun with pink cheeks and cheesy grins. I snap. Send.

MATTHIAS: Fucking hell look at the two of you!  
JON: (Heart eye emoji)  
FREDRIK: That’s it. Even is not coming back again, is he? Not when he has got that little hottie in London. He is cute E. Very cute.  
EVEN: I know. (Heart emoji)  
YOUSEF: Just showed Mum your photo Matthias. She is now making you Chapattis, and packing enough food for a week.  
JON: Youss, can I come with you? Would that be OK M?  
YOUSEF: Shall I pick you up on the way J?  
JON: (thumbs up emoji)  
MATTHIAS: (heart emoji)  
FREDRIK: I hate paint. Please come and rescue me!  
EVEN: LOVE YOU ALL.  
YOUSEF: Oh fuck, now Mum is making Bhaaji’s too. Sorry M. We might be a little late. 

ISAK

I think I am hung over. My first proper hangover. I mean it would have been OK if it was a Sunday. Or a Saturday. But it is Monday morning and I feel like throwing up, for all the wrong reasons. Or maybe for all the right reasons for once.

Even ordered a bottle of wine with our dinner last night, and the staff didn’t even question it. Not that they would, I mean Mum and I go to the Hog for dinner all the time, and she usually orders me a beer. Just the one. But Even just ordered a whole bottle of white wine, like we were proper adults or something, to go with our fish and chips. Then we had another one. And then we had shots. Oh, God my head hurts  
.  
‘’You need food, baby.’’ That’s Even. Even is evil. Even did this to me. He made me. I hate Even.  
‘’I love you Isak, just get up and I will sort your head out. And your tummy. I know you feel like shit but you need to go to school. ‘’  
‘’You are not my Dad Even. Fuck off and leave me alone’’

He carries me. He is dragging me out of bed. Dropping me into the bathroom where the shower is running. Then he takes my underpants off, and I don’t even care. I just hang limp over his shoulder with my arms around him whilst he makes me get into the shower, then he hands me some pills and a glass of water, telling me to take the pills. Drink the water. In the shower. Which makes us both laugh because it just doesn’t work. At all. 

To top it all off I think I had homework to do for today which I totally forgot about, because I have spent most of the weekend with my boyfriend. Even is my boyfriend. I love Even. Well I hate him a little. I love him more I think. I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. I don’t think anything happened last night, I mean if it did I totally missed it. I know we made it home and I woke up this morning all tangled up in him not wearing any clothes apart from underpants so, well. Whatever. I love him. I love Even. Even. Even Even Even. 

I don’t know how I do it but I manage to get dressed. I manage not to be sick. And I manage to eat a bacon sandwich with lots of ketchup that Even has cut up into little squares and feeds me whilst I groan and drink coffee. I never drink coffee but he says it will wake me up and make me feel better. I think he is right. I feel a little better. Just a little.

Then I do half of my homework in the car on the way to school. I mean it’s a pathetic attempt at doing my homework but at least I try. The best thing is that Even kisses me in the car, and tells me that he will miss me. That he loves me. Then he hands me a bag with my lunch and kisses me again.  
I really don’t want to get out of the car. I don’t. I just want to stay here and cuddle and be kissed and be happy. Stare at him. Stroke his hair. Let him stroke mine. I am still drunk. I have no idea what I am doing or how I am going to get through the day. 

‘’You are going to be late Isak. I love you. Now go. I will see you at 3.15. Be good. Text me later OK?’’  
‘’Okay’’ I mumble. Well I can’t talk, because we are kissing again. I love kissing. I love kissing him.

EVEN

I was going to do lots of cultural shit today. Further myself. Explore London. Instead I am doing the world’s fastest supermarket shop, just throwing things in the trolley whilst trying to add everything up in my head. I have 50 quid in my pocket and the bill comes to 48.26. I high five the cashier. I almost lean over and kiss her cheek. I don’t though. I am a responsible human being with a budget. Which I stuck to, so I reward myself and throw an extra chocolate bar on the belt. Because I can. And it’s some kind of limited edition with bubbles. Bubbly milk chocolate. Swoony sigh. Then I drive the car like I stole it all the way home and get parking right outside the house. Hooray.

I have a bread dough rising on the side and I am making a batch of cinnamon rolls. Then I have to sort out the mince so I can make meatballs, and we are having salmon tagliatelle on Tuesday, leftover meatballs Wednesday, Mahdi’s dinner on Thursday and Grilled Tuna on Friday. Unless Birgit is back and all the food goes missing. I have also bought ridiculous amounts of pasta for Isak’s lunches, fruit, veg and cheese. Spreadable butter. More flour. Eggs. Ice cream. Cocoa powder and cream and syrup so I can make chocolate sauce for the ice cream. I might make an apple cake as well, if I have time. And if Birgit doesn’t eat all the eggs. I should have bought more eggs and hidden them away. 

I almost miss the bin men as well and end up running down the road with a bag full of rubbish like some deranged person. I think I am a deranged person. And the bin man looks at me like I am an axe murderer or something. Sorry.

I still end up with the world’s best loaf of bread. And perfect cinnamon rolls. I am going to bring some for Isak when I pick him up. Show off a little. He deserves them. He still feels like shit, he told me when we texted whilst he had his lunch. He said he loved his drawing. Told me he loved me. And that his lunch was yummy. It was just pasta with a dollop of pesto but at least its food. And I should perhaps had made some for me too, instead I have had cinnamon rolls and 4 cups of coffee. And a banana. At least I feel OK. Not too hungover. And I have texted with Yousef and Matthias, which feels good. I feel good. Much better. Happy. 

JONAS: Even, hi It’s Jonas. Do you think we can talk?

ISAK

I have one more lesson. My head hurts. I wish I had asked Even to give me some more paracetamol. I wish I had thought and bought some paracetamol. I am never drinking white wine again. 

At least I muddled through the Chemistry pop quiz. Got a few questions right. Kept my head down in English and pretended to enthusiastically take notes in Math. I hate Maths. I do. With a passion.

I walk down the corridor. Out through the doors. I just need to cross the yard and get into the other building. Then left and then into Biology. One more class until Even is back. Until I get more kisses. I love kisses. I love Even. I love Even. Even. Even. Even. 

I am walking along smiling. Completely lost in my head. I am not even paying attention. 

My shoulder creaks as I get slammed into the wall. What am I thinking. I need to pay attention. What the hell am I doing not paying attention. Then my head gets shoved into the door, just a firm hand on my head and BANG. That hurt. 

‘’FUCKING HELL STOP!!!’’ That’s me. I have lost the plot. Now I am shouting at him too. I shouldn’t. It doesn’t help. I curl my arms around my head, I need to protect my head. Turn my back to him. Just wait for the next blow. Instead someone grabs my arm and pulls me away.

‘’ELIAS, you fucking wanker! What the hell has Isak ever done to you?’’  
‘’Oh, is he your boyfriend now? Are you a fucking faggot too Vasquez?’’  
‘’Elias I am not even going to talk to you, you worthless piece of shit.’’ That is Jonas. With his arm around me. Walking away with me. Holding on to me.  
‘’You OK Isak? Sorry I didn’t get to you in time, I was trying to keep up but he was fast.’’  
I just nod. ‘’Thanks.’’ I don’t know what just happened. I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t being sharp. That could have been bad. What the hell was I thinking losing control like that? 

‘’I try to keep an eye on you. I try. I managed to get him off you once. I’m sorry I couldn’t the other times. Sometimes I am not fast enough. Sometimes I lose him in the crowd. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you that time he broke your collarbone. I heard about that. I was late, and you just disappeared.’’ Jonas is rambling. Holding onto me and walking me towards Biology. Looking over his shoulder and pushing me through the door in front of him. 

‘’Jonas, it’s not your job to protect me. It’s not your fault that Elias is a twat’’  
‘’No but you are my best friend. I have known you since we were 5 Isak, and I have been a crap friend. I know I keep apologizing, but I have been. I should have looked out for you and stopped all this shit.’’  
‘’I should have looked out for you too. I was selfish and stupid Jonas. I should have been a better friend too.’’  
‘’We both should have been. But we can start now can’t we? Be friends again? ‘’  
‘’Yeah. I promise not to kiss you again.’’  
‘’Isak, if it makes you happy you can kiss me anytime. Although my girlfriend might have something to say about that. She’s nice. You would like her. Eva is really funny. ‘’  
‘’Jonas, you are still hot, but I don’t think I will. Kiss you again. It didn’t go down well last time, remember?’’  
‘’It was hot Isak. Damn hot. I might have liked it a bit. Remember?’’ I laugh. He winks at me. Somehow this is nice. I nudge his shoulder. Nudge it again. Look down. Giggle.  
‘’ I’m over you Jonas. Sorry. You were hot when you were younger. Now though, well, Mate, you haven’t aged well. ‘’ He just laughs in my face. Shakes his head. Grabs the seat next to me in Biology and offers me a piece of gum. Just like that. 

I have already forgotten the ache in my shoulder. The fact that my head is throbbing. I wasn’t hurt. I got away. I think I shouted at Elias. I think it felt good to shout at Elias. I should try that again sometime.

EVEN

Even: Hi Jonas. Of course. What do you want to talk about?

I am parked outside school. Right on time. Freshly baked cinnamon rolls on the seat next to me.  
I got nothing done apart from baking. Cooking. I would make a brilliant housewife. Haha. I should apply to be someone’s butler. I could iron the morning paper and all that shit.

I miss Isak. I miss him. I am going to drive him home and take him upstairs and make him take that awful uniform off and then I am going to do some crazy sexy stuff with him. Like kiss him. Kiss him all over. I might ask if I can blow him again. Well the thought of it makes my cock twitch so yup. That’s the plan. Then I will feed him meatballs and mash and kiss him and cuddle him to sleep. Maybe eat some more cinnamon rolls. 

I pull up Facebook. Check up on Elias wall. He has deleted the Gay club post. I almost laugh out loud. So, he has finally figured out how to delete stuff. Good for him. Shame I screen shot everything. Idiot. 

BIRGIT: Hi Even, thanks again for looking after Isak so well. He said he had a brilliant day out with you yesterday, and I will leave some more cash to pay for the meal last night, thanks for taking him. It’s a good pub, you should try the Harcourt Arms one day, they do Scandi food on a Tuesday, and have good beer. Anyway, It’s Isak’s 18th birthday at the weekend, I was just wondering if you have made any plans? 

I don’t know what to say back. How to reply to that. I think Birgit might just be the world’s most crap Mum.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Where did that come from? Here we go, here is Chapter 13.

13  
JONAS: Please don’t tell Isak that I texted you. I’m going to walk him out to the car. He is OK, but I still need talk to you. Text me when you have time.

Isak is OK. He looks Ok. He doesn’t look OK. 

Jonas is walking next to him looking all nervous, and Isak keeps glancing over his shoulder. Something is not right. I bet something went down. I am such an idiot. I should never have started any of this shit with Elias. It was childish and stupid and I am putting Isak right in the line of fire. I feel like crying, I feel sick to my stomach. Instead I am running towards them and throwing my arms around Isak like some lovesick idiot and hugging him to death whilst trying to drag him into the car. 

‘’You OK Isak? What is going on? Jonas?’’

‘’Bit of an incident. He is OK. Just get him home.’’ Jonas is pointing at his forehead. Mouthing ‘’Check his head’’ behind Isak’s back. My heart is beating out of my chest. I am so fucking angry that I want to punch the shit out of anything. I want to kill something. Instead I push Isak into the car and slam the door. 

‘’How do we fix this Jonas? How do we take this bastard out? I mean he shouldn’t be allowed to walk around like this.’’ I am spitting when I talk. Turning around to check on Isak who is sinking into the seat and putting his belt on. Looking nervous. Small and deflated. 

‘’I don’t know.’’ Jonas eyes keep flicking. Looking around. I get it. I do. I don’t want to stay here any longer than Jonas. This is not a good place to be.  
‘’Get in the car Jonas, I’m taking you home too.’’

ISAK

We are all silent. Well Even is driving, and Jonas and I are eating cinnamon buns. I had forgotten cinnamon buns. Why the fuck don’t English people have cinnamon buns. They are like the king of buns. Sweet and soft and spicy and tingling on my tongue. Comforting me and strangely making me feel about 5 years old, like when we used to visit Granny in Norway and I would sit on her lap and she would bake and feed me sweets. 

Even has gone all worried-mum on me again, stroking my hair and staring at me. I wish we were alone so I could kiss him. I kind of need kisses. And Jonas is in the back looking out the window. 

‘’Jonas, tell me when to turn, I haven’t got a clue where I am.’’  
‘’Next left, stay in this lane.’’ I feel like some kind of human sat-nav. It’s kind of automatic with all the crap drivers I have had.  
‘’Yeah, you can drop me at the next corner, by the bus stop. I am just at the back there, it saves you having to turn around down the cul-de-sac, it’s all one way down there and a pain to drive through with all the sleeping policemen. ‘’  
‘’I have no idea what most of that means Jonas. What the fuck has a sleeping policeman got to do with anything?’’ 

We all laugh but it’s strained. I don’t know how to do this. How to be all friendly. It was easy earlier, now I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I made all those weird comments to Jonas earlier, about kissing him and all that. It was stupid. I am always stupid. 

Jonas squeezes my shoulder as he gets out of the car. Saying Thank you to Even, and See you tomorrow to me. Being all casual. Waving as he rounds the corner and heads down the street. 

‘’Are you all right Isak? Are you hurt?’’ He has his hands around my face, kissing my lips. Then he is stroking my hair and checking my head out, no doubt looking for blood and gore.  
‘’I think I am fine. It was nothing. Jonas came and kind of rescued me like some freaking knight in shining armour. I don’t know what went down really. I just got shoved into the wall.’’  
‘’It’s not nothing. We need to fix this. We need to talk to someone at school…’’  
‘’Even please stop. Please don’t. Can we just go home and snuggle? I just want to lie in bed with you and kiss for a while and forget all this. Can we do that?’’  
‘’You want me to kiss it all better?’’ He smiles. Just a little. Squeezes my hand and starts the car.  
‘’Yes, kind of. I just want to be with you. You make everything else go away. You make me feel OK.’’  
‘’I love you, that’s why.’’  
‘’I love you too.’’ I don’t know what to say after that. I just smile. Fiddle with my hands. Reach out and stroke Even’s shoulder.

I love his shoulders. I love his chest. I love everything about him. His nose. He has the most kissable lips. Soft and pillowy and velvety against my skin. I want to kiss him. But he is driving and I don’t want him to crash. So, I settle for staring at him instead, with my mouth open and I am probably drooling a little, and he laughs at me and stokes my cheek. Driving with one hand, and laughing and cuddling me and making me feel OK. I have already forgotten school. I’m with Even now and somehow, I am becoming a little bit more like me. A little bit more OK. Finding some bravery and a little craziness and I am suddenly feeling all needy and horny and a little bit wild. 

He parks the car, then he walks in front of me swinging the car keys around his fingers. Turning around to point the remote at the Mini so the car locks. Squeaking and blinking its’ goodbye to us. I am just dragging my bag along the pavement and looking at my shoes. Waiting for him to open the door. 

I kick my shoes off. He bends down and unlaces his converse. Toes them off, whilst he steadies himself against the wall in the hallway. 

I let my bag slip down on the ground. Make my jacket fall off my shoulders, whilst my hand is tugging the tie off. Unbuttoning the buttons on my shirt behind his back. 

I am a little bit mesmerized by his back. The way his shoulder blades move under that t-shirt he is wearing. The little bit of skin on his neck just where his hair curls at the tips. 

I just slam him into the wall. Chest first. Me pressed up against him and my lips latching onto his neck. I can’t help it. I know how this feels now, how good it feels to lust after someone and then just go for it.

He moans underneath me. I just press into him harder. His arms try to reach for me behind his back, but I grab them and make him press them against the wall like some prisoner ready for a pat down. Whisper to him to keep still. To let me do my thing. 

Then I shove my hands under his t-shirt, roam his skin. Hot and a little bit damp. Whilst his breath is hitching and my hips are jerking and I am hard. I am so hard. Straining against those damn horrid school trousers.

I rip them down. Shove my underpants down as well. Tug at Evens shorts. Rip and pull whilst his hands are feverishly unbuttoning the front. God, he is gorgeous. I shove his underpants down. Hands roaming his back. Cupping his globes. Pressing kisses into his skin as he pulls his t-shirt over his head and groans. Face against the wall, Eyes closed. My hands everywhere. My lips kissing his skin. His spine. Moving down. Kissing. Licking. 

I rip my shirt off. Fuck the buttons. I just need my clothes off. I need skin. Skin on skin and legs and then I am burrowing my face into his bum, caressing his skin with my cheeks and making crazy noises whilst Even’s hips are pushing against me and I am pretty sure he is touching himself and jerking against the wall. He is grinding against the wall. Moaning. Not quite breathing right. His arm twitching and pulling in front of him. 

He is getting himself off. Whilst I am kissing his arse. Kissing and licking and smelling him and getting so hard that I think that I might pass out when I finally come. I don’t even dare to touch myself. If I do I will just shoot, I will come all over myself and then this will be over. Oh fuck. Oh, God his smell. The scent of him. 

I just go for it. I don’t even care now. My fingers are parting his cheeks and he is right there, angling his hips and begging. His bum in my face. His hand pumping. Squealing a little when my tongue touches the warmth of him. Licking downwards. Making his legs shake. His body twitch. His mouth shout. 

I always wanted to do this. I always wanted to taste. To know how another man tastes. He tastes perfect. Sexy. Strong. Soft. Even. His hole twitches when I lap over it. So, I do it again. And again. Just softly as he groans above me and moves his legs further apart, bending over a little further. Whimpering as my tongue flicks over him again. Pressing a little harder. Kissing. Licking. I am moaning now as well. I just can’t help it. I am all over him, my face burrowing into him. Tongue pressing against his entrance and lapping and pushing as he shouts and squirms and tugs and then he comes.

I know when he comes. His body goes rigid and he straightens out above me, legs shaking and hand tugging and I touch myself. I grab myself and go for it. Hard and fast with my face against his arse and I come with him. I shoot. He shouts. Screams. Roars above me. Whilst I come all over his shorts. I shoot on his leg. A lonely stripe of white stuck on his ankle. There is still more. I don’t know where it lands. I just sink onto my knees and close my eyes. Leaning against his legs with my trousers twisted around my ankles and my arms clinging to his legs. Hugging them. Wishing he was down here with me so he could hug me. I think I need a hug. I need a cuddle. 

I think I just did something ridiculously sexy to Even. I can’t believe I did that. Where did that come from?

He is laughing. Even is laughing. Turning around and sinking down so he is on his bum with his back against the wall, whilst he is pulling and tugging at me trying to get me onto his lap. Into his arms. 

I just climb onto him. Hugging him. Hiding in his neck. Wondering why I am feeling high. How I am feeling lightheaded and happy and ridiculously loved. 

He strokes my back. Kisses my shoulders. Still laughing.  
‘’I just came all over the wallpaper. How the hell am I going to explain those stains to your mum?’’  
‘’Don’t. We have no idea how they got there. It wasn’t us. Must have been the cleaner.’’  
‘’So, we are pinning the cum stains on the cleaners. We are evil. Evil Isak.’’  
‘’I love you Even. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything.’’ I am rambling. Clinging to him. Trying to catch my breath.  
‘’I can’t believe I just came from you licking my arse. Fucking hell Isak. Where did you learn that? Can I do that to you? So sexy.’’ He shudders a little. Kisses my hair.

I just hug him tighter. 

‘’What’s for dinner then?’’ That’s me. Even just laughs.  
''You. I am going to eat your arse for dinner. I bet it's yum.'' 

Then he kisses me, even though my mouth must taste of him. Of his arse. Strong and heady and musky. He smells of sex. Of sex and spunk and a little bit of me. Then he flips me over and makes me stand up so he can walk me over to the sofa.  
I lean over the armrest whilst he kisses my arse. Licks me and tastes me and makes me come all over the fabric. Shouting and jerking and sweating and forgetting everything. I don’t even know my own name anymore. Just that he is here, that he loves me and that he is mine. 

Even is mine. Mine. 

I fall asleep on the sofa. Naked. I don’t remember anything else. 

EVEN

EVEN: Hi Birgit. I didn’t know it was Isak’s birthday. Would you like me to bake him a birthday cake? 

I hope she gets my passive aggressive sarcasm. I mean Isak is turning 18. That is 18. It’s a big birthday.

BIRGIT: No, I’ll only eat it. Unless he wants one.  
EVEN: Are we planning a party?  
BIRGIT: Isak would rather eat razorblades than have a party, you know that. No don’t worry. Did you have anything planned for the weekend?  
EVEN: No. No plans. I will make some and sort something out for Isak.  
BIRGIT: Can you take a picture of you’re the first page of your passport please. I need to email it to the insurance people. Thanks Even.

I just shake my head. She is fucking crazy. It’s his birthday. She hasn’t even said if she is going to be here so I suppose it is up to me. I will sort something. Take him up to London and go to that Gay club maybe? That would be fun. Drink Champagne. I hope Birgit will remember to pay me because I am getting a little low on funds for a night out. It’s funny how quickly you can burn cash doing nothing but eat and sit in the sun and hang out with Isak. At least I don’t need new clothes. 

I am walking around the kitchen naked. Stark naked. Making meatballs and laughing at Isak snoring on the sofa. He is beautiful. Gorgeous. I want to cover him in a blanket, but I am selfish and crude and a bad boyfriend because I just love looking at him, all curled up, limbs and arms and skin and a little sweat still glistening on his forehead.

There is a bruise on his shoulder too, dark and purple against his pale skin.

EVEN: Hi Jonas, I have a few minutes. What’s up?

He doesn’t reply, so I fry up meatballs instead, rolling them around in the butter until they are golden brown. The potatoes boiling away in the water and some salad waiting on the side. I need to buy Lingonberry jam. I should have bought Lingonberry jam. I mean you shouldn’t really have meatballs without jam, that is the rules. You have to follow the meatball rules, but the tiny Lingonberry jars were crazily expensive in that shop and I just didn’t think. So, we will have jam less meatballs. And gravy. I can fix gravy. I steal a drop of brandy from the alcohol cabinet too, just enough to give the sauce a kick. Yum. 

FREDRIK: I have done another wall. I hate painting. Dad is ripping out the bathroom here next week so I will have to use the. Oops. Sorry Even. He has rented one of those.  
MATTHIAS: Oh no, you almost wrote that word.  
FREDRIK: PORTA-LOO  
JON: You are evil.  
EVEN: I hate you all.  
MATTHIAS: Look behind you Even, it's a portaloo!  
EVEN: I am removing myself. Bye Bye See you never.  
YOUSEF: I love you Even. I will set up a crowdfunding page to buy you our own portaloo. Nice Portaloo.  
EVEN: Has your Dad got a new car yet Youss?  
FREDRIK: Ouch. *Hides* *dodges bullets*  
JON: Stop it. Everyone say sorry.  
YOUSEF: Sorry *sticks tongue out at Even*  
EVEN: I hate you all. Sorry.  
JON: Even....  
EVEN: Sorry.  
YOUSEF: Matthias I will be there at 6. Mum has made you more food. 

 

I don’t even notice him moving off the sofa, but suddenly he is there with his arms around me and his chin leaning against my shoulder, and kissing my neck feeling all warm and snuggly and I think I fall in love with him all over again. I can’t help it.  
I pop a meatball in his mouth. He chews. Swoons a little. Kisses my cheek and asks for another one. Which he gets. Of course. He can have anything he wants. Anything.

‘’I need to sort the mash, can you just keep an eye on the last of the meatballs? Just shake the pan gently and make sure they don’t burn.’’  
‘’I love that we are cooking. Naked.’’ He is smiling. Looking happy. Relaxed. Beautiful.  
’’I love it too. We should do it all the time. Cook naked. I like it when you are naked. ‘’ I think he is blushing again. Shaking the meatball pan.  
‘’You are beautiful Isak. Gorgeous. Sexy as hell. You do know that, don’t you?’’

Yup. He is blushing. But he is smiling. And I am smiling too. Ridiculously so. 

We eat. Then we eat some more. Watch TV. Isak even helps to tidy up and load the dishwasher. Naked. We are both naked and I am loving it. All cocks and chests and hair and kisses and my body is humming and twitching hoping that I can blow him again before bedtime. Or just kiss him. Maybe get him off. Maybe get him to get me off. Oh, the possibilities. 

I turn off the lights downstairs. Put the chain on the door. Hang Isak’s school jacket up on the peg and throw our clothes in the wash.

I’m going to wash them all, I mean there is spunk everywhere. I have no idea where it all landed. And there is a definite strange mark on the wall. Oops. I have covered the ones on the sofa with a blanket. I have no idea how to get come stains out of fabric. Or out of wallpaper. It’s not like I can text Mum and ask her. God this adulting crap is hard. How do people do it?

Isak is in bed. In my bed. Naked. Hair wet and messy in tight curls around his face, and I am grinning like an idiot feeling like it’s Christmas morning or something. I love that he is in my bed. Texting on his phone and smiling at me.

‘’Did you shower without me?’’ I do a pretend sulk.  
‘’I was quick, there is still some hot water left. Go get clean and I might just blow you before bed’’

Isak winks. He winks. Smirks. Then he laughs at me standing there like a fool with a ridiculous smile on my face.

‘’Who are you texting?’’ I am plugging my phone in. Laughing at a selfie of Matthias and Yousef and Jon on Whats App. Matthias face is a mess. I hope the surgeons know what they are doing, I mean that is his face. I can only imagine what he is going through.

‘’Just Mum. She is hilarious. Crazy. They are doing this eyebrow waxing thing in LA, and one of the lads is there having his chest waxed and apparently, he is crying and making them all hold his hand. She is trying to convince him to have his arse waxed and bleached too and he is just crying like a baby and asking them to make it stop.’’  
‘’ I thought she was working?’’  
Isak just laughs. ‘’That is Mum working. She shops. Does crazy beauty treatments. Goes places and hangs out with the other crew. Sleeps. Chills. Then she serves 300 people chicken and beef all night. It’s just a job. ‘’ He shrugs his shoulders and sends off another text. 

I just shake my head. Then I shower, and clean all my bits. Everywhere. Fingers xxed.  
Then Isak blows me until I scream. I shout. I roar. I come all over him. Then he licks come off my stomach and I go all horny and hard again. Dirty dirty boy. I kiss him and grind against him and suck him and we go again.

We probably need another shower. I am sticky and sweaty and covered in come and his kisses. His licks and his tongue and his scent.  
Instead I hold him as tight as I can and tangle my legs in his. My face in his hair. His kisses on my skin.  
I hum. I drift. He tells me he loves me. Then I am gone.

JONAS: I have some stuff I need to show you. Do you think we could meet? Please don’t tell Isak, because he will just freak. Please.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have been extremley productive today! *pats self on back* Now it will be a few days for the next update, but it will so be worth it. Promise.  
> Thank you again for all the love, the epic comments and the tweets and facebook messages. Love it. LOVE IT. I am very lucky to have you all along for this monster of a story. 
> 
> Special mention to Sinceslicedbread for educating me on Couplies. Now I know. And to EVAK4EVER for being my constant Stottekontakt. Takk. (heartemoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you are saying that whilst you are enjoying this story, you find that Even and Isak are pretty unrecognizable from the charachters that we are used to reading about. I understand this, but I have had to change them around a bit for my own sanity, as otherwise I would just be writing the same fic over and over and over.  
> This is an au, and an original story that is still develloping in my head, and as such things are different from a normal Evak story that follows closely to the Even and Isak we see in SKAM. Also, mental illness is something that I struggle to write about as I just feel I dont know enough about it to do it justice. I seem to do well with the smut though. Ahem....  
> I hope that you are still enjoying it and I will try to update at the weekend, children, real life and work permitting.  
> All the love, Always, S xxxx

14

ISAK

MUM: Hi baby boy, just setting off now landing late this evening. Have a good day at school. Stay safe. Hug Jonas for me and give Even a big kiss. Love you. Very excited about the weekend, are you sure that we shouldn’t tell Even?  
ISAK: Nope, I want to surprise him. Can’t wait. Thank you for sorting it all out.  
MUM: Anything for you darling. I can’t believe you are 18. EEEK. So cool. All grown up.  
ISAK: I don’t feel grown up. I don’t know what I am going to do after summer. I just feel lost.  
MUM: It’s OK to be lost darling. You don’t have to do anything. Go get a job. Go travel. You know I will support whatever you decide. If you want to go to uni we will sort that out, but please don’t go and stress about things, just get through these last days and that is school over for now.  
ISAK: I know Mum.  
MUM: You know that you don’t have to go to school. You can stay home and I will sort it all out. I hate that you go in to school when you are so unhappy there. I worry about you. All the time. Worry that that dickhead will hurt you again.  
ISAK: I need to do this Mum. I need to do it for me. So I can at least say that he didn’t win. I still finished school, and I wasn’t a total coward. And Even looks after me and Jonas too. I will be OK. Promise.  
MUM: I love that you love Even. I don’t know how we got so lucky finding him.  
ISAK: I don’t want him to leave. Can we make him stay? Kidnap him and lock him in the loft.  
MUM: Yeah, Good idea. Chain him up in the kitchen. Make him bake bread all day long.  
ISAK: He made cinnamon rolls today, did I tell you?  
MUM: I hate you. Why did you tell me? Now I am starving. Ugh. I love cinnamon rolls. Please tell me you put some in the freezer. I need cinnamon rolls.  
ISAK: I am sure he did. He is very organized.  
MUM: Have the two of you shagged yet?  
ISAK: MUM!!! Shut it!  
MUM: I have to ask. He is your first boyfriend and I am all excited.  
ISAK: Too much Mum. Don’t ask.  
MUM: I got you some Converse, the same as Even’s, and I got him a pair too, because his are rank. I know that is the style and fashion but there is a hole in the bottom of one of his. I can’t have our Even walking around with a hole in his shoe. So now you two can look the same. Same shoes.  
ISAK: Thanks. I’m sure he will like them. Did you get the right size?  
MUM: Yup, I checked before I left. Do you need anything else before I go?  
ISAK: Nope. All good here. Love you Mum. Can’t wait for the weekend.  
MUM: Love you too baby. See you tonight. Be brave.  
ISAK: xxxxxxx  
MUM: xxxxxxx  
ISAK: Thanks for the Converse. And for Evens too.  
MUM: xx

EVEN

JONAS: Can you meet me in Costa behind the school after you have dropped Isak? I can skip the first hour, it’s no biggie. There is parking right opposite.  
EVEN: OK. See you there.  
JONAS: Thank you.

We are running late again. It’s really not helpful to have a hot naked boy in your bed when you should get up in the morning. He is very distracting. Especially when I wake up with a raging hard on and he is grinding against me and then he is kissing me, morning breath and all and I just lose my shit. I blew him again. I have come in my hair. I need a shower. I desperately need a shower.

Instead I am ironing Isak’s school trousers and hoping that he has another shirt tucked away somewhere. I completely forgot to do the laundry yesterday. I mean it was Tuesday and I went walking around Covent garden, and then I walked all of Oxford Street and hung out in Selfridges looking at all the food and wandered around some back streets and found Baker street and, well I just barely made it back on time for Isak. Driving the car like an idiot. I got there on time. I would never be late for Isak.

I have made him another little salad for lunch, with bread and some cheese. I haven’t had time to draw him something so I just write ‘’I LOVE YOU’’ on the lid. I am getting a bit sloppy at this romantic boyfriend lunchbox thing. I need to up my game, but I just don’t have time, not when I get to do all these sexy things with him in the morning. Not when I am supposed to be ironing and he is standing there kissing me and making me a little weak in the knees. Tasting of tea and toast and jam and of him. 

He is under my skin. Well he has certainly captured my heart. He fucking owns my heart. With his kisses and his little smiles and hugs and chest and hips and dimples and bloody curls. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. Well it’s hard not to when he is sleeping on my chest with his arms around my neck and his leg slung over my hip. Grinding against me in his sleep. Making me think dirty thoughts and pressing snooze on my phone over and over again. Then he is all I think about during the day, and the last thought on my mind as I fall asleep. Isak. Isak ISAK Isak. 

I bought him a birthday present too. I mean its sappy and weird but I bought him a little frame and printed out the picture we took in the park the other day. Just the two of us on the grass. A ‘’couplie’’ it’s called apparently, not a selfie. Isak told me. Isak and Me. We are a couple and we took a couplie. Fuck Me. 

I need to sit down today and google Gay porn. I need to read up on gay sex. I haven’t got a clue how to do all the anal things. Not that I have asked Isak, but I think we might want to try it. I mean I liked when he licked me back there. It was dirty. Naughty. Hot. I liked licking him too. Tasting and feeing and touching him. Soft. Ugh. I am definitely googling gay porn. That’s my job for the day. Laundry. Porn. Coffee with Jonas. Pick up Isak. Do dirty things to him after school naked. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. I love my life.

I might have clung a little bit to Isak in the car. I don’t want him to go. I am just nervous about him getting hurt. He looked OK. Laughed at me and kissed me. Walked away from me with his head down. Rucksack slung over his shoulder. Making me feel sad and lonely.

Jonas is waiting for me in Costa. Which is another of these chain coffeeshops with weird cakes. I mean they sell cornflakes dipped in chocolate things that look like a 3-year-old made them. Weird muffins. Some stale buns with raisins in them that you apparently toast and put butter on. I don’t get it. Jonas explains it all and buys me a croissant. At least that looks OK, and like it might have been baked in this century. The English dont seem to get the idea of ''freshly baked''. Anyway coffee. AT least they know how to do coffee. I love coffee. So does Jonas. At last I have found a soulmate, I tell him and hug him and he laughs. Says we should make a habit off it and have coffee dates. Discuss world peace over cappuccinos once a week. He is funny. 

‘’So.’’ He starts. Takes a deep breath and pulls out an envelope from his bag. Places it on the table between us. ‘’I might have done a bit of a creepy thing to Isak. I nicked his phone a while back. Just borrowed it for the night. Told him he had left it at my place. ‘’  
‘’Why did you do that?’’ I take a sip of my coffee. Put the cup down. Stare at Jonas who fiddles with the envelope.  
‘’Isak was getting these texts. Really creepy stuff. He was just ignoring them and deleting them. You can guess who sent them. It wasn’t just Elias, he was getting other people to send them too. But they all said the same thing and it was freaking me out. ‘’

I just sit there. I hope he printed them out. Please say you printed them out.

‘’I copied his simcard, and printed out all the things I could find. It’s all in here. There was some emails and messages and some photos as well. I just didn’t know what to do with it. I was going to give it to the Headmaster at school but then Birgit went in and caused World war three after Elias had thrown a cup of tea over Isak, I mean it wasn’t too bad, but she can be pretty scary when she is mad. And then Elias kicked the crap out of Isak and he broke his collarbone falling down the stairs. I didn’t dare to do anything after that. ‘’

‘’Can I see?’’ I don’t want to see. Really. I bet it’s horrid. I can’t believe Isak has been through all this. 

There is some Face Book stuff on the top. Most of It I have already seen, but the texts are horrid. Telling Isak that he is going to die. That he is going to throw him in front of the train and watch his queer ass get smashed up. It’s bad. Horrible. Really graphic. Photos of blood and gore. Vile. 

I cry a little. Well I wipe my eyes. Jonas just looks sad. Flat. Shrugging his shoulders. 

‘’I was hoping you could help me figure out what we can do. Not that it will help Isak much now, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I can’t. I will never forgive myself.’’

‘’You are a good friend Jonas. This is good stuff. I have some stuff at home that Isak and I have printed out too. Recent things. Just off face book and messenger but this is great. I think we have a good case.’’  
‘’I don’t want to do this behind Isak’s back though, but he doesn’t want to do anything like this. He is just so scared Even. If you had known Isak 2 years ago, he was a completely different person. He was really funny, brave, loud. Confident as hell. He talked to anyone, to girls, boys, I mean loads of girls had a crush on him and then he was telling everyone that he was gay and then girls still loved him. Adored him. Everyone did. He was my best friend and I was in absolute awe of him. I think I was crushing on him a little bit as well.’’

‘’I don’t blame you.’’ I laugh a little bit. ‘’I crushed on Isak the first time I saw him. I mean he is gorgeous. Pretty. Hot.’’  
Jonas smiles, but he looks sad.  
‘’Look at him now though. He is so scared. Broken. Nothing like what he should be. You are good for him though Even, I can tell. He likes you a lot. He needs someone like you to show him how awesome he is. ‘’

‘’He is awesome all on his own. He just needs to stop going to this fucking school and get this Elias off his back. I mean what is Elias problem?’’  
‘’I think he comes from a really crap family, and he is trying to be all tough and pretend he is the hard man. The boss. I don’t think he really has any friends that he can talk to, and obviously, he is hung up on Isak. I keep wondering if he is a bit confused about his sexuality. Maybe he has a thing for Isak. I don’t know. ‘’  
‘’It still doesn’t make it right. Nothing about this is right.’’  
‘’So, what shall we do? I mean I can make an appointment to see the Headmaster, but we need to get Isak to come too, otherwise they won’t even talk to us. He needs to be there, and I think for his sake he needs to finish this. On his own. With us. If you see what I mean.’’  
‘’I can talk to him. It’s a good idea. We can ask the Headmaster to get the police involved too. I mean if we insist, then they need to take it further won’t they? I mean we can even call the police ourselves if this Headmaster doesn’t take us seriously. ‘’  
‘’Is this the right thing to do Even? We are not just going to make things worse, are we? I mean Elias is not going to come to your house and kick your door in, is he?. I am just scared if we corner him he will do something really bad. ‘’  
‘’We just have to keep Isak safe. I mean he needs friends. I’m glad he has you Jonas. Is everything all right between the two of you now?’’  
Jonas just shrugs his shoulders. ‘’ I think we will sort it out. We just need to figure out where we were before I went all crazy, and we just need to get to know each other again. Find that kind of easy relationship we always had. We are still a bit weird. Uncomfortable. ‘’  
‘’I think he really missed you. Missed your friendship. He loves you, and I think you love him too. As a friend. ‘’  
Jonas laughs. ‘’He told you then? I spent a year thinking I might be in love with Isak. That he had turned me gay. I was serious. Crushed. Thought my life was over. Honestly. I mean come on. Talk about being ridiculous. It has taken me until now to learn that I can love Isak to bits, and hug him and be his friend, and that doesn’t mean anything more than that. Even though he could probably snag the Olympic gold in kissing boys. I mean that. But then you already know that Even, don’t you? ‘’

Well now I blush. Only a little. Winking and chewing on my coffee cup. Yup. Isak could definitely win the all the awards. The medals, and the titles. Kisser of the year. Fucking hell I am a lucky bastard.

I drive Jonas back to school, I mean, I have the car. And he did buy me coffee. I take the envelope too and promise to go through it and put everything in order with the stuff I have printed out at home. I think we have enough. We have all had enough. 

ISAK

EVEN: Hi babe. Where do I find good gay porn?  
ISAK: SERIOUSLY EVEN?  
EVEN: I have never looked for gay porn before. I just watched normal porn and stared at the blokes.  
ISAK: Why do you want to watch gay porn?  
EVEN: Because I haven’t got a clue what I am doing and I want to have lots of sex with you. I just need to educate myself a little.  
ISAK: I can educate you. I have watched them all.  
EVEN: All the gay porn in the world?  
ISAK: Probably.  
EVEN: Disgusting boy.  
ISAK: You are the one googling gay porn, not me.  
EVEN: I love you.  
ISAK: I love you too. What do you want to know?  
EVEN: Do you want to have anal sex?

I don’t know what to say to that. I just laugh out loud. In the library. Spilling my lunch all over the floor. Damn him.

ISAK: I suppose so. Yes. Definitely. Why?  
EVEN: Do you just stick it in? With a bit of lube?  
EVEN: Do you have lube or do I have to buy some?  
EVEN: Are there different kinds of lube?  
ISAK: www.pornhub.com/gay. Search for anal sex. Watch it. Yes to the lube. Buy some.  
EVEN: Thank you.  
ISAK: Please tell me you are not sitting on the sofa watching pornhub.  
EVEN: I have an apple cake in the oven and the laundry has another 20 minutes to go. So Yes.  
ISAK: I have three more hours. Can you wait until I get home?  
EVEN: NO.  
ISAK: You are mean.  
EVEN: I am going to make you come so hard when you get home.  
ISAK: OK, go educate yourself. Don’t educate yourself on anything kinky. Stay away from fisting.  
EVEN: That is disgusting.  
ISAK: You are the one watching porn whilst you are baking. I can’t believe you are my boyfriend.  
EVEN: You love me.  
ISAK: You love me too.  
EVEN: I’m busy. Eat your lunch. I will text you later.  
ISAK: I want to come home and watch porn with you.  
EVEN: Shut up Isak. You are very distracting.  
ISAK: I love you, you pervert.  
EVEN: I love you too. I am going to do all kinds of pervy things to you later.  
ISAK: (heartemoji)  
EVEN: (hearteemoji)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 717 Miles now has a visual companion! Go check out 717-Even on Instagram! Follow 717milesfromhome and you can see Even's house, the mini, his room, the kitchen, the lasagna....  
> 717-Even will follow you back if your insta is open, but if it's private he will of course respect your privacy. He is nice that way. 
> 
> Now back to Even and Isak. Here we go.
> 
> This chapter is the gorgeous MARTHAMOUSE's bedtime story. #loveus  
> Also shoutout to EVAK4EVER for her boysquad prompts, and for helping me keep the story on track.
> 
> As always thank you for the love. xxxxx

EVEN

JONAS: I spoke to my Uncle who knows someone that deals with Hate crimes in the Met. He is ringing me tonight so I will let you know what I find out. My Uncle is really cool. I feel much better about all this now. Speak later.  
EVEN: Fantastic. Good Job. Can you walk Isak out to the car again and I can drive you home if you want me to.  
JONAS: Absolutely. Thanks. 

ISAK

He is sitting in the car playing with his phone again, and I am so highly strung that I can barely open the car door. I have spent all afternoon thinking about sex, which is a really bad idea in ill-fitting polyester trousers in the middle of summer. I have been hot and bothered for hours, and I mean REALLY hot and bothered.

Then of course Jonas is cockblocking me from jumping my stupidly sexy boyfriend in the car. 

And I am being an arsehole just thinking that after Jonas has spent the whole day sticking to me like glue and making me sit in the canteen with him. He made me. Told me it was time to start having lunch properly. Together. And Eva sat with us, and her friend who was really funny and then this bloke in our English class came and sat with us too, I mean I have never even spoken him before, but he was OK. Friendly. Even though I was shaking the whole time and keeping my eye on the door. 

I am exhausted. Horny as fuck. Slightly tongue tied. And Even is gorgeous. 

He is wearing a black tank top that I haven’t seen before, with shorts and those beaten-up shoes he wears, and all I want to do is rip everything off him. I want him driving the car naked whilst I suck his cock. No, scrap that, He can drive the car naked AND he can suck my cock. Oh fuck. Whatever. Scrap the whole car thing. Just get us home.

I sigh a little. Whimper. Stick my knuckle in my mouth whilst Even casually chats to Jonas who is in the back. I suppose we are driving Jonas home. Please drive him home. To his house. Then take us home so I can get naked. Whilst Even gets naked. I hope that is what he has in mind too. 

Funnily enough Even can’t even look at me. Refuses to meet my eye. Not that I can look at him either, I am too busy strategically placing my rucksack on my lap so he can’t see that I am sporting a boner. Again. Breathing a little too fast. Pretending to check my phone and wiping sweat from my forehead. The funniest thing is that Even has his hoodie scrunched up on his lap. 

I stifle a little laugh. Wink at him when he glances over. He doesn’t look amused. He doesn’t look amused at all. Just all dark eyed and beautiful and a little flushed. Biting his bottom lip and doing a perfect three-point turn in front of the bus shelter. 

EVEN

‘’So, did you educate yourself this afternoon?’’ 

That’s Isak. He is looking just as wrecked as I feel. I am dying here. I give Jonas a cheery little wave and indicate. Pull out. I can do this driving thing now. It’s fine. I can drive. My dick agrees. It’s jumping in my shorts. Making its presence known. Nodding in my pants. My dick likes my driving too. 

I should have had a wank. I really should have. Instead I have watched porn all afternoon and in my stupidity decided that I wasn’t going to come until I had Isak naked in bed with me. Fucking him if he would let me. I kind of want to do that. I should have just come, then at least I would probably have been a bit more composed now. Not so desperate and horny. I mean I was going to seduce him, be all romantic and soft and kiss every inch of his body. I think if I am lucky we will get inside the house before I shoot in my pants like a 15-year-old. 

Isak is laughing at me, looking all flushed and thinking that I haven’t noticed the bag on his lap. I bet he has spent all afternoon thinking about fucking me too. I hope he has. He can if he wants to. I mean I am an equal opportunities guy. I am all for a bit of versatility in the bed room. I think. I hope. I mean those guys looked like they were loving it. And I bought lube. Condoms. And a random toothbrush. Just so the cashier wouldn’t think I was a total sex maniac.

‘’Yup’’ I reply. He kind of groans. Fiddling with his bag.  
‘’And? Did you find anything that you would like to….try out?’’ Isak is such a tease. I drive faster. Almost run a red light. Panting a little.  
‘’Isak, when we get home can you do me a favour?’’  
‘’Sure. What do you need?’’  
‘’Can you like run upstairs and get all your clothes off and get in bed with me?’’

I love Isak. I love how he laughs and blushes and looks out the window and chews on his finger all at once. 

‘’I think maybe I could handle that. Then once I am in bed with you, and I am assuming you will be naked too Even, then what are you suggesting that we do?’’ God, he has gone all posh and British sounding on me again which just makes me whimper. I grab my crotch. Try to make my dick behave down there. Which of course he doesn’t. 

‘’Just don’t talk to me Isak. Just let me drive.’’

Isak is laughing. Laughing a lot. At me.  
‘’Are you OK Even? ‘’  
‘’I’m about to come in my pants Isak. Just let me drive.’’  
‘’Have I told you how sexy you are when you are about to come in your pants Even?’’  
‘’Shut up Isak. Just shut it.’’

ISAK

We get home. Slam the door behind us and then I make a run for it taking the stairs two steps at a time whilst trying to get my shirt off. Throwing my tie over my shoulder and kicking my shoes off somewhere on the way up. All whilst he chases me up the stairs shouting that I better be getting naked quick. I mean he has lost half his clothes by the time I am diving onto his bed and trying to get my trousers off, kicking and tugging at my underpants and then Even is pulling my socks off and then his mouth is on mine. Grinding desperately and pinning my arms above my head and I am hard. I am so hard. 

My legs are around his waist and our cocks are just a mess, straining and getting squashed and there are arms and teeth and lips and then he comes. Whimpering that he is so sorry, but he can’t last. It’s too much. Too much. He is just so horny and he loves me. 

I love when he says it. When he tells me he loves me. I mean he tells me all the time, but his voice is different like this. He says it like he means it. Like it means the world to him that he does. That he must tell me, again and again, that I am his. And he is mine. I want to say it out loud too but it’s too much. Too much emotion going on. I just hug him instead. Hold him tight and breathe into his hair.

He is stuck to my chest, eyes closed, just trying to catch up with himself. Arms by his side, and my hands in his hair. Stroking him and kissing his head and not really caring that I am still hard. Still haven’t come. Not that it matters, we have all afternoon. Most of the evening. All night really. 

‘’I love you too Even, more than you will ever know.’’ I sound sappy. Whispering stuff in his hair but I don’t care. I do. I do love him. Adore him. I need him.

‘’Even, did you want to do the, you know…’’ I stutter a bit. I mean he asked earlier. And I want to. ‘’Do you want to have sex with me? Like properly?’’  
‘’Would you let me? I mean, can I? I won’t hurt you, I promise.’’  
‘’ I trust you. I know you would never hurt me.’’  
‘’I will never ever hurt you. I just want to make you feel good, feel loved. I want to make you come. Make you mine.’’ 

He kisses my cheeks. My lips. My eyelids. Just soft little kisses, nudging my nose with his and my hands are fisting his hair and then I kiss him. Kiss and kiss and he kisses me back and there are tongues and lips and its wet and warm and I am floating again, lost in the touching and the skin and the kisses and being held. Being loved.

There are kisses trailing down my chest, tongue flicking my nipples, lips sucking my skin, and hands stroking my legs. Just teasing my groin, softly fluttering over my cock, whilst I arch and whimper and scratch marks into his shoulders. 

He takes me in his mouth but I push him off, telling him that I will come if he does that and that would be bloody premature. I want to do this properly. I want to come when we are having sex. Proper sex. Him inside me. Just the thought of it is making me clench. Squeezing my thighs around his head, pushing his mouth down further. 

He is kissing my balls. Licking my skin. Parting my cheeks and ghosting over my hole. Warm breath and hot skin and wet tongue and I am panting. Arching off the bed. Begging him for more. More kisses. More heat. More skin. More of everything. I don’t even know what I want anymore.

‘’I am going to get some lube on my fingers now baby’’ He whispers. ‘’I’m going to get you nice and wet and relaxed for me’’. 

I don’t care about nice and wet and relaxed. I am far from relaxed. Gripping the sheets and squeezing my eyes tightly shut as he rubs lube into my crack. Blows on my hole. Makes me clench and release and then I make ridiculous sounds as his finger slowly burrows inside me.

It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t make me want to come either. It’s a little strange to be honest. But it’s so intimate, and he is kissing the insides of my thighs and stroking the length of me with his lips, nuzzling into my groin, and then he is moving his finger in and out. And it is good. It is so good. 

‘’Can I try two fingers?’’ I love that he is talking to me. I don’t talk back though. I don’t know what to say. I mean I am making ridiculous sounds. Little moans. Squealing slightly when he breaches me again. Moving his fingers in and out, opening me up. In and out. Softly. Wet and slick. Little smacking sounds. Kisses on my cock. Throbbing and leaking and he licks the tip of my cock and I scream.

It’s just so intense. I am sweating and arching and my heels are digging into the mattress and I start to touch myself. Palming my chest and tugging at my cock and his fingers are moving faster and faster and I need. I need him. I need him on top of me. Inside of me. Kissing the hell out of me. Now.

‘’Do it. I whisper. Please. Just do it.’’  
‘’Are you sure? Are you ready? ‘’ I think he knows I am. I have lost the plot. I am completely lost. Lost in the horny. I don’t feel like me. I’m not myself anymore. I am just his.  
‘’Please’’ I whimper.

He sits up and leans back. Grabs a condom and rips the packet open with his teeth, rolling it on. I watch. Then I don’t want to watch. Then he lifts my hips up and wiggles around, my legs up against his shoulders, my arms gripping his arms and his cock nudging my hole.

‘’Just relax baby. Darling. God, you are beautiful. So fucking beautiful. ‘’  
‘’Nggggngh’’ That wasn’t what I wanted to say. But it’s all I seem to be able to let out.  
‘’It says to bear down a little when I push in. Just relax. I’ll go slow, just tell me if you need me to stop. If it hurts. I don’t want it to hurt.’’  
I just tug at his arms. Hoping he will just do it. Cock twitching. Hand back on my shaft. Tugging erratically as he starts to push in.

‘’FUCK!’’ I shout. He stops. Pulls out.  
‘’NOO, I shout again. Don’t stop. Do it. Come on baby please’’ That Is me. I have lost the plot.  
‘’Are you OK baby?’’  
‘’Yes’’ I laugh. ‘’I am more than OK, that was so fucking hot and then you pulled out! Do it again!!’’

I am delirious. Off my head. Gripping him and pulling him down and tugging at his hair and I finally get my lips on his and I growl into his mouth as he lines himself up and pushes in. Just slowly. Inch by inch. Stopping and panting and I am squirming and trying to relax and he is huge and I feel like he is splitting me in two but I don’t care because this is him. And this is me. This is us and his breath is too fast and I am sweating and shivering and then he is all the way in and the world just stops.

He looks at me. Looks me in the eye. And his eyes are black. Skin flushed. Drips of sweat tangling in his hair. And this is us. Him and Me. The only two people in the fucking whole world. 

‘’I love you’’ I whisper. Because there is nothing else I can say. And I know he loves me too.  
He starts to grind. Moving. Groaning that I am so tight. So warm. All his. That I am his and nobody else will ever have me. Nobody else will ever have this, have me, the way he has me. Because I am his. All his. 

He pulls out. Than in. Out. Slamming back inside me hitting something inside me that makes me shout. Scream. Arch off the bed with such force that we almost tumble.  
My nails are in his skin. His cock is in me. Slamming in and his hips moving. My legs on his shoulders. My bum against his thighs. His mouth frozen in a word he couldn’t quite form.

Then he stills. And I roar. I shout. I pump come from my shaft and it’s everywhere. Not that I can see. All I see is black. Static deafening my brain. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing but him. 

He is still quiet. Tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Hands shaking as he lets his fingers embrace my face and his lips press down on mine.  
He doesn’t speak again. We just lie there, entwined. Quiet. Loved. Us. 

EVEN

‘’Did you ever hear from your Dad Isak?’’ That’s Magnus talking with his mouth full of Sabayaad and Mama Disi’s stewed goat and something called Cambuulo that is delicious, even though I can’t work out what the hell is in it. ‘’I remember you told me he sent back something ripped up?’’

‘’No, that was Mum, she sent him a photo of me when I was born and he sent it back in an envelope ripped up in tiny pieces with a note to never contact him again.’’

‘’That man is no man, he needs his manhood removed.’’ That is Papa Disi, who is sat next to me loading pickled chillies on his plate, dressed in his chef whites, and having dinner with us in the middle of their tiny restaurant. It is packed with people sitting on plastic chairs eating stew and flatbreads watching some African debate program in a foreign language on a flat screen TV on the wall. 

‘’Yeah, Papa, I agree. Mum has run into him at work a few times and he just pretends he hasn’t seen her. She always shouts : ‘’Hello John, lovely to see you, how are the wife and kids?’’ at him which apparently makes him look like he is about to explode. I haven’t got a clue what he looks like, and he has never seen me, so I think I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t need people like that in my life.’’

‘’Agree Isak. Keep people like that away from your family. How is Birgit? Still as glamourous and pretty as always?’’ Mama Disi can talk. She is nothing like I expected her to be. She looks like a supermodel, tall and slim with her hair in a braided mess on her head, skinny jeans and heels. Whilst shouting at the customers to keep the TV down and eat the food. Then running into the kitchen and topping everyone up with bottles of Fanta and Jars of pickled chillies.

There is so much chilli in the air that I keep coughing. I am a such a lightweight. Papa Disi has promised to do a chilli-tasting session with us all to up our tolerance to the fruit of the Gods. And I have a cooking lesson here tomorrow morning after I drop Isak. I am going to be Papa Disi’s sous chef and we are cooking. Baking. And eating. He tells me not to have breakfast so he can make us both Canjeero and Shai. I have no idea what it is but whatever it is I am having it. And Mama Disi can cook. Her stew is epic. 

‘’Mum’s fine’’ Isak says, ‘’She has a nice boyfriend, who I think is not married this time’’

‘’Birgit is lovely’’ I add. She is. I mean anything bad I have thought about her I take back, because she bought me a new pair of bright red Converse, in the right size, because she said I deserve treats because she thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread. And she means it. Which is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long while. Well apart from Isak letting me fuck him. God, I need to do that again. We need to do that again. He needs to do that to me. Ugh. Don’t get a boner Even. Don’t get a boner Even. Think boring thoughts. Do not think of Sex.

‘’Magnus, have you got a girlfriend yet?’’ Jonas is teasing. Then he kisses Eva, who is just gorgeous. I love Eva. She is chilled and funny and god she loves Jonas. Adores him.  
I want to kiss Isak. Desperately. But he is on the other side of the table squeezed in between Mahdi and his sister Hani, who I think has a crush on Isak too. She keeps fluttering her eyelashes at him and offering him more coconut rice. 

‘’Nah, nobody wants me. I am trying this Tinder thing again and still nobody likes me. I mean I swipe right or left or whatever you are supposed to do. I am probably doing it wrong. Swiping the wrong way on all the hot chicks. Whatever.’’  
‘’Hani is single. You can always take Hani out Mags?’’  
Well I think that is a no, considering how Hani and Magnus give each other death stares and Papa Disi mutters something about Hani not being allowed to date until she is at least 40.

‘’Don’t date any of these losers Hani’’ Mahdi is reaching out and grabbing Hani’s hand. ‘’They will always end up in all kinds of trouble. Not worth it Sis. Total losers all of them.’’  
‘’Remember that time we were invited to a barbecue at your house Isak? ‘’ Jonas is laughing and Mahdi is covering his face with his hands.  
‘’YES YES YES!!’’ Magnus is screaming. His hands waving enthusiastically!! ‘’  
‘’Your Mum’s boyfriend, that Graham dude was there, and then the doorbell rang and his wife turned up, remember? She was hysterical and screaming and trying to beat him up, and Your mum was terrified and then when she realized that the wife was telling the truth and that Graham was married to this woman.’’ Jonas has to take a breath.  
‘’Yes, and then your Mum started screaming and hitting Graham too and it was all like this big fight going on in your kitchen until your Mum told them to get the fuck out of your house.’’ Mahdi is laughing so much that he has tears running down his face. Or he has just had a bad chilli.

Isak is laughing too, talking loudly and waving his hands at Jonas. ‘’Do you remember? Then she said that she was sick of him anyway, and threw all the food on the Barbecue in the bin and said that we were not to eat any of his fucking cheating food, so we ordered Pizza instead’’  
''Then she got us all pissed. Remember all that beer?'' Magnus just shakes his head.  
‘’That was the first time she let me get drunk.’’ Isak is laughing. Looking so relaxed and chilled out and Mama Disi is swatting Mahdi over the head and saying she remembers that day well. Because Mahdi was apparently a little bit drunk too. And Magnus never made it home and threw up on the living room carpet. They are all squealing and teasing him and Hani gives him a little hug because Magnus looks embarrassed for a few seconds until he remembers something deeply embarrassing about Jonas and goes off on another story.

I don’t really listen, because I am just mesmerized by Isak. This must be what Jonas was talking about. This Isak, this relaxed happy and giggling Isak, who is leaning back in his chair and talking with his hands and is just, well he is just so charming and funny and I kind of fall in love all over again. I love this Isak. I want this Isak to come out more often. This Isak is happy. This Isak is what Isak should be. 

I am also seriously rethinking this Media course, I mean I have always wanted to do something with film and TV and photography maybe, but now I am thinking that I want to open a little restaurant and cook for people and play with chilli and just be happy. Like this. 

‘’How are you finding London then Even?’’ Mama Disi is giving me another of her blinding smiles. Grabbing a bottle of Fanta from the floor behind her and handing it to me. I am Fanta’d out. My body is humming with E-numbers and sugar. And chili. I wouldn’t dare to decline though, so I grab it and thank her. Like three times.

Where do I start with London? ‘’Strangest place in the world. I mean it is so big and busy and full of people. Weird foods. Strange customs. The fashion is completely different. I don’t get the school uniforms. I don’t get the way people dress. The traffic is ridiculous. The buses are random, do they even have a timetable? What’s with the bread? The plastic triangle sandwiches? I don’t get a lot of things. Yet I feel really at home, I suppose that is what makes London cool, anything goes so everyone fits in. Oh and the cheese, what is with grating the cheese on a sandwich, and that pickle shit? Have people not heard of a cheese slicer?‘’

‘’What is a cheese slicer?’’ Mama Disi looks seriously confused. I will have to buy everyone cheese slicers for Christmas. I mean hello. How do you even live without a cheese slicer?

‘’There are 9 million people all crammed into this city, yet you can feel like the loneliest person in the world here. I suppose that is big cities for you.’’ Isak is talking, and I want to kiss him even more. I want to make sure that he is never lonely again. I never want him to feel sad and lonely. I want to spend the rest of my life making him smile like he smiles at me across the table. 

I know I need to bring it up at some point. The unavoidable fact that I will have to go home in a few weeks. He needs to go to university. School. I need to figure this thing out with the Norwegian schools Birgit mentioned. I need him with me. I want him to come home with me. 

Isak lives in London. His life is here. His friends are here. How can I make him leave that behind? Yet how can I leave him behind. I can’t. I can’t leave him. How can I?

SONJA: Have you sorted your uni accommodation yet? You do know you have to put your name on the housing list months in advance if you want to get a room, don't you?. I am thinking of coming back to Oslo after Christmas, and will need somewhere to stay.  
EVEN: Oh, are you sick of Paris already? That was fast.  
SONJA: Don’t be a dick.  
EVEN: I like Dick.  
SONJA: Arsehole.  
EVEN: I will introduce you to my boyfriend at Christmas. He is amazing. I think you would like him.  
SONJA: I am not even going to ask if you are kidding me. Seriously Even? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, Scandinavians eat cheese extremly thinly sliced on bread with the help of a cheese slicing tool that the British just don't understand. I bought one for my British inlaws and they threw it away. The Brits eat cheese grated in huge fistfuls on bread, topped with ridiculous brown sweet pickle. I don't get that either so I guess we are even.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 717 MILES NOW HAS A VISUAL COMPANION! Go and follow 717-Even on Instagram to see all the photos to accompany the fic! He is called 717milesfromhome. 717-Even will follow all his followers back IF your Insta is open. If your Insta is private he won't request access as he is keen to protect and respect your privacy. He is such a nice boy our Even.  
> There are no spoilers on there, and it is completely clean and smut free. 
> 
> So back to our boys. I am taking things slow. And we have Isak's birthday weekend next! Hooray. So this chapter is just added random smut. Because you asked for it. I totally blame you guys. Totally. Nothing to do with me. Nothing at all.

16  
JONAS: Spoke to Dad’s friend, he is coming over on Monday, do you think you could give me all the paperwork and I can show him what we have got? He also said he will need to talk to Isak, so we need to speak to him about it.  
EVEN: Cool, I have everything ready. Have you got copies of everything? Don’t give the guy the originals unless you have copies.  
JONAS: Got it all on backed up. Copy yours too.  
EVEN: Done  
EVEN: I will try to speak to Isak over the weekend.  
JONAS: This guy said Isak needs to get a restraining order on Elias.  
EVEN: How do we do that?  
JONAS: No idea. Will find out.  
JONAS: Thanks. Yesterday was cool, Mahdi said we should make it a regular thing.   
EVEN: Had the best day with Papa D today. Seriously cool dude.   
JONAS: Brilliant. I need to learn too. Let me know if you are doing it again and I will come join you.  
EVEN: (Thumbs up emoji) (Chilli emoji)  
EVEN: Same thing at pickup?  
JONAS: Thanks. Appreciate the lift.

EVEN  
Birgit is back. I should have planned for that shouldn’t I. She was up all night and slept all day and now she is pottering around in the kitchen talking to Isak whilst breaking big chunks out of my Organic Milk Chocolate slab. Mine. I bought it with my own money. But I haven’t got the heart to tell her off. 

I mean I have had the best day. I cooked and baked and laughed and I then I worked properly, doing the full on lunch rush with takeaway orders and a full restaurant and Mama Disi shouting at me and I loved every minute. It was freaking awesome. Mama Disi loves me really, but she shouted at Papa Disi all the time and she shouted at me and it was funny and rushed and hysterical and I made perfect flatbreads. I stepped out on the street afterwards feeling all dizzy and blinking into the afternoon sunshine like I had been in a parallell universe all morning. Then I couldn't remember where I left the car. Until I remembered whilst I was walking the completly wrong way and daydreaming about Isak and his cock.

Birgit though, I mean those Converse she bought me are kind of awesome. She bought the same ones for Isak too, so we now have the same shoes. We are both dressed the same, looking like a pair of deranged twins, standing around in the kitchen drinking red wine. I wink at Isak across the room. Then I feel all warm inside when he walks over and gives me a cuddle. Well I am warm inside, but my body is stiff as a board as Birgit is watching us and I kind of feel like some kind of child molester thinking that I am sleeping with her son. Well I love her son. And she employed me to look after him. Which is a little bit fucked up and awkward in my head.

‘’Mum knows about us Even’’ Isak whispers in my ear. ‘’So you can cuddle me back. It’s fine’’  
‘’You told her?’’ I am kind of squealing in his ear. Smiling awkwardly at Birgit, who stuffs another piece of chocolate in her mouth and aims her phone at us. Snapping photos as Isak kisses my cheek and I am blushing and awkward hugging him and dragging him out in the hallway so I can kiss him. In private. 

‘’Mum is chill. She loves you almost as much as I do.’’ Isak kisses me back. All tongue and smiles and butterflies swirling in my stomach and bee’s in my pants. Buzzing. Cock stirring. 

‘’I can hear you. I do love you Even, you know that. And if you think I am letting you go home in a few weeks then you are wrong. You are staying. Period.’’ That’s Birgit. And I am swallowing loudly and trying to whisper in Isak’s hair.

‘’Have also you told her that I am a convicted felon that needs to go home and do community service or I will end up in Oslo Prison?’’   
‘’They would do that?’’ Isak is whispering back to my neck. Licking my skin. Awesomely dirty boy.  
‘’I think that’s how it works. If I don’t turn up for Community service they haul my ass back to court and I get to do time. I am not doing time. I need to go home Isak. You know that, don’t you? I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to lose you.’’ I don't. And my hand is down his trousers gripping his arse. I love his arse. 

‘’You are not going to lose me. We will work something out.’’ He is hugging me crazy tight. Pinning me to the wall with all his weight, and stepping on my toes with his shoes so I can’t move. Not that I want to. Because he is licking the tip of my nose and nuzzling my forehead, and I am more than happy to stay right here breathing in his hair and stroking his back and holding his arse.

‘’I know you are making out in the hallway, I am just warning you that I am coming through. Don’t mind me’’   
Birgit sweeps past. Patting Isak on the back of his head as she passes and winking at me as she walks up the stairs in a mist of shampoo and chocolate and red wine. 

This is awkward. But not really. Well it is. She is taking the rest of the chocolate bar upstairs. Fuck. I need to see if she has left me anything. I also need a new hiding place for my chocolate stash, and a lock for the fridge. And Isak is sucking my earlobe. Who would have known that that would give me a boner? Bloody Isak and his tongue. I love his tongue.

Bloody Birgit.

Lovely Birgit. 

She has also changed all my plans and is taking us to the pub for dinner. Not that I mind because she hasn’t left me anything in the fridge that I could make dinner out of. I feel like I am on one of those cooking game shows where they give you random ingredients and expect you to cook an edible three course dinner out of an egg, two carrots and a bottle of chilli sauce.

We are still in the hallway when Birgit comes back, bouncing down the stairs all ready to go with her car keys in her hand. 

Isak is still holding me. I am rubbing his back and breathing in his hair. Both of us flushed and giggling and adjusting ourselves discreetly in our trousers. 

I can’t lose him. How am I ever going to let him go?

SONJA: I have applied for a course that starts in January. If you hear of anyone looking for a roommate or is renting a room let me know. Thanks.  
EVEN: I will. I like that we are talking. You and I have a history, and you will always be important to me but we are not together anymore and I think you staying with me would be kind of weird. I have met someone and I am really happy. Just wanted to tell you.  
SONJA: I am happy for you. Is it really a boy?   
EVEN: Yup. He is amazing. Prettiest boy in the world.  
SONJA: Did I put you off girls then?  
EVEN: No. Don’t be stupid. I loved you and you know that. I am sorry things didn’t end well between us.   
SONJA: I know it was all my fault.   
EVEN: Not your fault. You and I just had our time. It was time to let go. I think we both knew that.  
SONJA: When did you become so mature and wise.   
EVEN: You taught me well.  
SONJA: Fuck me, I think you have actually grown up.   
EVEN: No thanks. I have a boyfriend remember? And I am trying to grow up.  
SONJA: (rolls eyes emoji)  
SONJA: (heart emoji)  
EVEN: (heart emoji)  
SONJA: Let me know if you hear anything OK? About a room?  
EVEN: I will do. (hug emoji)  
SONJA: Talk soon. X

ISAK

Even makes me laugh. He was still all awkward because Mum was in the room with us, and he was sitting all prim and proper on the sofa and I was trying to curl up on his lap, drink tea and watch some rubbish on TV. And kiss him. Like all the time. I have eaten too much. And we have had two bottles of wine between us.

Mum doesn’t care. But I do. I just wanted a cuddle. A proper cuddle. With kisses. 

And that just wasn’t happening.

Which is why I have dragged him upstairs and told him to go to bed. We are going to bed. I love going to bed. I love the whole idea of going to bed. 

I also love taking his clothes off. Just whilst he sits on the edge of the bed and watches me thread his arms through the fabric of his t-shirt. Stroking his skin. Tracing the shape of his muscle. Kissing him. Just little kisses. On his face. On his eyelids. Tiny flutters on the tip of his nose.

His hands are on my hips. Stroking. Holding me firmly in place so he can let his face caress the skin on my stomach. 

The things I want to do with him. The things I want to do to him. I want to devour him. Kiss him. Fuck him into oblivion. 

I won’t though. It’s too early. Too fast. I would let him fuck me again, but I am still a bit sore. Not bad sore, I can just feel him. When I walk. When I move. He is inside me. Reminding me who I am. Who I belong to. Who I could be if he let me. If he takes me away from here and lets me start over. 

I have always been on my own. Just me. Then Even came along and I am not alone anymore and I am so fucking scared of losing him. It’s like I am addicted to him. I need him. I want him with me all the time. I miss him like crazy when I am at school, and the fact that my brain is completely fried is scaring me. All I can think of is him. I kind of exist in this fuzzy little cloud of happiness and I am frightened that something will happen and this will be gone. That I will wake up alone in my bed and be cold and alone. Scared. Lost again. Hiding back in that place where I am nobody again. Where I am lost to fear, and hurt and loneliness. I don’t want to go back there again. I don’t.

His hands are undressing me now. Pushing me down on the bed and stroking my leg. Sliding my sock off and kissing my ankle whilst I shiver from the heat of him. 

I just let him have me. All his kisses and touches on my skin making me weightless. Whilst I lie here and let my mouth release sounds that I can’t control and my cock is hard. It’s rock. Leaking pearls of pre-come that he licks off. Little flickers of his tongue on the tip of my shaft, whilst his hand is stroking my foreskin, pushing it gently over the head of my cock. I just groan. Moan. My hips moving on their own. Jerking and spasming as his hands hold me down and his mouth is a menace. Kissing and stroking and licking and sucking bruises into my groin. 

‘’I want you to fuck me Isak. I want to. I need you to. I need this to be equal. I need you to fuck me like I fucked you. ‘’ He sounds wrecked. It makes me feel like a fucking billionaire. 

I would speak but I can’t think of anything coherent to say, so I just tug at him until I get him on top of me so I can shove my tongue down his throat. That seems to be my response of choice when he talks dirty to me. When he makes me feel like this, like I am the king of the world. Like there is nothing that can hurt me when he holds me, loves me and lets me kiss him. 

I roll him over so we are side by side. Chest against chest. His leg climbing my hip. Rocking and grinding against me whilst I kiss and suck and breathe. Breathe in his mouth. Let him make me breathless. 

‘’I need your fingers. Please.’’ 

He reaches out behind me and grabs the lube. We are good. We are all good. Him drizzling lube over my fingers. Me marking his neck. Suckling his skin. Letting my fingers trace the warmness of his cheeks.

Those cheeks.

My Fingers circling his crease, as his mouth whimpers in my ear and I squeal. Rut against him. 

I almost come at the sound he makes when my finger pushes through. It just does things to me. Makes my stomach tighten. My chest warm. My fingers move faster. In and out. Scissoring and twisting. My tongue against his. Our voices deep and desperate. Not that there are any functional words coming out. I know what he is saying though, because I am saying it too. 

I don’t even ask. I breach him with two fingers, all the way in. Hard and rough whilst he shouts breathlessly against my forehead and his fingernails dig into my back. He is not pushing away. He is pushing me off the edge of the bed trying to get closer. Trying to get more. Sweat hitting my face when his hair touches my skin and my head slams into the headboard. Hard. Fast. Desperate. 

The bed is creaking under the weight of us. Fingers all the way in, moving fast and strong searching for that little spot that I know should be there, whilst my other arm clings to him keeping him with me. Holding him up. Whispering that he is wonderful. That he is brave. That he is mine. That I am going to make him come so hard he will never come back down again. That I will make him stay. Never let me go. That I will always be his. Always.

He pushes me away. Straddles me and pins me down on the bed on my back, whilst I stare at him open-mouthed and love drunk. Cock straight up. Eyes on him.

He is ripping the condom open. Carefully rolling it over my cock whilst his eyes never leave mine. Just quietly working whilst we breathe. Fast and shallow filling the silence of the room. 

The snap of the lid on the lube makes me jump, and then he drizzles lube everywhere. Soft and silky over the condom. Over my groin. Rubbing the excess over my chest as he leans down and kisses me. Just soft and full of promise. 

My head aches. It’s just so intense. He says nothing. I close my eyes.

There he is. Hand on my cock. Pushing against his entrance. His breath warm and wet against my shoulder. My thighs holding me up to meet him. Pushing slowly as he lowers himself down. Excruciatingly slow as I grit my teeth and whimper and I think I might cry. I have no control over myself with Even. None. It’s all gone. 

I am biting down on his shoulder as he bottoms out. Screaming his name when he rises. Then biting down on his skin again as he slams back down and moans into my ear.   
My hand grasps on to his cock. Tries to erratically pump him whilst he rides me. 

We are fucking. No more than that, we are bloody fucking, Fucking fucking. Raw and helpless and hurting and shouting and he is shaking so much that I can barely hold onto him as he comes. 

His mouth is frozen in a silent scream as he falls against my chest. I think he is still coming. He jerks. Bruises my chest with his hand gripping my skin. 

I am holding my breath in the darkness. Falling helplessly inside him. His breath hitches one more time in my ear and my hips jerk the final jerks. Then I am gone. Stars and blackness all round. 

This time it’s me that is lost in the silence. I just come and come in the dark until my body is done. I am done. 

I don’t remember him moving off me, just that he covers us both up with the duvet. Slides down next to me and lets me curl up against his chest. Strokes my hair and whispers that he is mine. That I am his. That we will never ever be apart. 

I will always be his. As long as he will have me. As long as he takes me with him when he leaves.

MUM: I have packed all the stuff you left on the bed. Remember to grab Even’s bag tomorrow morning. Is his phone on charge? Is your phone on charge?   
MUM: Alarm on for 5.40 tomorrow. Get up or get lost.   
MUM: HAPPY BIRTHDAY it’s midnight! My baby is 18!  
MUM: I hope you put that alarm on. I will barge in on you with tea at 6. Be warned.   
MUM: I might sneak in anyway. Take a picture. Post it on Facebook.  
MUM: See what I did there? I’d like breakfast in bed too.   
MUM: I bet you haven’t charged your phone.  
MUM: Love you grown up adult son with boyfriend. I can’t believe you are 18.  
MUM: I am going to stop texting you now.  
MUM: Toast. Butter. Tea. Tell Even I am sorry, I might have had a bacon sandwich feast. Or two.   
MUM: Love you.  
MUM: Can’t wait for tomorrow.  
MUM: (heart emoji) (Cake emoji) (Champagne emoji)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the next two or three chapters we are going of on a bit of a tangent. All fun and games and zero angst. Because HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISAK!!!
> 
> So grab your sunnies and get ready to go on a bit of a crazy adventure. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and comments and kudos and likes on the INSTA. Even is thrilled with all his followers. Thrilled. Ecstatic.

17

ISAK

MUM: BTW any ideas what happened to the wall in the hallway? There are these weird stains on the right. 

EVEN

‘’Wake up baby, wakey wakey. Time to get up!’’

I am not moving. It’s far too early, like it’s not even funny-early. 

‘’Even. Up you get!’’ 

He is pulling at my arms and dragging me up. It’s not funny. And he is wearing a crisp light blue shirt and tie with some black slacks and dress shoes. Doing his Man-God thing again. 

‘’You need to get up baby. Come on. I made you coffee downstairs.’’  
‘’Why are you dressed like that Isak. You look hot by the way but why are you wearing a tie? At this time in the morning?’’ Yup that’s me. But I really don’t get it.

‘’You are wearing one too Even, look, I have even ironed your shirt. Well it’s my shirt, because I couldn’t find a shirt in your bag. Sorry. I had to look. You should wear those black jeans though. This shirt and this tie. Sorry. There is a dress code thing today.’’

‘’Where are we going Isak? What’s going on?’’

‘’Not telling you. It’s a little surprise I arranged for you. For my birthday. Well Mum arranged it really, but whatever. Get up get dressed and come downstairs. Oh, and shower. You smell of sex.’’ 

‘’Happy Birthday baby, I love you’’ I kiss him. Lots and lots and lots. Even though I apparently smell.

Which is apparently a good smell because Isak nuzzles into my neck and kisses my shoulder and goes all cuddle monster on me and I try to drag him back into bed but he squeals that his shirt will get wrinkled and tells me to get up. In a stern voice. Which I suppose you don’t mess with. I like this stern bossy Isak. Stern bossy Isak is hot. I tell him that too, which makes him blush and give me one of those looks. God, he is sexy. Gorgeous. I love him in a shirt and tie. Hot as hell. 

I would wank in the shower but I am a bit tender. A little bit sore down there. In a good way. Fucking hell, last night. I love sex. I love having sex. I love having sex with Isak. Fuck me. Yes please. More please. I love Isak. I love him so much it’s actually a little painful to think about it. I need to decide on a plan of action. Figure out how we can make this work. I can go home and start uni and do community service and then just drop out of uni and come back here. Well that is not a clever plan I realize this. I need to figure it out. I need to talk to him, but in my head the minute I bring it up with Isak it will make things real. Shit will be real. I would much rather just live in this little fairy-tale a little while longer. Pretend that this is our house and we will just live here and be happy forever. No worries. Just cook and eat and live and laugh and have masses of sex. I could so do that. In my head that is the perfect solution. I know that is not real life though. I will figure it out. We will figure it out. 

Birgit is in the kitchen pacing the room on her phone, in full uniform with immaculate hair and bright red lips. Isak is eating toast and texting on his phone. Handing me a cup of coffee and stifling a giggle at my clothes. Yes, I know. The shirt is far too small in the arms. I mean Isak and I are both tall but I have gorilla arms. Giraffe neck. And this shirt is just ridiculous even though the tie is cool. And I am wearing my red converse. I look like a dick. 

‘’You look great Even. Don’t worry, we don’t know anyone where we are going and we are changing clothes once we get….well once we are there. Where we are going. So chill’’ 

Birgit stifles a giggle too. Isak is red in the face. I haven’t got a clue what is going on.

EVEN: Not sure about the lunch plans, seems like Isak and Birgit is taking me somewhere. No idea what is going on. Sorry. Will update you when I know what is happening. Can you tell the others?  
JONAS: At 6 in the morning? On a Saturday? People sleep Even.  
EVEN: Sorry!!!!!  
JONAS: Chill dude. We all know. Have an amazing time.  
EVEN: YOU KNOW? And didn’t tell me? Just played along with all my plans? Wankers.  
JONAS: I am going back to sleep. Speak to you when you get back.  
EVEN: BACK FROM WHERE?

We are in the car heading out on the motorway. It’s early morning but the roads are busy and Isak is in the front with Birgit wearing sunglasses and singing along to the Trainspotting soundtrack that is on far too loud and I have my bag. Which Isak has apologized for stealing off me and he has apparently packed it. I have been looking through it and yes, I think this is all I need. Apart from clothes. I have no clothes apart from a pair of undies and my shorts and a t-shirt. That’s it. And my Sunglasses. Chargers. Sketch book and pens. Phone. My laptop. Thank you. No passport though, so I suppose we are not travelling. And every time I look at Isak he just grins at me. He is evil. And Birgit is singing along at the top of her voice. What the hell is happening.

‘’You are not taking me out in the forest to bury me in a shallow grave, are you?’’ I am worried. I can’t pretend I am not. I mean I only met these lunatics two weeks ago. And I seriously let them bundle me into their car and take me away. At seven in the morning. ‘’

They just laugh at me. Isak gives me the finger. I give him a finger back. Birgit tells me to shut up or she WILL bury me in a shallow grave. On the runway. Let the jumbo jets runover my bony arse.

‘’Where are we going Isak?’’ That’s me. I am starting to sound like a broken record. Birgit has dropped us off at the terminal at Heathrow whilst she goes to park the tank. Well that is what she said. I don’t trust a word either of them is saying at this point. It is seven in the morning and I am dressed for some posh lunch. And Isak is dragging me down some side corridor behind the scenes, where there are no other passengers and only staff with Id’s that nod at Isak as he drags me along whilst my head is spinning. 

We end up in a big room full of big flat screen monitors on the wall showing numbers and names and gates and destinations and there are people sitting on the floor. Reading and sleeping with their heads on their bags. People chilling. Luggage everywhere. A few tired looking people in uniform sitting on their suitcases. Everyone is staring at the screen, like they are mesmerized. Then as soon as the screen updates someone gets up and walks out of the door with their bags.

‘’Welcome to the wonderful world of airline staff standby baby’’ Isak whispers. ‘’This is called God’s waiting room. This is where we all sit and wait and see if there are any seats left on the planes, and if there are, our names will pop up on the screen and we will have to leg it through security like our lives depend on it. So, don’t hang around once our names pop up ok?''

‘’What the hell is standby? Are we doing some kind of airport tour or something?’’

Isak just laughs at me. ‘’No baby. It’s my birthday. So, Mum is taking us with her to work. She always takes me somewhere for my birthday, well she takes me with her a lot. If she has a good trip I usually tag along. I have done this a lot so you will be fine. You need to thank her though because she has listed you as her stepson so you could get one of her standby tickets. She arranged it all because we wanted you to come. There is no way we would have left you behind. Not today.’’

I still don’t get it. Not at all. 

‘’OK, look at the screens. See all the names? Next to the flight numbers? OK, once all the proper passengers, the people who have bought proper tickets, are checked in, they close the flight. Now airline staff can buy cheap stand by tickets anywhere they want to go. If there are seats left, they give the people who are sitting here, who are all on staff standby tickets, so they either work for the airlines or they are family of people who work for the airlines, like us, a seat. So, if we get a seat our names will pop up on the screen. Then we have to run for it to make it to the plane in time. The thing is we might end up on a flap down seat, you know like the crew sit on, and if we do we might not get any food, so we need to buy food to last us for the flight too. I know what to get and where so we will pick it up and make a run for the gate. Then if we are lucky…’’

My head is spinning. 

‘’If we are lucky, they only have nice seats left. Which is why we must dress like dorks, in case we get seats in first class. Because then we have to look like we belong there, which is fucked up because all the super-rich dudes in there wear trainers and shorts and we will still look like total nerds in our posh clothes. If we are unlucky we don’t get on and if we don’t then Mum has listed us on the Miami with a connection so we will catch up with her a few hours after she lands. We should get on the Miami, Mum checked the loads, and the connection is full fare so we will get on that no problem, but it’s more fun to get on the flight that Mum’s working on of course.’’

‘’I haven’t got a clue what you are talking about Isak. Where are we going? I haven’t got my passport!’’ I am squealing. I am confused. Just staring at him as he laughs at me and kisses my nose.

‘’That’s the fun part of this. That you haven’t got a clue. Trust me. You will love this.’’

‘’But I can’t afford a ticket to anywhere Isak. I haven’t got any cash. Do I have my wallet even?’’ I am now rummaging through my bag. Panicking a little.  
‘’Chill baby. I have your passport, and this weekend is on Mum and me. By the way we are not back until Tuesday morning, so you might want to text your parents and say that you are away for a while.’’

I don’t get to even think, because there we go. Our names pop up. VALTERSEN and BECH NAESHEIM. And we are apparently going to Rio. Fucking Rio De Janeiro. Which my brain is telling me is in Brazil. Fucking hell. What on earth just happened?

ISAK

I am having a ball. This is so much fun. I have always loved travelling. When I was little Mum used to take me away on trips when she was home. We would just pack a rucksack and go. We saw all of Europe, and we went home to Bergen a lot to see Granny and Granddad. We haven’t been since they passed away. I would like to go again. Kind of relive the memories. Visit the place where we scattered their ashes. I think I would like that. 

Once I was 12, I travelled on my own. The first time I did it was on my 12th birthday, like this. Wearing a shirt and tie and carrying my rucksack with a packed lunch and a water bottle that Mum had packed. I had a note in my pocket with Mum's name and number and the numbers for Uncle Harry and Uncle Louis so I could get them to come and pick me up if I didn’t get on the flight. I got on of course. I remember being so proud that I had done it all on my own. Holding my passport up to the man in the immigration queue in Tokyo and proudly greeting him with ‘’Konnichiwa’’ as Mum had told me. It was the best trip ever. 

The thrill never wears off though. I just love it. I love the bustling of the airport, the noises and the views. The planes coming and going and all the little trucks and cars milling around underneath them. Mum always says she loves the rush of closing the flight. All the paperwork lining up, numbers, people, bags, fuel, weight, everyone nodding and talking and then the doors close and the plane moves away. Hopefully with us on board. Well Mum always says she won’t leave me behind if she can help it. And she never has. Well she never books me to come with her if the flight is totally full, so there are always a few seats to play with unless something goes wrong. It does sometimes. But I have always made it back. I mean Mum is great, she always makes sure that we have a back-up plan, and then another back up plan. I have always got there, and always got home. It’s chill.

Even though, he is like a child. Just holding my hand and letting me lead him through the terminal. I pick up those Fortum and Masons packed lunches from the Oyster bar, in those cool bags and he is taking pictures and posting them on Insta. He is just so excited. Then we get a coffee each, I mean we will need the caffeine if we are going to sit on a jump seat for the next 10 hours. At least I have loaded the laptop with films and I have two sets of headphones and a spare battery. 

I am organized. I ace at this travelling shit. Well that is what Even tells me. He is all flushed. Sipping his coffee. Texting his parents. Looking like he is about to faint when we get our boarding cards at the gate. We are fine. We have seats. Business. That’s chill. This is going to be great. 

I kiss him. Then kiss him again. I can’t believe I am taking my boyfriend away for the weekend. That he is with me. That he is mine. This beautiful gorgeous boy. Who looks after me. Then lets me look after him. I love that I can do this for him. I love that I can make him happy. That I can make him look at me like he looks at me when we walk on board. 

EVEN

I have died and gone to heaven. We are the last ones to board and one of the crew by the door greet us. With our names. Like we are fucking celebrities. Then we get to our seats.

I mean I have never seen shit like this before. We are in actual armchairs. And Isak says they turn into beds so we can lie down and sleep. Like sleep. Next to each other. On a plane. Oh yes, did I tell you that we are apparently going to Brazil? What the fuck. What the hell? 

EVEN: Mamma I am going away with Isak and Birgit, back Tuesday. So excited. We are going to Brazil. How cool is that?  
MAMMA: I know. Birgit emailed me to say she was taking you away. Have fun darling!

WTF. So, everyone knew. Just not me.

It’s supposed to be Isak’s surprise, instead I am being treated like a king and Isak hands me a flute of champagne and I just die a million deaths at once because this is just ridiculous. This is the kind of shit that happens to other people. But Isak tells me that this is the kind of shit that happens when your Mum is cabin crew. That his Mum might be scatty and a shit parent at times because she is away all the time, but then instead Isak says, he gets this. He gets to come away with her and do the most amazing things around the world. Which makes up for the times she missed his graduation and birthdays and other stuff that normal parents turn up at. 

He does little quotation marks around normal. ‘’Normal’’. I mean who has normal parents.

‘’All parents are shit Isak, all parents make mistakes and do stupid things. There are no normal parents. Mine are awesome. But they have also been crap. Totally shit. Especially when they put a stop to my awesome plans of building a balcony out of my bedroom window. I thought it was brilliant.’’

Isak just laughs. ‘’I wouldn’t change my Mum for the world. She is great. I know a lot of people can’t talk to their parents, but I can always talk to her.’’

I have to agree. Birgit is wonderful. She is really busy but she runs past a few times and blows us kisses and then we take off and there is more champagne and a wine list which is just the classiest thing I have ever seen and then I swoon about the menu, because the cabin crew bring us proper menus and we get to choose what we want to eat, but we can’t have the chicken or the pasta because there is none left, so we end up having the scallop salad which is just amazeballs and I am a little bit tipsy by the time there is pudding and cheese, which I can’t even get my brain to compute, so the lovely cabin crew lady gives me both. Then Isak laughs that I still have my Fortum and Mason’s packed lunch for later and I am so full up I think I am going to die. 

Isak just leans over and kisses me. I have lost my tie. He has changed into his t-shirt. We have made up our beds and we have these big TV screens with movies on demand, and there are snacks in the kitchen we can help ourselves to and Isak says he needs the toilet. Like need the toilet right now. Nodding at me. Tugging at my hand.

‘’Go then?’’ I whisper. Looking around as he is winking madly at me.  
‘’No. I need you to help me. ‘’  
‘’In the toilet?’’ I think Isak has had too much wine too.  
‘’Yes baby, in the toilet.’’ Isak is winking. Nudging my arm. Cocking his head.  
‘’Do you want me to help you to hold your dick or something?’’ He is being all weird.

‘’YES!!’’ He hisses. And I get it. 

OH.

OKAY.

The lights have been turned down, and it’s not like anyone is noticing us as we skulk off down the aisle. I mean everyone is watching films or sleeping, and I can’t see the crew. Or Birgit. Thank god.

There is not enough room in the toilets for two, I mean all that shit about joining the mile-high club is obviously complete rubbish. Not that that is going to stop us, because I am kissing the life out of Isak as he is pinning me against the door, creaking behind me, and whispering ‘’for fucks sake keep your leg away from the orange button by your knee or the crew will come running and break the door down’’.

Not that I have any idea what he is on about because he is unbuttoning my jeans and pulling my zip down and I am wiggling out of my jeans and then Isak is sitting down on the toilet seat and letting me slide my cock into his eager mouth. His fucking mouth. Licking and sucking and his hands are gripping my arse cheeks and his finger is trailing down my crack and pushing against my hole and I am trying, I am fucking trying to keep quiet but I can’t. So, I bite down on my hand, I am biting so hard it hurts, and my other hand is fisting his curls and all I see is his cheeks hollowing out and my cock pushing against the inside of his cheek and it is so fucking sexy and I am so fucking horny and then I come. 

I need to learn to control myself. I need to learn how to last. Isak and his fucking mouth. Isak and his amazing ideas. I am about to pass out. Mile High club indeed. I am in it. I am so fucking in it. My head is spinning. Isak is laughing. Wiping his mouth with the outside of his hand and licking his lips. 

‘’You fucking swallowed. Oh, god Isak. Oh god. You dirty dirty boy.’’ I tug at his t-shirt. Make him stand up so that I can shove my tongue in his mouth. I am not careful. I am not kissing him. I am eating the inside of his mouth out. Tasting myself on his tongue. Devouring the smell of him. The smell of me. 

He drops his trousers. I wiggle us around. Let go of his lips, and then I sink down on the toilet seat whilst he leans back against the door. Holding on to the metal sink on the side and bracing himself against the wall. He knows what is coming. His breath is already too fast. His cock rock hard against my tongue. 

I lick. Suck. I think I bite too. His breath hitches, and his hand pulls my hair. Then his hips start to move. His hands holding onto my hair as I flatten my tongue so he can slide his cock even further into my mouth. I read about it. It fucking works. I choke a little. Splutter at first. But then he does it. Finds a rhythm and a depth and starts to fuck my mouth.

He is not quiet either, his moans are barely there. Just little sounds coming out with every thrust, as my eyes water and my jaw aches and then he comes. And I think it must be the sexiest thing I have ever done. He comes down my throat and there is warmth and salt and sour and sharp and I am tasting him and sucking him dry and coughing a little when I go too deep. Then his softening cock is gone and he slumps down with his arms around me.

We don’t fit. There is no room. We still manage to hold each other’s bodies tight. Arms and legs and my face in his groin and his lips on the top of my head and I am just done. I am so done for. I love him. I love all the crazy things we are doing. I can’t believe I am here. I can’t believe he is here. That he is mine. 

‘’I am going to sneak off. Come out in a minute. Nobody will notice. ‘’ Isak places a last kiss on the top of my head and pulls his posh trousers back up. Then he opens the door and slides out leaving me a dishevelled mess sitting on an aircraft toilet somewhere over the Atlantic with my pants around my ankles and come in my mouth. 

I am a fucking mess. A complete fucking mess. 

I flinch when I see my face in the mirror. My lips are swollen and my eyes are red and I look wrecked. I am wrecked. 

I make myself presentable. Splash my face with water. Pull my jeans up and hope that nobody will notice me sneaking back to my seat.

That was the best. That was fucking horny. I didn’t expect that to happen today when I woke up this morning. I didn’t. I was going to take the boys to this cool hipster café in Hampstead that I had read about. I wasn’t going to go and give Isak a blowjob in a fucking airplane toilet. I want to do that again. I need to do that again.

It’s early afternoon in London. Yet I crawl under the blanket and switch my light off. Isak is already wrapped up in his with his eyes closed. His hand finds mine. My legs move over so I can tangle them in his. Ridiculous smile on my lips. Then we sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are in Rio. And we are done. 
> 
> Hope that you enjoy the tour and the insta is updating as soon as I have posted this chap.
> 
> There might be another chapter tomorrow if I have time, but then I will be busy until next week. Thank you again for all the love!!!

18

SUNDAY

ISAK: When did you first know that you were not straight?  
EVEN: 7th grade I think, I had a crush on one of the boys in year 9. He had long hair and was really cool. All the girls fancied him. I did too. Couldn’t stop thinking about his chest, because he always wore these shirts that he had buttoned down really far. Then he got a tattoo and I fancied him even more.  
EVEN: Turned out he was religious and is now studying to become a vicar. I might have stalked him on Facebook.  
ISAK: (Heart emoji)

We are having the best day. Even though Isak and I are sharing a single bed in Birgit’s hotel room, and I hardly slept because I had slept on the plane and then I was just too excited and buzzed after we arrived and Birgit and a few of the other crew took us down on the Beach where we had something called Caipirinhas. We sat on plastic chairs right in the sand and there were people walking around and kids playing and it was pitch dark and we had these amazing drinks that were strong as fuck. It was surreal. And Isak was chatting to the crew like he has known them all his life, and Birgit was explaining that none of the crew actually know each other, they usually meet at the airport, hang out for the trip and then they never see each other again. That is apparently how it works. But she said you do make some friends for life, like sometimes you just click with people and that’s it. Well I think Isak has clicked with this Freddie guy and I am jealous and a bit nervy. Which is probably why I didn’t sleep well either. I didn’t realize I was the jealous type. 

I kind of held on to Isak all night, well I had to, so I wouldn’t fall of the edge of the bed. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because Isak woke me up this morning and dragged me out on the balcony. We have a balcony. Overlooking the sea. We just sat there in silence and listened to the waves and watched the locals get on the bus and walk and kids milling around and people jogging along the beach. I just can’t believe I am here.

EVEN: When did you first know that you liked boys? I mean was there something that made you realize?  
ISAK: I don’t know. I kind of knew. I spent a lot of time with my godparents before they split up. For a while I didn’t have an aupair, so I Uncle Harry and Uncle Lou used to move in and look after me. I always wanted what they had. They were just head over heels in love with each other, like they couldn’t breathe if they weren’t together. I kept saying that I was going to marry a boy, and everyone laughed at me. I mean I was just a kid. But I never looked at girls. Only boys. Mostly Jonas. I was a bit in love with Jonas.  
EVEN: Why did your uncles split up?  
ISAK: They never said. Uncle Harry was a mess. And Uncle Louis now has a girlfriend. It’s really weird. They both still keep I touch with me. They are the best. I mean I never missed having a Dad because they always looked out for me. Talked to me.  
ISAK: I might also have fancied Justin Bieber. I don't know why. Still find it weird.

I have found my new favourite food. Brazilian Cheese balls. And they served some kind of coconut rice pudding for breakfast which was just heavenly. Then there are 9 of us who have squeezed into two offroad trucks and we are off on a tour of Rio. Birgit knows Breno who is driving us, and I am just staring at him like an idiot. The guy is covered in tattoos, from head to toe, and looks like he should be in some documentary on Discovery about Brazilian gang members serving life in prison. Yet Breno is awesomely funny and is telling us stories of his kids and the history of Rio and why everyone in Brazil hates wearing clothes. Because they must do. They are like wearing nothing. There are dudes in thongs walking around. Girls in string Bikinis. Granddads reading the paper in speedos. 

Isak is holding my hand. Staring out the window and tapping the lid of his water bottle. I am just trying to take this all in. The beaches. The people. The smells and sounds. And everywhere you look is beautiful. I haven’t seen a single ugly view yet. People are just milling around. Being Relaxed. Breno says it’s a beach living thing. There is no rush in Rio. Just chill. Which I am doing.

I miss talking to Isak. So, I text him instead. Just asking little questions so that I feel that I am connected to him. Even though he is sitting right next to me I just feel that I need to be with him. That I need him to know that he is all I am thinking about. Apart from Cheese balls. And we are driving through an actual Rainforest. In the middle of the city. They have a Rainforest. A real one. With Monkeys. And Snakes, Breno says. Tells me to step out of the foliage. I just want to stand in it. I just want to remember this. Me, The Norwegian kid who hasn’t been anywhere is in a Brazilian rainforest, about to get eaten by snakes whilst his boyfriend is taking pictures of him and some tattooed Brazilian bloke is threatening to lock me in the land rover if I don’t get back on the road. I love it. I love Isak. I am never going home again.

EVEN: What happened when you kissed Jonas? Would you tell me?  
ISAK: NO  
EVEN: I love you  
ISAK: Some stories just don’t need to be told. 

We take cheesy photos in front of the giant Jesus statue. We walk on Copacabana beach. We drink coconut water out of an actual coconut. I mean Fuck me. (I wish Isak would but that would be slightly inappropriate in public. Especially when his Mum is with us.) I also now know where Ronaldo’s flat is. I am slightly in awe.

Then we buy Hawaiana flip flops. Not that I want flip flops but the crew tell me that that is what you do in Brazil. You buy flip flops. It’s the rules apparently. So Isak and I walk away with a pair of ridiculous cartoon flipflops and then sit on the top of Sugarloaf Mountain and drink beer whilst Birgit and the crew tell one ridiculous story after the other about trips and incidents and things they have done and Breno and Riccardo join in with stories of other people they have taken on tours and the time they lost an American Airlines Captain in the Favela, and thought he had been kidnapped when all the time it turned out he was asleep in the land rover, jetlagged and having had one too many beers. Perfectly safe and unharmed. Riccardo said he had already sold his kidney in his head trying to raise enough money to pay for the poor Captains release. We are howling with laughter. And I am squeezing Isak's hand under the table whilst he leans over and kisses my cheek. Smears some sun cream on my face and tips my sunglasses back down. I can barely see him under his hat and sunglasses. My baby. All mine.

EVEN: When did you first know you felt something for me?  
ISAK: First time I saw you, when you were shouting at me in the hallway. I mean have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You are gorgeous. Even when you are hopping angry and you looked at me like you hated me.  
EVEN: I could never hate you. You behaved like a brat though. Prettiest brat in the world.  
ISAK: (Heartemoji) (Middlefinger emoji)

I have never heard of a Brazilian BBQ before, but that is what we have for dinner. A huge bustling restaurant full of families and kids and grandma’s in wheelchairs talking animatedly and watching Telenovelas on big screens on the walls. That is apparently Spanish soap operas that are hugely popular here, with terrible acting and false eyelashes and all the men are crying. It’s slightly ridiculous but fascinating. In an odd way.  
The food though. Everyone helps themselves to the salad buffet. Then the waiters carry around huge slabs of meat on sticks and slice thin slices onto your plate. They don’t even ask, just keep serving all these different cuts and different marinades and until Birgit whispers that If I have had enough I need to turn the little flag by my plate to red. To tell the waiters I am full up. Then if I want more I just turn it back to green. How handy. I fucking love this country. Then we have flan for dessert which is some kind of baked custard with caramel sauce and I think I have died. Well I am dying. 

Birgit is telling a story of a young crewmember who was on her first trip out to Rio. She had gone out to a club and hooked up with this dude who took her back to his accommodation. The crew are all snickering, giggling that they remember this one. Apparently this girl woke up the next morning to find that the dude was a crewmember on a container ship, and his accommodation was on the ship. The ship that was now halfway out in the Atlantic ocean. The ships captain refused to turn around to drop her off so she ended up working on the ship for the next 3 months. That must have been fun. Well the crew are howling. And that Freddie is winking at Isak and I am nuzzling Isak’s neck.

EVEN: Do you want to marry me one day?  
ISAK: You are drunk.  
EVEN: So? I love you.  
ISAK: I am going to propose to you one day, in a romantic amazing way and then we will live happily ever after. But not in a dodgy Brazilian BBQ place whilst you are being all silly.  
EVEN: I am not being silly. I just love you.  
ISAK: I love you too.  
EVEN: I am jealous. I hate when that Freddie flirts with you.  
ISAK: NOT FLIRTING. Freddie is married and lives in Barcelona. You will never meet him again, And I am not interested idiot. I love you.  
EVEN: Take me home. I need a cuddle.

There are more caipirinhas due on the beach apparently and Birgit and Freddie are talking of going dancing and Isak looks like he is dying. All cuddly and holding onto me and kissing my cheek and then we make out in the taxi until I am sweaty and breathless and I might or might not have a boner going on.

I am sore. Red raw from the sun. Sand between my toes. Blisters on my heels. Sweaty and exhausted. Isak’s hair is wet with sweat from the heat, damp curls glued to his temples. I just want a shower. I don’t though. I just curl up on top of the sheets with my beautiful boy in my arms. Kissing his shoulder as he curls into my embrace. I love when we sleep like this. His face against my chest, and my lips in his hair. It’s home. It’s all I will ever need. If he is here in my arms I am fine. I am absolutely fine. 

ISAK: When did you first have sex?  
EVEN: 8th grade. Party at some girls’ house. This girl was all over me and dragged me into one of the bedrooms. It wasn’t romantic. She was drunk. I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing. I kind of faked it. Pretended I had come and then hid the condom in my pocket and went home. I wasn’t proud of myself.  
ISAK: Ah. Not the best experience then. When did you first have great sex?  
EVEN: With you.  
ISAK: Liar  
EVEN: Not lying. A gentleman never tells on his exes. I had good sex before. Just not like you and me. I am being honest. I have never felt like this before. I am yours. Always yours.  
ISAK: (blushing emoji) I am yours too. (heart emoji)  
I fall asleep with my phone in my hand. My boy in my arms. My heart all his. 

 

MONDAY

I lied when I said that I loved this trip. Total lie. I want to go home. I do not want to be here. I don’t.  
If I could run away I would. Bloody Birgit. I hate her. Have I told you? 

Bloody Breno though. He is laughing at me too. Isak is loving this. He is all animated and asking questions and is happily letting himself be strapped onto some flying contraption.

All whilst I am about to faint and wet my pants. I don’t do heights. I don’t. Help.

We are all spending Monday morning jumping off a perfectly good mountain top. Breno says there are no snakes up here. I don’t trust him at all. We are still jumping off a mountain. Birgit has paid for someone to help me jump off the top of a mountain. I do not want to jump off the top of a mountain. I don’t.

I still listen to the instructor who makes me practice running along tied up to him wearing a tandem harness and special shoes to give us grip. I still let him strap me onto the Hang glider. We are going Hang gliding. I am about to get tied up to a complete stranger who smiles at me and tells me that he hasn’t killed anyone yet, but one of his colleagues misjudged a gust of wind and almost died 4 years ago. I can apparently look up the video on YouTube. I am not about to look up the video on YouTube to see how I am about to die. 

EVEN: What is your ultimate Sexual fantasy.  
ISAK: Even!!  
EVEN: What? I can ask? I need to be distracted!  
ISAK: Don’t speak to me. I am about to jump off a cliff.  
EVEN: If we die I want you to know that I love you. More than anything in this world.  
ISAK: We are not about to die. We are about to fucking fly baby.  
EVEN: Tell my family I love them.  
EVEN: You can have all my stuff.  
EVEN: Don’t let me die. I don’t want to die in Brazil.  
EVEN: Bring my body home to Norway.  
ISAK: GET A GRIP BABY!! See you down there! I love you.

That’s Birgit. She has just jumped off the cliff. Strapped to a Paraglider, because she has done the Hang gliding thing before and wanted to do something else. The woman has guts. My future Mother in law is disappearing. And the love of my life is about to kill himself.  
He turns around and blows me a kiss. Mouths that he loves me. Then he goes. 

That’s me. Yup. Me. The guy who has just thrown up on his shoes. Splattering the fake grass beneath us. Whilst the guy who is about to kill me pats my arm and tells me not to worry. His colleague is already mopping it up. Says it happens all the time. 

He calls me ‘’Evinn’’. Pats my arm and tells me to focus. To look at the horizon and listen to his voice. He tells me to walk. He tells me to stop. To focus on the top of the hill. To breathe. Deep and steady. My mouth is dry. All I can taste is vomit. I am about to die. God help me. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. 

Then we run. And I am flying. And it is fucking amazing. I scream. I do. I have no fucking shame. I am flying and I am free and the guy holds my hands out and I am a fucking bird.

He points out Isak. He points out the city. The birds. The horizon. Shows me how to steer. Shows me how to feel weightless. Adjusts my legs so that I won’t have to think about anything but the view. The feeling. The freedom. My voice is screaming. All over Rio.  
I am loving it. Who would have thought? 

ISAK: I can see you! You are flying baby!! Watch out for the landing, it’s a bit rough.  
ISAK: Ha-ha why am I texting you.  
ISAK: That was amazing!  
ISAK: WHOOOOOOOPPP

We spend the afternoon on the beach so Birgit can have a sleep as she is working overnight. I can’t stop shaking. I am buzzing. I love Isak. I love my life. I never want to go home. I don’t.  
I just sit on the sand with Isak in my arms. His back against my chest and his head against my shoulder. Our hands entwined and our feet touching. 

ISAK: That time when you kissed me in the kitchen. What were you thinking?  
EVEN: Was it a bad thing that I did?  
ISAK: NOOOOO, just what made you do it?  
EVEN: You looked at me, and I was gone. I just couldn’t stop myself. I was so in love with you.  
ISAK: (heart emoji)

I almost fall asleep on the bus to the airport. I am just exhausted. Buzzing. Every muscle in my body aching.  
Thank God, I have Isak. I don’t know how he does it but he has us all sorted and checked in and is thanking the check in girl and asking directions. I just hold his hand. Let him take me home. 

We get on. In our ridiculous shirts that are a little bit wrinkled. Tie’s on straight. Our skin pink and our lips raw. 

We are in First Class. In an even bigger armchair. There is champagne. Even better wine. A beautifully embossed menu being placed in my hand.

I wake up 8 hours later. I missed it all.  
Isak is asleep across the aisle with a half-drunk cup of tea in his hand. And someone has covered me with a crisp white duvet. Tucked me in. 

And just like that, we are back home. Back to reality. End of the Fairy-tale.

JONAS: Welcome back dude. Saw Andy who is the Met guy. He has done an amazing job. All the paperwork is in place for the restraining order and he has done a few other things. He needs to meet with Isak tomorrow. I have given him Isak’s number and your number. Did you talk to Isak about it? Is he OK with everything?

+44077872123329: Hi My name is PC Andrew McCartney and I am with the Hate crimes department at the Metropolitan police. Jonas Vasquez gave me your number with regards to our meeting tomorrow. I will meet you at your address at 4 if that suits you, Mr Vasquez gave me the address and told me that Mr Valtersen might be more comfortable meeting with me at home. Kind rgds.

ISAK: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breno is a real person and an awesome dude. He spends his days taking cabin crew from airlines all over the world on days out in Rio. And his tattoo's are fantastic. Even the ones on his face.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I really am. Just trust me on this.

19  
EVEN  
I take one step in front of the other through the airport. One foot in front of the other. Left. Right. Following Isak like a shadow. 

He swats my hand away when I try to take it. He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t speak to me all the way home in the car. 

We are all tired. 

I know what I have done. I have done it before. I do it a lot. Put my nose where it doesn’t belong. I try to fix things. My brain has these great ideas of how to fix other people’s lives, and I get stuck in and do things without thinking. Mum used to say I should put as much effort into fixing my own. I seem to suck at my own life.

I feel like shit. I know I messed up. I know I hurt Isak. I should have talked to him, like I talked to Jonas. I wonder if Jonas is in trouble too. I wonder if Isak has told him to fuck off too.

Birgit goes to bed when we get in, leaving me in the kitchen slumped on a chair at the table, whilst Isak paces the room. 

‘’You haven’t listened to a word I have said, have you?’’ He snarls. He is angry. Shaking and throwing his tie on the table.  
‘’I know. I should have spoken to you.’’  
‘’I thought you cared Even. I thought you understood me.’’  
‘’I love you, you know that.’’  
‘’Funny way of showing it. Going behind my back and calling the fucking police. Have you got any idea what will happen? The shit that I will have to go through?’’

I don’t. I didn’t think that far. 

‘’Do you realize how fucking embarrassing this is for me to talk about? To have to tell someone that I am being bullied and that I do nothing to stop it? That I let someone beat the crap out of me, and I do nothing? It’s my fucking choice. It’s my life. Not yours Even. Nobody else’s choice. I have one more week Even. One more week. And you have to go and fuck it up. You have no idea what you have done. None. NONE.’’

Isak's arms are flaying. His voice hitched. Pacing the room. Whilst I hang my head. I have nothing to say. There is nothing I can say to make things better.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’You are not sorry Even. You are just like the rest of them. They turn up here and think they are going to be the one to save me. The ones who will make my life all right. Save the poor boy whose mother leaves him here on his own, the poor boy that has no friends. They all thought they could save me. Make me happy, make me be their fucking friend. Fucking idiots. All of you. Nobody can save me Even, not even you. I can’t even save myself. ‘’

‘’I was not trying to save you. Well maybe I was, I was just hoping that we could fix this so you wouldn’t have to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder. I was hoping we could end this. End it all. Finished. No more. I don’t want you to be scared anymore. I don’t want to be scared. I want it all to end so we can move on. So, you and I can move on.’’  
‘’I don’t care Even. I really don’t care. I am never coming back here again. Once school is finished I am gone. Mum is going to sell the house and move in with Pete, and I am disappearing. I am never coming back here again, so why would it matter? Couldn’t you just have let me? Can’t you just let me have this? I just want to finish school. So I can look myself in the mirror and say that I did this. I finished school. I survived it. And it’s done.’’

‘’Where are you going to go Isak?’’  
‘’Anywhere but here.’’  
‘’You will kind of have to tell me. Because wherever you are going, I am coming with you’’

Isak doesn’t reply. He just walks out the door and slams the kitchen door shut behind him. 

ISAK

I feel OK. I have done it. I have ended this mess I got myself into. I know how to do this. I know how to shut people out, how to shut myself down. I know how to protect myself. Shut everything out. Just breathe. Silence. It’s just me now. Me on my own, and I can go back to the plan, the life I have mapped out. 

I need to get a grip on these schools. I have letters to open. Emails to deal with. I need to know where I am going. I need to find somewhere to live. I need to organize my things. Most of the shit that is in this room I am going to just dump. There is nothing here I need. Maybe just a few little things to remind me of when I was happy. I let my finger stroke the drawings on my wall. Then I rip them down and throw them in the bin. 

There is a soft knock on my door. I know who it will be.  
‘’I brought you a cup of tea baby. Tea fixes everything. You taught me that.’’  
I just slam the lock shut. There. He can’t come in. Take a hint pal.  
‘’Isak. Please.’’

I can hear him slide down against the outside of the door. He is sitting outside my door. Making me feel all uneasy and nervous. Just piss off. Just leave me alone.

I get undressed. Put some joggers on. Sniff a t-shirt. 

I stink of aircraft. Off sweat. Off an all-nighter on a dirty airplane. I don’t care. I am just going to lie here and sleep in my stinky skin. On my own. Like I always have. I don’t need him. I don’t. 

EVEN: Since you won’t let me in I will sit here and text you instead.  
EVEN: You don’t have to reply.  
EVEN: If you want your tea just open the door and grab it. I will just sit here. Promise. No dirty tricks.

I don’t want his fucking tea. I could kill for a cup of tea. I hate Even. Bloody persuasive arrogant twat of a dickhead. Self centered idiot. 

ISAK: Fuck you.  
EVEN: I love you.  
EVEN: Tea’s getting cold. Don’t worry. If you want a hot one just say. I will go down and make you another one. Are you hungry? We have nothing in the fridge, but I can make you some spaghetti. You don’t have to talk to me. 

EVEN: I am sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have tried to understand.  
EVEN: I won’t try to make you do anything you don’t want to do.  
EVEN: Just remember that I am the guy who loves you. I am the guy who loves you so much that I fucked up, because I was trying to make things better for you. I understand. I know it was the wrong thing to do. I know you feel like I went behind your back. I know it was wrong. I understand.

EVEN: There are a lot of things I don’t understand about you. There are things I know that I will never understand. Things like that you touch me and I get goose bumps. The way your lips curl at the edge of your mouth. Why you have so many dimples. Why I love having your hair in my face when I sleep, even though I wake up with strands of hair in my mouth.

EVEN: I don’t understand why you drink tea. I don’t understand why you like me. Well you don’t like me very much right now. I get that. I don’t understand how you can eat so many bags of crisps. Or why you can drink 4 bottles of Coke and not get a headache. 

EVEN: I don’t understand how you can keep secrets. I can’t. I have to tell you everything. Because I love you. Well I kept this a secret. I was just scared to tell you. I was scared you would hate me. That you would get angry with me. I knew you would. I do listen. 

ISAK: I am going to turn my phone off now. 

EVEN: OK. I am here if you need me. I love you.  
EVEN: I am sorry.  
EVEN: I am not moving. Just so you know. I am not leaving. I never would. 

EVEN: I mean it. Wherever you think you are going to disappear to, please let me come with you. Please. Please don’t leave me.

EVEN: Please don’t break up with me. Please. Isak. Please. 

 

I need to take a leak. I do. I am not opening the door though. I know I am being a twat. I know he is sad. I am shit at being me. I suck at living my life. Not even an hour has passed, and I am already on the verge of opening the door and curling up in his arms. 

I couldn’t save myself if my life depended on it. I just don’t know how to. I don’t know how to make things better. I only know how to run. How to hide. How to hide in my room until everything goes away. 

I am stubborn as hell. I also know Even has no chill. He is even more stubborn than me. I have no doubt that if I went to sleep I would get up tomorrow morning and he would be sitting outside my door with about ten cold cups of tea that he has made. Just in case. He is like that.

He might not know me at all but I know him. 

I am also thinking that maybe talking to this police dude might be a good idea. It’s the worst idea in the world. I just can’t think straight. I don’t trust myself. I trust Even. Even is a lying backstabbing son of a bitch. Still I want him. I miss him. 

I am not opening the door. 

I can hear him move around out there. Just leaning over to the other side of the door frame. Then getting up. Soft taps of footsteps going downstairs. 

I sneak. I tiptoe like a child. Open the door and go to the bathroom. Lock the door quietly. Wash my face. I look like shit, all fading sunburn and chapped lips and messy hair. I don’t even brush my teeth. Just unlock the door. Quietly. Padding my footsteps along the carpet. 

‘’Baby’’

I jump. I didn’t see him there. My beautiful boy. He looks like he has been crying. He looks like hell. He is just standing there on the top step. Phone in his hand. Still in his jeans and that shirt. Yet he does that thing that he does to me. He makes my body all warm. Just the way he looks at me. The way he moves that ridiculous stray strand of hair away from his forehead. 

I am not proud of myself. I am not good at being me. I can’t do this on my own, I can’t be me. I can’t be me and I can’t let him go. 

This ridiculous strange sound comes out of my mouth. Then I throw myself at him.

My hands are in his hair and I am pulling. Grasping. Fisting his hair. I can hear him wince. I am probably hurting him. Not that he can protest, because his mouth is on mine and I am walking him into the door frame until he is pinned firm and held tight. Quiet. His arms around my waist and his tongue in my mouth. 

I bite. I pull. I push him through the door. I think he slams his hip into the bedpost when I throw him down on the bed. He deserves it. He deserves everything he gets. And I am on top of him ripping the buttons of his shirt. Straddling his body and ripping the fabric over his shoulders. Pinning him to the bed. He is looking at me. His eyes are black. His mouth open. I can’t even look at him back. So, I don’t. I am just going to take what is mine. Because I need him. 

This is not about us. This is not about me. This is about sex. And anger. And all the words I want to say to him that I can’t let out. I can’t even think of what I want to say. I can’t look at him. It’s too intense. And I am ashamed of myself. In so many ways. 

His shirt is gone. My t-shirt goes over my head. I throw it on the floor. I don’t care where it lands. I just aim my mouth at him and suck a bruise into his chest. Leaning over his body and letting him arch up so I can pull his jeans off. His underpants too. Pulling at his clothes and scratching his skin. Everything twisted tight around his knees. 

I flip him over. I am in control. He is letting me. He is letting me do whatever I want to him. He is letting me do this. Letting me win. Letting me show him how much hate I have in my body. How much love there is. How much I love him.

I bite him. Scratch. Suck his skin until I am sure he will bruise. Leaving a trail of destruction down his back. Making him squirm with every touch. Moan. Shout out when my teeth mark his skin.

My fingers are kneading his arse. Licking pearls of sweat from his back. Kissing him. He is whispering that he is all mine. That he loves me. That I am his. Always. 

I am quiet. I don’t know what to say. I am just lost. I am lost without him. I am claiming him back. Taking back what is mine. 

My tongue is against his hole. Pushing. Sucking. Fingers inside him. I love him. I love how he moves underneath me. How he responds to my touch. How his voice is barely there, just whimpering and moaning and fisting the duvet cover. 

I don’t know who this person is that I have become. I thought loving him would make me strong. I thought he had made me a better person. Instead I am so damn weak. Crumbling. I am falling apart piece by piece. I am hurting. I am hurting him. And he is letting me. He is letting me pour all this anger and hurt into my kisses. Into my fingers and my hands and my cock. 

There are condoms and lube under the mattress. I know because I put them there. 

I was going to fuck him like this. From behind. Hard and fast.  
Just fuck him because I could. 

Instead I am leaning over his back and pushing into him whilst I am sobbing into his shoulder. Tears falling down my cheeks. His hand trying to comfort me. Trying to find my face so he can stroke my cheek. 

I fuck him. I fuck him hard and fast. Holding onto his hips and shouting his name through my clenched teeth when I come. Shooting inside him like there is nothing else left in the universe. 

Because there isn’t. There is nothing left if he is not there. 

He brings me down. Holds me in his arms until there are no tears left. Until I am empty and cold and I don’t have any strength left to push him away. 

I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know what I want. 

I curl into his embrace. Let my face rest against his chest where I belong. I let him hold me. I let him love the broken shell that was once me. 

I don’t even care that he never came. I am still awake when his hand stops stroking my hair and his breathing steadies. 

Sleep doesn’t claim me. I can’t. My body won’t let me. So, I don’t. 

ISAK: I have switched off your alarm and I have taken the tube to school. I need some space to think. Just let me have that. Please.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know you all hate the angst. I know we all die inside when our boys are hurting. I haven't got time to write a proper chapter so you get this instead.
> 
> I am away until next week now, and will update as soon as I have time.
> 
> All the love, always xxx

20  
Even  
EVEN: Is Isak at school? Can you just check that he is OK? He wouldn’t let me drive him.  
JONAS: Chill dude, he is fine. I’ve got him.  
EVEN: Thank you.   
EVEN: Is he OK?  
JONAS: He’s fine. Shouting at me and calling me rude names. I think he hates me. Its fine. He will get over it. He loves me really.  
EVEN: He hates my guts.  
JONAS: He loves your guts.   
EVEN: I think I fucked up. I think this whole police business was a mistake.   
JONAS: No it wasn’t. Trust me. 

 

BIRGIT: I am going out with the girls. Will be back late. Don’t wait up. See you tomorrow.   
BIRGIT: I need Cinnamon rolls. There was only 12 in the freezer. Note. Was. I will pay you double next week if you make more.   
BIRGIT: I am a terrible person.  
BIRGIT: Say no to carbs.   
BIRGIT: There are no carbs in Cinnamon rolls if you haven’t made them yourself.   
EVEN: Deal. Will make some today. Have a good night out. Thank you again for the trip. Loved it.

 

EVEN: Can I pick you up after school? I will give you space. Just need to know.   
ISAK: OK. See you later  
EVEN: Good. (heartemoji)

FREDRIK: Got a letter from the Uni Housing association. I am number 76 on the reserve list. I guess that is a BIG FAT NO to a student room then.   
JON: I got one at Drammen. Hooray. Sorry Fred, you will find something.  
FREDRIK: Even did you get a letter?  
EVEN: Need to check with Mum. What’s with the letters? Have they not heard of email? In 2017?  
YOUSEF: I am staying at home. Never moving out. I would starve to death. I love my Mum.  
MATTIAS: I am moving in with your Mum too Youss.  
MATTIAS: I’m going home tomorrow! Hooray!   
MATTIAS: Shit that means no more food deliveries from your mum Youss. I might ask to stay.  
YOUSEF: Come for dinner. Every night. Mum loves feeding you.   
MATTIAS: I am getting fat. It’s a date. See you tomorrow night.   
JON: Good News M!  
EVEN: I am no 96, I guess that is a BIG FAT NO for me too. Fancy sharing an apartment Fred?   
FREDRIK: Absolutly. Will your Isak be coming back with you?  
EVEN: Maybe. Will look up rentals tonight. Let me know if you find anything.

 

ISAK: What is your earliest memory?  
EVEN: I think Mach being born and coming home. I remember taking him out of his cot and trying to put him in the tipper on my truck. Mum was hysterical. He was only a few days old and I was pushing him around in this big metal toy truck.   
EVEN: Are you having lunch?   
ISAK: Crisps.   
EVEN: (heartemoji)

EVEN: Tell me something from your childhood that makes you smile.  
ISAK: Going to Legoland with Uncle Harry. He took us on this big rollercoaster thing and I was so frightened that I wet myself. Uncle Harry just gave me a hug and then poured his water bottle over the front of his trousers and said: There, now we both look the same. It still makes me laugh.  
EVEN: Ahhw. 

 

ISAK: When we get home will you leave me to meet with this police guy on my own? Please.  
EVEN: Of course. Anything.   
EVEN: I will be upstairs. Just text me when you need me. If you need me.   
EVEN: I love you.   
EVEN: Sorry. (heartemoji)   
EVEN: Trying not to be clingy.   
ISAK: Thanks. 

 

JONAS: Can you update me once Andy has been to see you?   
EVEN: He is here now. Isak is speaking with him.   
JONAS: OK.

 

ISAK: Andy has left. He was a cool guy.   
ISAK: I think I need pancakes. And a cup of tea.   
ISAK: I am making you a coffee.   
ISAK: FGS EVEN. I can’t do this. I need a hug. I need you.  
ISAK: OK I am coming upstairs.  
ISAK: I am a twat. You can do whatever you want. I love you.   
ISAK: How do you make pancakes? Do you need eggs?  
ISAK: I am about to make a serious mess in the kitchen. I have found the flour.  
ISAK: I can hear you coming down the stairs. That worked. You are so easy.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut-Prompt by the gorgeous Mimi (verlore_poplap). Blame her. Not me. She asked for it. (sends a gazillion love heart emojis)

21

ISAK. 

We are not fine. We are nowhere near fine. Even is all jumpy and twitchy and can barely look at me. 

I know it’s my fault. I said some horrid things to him. I pushed him away. And the bruises showing through at the top of his collar is all my doing. I don’t even dare to look at his back. I just snake my arms around him and press a tentative little kiss to his neck. Just on the purple mark on his skin. Over and over. Trying to say sorry with my lips because my voice just can’t. I just hold him tight and close my eyes and crazy hug him from behind whilst he is making pancake batter. 

He moves across to get the pan from the cupboard and I just shuffle with him like some deranged limpet stuck to his back. Not that he is pushing me away, he holds onto my arm to make sure I follow where he is going. Not that I want to let go. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will follow him. Where ever he goes. 

My socked feet almost trip him over, and he holds on to me for support, making us both giggle.  
‘’Sorry’’ I whisper.  
‘’I’m sorry too’’ he whispers back.  
I didn’t mean sorry for that. But I am. I am so sorry. 

He pours the first ladle of batter into the pan with my chin hanging over his shoulder. Just watching him cook, with his chest rising and falling under my arms. He doesn’t show off with his pan throwing stunts. He just flips the pancake with the spatula and leans his cheek over so I can press a soft kiss to his skin. 

‘’Can I be honest with you Isak, without you getting angry at me?’’ He is leaning his cheek to the side so we are skin to skin. Cheek to cheek. Both staring at his hands as he flips the finished pancake onto a plate and pours another load of batter into the pan.

‘’I promise not to go all caveman on you again. I’m sorry. I think I lost it a little yesterday. ‘’

‘’No shit Isak. I still love you though. Desperately. Sorry. I know I should give you some space. I just can’t stop telling you. I do love you. A lot. I almost woke you up last night to shout at you that I fucking love you and I need you to know that. I didn’t though. I think you would have punched me in the face.’’

‘’I would never do that. I love you too. I am just not used to this. I never had someone that meant something to me try to rescue me before.’’

‘’I am not trying to rescue you.’’

‘’Liar. I know how you work Even. You are trying to get me to come home with you so you can keep me with you. You are like my Prince Charming trying to whisk me off to his Norwegian castle and we will live happily ever after.’’  
‘’Yes, apart from that My castle will be a shitty shared apartment in a crap suburb of Oslo where we will eat shit food for the next three years because we won’t be able to afford anything. Your Prince Charming will be a very poor student. Doing Community service, so I can’t even get a job for extra cash.’’  
‘’I don’t care Even. I really don’t. I lied when I said that I don’t need saving. I can’t do this on my own. I think I need saving. I need to get out of here.’’  
‘’I know you do.’’ He flips another pancake out of the pan. I lean even more into him to the point that he has to brace himself against the stove. 

‘’I love it here. I love living here with you and your Mum, and this is your home. This is where your friends are. I just know that I can’t leave you behind. I need you to come with me. I need to be with you. I am a fucking selfish bastard even telling you that, because it is your life, and I have no idea if you even want to move to Norway or if your Mum will kill me for trying to take you away from her.’’ 

‘’I have applied for a few schools in Norway. I didn’t get into two of them. I am still waiting to hear from one that does a University prep course that sounded really good. I need to get used to studying in Norwegian so I think it would be a helpful course to do. I am kind of clinging to the hope that I get in there, because that would kind of fix everything.’’

He swings around in my embrace so fast that I almost fall over, with him in my arms. Our feet stepping on each other’s toes and his lips smashing into mine. 

I am breathless when he finally lets go. Lets me catch my breath, whilst his nose is against mine and our foreheads are touching and his arms are around my neck. Then his lips are back on mine. Doing those uncoordinated hard sloppy kisses that only Even can do, making me giggle softly whilst being totally under attack from his ridiculously wonderful ideas of how to kiss. 

‘’You have just made me incredibly happy baby. God please get into the prep program. I am going to be praying to every fucking God under the sun until we hear back. We need this. You need this. I fucking need this to happen. ‘’

I kind of just laugh in his face. Somehow, I feel like I have got him back. That he loves me. That I didn’t fuck us up. I honestly thought I had. I thought I had ruined us. 

I kiss him back. Hold him tight as he swears over the pancake in the pan that is burned to a crisp. Smoke everywhere. My hands on his chest. My lips on his neck. 

‘’Whatever happens I will come with you. If you will let me. If you still want me after you spend another four weeks with me. That’s what we have left isn’t it? Four weeks before you leave.’’

‘’Four weeks until we leave. you and me. Together.’’ He lets out a little sigh. Leans into me. Flips the pancake over. ‘’Will your mum hate me if I take you away from her?’’

‘’No, she always says I should go and live in Norway for a while and discover my Viking roots. Apparently, it would be good for me. Enrich my Scandinavian soul or something.’’ I kiss his neck again. Let him nuzzle into my cheek. ‘’Mum is selling this house anyway, we have already agreed that, so I need to go somewhere, and I know Mum will be happier that I am with you than on my own in some shitty student dorm in Bristol. I got a place there by the way, and a room in the dorms on campus. Not that I am going. I thought it would be a good idea to go there because I could easily get to Pete’s in the Cotswolds at the weekends to see Mum, but I can just as easily fly into Heathrow from Oslo and see her. Now that you are officially on her Staff Travel list we can come and go whenever we feel like it, and go with her on trips if you are brave enough to do another one.’’ 

Gosh I am rambling. I just can’t stop talking, and hugging him and smelling him and stealing little pieces of pancake that he is feeding me. Just dipping them in his Nutella jar and placing them on my tongue over his shoulder. Whilst I spill verbal diahorrea whilst chewing and grabbing his arm begging for more when he tries to feed himself. He is mine. The pancakes are mine. I am a child. And he loves me. 

‘’Would she let me? That would be amazing. I would love to go on another trip.’’ I get another piece of pancake placed on my tongue. And then he smears Nutella on my nose. 

‘’I’ll ask Mum what else she has on her schedule before we go back. Maybe we could go to New York of something. ‘’ I get pancake stuffed in my face for that. And kisses on my cheek.  
‘’That would be amazing. Tell your mum I will happily forgo my wages for a ticket. I know it’s not exactly cheap to bring us both away.’’  
‘’Even, I think she can afford to keep you in ice-cream and coffee, that’s all you bought in Rio. Oh, yes and your flip flops.’’  
‘’And dinner and hang gliding and all the other stuff we did. It must have cost a fortune.’’  
‘’You know Mum. She will have bargained for a discount and talked Breno into giving her freebies. She can be very convincing, my Mum.’’  
‘’Very persuasive your Mum, I know. Did she tell you she is bribing me to fill the freezer with Cinnamon Buns?’’

I just kiss him. Again, and again. Clinging to his back. I am never letting him go. Fuck my stubborn morals and ideas and all that shit. I need him. And he is mine. 

EVEN

Isak sat on my lap all evening, then slept on top of me with his arms around my neck. I didn’t mind though. It was almost like he needed to re-claim me. That he needed me to know that I am his. That he is mine. That we have this. Him and I. 

We sat at the kitchen table this morning looking through ads for flat shares, and rentals. There are some fantastic big apartments that would be a good deal if there is a few of us, but in a way, I would love to just have a small place for us. Maybe share with Fred. Maybe just rent a one bed studio. All we need is a kitchen and a bed. Really. Maybe a table to study at. Not much. 

He looked happy though, like something has lifted, and this weight has fallen off his shoulders.

I love Him. I have loved every version of him that I have known, but this one is emerging, like a butterfly coming out of it’s pupa, and this Isak is just stunning. Smiling to himself as he sips his tea and scans google maps for Oslo suburbs. Laughing at me balancing my slice of toast between my lips as I fiddle around with estate agent sites, and finn.no. He is happy. And that knot in my stomach that I have carried around for the last week seems to be dissolving, but my heart has tied a new one in my chest. I need Isak to get into that course. Yet if he doesn’t he is still coming home with me.

I drive him to school. Kiss him in the car before he gets out. He doesn’t even flinch. Just hugs me back and whispers that he loves me so fucking much it hurts. 

ISAK: Just had a call from Andy, the police guy, we have an appointment at the magistrate’s court at 1, Jonas is coming with me. Restraining order will be in effect from today if it all goes through. Will text you when we are done.  
ISAK: Love you.  
EVEN: Do you want me to come? I can be there asap?  
ISAK: No, Jonas and I have got this. It’s fine.  
EVEN: You OK?  
ISAK: I will be. 

EVEN: Keep him safe. Call me if you need me, can come get you after.  
JONAS: Chill Bro. He’s fine.  
EVEN: Thank you. I worry too much.  
JONAS: Let him do this on his own. He is being fucking brave.  
EVEN: I know. (Heart emoji)

EVEN: You seen the ad for a sublet two bed flat at Grünerløkka?  
FREDRIK: Which one? In this place? https://www.sio.no/bolig/boligoversikt/gr%C3%BCnerl%C3%B8kka-studenthuss  
EVEN: Damn it’s already gone. It’s a jungle out there. Everyone is desperate.  
FREDRIK: I’m looking out in Bekkestua now. Just want to cry. It’s hopeless. I will be living at home until I am 40.  
EVEN: We will find something. Isak is coming home with me. (happy dance emoji) (heart emoji) so we are 3 to split the bills. Need to get Isak into his course. You will like him. He’s great.  
FREDRIK: I trust you. I’m sure we will get on fine.  
EVEN: He is my baby. (heart emoji)  
FREDRIK: You are such a sap. Can’t believe I am considering moving in with you two. (heartemoji) 

I am a nervous wreck. I just want Isak back home. I seriously almost get in the car a few times to go and find where this court place is. I just want to make sure he is OK.

Instead I eat more chocolate than I should, and bake. I load up a YouTube tutorial for giant cinnamon knots and practice until I am sure the dough has gone off the rise. It hasn’t though. My knots are perfect and golden. With just a little too much flour everywhere. Birgit squeals when she turns up in her pyjamas at midday. She has about 5 for breakfast, or lunch, or whatever timezone it is in Birgit-world. 

Then she almost has a fit and hugs me to death when I ask if she would hate me forever if I take Isak home with me after summer. 

I feel a little bit better after that. She loves me too. She tells me that, quite a few times in-between long ramblings about that Isak needs a change of scenery and he needs to live his life and she would never stop him going anywhere. That he is the light of her life and the best son in the whole world and she loves him so much that most of the time she wants to cry, but that he will be safe with me. That I will look after him. And that she loves that he will be going to Norway so she finally has a reason to go home again. Not that it would be good for her waistline because she will just park herself at that bakery in departures at the airport and eat pastries until she falls asleep. Says they are almost as good as my Skolebroed which she can’t believe I made. 

The icing is perfect on my skolebroed. It has set the coconut and the English custard has set in the middle just like it should. I am pretty proud. My head is spinning after eating one of them. Too much sugar again, and the nerves in my stomach are back. I need Isak home. Safe. With me. Fuck everything else.

I end up going shopping. Doing the weekly shop and trying to get my list in order. Picking stuff up, then putting them down again. I want to make Fishcakes. I think we should have meatballs again. I could make a curry. I haven’t got a fucking clue what I want to cook. I buy frozen pizzas. Then put them back. Then go and get them from the freezer again. I mean they are buy one get one free. Pizza is good. 

JONAS: Just dropped Isak off at home. Need to go. See you tomorrow. Can I grab a lift with you tomorrow after school?  
EVEN: Yes. No probs. Thank you. Did everything go well?  
JONAS: All done. Elias is now not allowed within 100feet of Isak. That’s going to be fun at school. Andy will serve the papers to the school this afternoon.  
EVEN: And what happens if he does?  
JONAS: Arrest. It’s the proper thing. Talk later. X

 

I drive the car like I stole it. I probably run a red light. I need to calm the fuck down. I don’t understand how Isak does this to me. I never felt this protective of anyone before. My brothers, yes, I mean I would lie down in front of a tram for my brothers, but Isak. I need him. I need him to be safe and happy and mine. Preferably naked in bed. Or out of a bed. I am not picky. As long as he is naked and I am naked and we are kind of fucking. Or something. 

He is fast asleep on the sofa. No school uniform, just joggers and a t-shirt and a little line of drool out of his mouth snuggled into the pillow and half covered with a blanket. Poor baby. He must have been exhausted. 

I press a tiny kiss to his temple. Then I shuffle around and put all the shopping away. Trying to open and shut cupboards quietly. Jumping when I slam the freezer door shut by mistake. He is still asleep.

An hour later I have had enough sitting on the armchair watching him. He has had a nap. Birgit has gone out. I mean. I am horny. He is sexy. And he loves me. And his joggers have slid down revealing the top of his bum. Just taunting me. Teasing me. 

I sit down on the floor. Crawl up towards him. Then I let my tongue paint a little line from the base of his spine down to the crack of his arse. Tickling him. Kissing his cheeks as I part them with my fingers. Licking. Tasting. Kissing. Pushing a little against his hole as he squirms and jerks away from me.

Oh. He’s awake now. Good. I kiss his bum. Kiss his back. Grab his hips and pull them towards me. 

He moans when I get my tongue back where it belongs. Right over his hole. Flicking and prodding whilst my fingers hold him open, and his hand covers mine. Holds onto my fingers. Lifts his leg up so I can get better access.

He shivers. Trembles when my tongue pushes through. I love the smell of him. Naughty and strong. Almost a bit taboo, like I shouldn't be doing this. Yet I do. And I love it. He loves it too. I know he does. He is whispering ‘’don’t stop. Fucking don’t stop.’’ 

I have lube in my pocket. I am prepared. Always prepared. I need him. And after the day he has I need him to forget for a while. To just let me take him, and let him drift with me. Let us just fuck into oblivion. Until we are sated and exhausted and relieved and calm and us. Loved and being loved.

My fingers are slick and wet. His arse is just begging for them. Soft and relaxed. Clenching around me. Little soft moans as I kiss Isak's hips. As I bury my face in his groin as he turns around. Blonde fuzzy hair against my nose. Under my lips. Cock sliding into my mouth as my fingers fuck him. 

I know where his prostate is now. He knows it too. He angles his hips up and I stroke it. Hard fast little strokes against the bump under my fingers that make him arch and roar and whimper. There is sweat in his curls. Damp on his skin. His eyes closed and his chest rising and falling. Hard and fast. 

‘’Please baby. Fuck Even.’’ He is panting hard. Squirming under my assault. I am taking his cock all the way to the back of my throat. Swallowing hard around the head as it goes deep. Choking a little when he pushes in too far. My eyes watering. My jaw aching. My fingers fucking him.

I let his cock go, and he turns around so fast that I have to grip his hips not to fall. I scratch him. He moans. Sticks his bum out at me, on all fours.

Tells me to fuck him like I mean it. Fucking hell Isak. 

I do though. I have the condom on so fast I almost lose my balance and fall off the sofa. Lube it up. I need to find the wrapper later. Don’t care where it went. Lube. Slick his hole up. Ridiculous sexy sounds coming from him. I want this to last. I want to fuck him all afternoon until we are both red and sore and can’t stand up.

I push in. Hard. Fast. Fucking him like I mean it. I know what its like. He is going to feel me all day tomorrow. Know who he belongs to. Know that he is mine. That I am his. That this is us. 

I pull him up towards me so I can wrap my arms around his chest and get my mouth on his. Slam him against the back of the sofa so his face is crushed against the wall, his cock sliding against the fabric. My cock fucking him. Hard and fast. My tongue in his mouth. His hands bracing against the wallpaper, holding us up. My hips moving so fast that my head is spinning, and my nails are digging deep into his skin. 

He grabs my hand and we hold his cock. Letting him jerk between our fingers whilst I slam into him. It’s not pretty. It’s not slick. I am dripping in sweat. My hand dripping in his come.

His body is limp. I am frozen rigid as my orgasm claims me. Stiff as a board. Shouting out things that I can’t even make sense off. I just keep coming. It’s never ending. I just shoot and shoot. Shaking and trembling against his back. 

We can’t hold ourselves up. I just pull him with me as we fall on the sofa. Clinging to him as he clings to the backrest so we don’t end up on the floor. Him and I. 

He is still fully clothed. So Am I. My limp cock resting on top of my belt. Shorts slung low over my hips. His joggers twisted around his knees. His T-shirt damp against his chest.  
We don’t say a word. Just make ourselves decent and hold each other. 

I will bring the blanket from my room down later. I have some more stains on this damn sofa to cover up. 

I’m sorry. But I’m not. 

ISAK:

Even is cooking. We are having frozen Pizza, because he can’t get his brain to function to cook anything else after that afternoon shag. I blew him in the kitchen when he was trying to sort stuff out for dinner and he just lost it. Came all over the side of the cooker when I stuck my tongue in his arse, and, well, pizza it is. 

I need Ice cream. I have decided that I need Ice cream. So, I am popping my shoes on and heading down to the corner shop for some Green and Blacks Organic Vanilla. It’s my favourite. I mean vanilla ice cream is vanilla ice cream, but this one is just yummy. Just as it is. Two spoons. One tub. Perfect.

He kisses me by the door. Deep and soft. God, I love him. I love him so much. Then I skip down the step and fiddle with my phone down the street. I love the idea of going to Oslo. I keep looking at photos. Looking at the pictures of the water. The ocean. The fjords. The public transport boats. I would love to take the boat to school in the morning. I google cottages for rent. We could live in a cottage on an island. Little boat ride to the city. Get the tram to school. Then head home together in the evening. 

I am daydreaming. Smiling like a stupid person. I am just happy. I am so fucking happy.

I don’t care if I don’t get in to the course. I can get a job. I mean I have a Norwegian passport so I can work. That’s not a problem. I can make coffee. Clean offices. I don’t care as long as I am with Even. 

I could maybe do a practical course. I wonder if I can apply to be a tram driver? I can’t drive a car, but I still google it. Smiling. I wonder how you get a job driving the public ferries.

The first blow just makes me stumble. Hitting my head from behind and slamming my body into the brick wall.

It winds me and I can’t even scream. I just gasp for breath as a foot hits my hip. Falling helplessly to the ground as the bricks scratch the palms of my hands. Dirt gathering under my nails as I try to control the fall.

There is another blow to my head, hitting my cheek. Then my nose. There is blood. I don’t even register the pain.

Another blow to my chest. Then my head slams into the brick.

I curl up with my arms around my head. Try to protect myself. Try to scream but there is another kick to my ribs and the pain whites everything out. I can’t even think anymore. I can’t do anything.

At least I had Even. At least I was loved. He loved me. And I loved him. Oh Even.

Another kick hits my head.

Then everything is quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. Trust me. This is the end of the darkness. This fic will now go into fluff and love overload. Trust me. Nothing bad will happen to our boys from now on.
> 
> I am so sorry to end the chapter on a bad note, but this had to happen to make way for what happens next. My favourite chapter coming up, which is something I was picturing from the start of this story. I hope that you will love it as much as I do.


	22. Chapter 22

22  
ISAK

‘’Hi Sweetie, can you hear me? Isak? Wake up sweetie? Hey, there you are! I’m Lizzie, I’m a nurse here. Now let’s check that blood pressure again. I am just going to borrow your arm again sweetie. How are you feeling? Any pain? You are due another shot of painkillers so I can give you one if you need one.’’

I am hurting. Everywhere. I just groan. I think I have forgotten how to speak and my mouth feels like the Sahara Desert. I also haven’t got a clue where I am.

‘’Do you know where you are Sweetie? Oh, I talk too much I know, I need to learn to talk less, my boyfriend keeps telling me I have terrible bedside manners, because I just talk and the poor patients cannot get a word in. Now where does it hurt?

‘’Chest. There is something on my chest. Can’t breathe’’ I don’t recognize my voice either. It’s raspy. Weak. 

‘’Oh sweetie, that’s Even’s arm. He is fast asleep. We can’t get him to leave. Well it’s not hospital policy to let family members stay over, and they are usually not allowed in the patient’s bed, but we can’t get him to leave. Let me move his arm, hang on.’’

Oh FUCK. That hurt. But the dead weight on my chest is gone and I can breathe. I gasp. And the warm body next to me shifts. Snuggles up to me and snuffles in my ear and falls back to sleep.

‘’Your blood pressure is up a little but not bad. It’s normal when you first wake up from being sedated. We had to keep you under for a while. Nothing to worry about. Concussion and bruising. Slight swelling. Do you remember what happened? Do you know what day it is?’’

I try to reply but I am a little bit confused. Even is here asleep, with his leg curled over my hip and his head on my shoulder. I must look like an idiot. I haven’t got a clue what is going on.

‘’We tried to send Even home but he wouldn’t leave, Then Mr Morrison the consultant made him go, and Paulina found him sleeping outside in the waiting area, and then security told him to go home and get a rest and Lukas spotted him sitting in the car in the car park so he brought him back up here, and gave him a cup of tea and he has been here since. I talk too much sorry. Would you like a cup of tea Sweetie? I need to check your temperature now, I am just going to stick this thing in your ear. Just lean to the side sweetie.’’ 

I lean into Evens hair. Breathe him in. He smells like home. Like Even. Why is that woman still talking?

‘’Temperature is fine Sweetie. Blood pressure again? Arm? Thank you. Here we go.’’

I am starting to panic a little. Why is that woman still here? 

‘’Even’’ I groan. 

‘’He will wake up in a minute. Don’t worry. He tends to nap a lot. You have been through a lot the two of you. We couldn’t get your blood pressure to stabilize when you came in, it was all over the place, then we sedated you because you were really distressed poor thing, and wouldn't let the doctor look at you, and every time you were coming back up your blood pressure went right up. Then it went down. We all came running and found your Even curled up with his arms around you. Fast asleep. And you were calm for the first time in days. So, we have just left him to it. I think you are very lucky Isak. That boy loves you. And I think you love him right back. I can tell. Even when you sleep. We all think you are the cutest.’’

She finally shuts up. I try to move but everything hurts. I must have whimpered a little because that woman adjusts something in my arm. ‘’There we go. You should feel better in a minute. More drugs. They might make you feel a little woozy at first but the pain will go. I am getting you a cup of tea now Sweetie. Give me a minute and I will get Lukas to come in and sit you up. We need to change your bag and your catheter too. ‘’

She leaves. Thank god. I just want to bury my face in Evens hair and sleep. I am so tired. Sleepy. I hurt. Everything hurts.

‘’Even’’ I try to nudge him. ‘’Baby’’ 

‘’Hi baby! You’re awake! Yay! Let me just get the nurse, they will want to check you over. ‘’ He is leaning up on his elbow. Hair all over the place. Big grin on his face. 

‘’No, she’s been. That woman. The one that talks too much. She’s been. Getting me tea.’’

I am slurring. Feeling a bit like I am drunk. 

‘’That’s Lizzie. Did she up your drip? Those painkillers kick ass apparently. There is a dude on the next ward with two broken legs. He says it’s like tripping. He loves it. Doesn’t want to go home. Dude is sick. Really funny.’’

‘’Where am I Even? Why are we here?’’  
He doesn't reply, and just stares at me. Cups my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. 

‘’Do you remember anything? From Wednesday? ‘’

‘’No? What happened on Wednesday?’’ I am sounding very small.  
‘’Baby’’ He strokes my cheek. Everything hurts. I still lean into his touch.  
‘’I will tell you later. Now you just need to rest. Get well. ‘’  
‘’Don’t leave me.’’  
‘’Never. You are stuck with me. I am quite happy here. We are at Charing Cross' hospital. The nurses are lovely, and I have been chatting to all the patients. Your Mum is coming in again this afternoon, she brings me breakfast and lunch, and then Mama Disi has been bringing us dinners, for both of us, but you have been under so I promised Papa Disi to slip some chilli in your drip. Just to liven you up a bit’’ 

I giggle a bit at that. My face is a bit numb. Swollen. I can’t really smile properly.

‘’Mahdi was here yesterday, and Magnus and Jonas are coming tonight. Mr Henderson from school came by on Thursday. He bought you these crazy flowers that are on the windowsill over there. He also bought a box of chocolates. I ate them. All of them. Sorry. I was just really worried about you. I will buy some more to replace them. ‘’

‘’Did the police get him?’’

Even just stares at me again. Swallows hard. Strokes my face. Nods.

‘’How much do you remember? Isak?’’  
‘’I don’t know. I remember going to the shops. Where is my phone?’’

‘’Phone is fine. I have it on charge over there. You were very very lucky baby. You had your Mum’s number and my number programmed in your phone in the Medical ID app. The ambulance crew phoned us. We got to the hospital right after you. An off-duty nurse got to you first and rang the ambulance. She saved your life.’’

‘’And him? Did they?’’ I cough a little. My throat is sore. 

‘’Your throat will be sore for a while, you had some tubes down there to help you breathe. You have 3 broken ribs and a concussion. Hairline fracture in your jaw. It’s fine. Oh, and Matthias sends his love. He feels your pain. ‘’ Even laughs a little. I try to laugh. I think I manage to smirk. 

‘’Hi Isak! I’m Lukas. I’m Polish so excuse my strange accent. If you can’t understand me just ask Even here to translate. Even gets me. He has strange accent too. We are like the foreign bro’s on this ward. Now Even get off the bed so we can get Isak here sat up. He needs tea Lizzie said. You English people and your tea. She’s making you coffee as well Even. I think she fancies you. She doesn’t make coffee for me. However much I flirt with her.’’

Lukas has no chill. I am being sat up. Pillows being plumped behind my back as I wince a little. It’s fine though. I think those drugs are working. And Even is stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. Then he has to go stand on the other side of the curtain as Lukas fiddles around with my catheter, so I can pee in a bag. Well I don’t even have to pee. The bag just fills up on its own. Cool. I don’t quite fancy getting up. 

Then Lizzie comes with a cup of tea with a straw. Which I just stare at but my hands are shaking and Even has to hold the cup. Makes me take tiny sips whilst he kisses my fingers. Tells me stupid little stories about the other patients on the ward. Gossip about the nurses. 

‘’Even, did the police get him?’’ I don’t remember it all but I kind of do. I know the only way I ended up here is because of Elias. It’s inevitable. It’s my life.

He kisses me. Kisses my lips. Properly. A little bit of tongue. Hands around my face. I love his kisses. I love him.

‘’Isak. Elias came after you with his brother and Hassan. There were three of them. You didn’t stand a chance. They ran off when Mr Khan from the shop spotted them on his CCTV. They only got about 10 good kicks in, then they ran off. The police have the CCTV footage. Mr Khan is a bit of a tech wiz so the film is really clear. They have the evidence. All 3 are in custody. There will be a trial but you don’t have to physically be in court. You have the option of doing a video testimony, but not until you are ready. There is no rush. Andy and his colleague were here on Thursday and took photos off your injuries whilst you were under. Your Mum signed all the forms. It’s all done. All you have to do is get well. Then we go home.’’

I don’t know what to say. I just stare at him. Tears falling down my cheeks. I don’t know why I am crying. I am not even sad. Maybe relieved. Maybe.

‘’It’s over Isak. He can’t hurt you again. By the time we go to Norway he will be sitting in some dodgy prison playing ping pong and eating pot noodles. You will never see him again. Oh, and Mr Henderson brought your certificates and report cards. You are not expected back at school. He signed you off. All done. Graduated. Congratulations Mr V. You are a free man.’’

I am drained. Sleepy. Needy. 

‘’Even can you come lie with me again?’’

He doesn’t say anything. Just crawls under the covers with me and kisses my bruised skin. Holds me as I drift.

‘’Isak? Hi Honey. I’m Cara, your nurse. I am just going to check your vitals honey.’’  
‘’Even?’’ I can’t feel him.  
‘’Even has gone to have a shower. I brought him some clean clothes to change into as well. How are you feeling baby boy?’’  
‘’Hi Mum. I feel like I have been run over by a truck. Can you get Even back for me? I need Even’’ 

I am slurring again. They must have given me more drugs. Good. I like drugs.

‘’Even will be back. 2 minutes’ honey. I am just going to remove your catheter now and then when you need to pee we will bring you a bottle. Ok Honey? Just take a deep breath. Here we go.  
Oh Fuck. That hurt. Bloody hell. And she claims to be a nurse? I think she just ripped the inside of my dick out. And now I need to wee. Fucking hell. 

‘’Even.’’ I whimper.

‘’Bloody Even, what about me? I’m your Mum remember? I am getting jealous baby boy. Now what do you need. Let Even have his shower. Cup of tea? ‘’  
‘’I need the loo Mum. Do you want to take me or shall I hang on for Even? ‘’  
‘’EVEN!!’’ Mum gets up. She even bangs on the door, the one that says toilet. And a very wet Even in sticks his head out. Wearing just underpants.  
‘’Isak needs the loo. Sort him out Even.’’ Mum sits back down in the chair. I try to move. Laugh because I have no coordination. No strength. My chest hurts when I laugh.  
‘’Bottle. We need that bottle.’’ Even should be a nurse. He is good. And the nurse that must be Cara just hands Even a bed pan thingy and leaves with a snicker. Apparently a half naked wet Even is normal. Apparently a half naked wet Even with a bed pan is totally fine. 

He gets the covers off my legs, which makes me gasp. I am kind of bruised. Purple and green and yellow on my thigh. No underpants on. Dick hanging out from under the hospital gown that I am wearing. And My Mum just laughs and walks out of the room. Muttering about too much naked skin and needing brain bleach. 

‘’Don’t worry baby. Bruises fade. You are OK. I’ve got you. ‘’  
‘’Is Mum OK?’’ I can’t but worry.  
‘’She is fine. She has taken some time off work, and has been here every day. You have never been alone. And there is security on this ward so nobody comes in here that hasn’t been approved by your Mum. She has even written a list. Oh, and your Uncle Harry was here! God what a cool bloke. Loved him. I told him he has to come to Oslo and see us. We will take him on the full tour and do the whole tourist thing. He looks like some kind of Rockstar. The nurses were going crazy out there. He said he was a plumber though. Is he? He doesn’t look like a plumber.’’

Even grabs my dick. Shoves it down the neck of this bed pan thingy bottle. I manage to wee. It stings like hell but I do it. A few teaspoons. Pathetic. 

‘’Uncle Harry used to be a Rockstar. Then he had a restaurant. Likes to bake, so opened a bakery. Then sold it. He is a seriously cool dude. He is always studying all kinds of shit so it wouldn’t surprise me if he has gone and qualified as a plumber. He has a degree in accounting, a masters in English literature and some French chef degree. Fucking crazy as always Uncle Harry. Glad you met him. ‘’

He kisses me. Just little soft pecks on my lips.  
‘’Hungry?’’  
I nod.  
‘’Even? ‘’  
‘’Yes Baby?’’  
‘’You are pretty naked and my dick is hanging out. Do we have any clothes?’’

He laughs and covers me up. Plumps my pillow behind my back. Empties the bedpan in the toilet and pulls a t-shirt over his head. Then he crawls back in bed with me. Under the covers. Cuddles up with his head on my shoulder. Arm gently on my hip.

‘’You scared me baby. I thought I had lost you. I died a little that evening. I was hysterical in the taxi on the way to the hospital. ‘’  
‘’Sorry, I’m sorry you had to go through that.’’  
‘’You’re sorry? Don’t apologize for anything Isak. Not ever. I’ve got you back. I am so fucking relieved and grateful that you are here. That you are OK.’’  
‘’Thank you for staying with me.’’  
‘’I told you I wouldn’t leave you. I am crap at giving you space. Clingy as fuck. Pathetically attached. God knows what the Nurses think of me. And that Dr Morrison thinks I’m nuts. He is ready to have me committed. I kind of hide in the toilet every time he does the rounds.’’

I giggle. Lean in so he can kiss me again. Just softly. Like he is scared that I will break. 

‘’I don’t need space. I think clingy as fuck is great. I like clingy as fuck.’’

‘’I love you Isak. I think you might be the love of my life. Man of my dreams. All that shit.’’

I want to say it back. Tell him how much I love him back. Tell him that I need him. That I never want to be without him. Ever. Instead I just close my eyes. Drown in his warmth. In the scent of him. Held and loved.

I wake up to the room filling with people, and My mum is kissing my cheek, and Mama Disi is loading up takeaway containers by my feet and Mahdi and Hani are crowding me with hugs and yes, Magnus is pretty much lying down in bed with me shouting that thank God, it's his time to have a go because Even has been hogging the bed for days and he hasn’t had a go at having Man-Cuddles with me yet. Which he does. He clings to me and gives me a loud kiss on my cheek and I am laughing and wheezing a little when he hugs me too tight, and then Even is shouting that we need to keep the noise down before Dr Morrison comes and has us all committed. I am smiling. Giggling. Jonas is on the chair by the bed, with his feet casually up on the windowsill, telling some story from school. Mama Disi is handing out plates with food and Mum is talking and everyone is laughing.

I think I might be happy. I am not alone. I am fucking overwhelmed with all this bloody friendship. In a good way. Mahdi is leaning against Even chatting whilst ripping flatbreads into little strips and Mum is carrying in some more chairs and it’s a freaking party. With Fanta. Mama Disi and her freaking Fanta. I am laughing too much, my cheeks are hurting. My ribs aching a little. I lean back into the pillows. 

I manage a few mouthfuls. Magnus gets a straw and offers me a sip of Fanta. Then I close my eyes.

I drift. I fall asleep, surrounded by laughter and voices. I just snooze. Smiling a little. Tired. Happy.

I am not alone. I am loved. Even loves me. They all fucking love me. 

‘’Hi I’m Madalyn, the night nurse. Just checking your vitals doll. You OK? Do you want some tea?’’ 

I stick my arm out. I know the drill now. Let her take my temperature. Shake my head when she asks if I want some painkillers. 

They have taken my drip out too. I am free. I can move so I turn carefully onto my good side. Into Even’s arms. He shifts a little in his sleep. Wraps his arm around my waist.  
His chin is resting in my hair. My face snuggles up to his chest. He is warm. I am safe. I drift again. Then we sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heavily sponsored by FAZER milk chocolate as supplied by the Finnish SKAM fan group. Thank you thank you thank you. It was absolutly heavenly. Note WAS. It might all be gone now. Ahem. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!xxx
> 
> As always thank you to EVAK4EVER for prompting and sorting my head out. Best support person ever. Fact.

ISAK

I have been in hospital for two weeks. Wasted two weeks of summer. Well I lie, I haven’t wasted anything. I have spent two weeks with Even. I wouldn’t call that wasted in any sense of the word. We have talked. Cuddled. Slept a lot. 

I know all the nurses on ward 8B by name. I know all about their families, what they eat for lunch, what they read, what’s on their Spotify playlists and if they have been to the toilet.

I started asking them back when they wouldn’t leave my bowel movements out of their morning checks. I hurt my head and my ribs. My cock and arse are working fine thank you very much. So, every morning they will ask if I have had bowel movements and I will ask when they last took a dump. 

They all tell me. Even has threatened to make a flow chart. I think he is getting bored. He has also promised to bake all these different cakes and things to bring in for everyone next week. Because we are leaving. We are going home. Today. 

In a way, I don’t want to go, because I have loved having Even all to myself. Just lying in bed watching rubbish on TV and eating chocolate and having the boys come and visit. I have also loved seeing Mum every day. Strangely enough she says she has enjoyed being home. Sorting things out that she usually never has time to do, and clearing out her office. She has also put our house up for sale. Said that it is time to go live our lives and not hang on to this house that clearly is no use for anyone anymore. I don’t want to be there and Mum wants to live with Pete. I don’t blame her. He is a nice enough bloke and he clearly loves Mum. I want her to be happy, and she says she is. She says he loves her and that is all she can ever ask for. 

I know what she means now and it makes me all warm and mushy inside. I am becoming a sap. I think the kicks to my head has messed with my brain. I am all emotional over Even. I can’t stop hugging him. Clinging to him in the car. Arms around his neck. Face buried in his chest whilst Mum drives us home. 

The FOR-SALE sign outside makes me laugh. I don’t know why. This is the house I grew up in. Where all my childhood memories are stored. Yet it is time. I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel sad at all. Instead Even takes a photo of me and Mum by the sign, and we are both smiling. 

Then Mum and Even make me walk with them to the corner shop. Even says we must. That we need to do it right now before I get scared and paranoid about it. We are reclaiming the streets he laughs. Making them ours. I will never walk here feeling afraid. I will never walk here and worry that something will happen to me, because Even is right next to me and I will never be alone again.

There is nothing on the ground to show that I was once lying there. The brick wall looks like a brick wall. I really don’t remember much. And if I do, well I seem to have forgotten it, like it really doesn’t matter anymore. I just stare at the wall and let Even stroke my back. Then I kiss him and take Mum’s hand. This place is just that. A place where something bad once happened. I won’t let it become anything else than that. I simply won’t. My life is mine now. No one else’s.

Mum and Mr Khan at the corner shop, greet each other like they are best friends, which is weird. I mean this is London. You don’t talk to your neighbours. You don’t talk to random people at the bus stop. You most definitely don’t talk to the dude behind the counter at the corner shop, apart from ‘’Good Morning Mate, and thank you’’. 

Yet Mustafa, which his name is, hugs Mum and then squeezes me to death whilst shouting for Jamila, who turns out to be Mrs Khan, who then hugs me to death again, whilst they both ramble on about praying for me every day and they can’t believe I am the same boy that they thought had died on their doorstep. 

Mustafa shows us his cool CCTV setup. Shows off his remote controlled 360 degree cameras, and lets us have a go at watching the road and the back entrance to the shop. I can see the wall. I can see the pavement. I can see in my head what he would have seen. He explains that the Police have deleted the actual footage from that day, so it is gone. Never to be seen again. I keep saying Thank you. Thank you, Thank you. Over and over again. I mean it. 

When we leave, he hugs me again. ‘’You are a lucky boy Isak. I never want to see what I saw on the cameras that day, ever again. I never want to experience anything like that again. But I am grateful that I did. I got to make a difference, I made them stop, and you are alive and well, and for that I am thankful. You are here for a reason Isak. You are a good person. So, go live your life. Enjoy it. Do not let this define you. Just let it go. Move on. Be happy Isak. Now go. ‘’

So, I go. Holding Even’s hand. Getting all teary eyed as we leave with Mum carrying a tub of Biryani from Jamila. Because apparently, Jamila knows what two weeks of Hospital food will do to you, and her Biryani can work miracles. Well I think I agree. It is the best Biryani I have ever tasted. 

I fall asleep freshly showered in my own bed, with a support bandage around my ribs and Even’s arms around my body. I sleep. I sleep all night. There are no nightmares. No waking up crying covered in sweat. I don’t know why but I feel free. 

EVEN

FREDRIK: I got a student flat! I can’t believe it! It just came through! Oh god. I am dying. I have a flat. A proper flat. Not a student room. A bloody flat!! It’s a studio thingy so its tiny but WOW!!!! So happy!!  
FREDRIK: Sorry Even, I am sure you will get something. I mean If I got one, you will get one. Fingers xxed.  
FREDRIK: I hope you are not mad Even.  
YOUSEF: EVEN go start a fight dude. That’s not on.  
YOUSEF: Kidding. Thrilled for you Fred. Party at yours then! Good for you!!  
EVEN: Brilliant News Fred! No of course I am not mad. LUCKY YOU!! Isak and I will get something.  
JON: We need to meet this Isak dude asap. When are you back Even?

He wakes me up in the morning. Shaking me and leaning over me so he can grab my laptop from the bedside table.  
‘’Even, baby, I need you to help me!’’  
‘’Why, what’s the matter? Are you in pain? What do you need?’’ My heart is racing. Sitting up in bed and holding onto his arm.  
He smiles back at me. Pulls me down so he can kiss me. Just softly on my lips. 

‘’I want do delete my Facebook. All of it. But I can’t get some of the posts to delete on my phone. Can you load up your laptop and see if we can do it there?’’  
‘’Why? Why now? Like right now? It’s 6.30 in the morning Isak. No school. We can sleep as long as we want!’’

‘’Because I need to. I want to kill off my old life. All of it. Every little bit of it that I didn’t like. Everything that caused pain and made me sad. It is all going to go. Right now.’’

He has obviously lost the plot, but I kind of get it. I get what he is wanting to do. 

I load up the laptop. Let him log into his face book. He deletes post after post. Tongue sticking out between his lips. Hair a mess. Flushed and excited.

‘’There. All gone. Just need to deactivate the account. Kill it off.’’  
‘’Are you ready for that Isak? Bye bye old life?’’  
‘’No Even. It’s not bye bye old life. It is fuck off Old Isak. And Hello New fresh shiny happy Isak. I am starting over. From today. It’s over Even. All this bullshit I have been through is gone from today. No more. Will you press the button with me? Hold my hand?’’  
‘’Always’’ I whisper. Then we press. Kill off the account. He beams at me. And I have never been happier.

We kill of his Instagram. Delete his school Email account. 

I don’t even ask. We just do it. Delete all the imaginary people we made up. One by one. Facebook. Insta. Email. Twitter. We clean up. Delete. Clear browsing history. Delete. Erase. It’s all gone. 

We don’t need them anymore. We probably never did. It was a silly juvenile thing to do, but somehow it made us feel better at the time. At least I felt that I was doing something to get back at Elias. And Isak felt that at least he was trying. He was fighting back. Just a little. Not that it made any little bit of difference. But we tried. 

The little nagging voice in the back of my head is saying that we might even have made things worse. Caused Elias to lose his shit completely. I push those thoughts away though. We will never know. It’s not important anymore. It mustn’t be. We won’t let it.

I close the laptop. Then I open it again. Log into my Facebook, and load up the profile page.  
I change my name. I am now Even and Isak B Naesheim Valtersen. Us Together.

And Isak laughs. 

‘’I am now going to live my online life precariously through you. I like that. You and me. Together.’’  
‘’I like that too. We will never be alone. Never be apart. Well at school maybe, but you will always be with me and I will always be with you’’

‘’What is your password then? Since it is my account too?’’  
‘’What would you want it to be? Let’s change it to something we will both remember. ‘’  
‘’Something happy. Easy to remember.’’  
‘’What about ILOVECOCK’’ Easy enough to remember?’’ Isak hits my arm. Laughs into my hair. Kisses my cheek.  
‘’Fuck off Even.’’ I kiss his nose. Snuggle into him and whisper ‘’No, that’s a crap password.’’ 

I kiss him whilst we are both laughing. He kisses me back. Soft and sweet. Just leaning against my chest and letting me snuggle into him. Laptop on my lap. My baby in my arms. 

‘’My old password was 717 miles. I changed it the day I left home to come here, I just googled how far away I was going and it came up on Google. So right now, we are 717 miles from our home. We are going home. Shall we just stick to using that? 717Miles. Easy to remember. ‘’  
‘’That makes me happy, thinking that we are going home. That this is my life now. I am so excited about everything Even. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to start over. To go somewhere new where I can, well, just be me. With you.’’

‘’It IS your home. We are going home, together. I can’t promise it will be easy. There will be times when you will be really pissed off with me, and I will get annoyed with you, and we will get stressed with money and exams and all the shit that comes with living together, but we will muddle through it. Don’t you think?’’  
‘’We will be fine Even. As long as you remember that I love you and I remember that you love me too. Whatever happens. Because I do. I love you so much. Especially after the last two weeks. You have been amazing Even. You have been everything. Everything I could ever have wished for. So, Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. I mean it. I love you.’’

I don’t say it back. I just hold him. Cuddle him gently, because anything else will hurt. His ribs still make him wince. He still holds his face when he is tired. The bruises are almost gone, but he will hurt for a while. 

I haven’t missed the sex. It hasn’t crossed my mind to even try talking about it. I know what I am like with him, I will go too rough and hurt him. I wouldn’t even try.  
‘’Isak. Can I ask you something?’’  
‘’uh? Yeah?’’ He is all snuggled into me. Leaning on his good side and stroking my chest. Face buried in my neck.  
‘’Are you horny? I mean it’s been two weeks. Do you need anything? I mean not full sex because that would hurt you, but I could blow you if you want. I would be careful. Just so you can get some, you know, release. ‘’ I am blushing. I don’t know why. We have talked about sex before. We have done it enough times. And I lied when I said I haven’t missed the sex. Because my cock is rock hard. 

‘’Please.. ‘’ he whispers. Grinding himself against me. It hasn’t taken much to get him horny. There is a definite semi grinding against my hip, and his tongue is so far down my mouth that I am choking on it. Devouring me. Kissing me. Sloppy and hard. The way I kiss him when I just can’t help myself. 

I try to kiss his jaw. Kiss his neck. He pulls me straight back up. 

He needs kisses then. So, he gets them. He gets all my kisses, my hands and my fingers.

I lube my hand up so it’s nice and slick, then rub my palm against his until our fingers are wet and entwined. Still kissing him. His leg bent over my hip. 

I moan. I moan really loudly. I shouldn’t, because Isak’s mum is downstairs and she will no doubt hear us. But I can’t help myself. I can’t control myself with Isak, not when he is rubbing his body against mine and holding on to me like his life depends on it. Naked and desperate and whimpering into my mouth and pulling our hands down.

We are lined up. Hips against hips. Cock against cock. Skin on skin. Our hands joined together around our hardened lengths. Slowly stroking up and down as I look into his eyes. His eyes are dark and hooded. His breath short and fast under my kisses. 

There are few things in life that make me breathless, but Isak is the one that makes me forget how to breathe altogether. Every time. I just let myself drink him in. His eyes on mine. Mine on his. Our hands working their magic. 

‘’Make me come’’ he whispers. ‘’Make me come all over you’’. 

That does it. That is all it takes. I shoot. Stripes of come painting our skin. I close my eyes. Let myself fall into the dark whilst he groans into my mouth. Kissing me sloppily whilst his body jerks against me until he stills. Quietly coming to rest against my neck. Arms around one another. Breathing together, clinging together until we are calm. Quiet. Sated. Us.

‘’Please don’t ever let this end, the way we love each other’’ He whispers. ‘’I need you to love me like this. Always. I need this. I need this so much. Need you. I love you so fucking much.’’

‘’I’m yours. All yours’’ I whisper. Closing my eyes and kissing his hair. 

We just lay there. We rest. He is calm. All whilst my brain is churning like crazy. 

I need to keep him safe. Keep him happy. I need him to be happy like this, every fucking day. It’s big. It’s huge that he trusts me so much. That he will follow me blindly into my life back home, the way he just takes it for granted that he will be happy there. That it will all be fine. That he trusts me to keep him safe and loved. Which I of course will do. I would do anything for him. Anything. Like he would do anything for me. I know he would. Because I trust him too. I trust in his love for me, however much it scares me that I actually do.

‘’Isak?’’  
‘’Mmm’’  
‘’Shall we burn your school uniform in the garden after breakfast? All that polyester. Kill it off. I am dying to burn those shirts. That blazer. It’s vile.’’  
He giggles. Rubs his come covered stomach against mine. Winces a little when I hold him too tight.  
‘’Let’s get up. Let’s go burn the fucking uniform now. I never want to see it again. I have some note pads and folders too. Let’s do it. Let’s burn the lot. ‘’

We are ridiculous. We build a fire on top of an old BBQ in the garden, at 7 o clock in the morning. The neighbours will hate us. But we don’t care. Isak is beaming, whilst stacking his clothes up, wearing a dressing gown and trainers. Ripping paper out of the notebooks to stuff in-between the layers. Laughing at me in my converse and underpants, teamed with a hoodie.

We roar when the fire takes hold. Cheer. Shout a little. Then we sit on the old garden chairs on the grass with a cup of coffee each and laugh into the morning sun. Laugh when Birgit turns up in her pyjamas and shouts at us for being total idiots and setting her garden on fire. 

Well she doesn’t mind. She runs upstairs and comes back down with a box of letters and things that she says she has been meaning to burn for ages. She tells us stories. Stories of lovers and one night stands. Of hopes and dreams and lies. Of the proposal she turned down. Of the men she loved. 

We have coffee after coffee. Our feet resting on empty neglected plant pots. Shuffling the coals that remain of a life. Of memories that none of us want anymore.

MAMMA: Guess what? Anita at work, you know her son Sondre? He is taking a Gap year and wants to rent out his two bed apartment in town. How good would that be? It’s part furnished and he would be happy for you and Isak to rent it if you are up for it! Not that we want you to move out but we understand that it’s what you and Isak want.  
MAMMA: I have told Anita Yes. Too good an opportunity. I know which building it is. She is sending photos. Pappa will go and look at it later today after work. Sorry if we are interfering. I am just too excited.  
MAMMA: EEEK! My baby is moving out! I am going to go and cry now. 

ISAK

To Isak.Valtersen@gmail.co.uk  
From: admissionteam@UiOinternational.UiO.no  
Subject: International Preparatory course for Further studies UiO 2017  
Dear Mr Valtersen.  
We are pleased to inform you that you have gained a place on our International one year preparatory course at the University of Oslo.  
You are required to sit an entry exam for us to grade your level of knowledge in the Norwegian language, for the parts of the course that are conducted in Norwegian. This exam will take place on September 4 at 12.30 at Exam Hall 4 on campus. Please Register at the main reception before proceeding to the Exam Hall. This exam is not a pass or fail, but will enable us to tailor the course to the levels mastered by this years delegates.  
The course will start on September 14. Further details are attached.  
Please fill in the attached acceptance form and email back to anja.klaar@UiO.no no later than July 15, 2017. If you no longer require this place please contact us as soon as possible so we can offer your place to another student.  
If you have applied for accommodation, you will be contacted by our accommodation team shortly.  
We are looking forwards to welcoming you to our University and hope that you will enjoy your time with us.  
Best regards  
Anja Hankel Klaar  
Admissions Team  
Attached:  
Schedule.PDF  
Acceptanceform.docx  
Your_guide_to_UiO.PDF  
AccomodationandFAQ.docx

EVEN

MAMMA: I just had the most brilliant idea. Pappa and I want to go away for this Spa weekend next weekend, so can we send the boys over to you? Einar and Mach would love to see you and you could show them around and have some fun. Not too much fun. You know what I mean. I trust you. No funny business. Don’t get them drunk and lose them in London. You hear me Even? Anyway. Good idea? I will email Birgit now and ask.  
MAMMA: Please tell me it’s a good idea.  
MAMMA: I love you. Can’t wait to have you and Isak back home!  
MAMMA: Pappa loved the flat. Well you know him. He said it was fine. Which means it’s pretty good in Pappa Speak. If it had been bad he would have said it was a dump unfit for a rat or something. Are you excited?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to 717! Sorry about the extended break, I got carried away in the Little Harbour! I am hoping to update fast and hard this week, in between adulting. working and real life and oh yes, did we all survive that kisscam? RIP us all!!
> 
> PWOP coming up. Sorry. Plot to continue shortly. 
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me. xxxxx

EVEN

I am desperate. I mean making out and getting each other off in bed is all good and well but we are both so aware of having to be quiet and not move too much because the bloody bed creaks when we get too carried away and Birgit won't bloody go back to work. 

I mean I love her to bits but I need to fuck. I just need to have Isak, to get lost in him and devour him in all his gorgeousness and sexiness and skin. Just as much as I need him to let go and do those ridiculously sexy things he does to me. I just need it. I get all turned on just thinking about it. I want him to fuck me so hard that I will feel it for days, so that I can walk around London this weekend and still feel him inside me. Know that I am his, that he is mine, that this is real and that this, this is what we are. Him and I. 

He is still hurting, but I will be so careful. I promise. And I can tell he needs it too. He gets that look in his eyes when he looks at me. His eyes go all crinkly, then he gets that pink blush across his cheeks and he licks his lips. Just really discreetly but I can tell. I know what he is thinking. He is having all those naughty thoughts. I know them well. I have them too. Like all the time. 

So, I kind of get really freaking keen to help Birgit leave when I come down in the morning and find her in her uniform eating an apple and stuffing things in her handbag. I even offer to help her carry her suitcase out in the car. I fill her travel mug with coffee, grab a cinnamon roll from the freezer, microwave it to death and wrap it in a napkin. Then I shove her out the door.

Well not really, I just kind of help her along. Walking slowly towards her as she backs down the hallway telling me all these things about that I need to take my brothers to this and that and down the pub and go on the London Eye and do they want to go to Madame Tussauds because she might have a discount code for that. 

I give her a hug and close the door in her face. I can hear her laugh. She knows exactly what I am up to. I can tell. And I am not sorry. I am so not sorry. I leg it up the stairs, then jump back down two steps at a time so I can put the chain on the door. Just in case. I am not going to risk the mother-in-law-to-be walking in on us. Because Isak is going to get it. Isak is getting it all right. He is getting all of me, and I am going to take him. Hard. Fast. My cock is already bouncing in the flimsy flannel pants I am wearing.

Oh yes. Even Bech Naesheim is getting laid. Epically. 

I have a hard-on happening in my pj’s. I am wearing pyjamas. That is how bad this has got. 

Isak and I are going to be naked for the rest of the day. Well until 4 when we have to drive out to Heathrow and pick up Mach and Einar. But until then we are going to shag. Fuck. Do sexy things. Come. God, I need to come. Hard. Like now. Ugh.

I am out of breath when I make it upstairs and into the bathroom. I try to have a wee, but you just can’t. Not with a semi going on. Not when I know that the most beautiful boy in the world is naked in the bed next door, and that he is mine. He is all mine. He loves me. Fuck he loves me and I love him and I am grinning into the mirror like a crazy dude. 

So, I brush my teeth. Drop my pants in the hallway, trailing the t-shirt on the floor, and sneak in on Isak, who is sprawled out sleeping like some fairy princess on the bed. Arm slung over his face. Legs everywhere. Cock on show. 

I kiss his toes. I mean how can I not? I just trail kisses up his ankle. Soft and careful. I won’t hurt him. I just need him. I need to feel his skin against mine. I might be losing my mind but I lick his legs. Kiss. Bite the muscle on his thigh which makes his breath hitch. I love doing this. Waking him up with my mouth. And up he is. Hardening in front of my eyes as my mouth trails over his balls. Sucking. Licking, Tasting him. 

‘’Even’’ He whimpers.

Yes baby. Do it again. I know. So, I do. I lick his balls. Suck one of them into my mouth. Moan around him as his hips jerk. I let my tongue travel. Softly softly up the length of him. Tasting him. Swirling around his slit. Moving his foreskin with my fingers, softly and slowly whilst his breath is strained and his legs just can’t keep still. 

‘’Fuck baby. Ahw Fuck.’’ Yeah, I know baby. 

I continue worshipping his skin. I love his skin. The way his muscles move under the layers of downy softness. The trail of hair on his stomach. The tautness over his hips. The beads of moisture leaking from his cock smearing stains on my skin. 

‘’Don’t stop’’ he whispers. ‘’Oh, fuck don’t stop.’’  
‘’Promise that you will tell me if I am hurting you baby’’ I say whilst my face is buried in him.  
‘’Just go slow. Ahhhrhhrhhg’’  
‘’Are you OK?’’ I get up on my elbows, stroking his hip. I know his ribs hurt if you lean against him, or if he moves too fast.  
‘’Yeah’’ he giggles. ‘’ i'm fine, Just too horny.’’ 

He looks at me, just that look he does when I know. I get it. I know what he is thinking, because I am thinking it too. How the fuck did I get this lucky. How did I end up here, with this man of my dreams right here? Right here right now, and how did fate work this out so that he fell for me just as I fell for him. Because that is the right word. I fell hard. I never stood a chance. I can’t remember a single minute since I first laid eyes on him that I wasn’t mesmerised by this boy, This Isak. 

‘’I love you’’ I whisper, with my chin on his chest and my eyes on his.  
His expression softens even more, his fingers stroking my hair. Leaning in so he can place a kiss on my lips.  
‘’I love you too baby. My Even.’’ He giggles softly again, whilst I just stare into his eyes. Marvel at his dimples. Let my thumb trace the outline of his bottom lip.  
‘’Where you not in the middle of something?’’ He asks. Cheeky grin. Winking. He bloody winks.  
‘’What? Were you needing something?’’ I raise an eyebrow. Try to look all innocent and shocked as he leans in and rubs his nose against mine. Climbs on top of me and straddles me.

‘’Come on baby, sit up. Right here’’  
I love when bossy Isak comes out. Manhandling me so that I am sitting up, leaning back against the headboard. He shoves pillows behind my back, then grabs the lube from under the mattress, whilst I am sucking on his shoulder. Marking him. Making him shiver.

He is straddling my lap, grinding our cocks together, making little strangled sounds escape from that sinful mouth of his. I shove my fingers between his lips, three of them. Whispering to him to make them wet, my mouth on his cheek, whilst he is coating his fingers in lube. Closing his eyes. 

‘’I wanna ride you, like this.’’

He can barely get the words out, trying to speak with his mouth full, but I don’t argue. Just slowly remove my slick fingers from his mouth, letting them slide down his throat and circle back over his shoulders so that I can slide them in-between his skin. Playing with him. Stroking. Prodding. Tapping gently until he relaxes and lets me in. 

He moans when I breach him. Shoves his tongue down my throat and grabs both of our cocks with his slicked-up fingers. Pumps me slowly up and down, moving my foreskin coating me in lube. Teasing me. Touching himself and ignoring my cock that so painfully erect. Hard as hell.

Then he starts to move. Tries to ride my fingers, as I grab his waist and meet his movements. Hard. Fast. Sucking on my tongue like it’s candy. 

‘’Do you trust me?’’ I groan into him.  
‘’Always’’ he screeches back. His head lost in my fingers. His hand moving up to fist my hair.  
‘’Can I fuck you raw? No condom. I don’t want the condoms. You know all about me. And I know about you. I just want to feel you. I want to be yours. I want you. Just you. Like this.’’  
‘’Fuck’’ he moans. ‘’Just do it. I want that. Just you.’’

He is already pushing my fingers out. Pressing his body against my chest and letting me line my cock up underneath him. Pushing in as he holds himself open for me. Sucking on my earlobe and breathing into my neck as he starts to sink down on my cock.

I have never done this before. Never. And oh, fucking bloody hell. I shout. I think shout his name loud enough that the neighbours will hear. It’s just so real. Intimate. Hot. Soft and warm. Hard pressure engulfing me and his nails are digging in my back and he is sucking on my neck and panting and groaning and I think I am going to lose it and cry when he whispers that he loves me between those hitched breaths before he starts to move. 

He rides me. Stern movements letting his leaking cock find friction against my stomach. My arms locking him tight against my chest. Rubbing and stroking and trying to find his mouth so I can feel everything. Because I want everything. I want everything he will give me. His mouth, body, heart, and soul. All of it. He is mine. I think I tell him that. I think I tell him that He owns me. I just love him so fucking much in those few minutes when we let ourselves go, when he loses his mind and just screams as my stomach smears his come all over us. 

He stills and I let my hips do the final jerks where my cock slides in and out of him.  
It’s raw. It’s hard. It is freaking amazing. It’s like nothing I have ever felt before, having someone trust me enough to do this. To be with me like this. Just us with nothing in-between.

He holds his hands around my face when I come. When I pant into his mouth. He holds me whilst my body releases and jerks and shivers. He keeps me with him until the darkness fades and my senses creep back. 

We don’t have to speak. I know what he is thinking. His heartbeat strong and fast against my chest. 

‘’I should have asked earlier. Sorry to spring that on you in the heat of passion. It wasn’t fair. Are you OK? With what we did? I am clean. I promise.’’

He shushes me with his mouth. Kisses me. Let’s his face stroke mine. 

‘’It’s all I ever wanted. To be yours. And you are mine. Now curl up with me and cuddle baby.’’

I shuffle my hips down on the bed and let him lie his head on my chest. Let’s me hold him like he holds me back. Arms tight around each other’s bodies. 

We lie there quietly for the longest time whilst Isak sleeps and I let my mind go blank. 

I just rest and I hold him in my arms until he wakes and kisses my skin. Lets his mouth wake me up. Then I let him take me and make me his.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short little chapter to make you laugh (hopefully). xxxxx
> 
> NOW WITH ADDED BOYSQUAD! You asked for it and I agree, it felt too short and cut off, so I have fixed that now. Enjoy!

25.  
EVEN

I am being a dick. 

I know I am. I am just a tiny bit stressed out because now we are late and I have not only missed one exit off the motorway but I am now trying to do a U-turn in some godforsaken place called Slough, which is like 3 exits away from Heathrow. In the wrong direction.

I just got carried away talking and singing away to the radio and Isak was on his phone googling stuff and we just, well we fucked up. So now we are late and I am kind of shouting at Isak because he doesn’t know which terminal the boys land at. Well he should know, he fucking lives here! It doesn’t help that I didn’t pay attention when Mum said which airline they were flying with so I kind of haven’t got the foggiest idea where we are supposed to go. 

Isak though, Isak is a champ. And I adore him, however much I am shouting and huffing and puffing away as I am in the wrong bloody lane and have to go around this roundabout again like some nerd.

Isak is on my phone ringing my Mum. He has never even spoken to her before apart from shouting hello in the background when I ring her. So here he is speaking English to her in his best BBC period drama voice, calling her ‘’Mrs Bech’’ and I am spluttering with laughter trying to whisper ‘’She does speak Norwegian you know baby, she is my Mother, and lives in Norway’’ whilst he is blushing and being all polite asking if she can possibly remind him of which airline the boys are arriving on.

I think my Mum is impressed. She is all loud and charming on the phone and Isak is grinning and smiling at me and I am driving like I stole the Mini. Again. Whilst Isak lies through his teeth and says that yes, we are just parking now and not to worry, we will be there on time. 

We won’t. No way. Which just makes me laugh hysterically. 

I mean it’s not like my brothers can’t look after themselves. And Isak being Isak and being the love of my life and man of my dreams and all that shit, he hangs up and texts Einar telling him to stand still. Not to move an inch. Just go out through the Customs bit and stop. Right there. Freeze. Like Ice-Men or something. 

I love him. I do. Even though my arse is itchy and a little more than sore. We might have gotten carried away this afternoon, and Isak kneeled on the last tube of lube and sprayed the bedroom with slimy shit, and well there wasn’t much left for us to play with. Ahem. I will need to do some discreet shopping tomorrow. Pretend to need to buy toothpaste or something. Not that I mind being sore, because I kind of secretly love it. Remembering that that was Isak. Doing his thing. And how hot it was. How I kind of can’t wait to do it again. Ridiculously sexy horny boy. Damn him. I am grinning like an idiot. 

And we are actually really good at getting into the right multi-storey carpark, once we have figured out all the different one way lanes around the terminals and shouted at each other a little bit again. 

Well mostly me shouting at Isak that he should know where we are going and Isak calling me the worst bloody driver in the history of crap Norwegians who cannot drive cars on the wrong side of the road. Finally, we park and Isak sticks the parking ticket in his pocket, and we might or might not be running like crazy to get to arrivals.

I might also have something wet in my eye when Mach and Einar come running towards us. I don’t think I had realized how much I have missed those two little idiots until I saw them again, both crazy-hugging me and talking at 100 miles an hour making absolutely no sense at all. 

All whilst Isak stands there and laughs because it is so bloody obvious that we are related. It’s not even funny. Firstly, we all look alike, and I am sure both of them have grown a few inches over summer. We are all the same length. Ridiculously tall and tanned and streaks of blonde in our hair. Well Mach was always the blondest of us all and his locks are sun kissed with streaks of white, and his eyes crinkle as he body slams Isak into the luggage trolley and calls him ‘’bro’’ and ‘’dude’’ in-between trying to tell us about some Norwegian reality star that was apparently on their flight and that the stewardess serving them was like the hottest thing ever. Even though they had to pay for their drinks and she wouldn’t serve them beer. They tried. And I smack them over the head whilst they are both jumping up and down with excitement and Isak just grins. 

‘’RULES kiddos’’ I shout, trying to calm them down, well nothing has changed there. They both give me the middle finger and stick their tongues out like they are both 12 of something. I mean Mach is 15. He should know better. And Einar rolls his eyes but he is smiling. I kind of grab him and smack a kiss on his head, because even though he is a royal pain in the butt most of the time, he has always been my best friend in the whole wide world. 

‘’OK. No roaming on your mobiles because Dad will kill you. Text me if you are lost otherwise stick to Wi-Fi or use my phone. No messing up my high score on Candy Crush.’’  
Isak laughs again. He wouldn’t dare. He knows me and my Candy Crush thing by now.  
‘’And This is Isak. His left side is off limits. No body slamming. No playfighting. Be nice. Don’t hurt him or I will bloody kill you.’’

The boys behave. Shaking his hand and Man-Hugging Isak with little careful slaps on his back, whilst Isak is glaring at me with a little blush on his cheeks.  
‘’So, you are Even’s boyfriend? For real?’’ Yes that is Mach. No filter. Just like me.  
‘’Yup’’ Isak is blushing again and I put my arm around him. Plant a big loud smacking kiss on his lips. Whilst the boys just laugh.  
‘’Better get used to it guys. He’s mine. ‘’  
‘’Oh, we will’’ Einar laughs, ‘’It’s all cool Even. Mum has read us the riot act. We are apparently not allowed to tease you guys or make Isak uncomfortable by asking personal questions about your sex life. We promise we won’t. So. Have you done the deed yet? Like shagged properly?’’

Thanks Mum. What a great idea this was. Brilliant. Now Isak will run a mile. 

He looks happy enough though. Laughing and calling Einar a nosy little twat. Threatening to make him watch gay porn if he doesn’t shut up.  
Now all we need to do is find the Mini and somehow make it back home. 

Which turns out to be easier said than done, when Isak swears that we are in the right lift, when we are obviously not, and we all get off on the wrong floor and well. We find the damn car in the end and manage to squeeze 4 oversized giraffe sized men into a Mini. With bags. It’s not pretty. It’s not funny. And then we get to the barriers and realize that we never paid for the damn parking.

Isak laughs all the way home. I bloody hate him sometimes. 

ISAK created the GROUPCHAT  
ISAK renamed the GROUPCHAT SAVE ME FROM THE VIKING INVASION  
ISAK: It’s 3 Norwegians against 1 half Norwegian. Even’s brothers are here. Come rescue me!  
ISAK: Dinner at 6. Even is cooking.  
JONAS: Coming now. I will never say no to Even’s cooking.  
MAGNUS: Hell Yes. 3 of Even? Are they all like Even? Look Like Even? Slightly crazy like Even?  
ISAK Crazier. Hilarious dudes.  
MAGNUS: See you in 20.  
MAHDI: I am working! Shit! Hang on.  
MAGNUS: I will bribe Mama Disi. Tell her I can work next week if she needs me. And I will take Hani to that film. For a small fee….  
MAHDI: Mama Disi is shouting at me.  
JONAS: Tell Mama that I love her.  
EVEN added EINAR THE MAN BN and MACHIAVELLI BN to the Group chat.  
EVEN: The Vikings are here. There will be Meat and Beer. All hail the BN brothers.  
JONAS: I will miss you so fucking much Even Bro. Fuck Norway. Stay Here.  
MAHDI: See you at 6. On my way. My Dad is the best. My Mum is screaming at him now. Yay!  
MAGNUS: THE BN BROTHERS!!!  
EINAR THE MAN BN: Whoaaa! Yo dudes!  
ISAK: Even the food is burning! Get off Candy crush you idiot!

ISAK

My house used to be this quiet place, just me and Even bouncing around. Now I am standing in the middle of the kitchen and the noise is deafening. Mach has plugged in his phone in Mum's Bluetooth speaker thingy and we are now blowing the cobwebs out of the house with some Norwegian rap music that, well, It’s bearable.

Mach is pretty funny. I wish I had been as confident as him when I was his age. He is waving his arms around, shaking his butt and rapping along to the music whilst Even has him peeling potatoes at the sink. Einar though. Einar is quieter and softer all round, the way he looks at me. He has kind eyes, just like Even, and the same little smirk. I like him. 

‘’Isak, will you tell us if we are too much? I know the three of us can be a handful. We have been known to make grown men cry. Just ask Dad. There is a reason he is all grey and tired.’’ 

I laugh and sit down with him at the table. We have cracked open the beers, because we bought a ridiculous amount of beers. Even says the boys need to learn to drink and socialize and not fuck up, so we are all going to get drunk and chill and be happy tonight. That is the plan. And if their Mum rings we need to sound sober and quiet and tell her that we are all playing scrabble and watching crap on TV.

‘’You are fine, don’t worry. I am used to Even. I’m sure I can handle the three of you, and anyway I have called for reinforcements. You will like the guys. They adore Even. I think they like him more than they like me to be honest’’ I take another sip of my beer as Einar whacks me on the arm, the same way Even does.

‘’Oh fuck, I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to hit you. Are you OK?’’ Einar looks terrified but I just laugh.  
‘’I’m fine, as long as you don’t kick me in the ribs. I broke 3 of them and it is fucking ridiculous how long they take to heal. I have this support strap thing on, but it feels like I can’t breathe when I sit down with it. Don’t break your ribs mate. Pain in the ass.’’

Well the party is about to start because in walks Magnus, and he just squeals at the sight of the ‘’BN brothers live and direct straight from Oslo’’ as he shouts at them before hugging them all to death and trying to ask too many questions all at once. 

Jonas is here too and he just walks over and hugs me. Holds me for a little longer than necessary and pats me on the back.

‘’It’s good to walk in here and see you smiling like that Isak’’ he says. ‘’I am so fucking happy that you are OK. That we are Ok. I think It would have killed me if we had finished school like we were, not talking and ignoring each other. It always felt like unfinished business, like it was stupid that we didn’t talk. I hated it. I haven’t realized until now how much I hated not talking to you.’’

I look down. It’s hard to look Jonas in the eye when he is being so sincere. He tends to do that to me. Speak straight into my heart and I kind of remember why I had a thing for him. Why he used to affect me the way he did. And I say did. Because he is not Even. Nobody else is Even.

‘’I know what you are saying, and I am really grateful that you came that Friday. That you started us talking again. You are such a cool dude Jonas. We have history, and I really hope you will make good on that promise to come and see us in Oslo. Please. ‘’  
‘’Of course, I will. We won’t lose touch again, I will make sure of it. I mean look at us. Best friends since nursery. We have been at the same school all our lives. We got drunk together the first time we got hold of cider. Do you remember?’’  
‘’Ha-ha. Yes. Fucking hell. I was so sick. Do you remember when we were going to start smoking? We went and bought a packet of Camel. What were we thinking?’’

Jonas splutters at the memory. Grabs his bottle of beer and takes a sip. ’’It was the best decision we ever made choosing Camel. I have never touched a cigarette again.’’  
‘’Me neither’’ I laugh. ‘’I’m glad I got to have all those things with you.’’  
‘’I had my first kiss with you too Isak. Did you know that? I had never kissed anyone. I kind of lied when I said I had. I hadn’t. ‘’

I don’t know what to say back at that. I just kind of look at him. Trying to gage if that was a good thing or if maybe I ruined that for him.  
‘’I’m glad it was you Isak.’’ He says and smiles. ‘’For a while I was angry at you for ruining my first kiss for me. But you didn’t. It was a brilliant kiss. I will always remember it. And you taught me how to kiss, how to do it right. So, thank you. I owe you mate.’’  
I think I am blushing. But I am smiling too, letting Even snake his arm around my waste and kiss my neck, asking me to lay the table and get everyone sat down before he kills the lamb steaks.

And Jonas just winks at me. We are OK. I love that I have him back. I love that he is here for me. There are few people in my life that I know I can trust. I never thought I had that. I never thought I would have this kind of thing, people around me that I know will help, that love me, without me having to do anything but love them right back. It’s kind of amazing to know. Even looking at Einar and Mach, I have a good feeling. I have a family now. 

Well Magnus makes us all stand up around the table and proposes a toast. To the Crazy Vikings.  
‘’To a Weekend of Viking debauchery. Not that we are going to find chicks to bang with these kids in tow…’’ he starts.

‘’WE'RE NOT KIDS DUDE! Anyway Yay! We can get Einar laid! Finally!! ‘’ Mach is looking all worked up and animated, waving his arms around’’  
‘’Shut it!’’ Einar squeals. 

Oh. OK. Einar is a virgin. Good job Mach. We will have to sort that then I think with a smile. 

‘’Don’t be embarrassed dear Viking brother, the English chicks will love you, all Scandi blond and doing that accent shit. And for your information, I will join you on this quest this weekend. I will also get laid. Well maybe. It hasn’t worked out so far. Einar, I propose a toast. To those of us yet to get laid. We will. We will find chicks to bang.’’

We all raise our glasses. ‘’TO THE VIRGINS AMONG US’’ Jonas shouts. Whilst Mahdi bangs his head on the table and Even is squealing with laughter and Einar, poor Einar just looks like he wants to die. 

‘’So, what about you Mr Big Mouth Machiavelli Bech Naesheim?’’ I question with a smirk and a trademark raised Bech Naesheim eyebrow. ‘’Have you been getting some then?’’

I am learning Fast. With these boys, you must give as good as you get.  
He just grins. Ha-ha. So, he has then. Good Man. 

‘’Got a girlfriend.’’ he mutters which makes Even shout ‘’WHAT? When the hell did that happen? And you didn’t tell me? Fucking hell Mach?? Einar? Come On? Spill!!!’’’  
And Magnus leans forward and whimpers that the kid is 15, how come he gets some when He can’t? Well Mahdi tells him it’s because he is butt ugly, and I shout that it’s because he can’t kiss.

Jonas tells him I am available for lessons, which I politely decline before Even blows a fuse. He kisses me though. Right there at the table. Claiming me. I know what he is doing. He is making sure that I know that I am his. I am. I am always his. There will never be anyone else. I know that. It’s fine. It is more than fine.

We crawl into bed at 2 in the morning, still bubbling with laughter. Einar and Mach are curled up in my bedroom, Mahdi is on the sofa downstairs and Jonas and Magnus have passed out on Mum’s double bed. She won’t mind. Even just laughs. Curls up with his face in my neck and breathes beer fumes all over my face. We are idiots. Happy idiots. A little bit drunk idiots. We-spent-the-weeks-shopping-money-on-beers kind if idiots. 

Not that it matters. We have one week left in London. We should make it count. Make it great. Make it fucking amazing.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before you read chapter 26, please hop back and re read 25, as I have added Isak's bit to the end. You asked for more Boysquad, and your wish is my command, so it's now there. 
> 
> Here is 26. Short and sweet and full of chocolate. 
> 
> Little Harbour is next. I might not manage to update it today but sit tight. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love. xxxxx

26  
EVEN  
We are all hung over. Not ridiculously so, but I should have thought. I should have loaded up with Bacon and Eggs and defrosted bread from the freezer and all that, so that I could have fed my boys. My UK Squad. I am getting all emotional thinking that I have to leave Jonas, Mahdi and bloody Magnus behind. I love those dudes. I really do. 

‘’ Look Even’’ Magnus is leaning against the counter with his phone in his hand whilst I am trying to get coffee made and Isak is staring blankly into the fridge. ‘’There is this breakfast café that my brother raves about, they always go there on a Saturday morning. I think we should all go. I can book. It’s called ''The Breakfast club'' and they do those stacks of American pancakes with syrup and stuff and I think we all need it.’’

My stomach growls. It sounds bloody fantastic. And Magnus is showing me pictures and I just say Fuck it. We need to make this weekend good. We are not rich. None of us are, but this is our last blast. We are all in London. And breakfast is kind of essential. Even though it is 11 in the morning.

''I know it's not cheap, but I kind of think we should make memories this weekend'' Isak says, leaning over my shoulder. ''I say, good call Mags. Ring and book''

Nobody argues with that. We all skulk off and get our shoes on. Drag Mach out of bed with the promise of hot girls and pancakes. 

We must look like shit, because the guys slept in their clothes and there was only enough water for three super quick showers, so we might smell. We might all be wrinkled, and crazy but we laugh all the way to the tube, and Isak holds my hand as we hop down the stairs to the platform. 

I wrap my arms around him. Kiss his forehead. Whisper to him that he is OK. He is safe and I am here and I love him.

His smile is just brilliant. His arms around my waist and his lips on mine and Magnus making gagging sounds behind our backs as the train rolls onto the platform. 

We have epic breakfast. Magnus was right. The place is packed, the waitress is hot, and the pancakes, well I might be swooning. Stacked high with crispy bacon and drizzled with syrup. And Einar is blushing as the waitress spills coffee on him, and I think to myself that he will be fine. He has got it. He has got all that Bech Naesheim cheeky charm right there in him, he just needs to learn to unleash it. To let go. Go get his girl. Because my brother deserves every little bit of happiness he can get. I know that now. I know how good it is to be loved. To love and have this. I nuzzle into Isak's neck right there at the table. I can't help myself. 

We walk off breakfast, I mean we need to move so we don’t just all lie down on the ground and fall asleep. The tube takes us to Westminster where we take the world’s most ridiculous selfies with Big Ben in the background. Walk up to Downing Street. Through the park to Buckingham Palace. Watch the people on Trafalgar Square. 

Isak says he hasn’t done the touristy stuff since he was a kid, and how he has forgotten what a great place London can be. How crazy people are. That the place is full of tourists and birds and buses and cars and it’s just manic. 

We walk all the way up to Piccadilly Circus, laughing and talking. Looking in shops. Smiling into the sun.  
I am happy. I am so happy. 

I turn to kiss Isak, and he is not there. He is gone. 

I don’t know why, I mean it’s not like he has disappeared, but I just burst into tears. Panic. Shout at Jonas to find him, to help me find him, all whilst Einar is trying to calm me down and Mahdi is trying to give me his water bottle and Magnus shouts that we need to get me out of the sun.

I am panicking. I need Isak. I can’t see him and I need him. I need him. 

‘’ISAK’’ I shout. Well I scream. 

ISAK

I was just looking in a shop window, I mean I must have been out of his view for less than a minute, and Even has lost his shit. Breathing far too fast on the ground, attracting a crowd of people looking and asking if he is ok. 

He is not OK. But he will be. He is crying and there is snot running down his face and his hands are shaking but I have got him. I am right there on the floor with my hands around his face making him look at me. 

‘’Isak have you got any chocolate?’’ Einar asks, whilst rummaging in his rucksack. 

‘’Has he done this before?’’ I ask, with my eyes still firmly on Evens. He is calming down. Breathing with me. 

‘’I’m here baby. I’m here. You are OK.’’ He is looking better. Trying to blow his nose with the tissue someone produces from behind me, and loosening the death-grip on my arms.

‘’I don’t know why I panicked like that’’ he whispers. ‘’I just couldn’t see you. I thought you were gone. That something had happened to you’’ Even’s voice is barely there. 

‘’It could be some delayed shock thing from all the shit that happened’’ Jonas says, sitting down on the ground next to Even. ‘’I read about it. It’s nothing to be ashamed about mate. Shit happened. You dealt with a lot of stuff, and never really had the time to process it, then after a while it kind of catches up with you. Don’t worry’’

‘’Chocolate!’’ Mach is falling onto his knees next to Even, handing him a Mars bar. ‘’It’s all they had in that shop there, I was desperate. I know you prefer Twix but anyway’’

Even actually laughs. Unwraps the bar with shaky fingers and takes a bite. 

We all kind of breathe out. Giggle nervously. I stroke his hair. Wipe a tear away from his cheek. 

Then I remember. I don’t know why I haven’t thought about it before, but some girls at school were talking about it and it is just perfect. Ridiculous. Slightly nerdy. And we are not dressed for it at all, but I fish my phone out and ring. Make a reservation. Ask if there is a dress code or if Converse and shorts will be OK. Which the guy laughs at and says is fine as we will be taking afternoon tea in the Conservatory and the dress code there is relaxed during daytime.

‘’Guys, My treat. Even here needs chocolate. So, we shall give the bloke chocolate. ‘’ I smile like an idiot. And the boys all cheer and Even just looks at me like I am about to hand him some kind of award.

‘’We are going up to the Landmark Hotel, it’s not too far, but they do this posh Afternoon tea called ‘’Death by chocolate’’. It might help. I think. Hot chocolate and scones with Nutella and Chocolate Mousse cake and shit like that. What do you say baby? You up for it?’’

Even just beams. Let’s me take his hand and drag him up on his feet. Let's me kiss his neck and stroke his cheeks and sort his hair out until he looks a little bit more like his normal self. I wipe a tiny smear of chocolate from his lip. Kiss it off. Again and again.

‘’That sounds perfect’’ he smiles into my cheek. Arms around me. Doing little random hiccups against my shoulder. 

So that is what we do. And Death it is. Frighteningly posh but the cakes are divine. The waiter seems to love us and keeps topping up our cups of hot chocolate, and I am buzzing with sugar and adrenaline and happiness. 

I am thrilled that I remembered about this place, because the boys are all having a ball, laughing and talking and I am holding Even’s hand thinking that this, this is good. This is something I will remember. Something from home that was good. Happy. I love London a little bit today. 

The cakes are amazing. And Einar says scones are like the new Cinnamon rolls. He has never had a scone before and neither has Mach, and then there is some kind of chocolate chip bread sandwich and it’s just ridiculous and funny and we are all talking in our best poshest voices and it is just. Well I love it. We are all loving it.

Mach falls asleep on the sofa as soon as we get home. Even lies flat on the floor and moans that he thinks he has broken his feet. That he never wants to walk that far again, nor eat chocolate. He has had enough chocolate to last him a lifetime. 

Einar gives me a hug and says thank you. That he is having the best time. But he just wants to go and die on the armchair. Right now. No more food. Please

And I smile. I smile and smile. Because life is good.


	27. Chapter 27

ISAK

Even is going home. On his own. Which I know is the absolute right decision to make. 

 

Mum needs me to sort out the last of her stuff, and I really should go with her on the drive up to the Cotswolds with the stuff we are keeping. 

The fact that the house sold within two days is slightly crazy too but hey, this is London, and the house is in good nick and apparently very competitively priced. It is also in the area for some good schools and people are desperate. Well that is what the estate agent dude said. 

So Even is leaving tomorrow as planned and the house is an absolute tip. We have a skip in the road outside and I keep just emptying shit into it. Even is emptying the garden, wearing Mum’s floral wellies and dragging rubbish through the house. I mean he just found my bike from when I was a kid. It is covered in rust and slugs and shit, but I still had to go out and take a photo of it in the skip, because I remember it well. I loved that bike. I even send the photo to Jonas who chuckles with laughter as he calls me back and wonders where the hell I was hiding that one!

He is cool Jonas. And he is coming with me and Mum to court on Friday. The solicitor came around this morning and went through what is going to happen, and apparently since Jonas is an absolute hero and screenshotted some conversation between Elias and Ben and Hassan from years back, they can claim that the bullying and the attacks were pre-meditated which means that they are basically fucked. 

I love Jonas. I love that he cared. That he kept an eye on things even when we were not talking. I feel bad that I didn’t do the same. That I didn’t make it my concern to do the same, and make sure that he was all right. Instead I behaved like a twat and just fucked off out of his life. 

So Even won’t be here, he won’t be in court with me holding my hand, and just the simple fact that I will be on my own, without him, for just under a week is terrifying. Frightening. 

I am a grownup, I am 18! I can do this. I keep telling myself I can do this. It’s only a few days, and then I am flying to Oslo to move into our flat.

We Skyped with the dude we are subletting the flat from and he seemed chill about it all. We have a balcony. A proper kitchen, a study area each, as the dude and his girlfriend are uni students too, and then a bedroom with a big bed. They are leaving all the furniture behind since Even and I are apparently cool and vouched for by his Mum who knows Even’s Mum and says Even is a sound dude. So that seemed to be that. Even is picking up the keys on Sunday and we should be moved in by the time I get there. Hooray!

Magnus and Mahdi have promised to come and visit, I mean Even has totally sold them on the skiing. On the fact that dudes walk around Oslo in the winter wearing suits and carrying ski’s so they can hit some powder after work. The toboggan run in Holmenkollen sounds fun too. And the snow. The hot chocolate and cakes at the Bristol Hotel. He has told us about them so many times that I almost feel that I have been there, sitting on the posh chairs sipping proper hot chocolate with freshly whipped cream. 

School. School will be fun. New people. No baggage. Nobody knows me from anywhere. I am just going to be me. Isak. 18. Half Norwegian. Half British. Deadbeat dad. Awesome Mum. Best boyfriend in the whole wide world. Happy.

I can’t stop smiling. I am going to be me. Just me. 

It will be scary leaving Mum. It will be scary full stop. But I can do this. I can’t wait to do this. 

EVEN

I can’t believe this week has gone so fast. I mean the weekend with Mach and Einar was just exhausting. On Sunday, we took the tube to Canary Wharf and went on the cable car up over the O2 arena, watching the skyline from the air. All of us squeezed into the little cabin marvelling at the views and the sheer ridiculousness of us doing grown up sightseeing things. 

Then we trekked it back to some place called Westfield, which is apparently the biggest shopping centre in Europe, Well I didnt even know what it was even though it is right down the road and I have driven past it before. Serves me right for not even figuring that one out. Anyway we went shopping, assisting the boys with spending all their hard-earned cash on overpriced trainers and some ridiculous t-shirts from posh brands that Isak and I hadn’t even heard off. Officially we were declared to be totally stunted in our menswear education, not having a clue about Superdry hoodies vs Obey snapbacks. And don’t even get me started on the sunglasses. 

I walked out in the end. Just let them get on with it and dragged Isak along until I found an armchair that we could sit on. Isak on my lap. Face planted firmly in my neck. I think he fell asleep for a while. Baby.

The boys went home, with the farewell committee of the year. Mahdi and Magnus and Jonas all took the tube with us out to Heathrow and we might have cried a little when they left. Well I cried and Magnus got all wet around the eyes. Bloody emotional twattery. I loved them even more for doing that of course. And Madhi insisted, he told us our life wouldn’t be worth living if we didn’t come back for dinner with him. Which is why we ended up at Mama Disi’s Fanta fuelled dining table again, laughing at some African sitcom that Mama is obsessed with. It was funny, Just a little funny. 

And my taste buds are shot to shit. My mouth will never be the same again. Damn chilli.

So now we are here. My suitcase is packed. Stuffed to the brim. Not that I actually arrived with a suitcase, but Isak has one which I am bringing home, along with my holdall with my few worldly belongings. 

I might have helped myself to a few bits from Birgit's kitchen. I mean I didn’t steal them, but she was going to throw it all out. She has everything she needs at Pete’s anyway, so the case has my favourite pans, the cool baking trays and her set of kitchen knives. And the balloon whisk. I mean come on. It’s an excellent whisk. 

I might grab the big chopping board as well. I always wanted one. It’s a pain to carry though. I mean I will look like a right nerd walking on board that plane carrying a chopping board and a metal sieve. I like Birgit’s Coffee maker too, but she is keeping that she says. Damn. 

Isak and I carry down my bed and throw it in the skip. I mean it is fucked. The mattress is disgusting and it took us a minute and a half to kick the bed-frame into splinters so we could carry it downstairs. Ridiculous. So now my room is an empty shell. And Isak’s room is bare. The desk is gone.

The arm chair in the corner is now downstairs ready to be shipped to Norway. Because that chair is apparently special, It’s Isak’s bedtime story chair that those crazy uncle dudes gave him when he was born, and he is not getting rid of it. Fine.

The bedframe is gone, and we are left with his mattress on the floor. Which is where we lay. Wet from our last shower together in the bathroom, with its empty shelves and dust and dirt. We lie there naked, entwined under the sheets. Cool air flowing through the roof window and Isak’s fingers tracing the lines on my face.

‘’I can’t believe this is it.’’ I whisper. Kissing the tips of his fingers as they pass my lips. ‘’My London adventure is over. I am going home. Leaving. Leaving you’’

‘’5 days’’ Isak laughs. We should be able to survive 5 days without each other. Don’t you think?’’ He sounds like he is joking, but I can hear the wobble in his voice. I know he is as freaked out as I am.

‘’I will miss you, every minute. But I agree, it’s the best way of doing it. I will get my stuff organized at home, and you will help your Mum. And I will meet you at customs in Oslo. I will be there. Waiting. Probably crying my eyes out and embarrassing the hell out of you.’’  
‘’Will you get me some crap flags and a welcome home banner as well? Balloons??’’  
‘’Yes, no, hang on, I will have one of those boards saying ‘’Welcome Mr Valtersen’’ like you are some kind of celebrity or something.’’  
‘’I can’t wait. I really can’t. I will be relieved when Friday is over and I can relax. Finally put this behind me. No more.’’  
‘’I know baby. I will be sitting at home with my phone. Just text me when you need me and I can ring you. I will be there with you. ‘’  
‘’I know’’

We kiss. I stroke his back. Kiss his skin. Trace his body with my mouth, trying to memorize the shape of him. The way he tastes. The way his hands feel on my body. 

I let him take me. His fingers opening me up, soft and slick, scissoring my opening with confidence. He knows what he is doing. He knows how he makes me feel. I just lie there on my stomach and let my mouth make noises. Say words that I don’t really hear. Just closing my eyes and letting myself feel. Feel his body against my back. His hands gripping my hips. His fingers covering me in lube. Smearing it around my opening. Fingers inside. Soft and strong. 

Then he is pulling me up against him as he pushes the head of his cock against my opening. Just him and me. Skin on skin.  
I love how he fills me up. How the stretch and burn makes me focus. Makes my brain switch off. It’s all about feeling, every nerve ending in my body firing up on full blast. My nipples stinging against the sheets below me. My face flushed. Cheeks on fire. Arms shaking as I am trying to hold myself still. And Isak pushing in until he is fully inside me. Him and I. Together. Joined as one. 

His arms move around my body as we sink into the mattress. Just waiting. Letting me adjust to him and catch my breath.  
‘’I love that I have you’’ he whispers in my ear. Kisses my neck. Bites down on my shoulder as his hips start to move. Just little jerked movements.

In and out. And I whimper under my breath, because it is good. It is so good. Every nerve in my body signalling and my brain going into overdrive.

It’s almost too much. Isak’s hands on my body, his fingers roaming up and down my arms that are slung over the pillows. He is moving harder now. In and out. Angling up so he can get to that spot. The place he touches that just sends spikes of pleasure up my spine. Makes me shout. Wheeze. Drool a little against the pillow underneath me. It’s just so good. Hot. Horny.

And I love that I can feel him, and that I will feel him tomorrow. I will go home and I will still feel him inside me. Just faintly. But there. 

‘’You are mine baby’’ he pants in my ear. ‘’Mine. No one else will ever have you like this. All mine.’’  
‘’Yours’’ I shout back. Because I am losing control now. I am close. My cock grinding against the sheets below me. My hand trying to get underneath so I can touch myself. 

Isak moves us up. Drags me along with him until we are both up on our knees. Still fucking me. In and out. My hand tugging at my cock. Jerking myself off. My head hanging between my shoulders.

‘’Even’’ Isak pants. ‘’I am going to come now. Come with me. Please’’  
‘’Wait for me’’ I blurt out. ‘’Wait’’ My hand flying underneath me. Isak’s movements erratic and strained. Bruising me with his fingers. His breath sharp and fast.  
‘’I can’t hold it baby’’   
‘’Fuck’’  
‘’Come on baby come with me’’  
‘’Ahhhrghh’’  
‘’Now baby. Come Even. Come with me.’’  
‘’Isaaaak’’

And we fall. I can feel his grip on my hips tighten. I can feel the marks he will leave me with. The wetness he is leaving inside me. The pulse of his cock as he releases. 

And I am right there with him in the darkness. In the space of quiet and pleasure and pain and love where nothing else matters than us. Together. Joined.

My body falls back down. Slumped at an angle with my arms bent awkwardly underneath me.

And Isak is right there, rightening my body until I am on my back and his body is covering mine. A sheet being slung on top of us. He is right there. Arms around my neck and his face against mine. Heavy on top of me.

‘’If I lie on top of you, you can’t leave me’’ he whispers.  
‘’I’m right here’’ I whisper back. 

I still leave him. I walk away. I leave him at the security post, looking drained and numb, with his Mother’s arms around his shoulders. I leave him there, holding onto my jacket. I leave it with him. It smells of me. And I know he will wear it until I see him again. 

I don’t know how I do it, but I make my feet walk. I move among the crowds. I scan my bag, remove my laptop, take my shoes off and let the security guard pat me down. 

I don’t look back. Because if I do I will never do this. I will never leave.

I have 5 days. I can do this. I have 5 days until Isak comes home to me. 

5 days. 

BIRGIT: Oh god Even, the house is too quiet without you! Come back!!  
BIRGIT: I think I miss you as much as Isak. He is a mess. I am a mess.  
BIRGIT: I might just have microwaved that bag of cinnamon rolls. I might also just have eaten all of them.  
BIRGIT: I blame you. I am emotionally exhausted. Isak is glaring at me. He is still hugging your jacket. What have you done to us?  
BIRGIT: Safe travels darling boy. You will be sorely missed Even. We both love you so damn much.   
BIRGIT: Hahahahahah, Just found your chocolate stash! Hooray!! Good hiding place!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that it? Is this the last chapter? Is this where the story ends? 
> 
>  
> 
> Nahhh. I think we have a few more to go. Don't you??


	28. Chapter 28

28  
EVEN

You know the films where people fall on their knees when they are finally back home? They lay down and kiss the dirt of their fatherland. Full of emotion and gratitude.   
Well if I wasn’t quite so aware of how it would look if I lay down on the floor in the airport terminal and started to kiss the marble tiles, and the fact that it would probably lead to me being dragged off by the friendly security guards by the gate, then I would probably have kissed the ground. 

I am home. I am back. And it is OK. 

It’s funny how it’s the little things that I notice walking through to passport control. How the fast food waffle outlet makes me smile. How I get that Birgit would probably chain herself to the bakery stand and gorge on pastries for an hour. She would. Definitely. 

If I had any cash on me I would have bought myself one as well, but I have pounded my credit card hard this last week and I need to save every krona now so I can buy the stuff we need for our flat. Our flat. Isak. 

That is the only thing that is weighting me down. In a way I am floating, I am home, I am happy and everything has worked out OK. On the other side, I have this constant ache in my chest, that something is missing, and that if Isak is not by my side I am not quite complete. I have spent the last couple of weeks with him constantly in my space, and now that I am alone, I don’t like it. I don’t like that I can’t keep him safe, that I can’t hold onto him. I need him. I need to touch him to ground myself. To make myself feel calm. Because I am all jittery with nerves for no reason, but for the fact that he is not here. 

I suppose I am possessive that way, I always have been. If something is mine I hold onto it with both hands. Keep it safe. Mine. No one else will ever have it. I was always like that with my toys, My books. My CD’s. My Isak. Not that he is my possession, but I love that I will have him here with me. Mine. Mine Mine Mine. 

I don’t expect a welcome committee, I mean it’s just past 10 in the morning and Mach and Einar are still in school holiday mode, so the idea of them getting out of bed before noon is just laughable. And anyway, Mum and Dad are working and nobody else knew which flight I am on.

I just relax. Take my time getting my bags. Stroll casually out into the arrivals hall, texting Isak on my phone and dragging my case and my holdall and…..

Yousef is there. Standing in front of me with a nervous smile. Walking up towards me with his hands in his pockets and his hood over the mop of black hair that covers his eyes. He hasn’t changed at all. Not a bit.

‘’Hi’’ He says. Awkwardly. Tentatively. Not taking his hands out of his pockets. Rocking on his heels.  
I just beam. I am just stupidly happy to see him. Him of all people.   
‘’How did you know?’’ I start. I don’t wait for an answer. I just throw my arms around him. He laughs. Laughs into my shoulder and holds onto me. 

‘’Bribed Mach with some PS4 games. Told him I would pick you up if he just let me know where and when.’’  
‘’Thanks’’ I whisper. I am a little emotional. Just a little bit tearful. I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect Youss to reach out.   
‘’I felt I needed to see you, just the two of us, before your Isak turns up. I was hoping you could just hang with me for a while so we can kind of, you know?’’  
‘’Get back into being us? Get rid of this tension. Because I know you feel it as much as I do. We never used to be like this, not being able to effortlessly talk and just hang’’  
‘’I know. It’s weird. It doesn’t feel right that we aren’t close, and texting constantly. I hate how strained things are. We just need to hang out and kind of work on it I guess.’’

‘’How are the others? How’s Matthias? ‘’  
‘’He has good days when we are all OK. Then he has days when I feel like he is just looking at me and silently screaming at me. Saying ‘’Look what you did to my face’’. I did that. It was my fault. I could have killed them all, and that haunts me. Every fucking day.’’

We are walking. Slowly just making our way down towards the airport train. 

‘’Yousef. It was all our fault. Every one of us. And there is nothing either of us could have done to change what happened. We will just have to live with it. To try to live with it. ‘’

‘’I’m so sorry’’ He whispers. Looking so sad that my heart breaks a little. 

I stand there, on the platform with my bags, and this man in front of me that I have known all my life. And he is broken. Tears welling up in his eyes as his shoulders slump and his hands are shaking. 

I hug him. Hold him tight against my chest until I feel a little bit more like myself. A little more composed. And Yousef is wiping his eyes on his sleeves and cursing softly under his breath.  
‘’Fuck man, sorry about that. Just a bit emo. I was nervous seeing you again.’’  
‘’I am still me Youss. Just a little bruised and battered, but I am OK. And you will be OK too.’’  
‘’Yeah’’ He sighs.  
‘’Is your Dad still mad?’’   
Yousef laughs softly. ’’Nah. I think he has found peace in the fact that his son is a mess. That I will never be a great doctor or scientist. I am a kindergarten teacher. I have a job. I keep my head down at home, and just try to get by. Live day by day.’’  
‘’Good’’ I laugh.  
‘’He will still try to give you an earful when he sees you, don’t think he won’t. You will get the full talking too, don’t expect anything less. Even poor Mattias got a lecture. The works. He hasn’t been himself since.’’

I laugh again. Sling my arm around Yousef’s shoulder. ‘’I can imagine. I have had your Dad’s lectures before remember? When I made you fail that Math exam, because I convinced you that we knew it, so we could play GTA, and then we both failed. Your Dad was livid. ‘’  
‘’Oh, good times. I blamed it all on you. He went easy on me Even. ‘’  
I push him away. Stare at him in mock anger. Load my bags onto the train and take a seat next to him.  
‘’Thank you’’ I say. Thank you for doing this.  
‘’Thank you for letting me’’ he whispers back. 

We leave my bags at the central station and walk. I know exactly what I fancy. I need a proper fishcake. Fish cake burgers. Comfort food. I need to feel like home, to kind of integrate myself back into Oslo, ground myself into being this Norwegian me again. Not AupairEven. Just Even. Half nerdy messed up part of the weirdest group of misfit boys ever. Our little squad. So that is what we do. We walk all the way up to our old school. Take a silly selfie outside, and I can’t help thinking that I feel old. Like it must have been years, not months, since we walked out of here. 

All young and stupid and heads full of dreams and plans. I had still been with Sonja. I had still been naïve and my head had been all about partying and having fun. I feel like I am old now. Like nothing of that is actually important anymore, because somehow, I have, and I kind of scare myself when the thought pops up in my head. I think I might have grown up. Found myself an adult all of a sudden. With fucking responsibilities which is so ridiculous that I burst out laughing.

‘’What’s so funny?’’ Yousef asks.   
‘’I think I have grown up. I have become dull and boring. Two months ago, I would have said to you: ‘’Let’s go and find some quality weed and get wasted and have a party. Then eat fishcakes.’’. Now I am all about the fishcakes and asking you for your Mum’s recipes and hoping that she will let me invite myself and Isak to come for dinner. I feel like I am about 50.’’

Yousef just smiles. ‘’I have been reading up on applying to do this teaching course, I could do it online whilst I still work. And I have, wait for this, been thinking about getting my own place.’’  
I do my mock gasp again. ‘’Fuck me Youss. What the hell has happened to us?’’  
‘’Life’’ Yousef replies. ‘’Life fucking happened to us.’’

I finally make it home for dinnertime. Exhausted and weary as I drag my cases up the stairs. I am home.   
Fishcake burgers at the Food Market turned into lying on the grass by the river in the sun until Fred and Jon turned up, and a few beers later we went to meet up with Matthias. He looks like shit. There is no denying it. He will be fine though. He owns it. Laughs about it. I still feel bad. His face is a mess. 

We are all different. We have grown. Changed. Yet the laughs were there. And the love. We have bonds and history, and I am just so incredibly grateful that we are working this through. That we can come out the other side. I hope. I hope we can just be us. Talk. Laugh. 

Mum almost knocks me off balance when I step through the door. She holds me so tight that I can hardly breathe and Dad, well I think Dad has something in his eye because he disappears out into the kitchen and doesn’t return until he starts hollering that there is food and if we don’t come and get it he will not be held responsible for us going hungry. 

I may be pissing them all off talking about Isak. Because I do. I talk about Isak a lot. And Mum says she can’t believe I have a beloved, a proper all-consuming love of my life kind of thing going on. Not like Mach who apparently refuses to bring Cecilie home, which is apparently the girlfriend who Dad says is cute, and Einar howls saying she’s hot and Mach sulks whilst his cheeks are pink and Mum goes into her mock rage about not getting to meet the future daughter in law.

All is well. I am home. 

I am exhausted, but I don’t fall asleep. I lie in my bed, listening to the familiar sounds of traffic outside. Of the branches of the trees in the courtyard swaying in the wind. My phone tucked in my hand. 

I stare at the posters on my walls. The trophies on the bookshelf. Childish mementos from trips and games. Books that I loved. Drawings that I cherished.

I lie there and wait for Isak’s texts. His replies to my snippets of stories and pathetic declarations of love. I have texted him ‘’I love you’’ about 15 times in the last hour. And I still text it again.

He rings me this time. Just a soft ‘’Hi baby’’ in my ear, which makes me curl up into the foetal position on bed. Arms around myself. Phone tucked between the pillow and my ear.  
‘’I miss you’’ I wail. I am pathetic. I am on the brink of tears. Clinging to his voice.  
‘’I miss you to Even. Nothing is the same without you.’’  
‘’I feel like my arm has been cut off Isak. Like you are missing from me. God, I hate that you are not here with me. I need you, I need a hug and I need a cuddle and I even need you sleeping on top of me because I fucking love it.’’

Isak giggles softly in my ear. ‘’I miss you holding me too. Randomly making me a cup of tea when I haven’t even asked for one. Sticking a piece of chocolate in my mouth when I look sad. I miss your fingers in my hair.’’

‘’I miss your fingers in my arse’’ 

I am blunt. I can’t help it.

‘’Ha-ha, Yes, I miss that too. Your mouth on my cock. Your dick in my ass. I miss everything. All of you.’’

‘’Is it pathetic that I am going to ask you not to hang up? Can we go to sleep with our phones on like this? I mean it’s Wi-Fi, so it’s not costing us anything, I just like to be able to hear you breathe. To know that you are there.’’

‘’You are pathetic Even. We are not kids. BUT. But.’’ Isak is taking a deep breath. ‘’There is no way I am hanging up on you. I will be here. Asleep. All night. Right next to your ear. OK?’’

‘’OK.’’ I say. My voice barely a whisper. ‘’Can you just talk to me for a while? Tell me what you did today.’’

‘’Go to sleep baby. You are exhausted. Just drift off and I will talk to you.’’

Did I tell you that I love him? That there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that I would not do for him.  
I fall asleep with his voice in my ear. Softly telling me ridiculous stories of the packing boxes and the van and the estate agent and the buyers who came over to measure the rooms and completely trashed the décor. I fall asleep with his voice soft and soothing in my ear. 

I fall asleep with the man that I love whispering to me that I need to sleep. 

I have 4 more days. 4 more days until I am whole again.


	29. Chapter 29

29  
ISAK

I wake up with my phone stuck to my ear, with a strange mark on my cheek and a dead battery. I kind of expect Even’s battery will be dead too, but as soon as I plug mine in the screen comes alive.

EVEN-BABY: I love you. Thank you for sleeping with me. Phone Sleep. Like Phone sex, but less tiring.  
ISAK: Ha-Ha. Very funny. I love you too. What are you doing today?  
EVEN-BABY: Getting you registerered with the health service. Checking out our flat. Packing my stuff up. Einar is moving into my room as it’s way cooler than his he says. So, I am getting properly kicked out.  
ISAK: Ahhw. Poor you. Mum had the chair shipped today. Should arrive next week.  
EVEN-BABY: Cool. Are you nervous about today?  
ISAK: Bricking it. Haven’t been able to eat. Wish you were here. I will be fine. Mum is coming and Jonas will be there. And I will have you with me too. I know that.  
EVEN-BABY: I will be there. All the time. My phone is on charge, and I will be waiting to hear from you. You are so strong baby, you will be fine.  
ISAK: I will cry in court in front of him. I just know it. I don’t want to. I don’t want him to see me weak.  
EVEN-BABY: You have the option of not facing him. Don’t push yourself into sitting in the courtroom if you feel emotional. There is nothing weak about what you are about to do today.  
ISAK: I know.  
EVEN-BABY: I have got your back. I have got you. Be strong baby. 3 more sleeps until you are here with me. Only a few hours until this is over.  
ISAK: I love you. I love you so much.  
EVEN-BABY: Please go and eat something. Have a cup of tea. I have stashed a bar of Galaxy behind the panel next to the sink. You know the loose one in the bathroom? I think you might need it. Go get it baby. It will make you feel better.  
ISAK: Lol. Thank you. Xxxxxx

The courtroom is nothing like I expected it to be. I listen. I listen to my body and I make the call. So, in the end I do my thing via video link, sitting on a plastic chair in a small side room with Mum and Jonas outside the door. Somehow, I find strength. I can do this. I do. I speak loud and clear. I don’t mumble. I find the words. I don’t cry. I am so fucking grateful that I don’t cry. 

I wanted to sit there in the courtroom and face him, I wanted to look him in the eye and say NO MORE. I wanted him to see this me. The Isak that I am now. 

But I think this is enough. I haven't got it in me to fight anymore. This is me. This is me done.

The judge dismisses me and we are free to either wait, or go home. Jonas holds my hand. Mum just looks at me. Letting me decide.

‘’No more.’’ I say, my voice strong. ‘’this is over now. I want to leave.’’ 

I start to shake in the car on the way home. My whole body filling with tension and built up emotions. I don’t want to cry. I really don’t.  
‘’Isak’’ Mum says. ‘’This has been a horrible day. I know. You are not OK, are you?’’  
‘’No’’ I whisper. ‘’Mum, I think I am about to lose the plot.’’  
‘’Baby-Boy. You are the bravest strongest man I have ever met. I am so immensely proud of you. What you did today took serious guts. Don’t forget that.’’  
I just nod. I can’t speak very well. My legs are bouncing against the foot well. Hands grasping. Tears streaming down my face.

‘’Isak’’ 

I just nod.

‘’This is no good for you. You don’t belong here anymore. Shall we get out of here? Tonight? ‘’  
‘’Do you want to go to Pete’s tonight? Shall we set off early?’’  
‘’No baby-boy. I think we should get your case and hop on a plane. What do you say. Fancy a little trip to Oslo? I will book into an airbnb, and I have a feeling you have a bed for the night just waiting. What do you say?’’

I can’t stop crying. The tears just won’t stop flowing. I still manage to nod. Nod and smile. 

Let’s get out of here. It’s time. 

%&%%&%&%&%&%

ISAK added JONAS MAHDI MAGNUS to the group chat.  
ISAK: Guys, I am sorry but I am going to split tonight. I need to get out of here and clear my head after today. Thank you for all the support Jonas. I don’t know what I would have done without you.  
MAGNUS: FUCK ISAK when is your flight? I can make it to Heathrow in an hour if I leave now.  
MAHDI: We will be visiting. You have been warned. I will be expecting hot Scandi chicks and even hotter Scandi grub. Love you man. Fly safe.  
JONAS: Isak what you did today was amazingly brave. I will keep you updated if I hear anything. I am coming with Mahdi, you are not getting out of visitors. Eva says hi.  
ISAK: Flight is at 6. Mags would love to see you if you really want to come and wave us off.  
MAGNUS: I am heading to your house now. Will be there in 20. Will tube it home. Are you taking a taxi there? Don’t leave without me.  
JONAS: Is there room for 4 in the taxi? I can leave now.  
ISAK: You guys are nuts.  
MAHDI: FML, I have to work. Sorry Isak. I would have come too if I could have but Papa Disi would make curry out of my arse if I split now.  
ISAK: Love you Mahds. You are forgiven. As long as you come visit.  
ISAK: Mum is ordering the taxi now. 

&%&%&%&%&%&%&

ISAK: Einar, I am coming to Oslo tonight. Please don’t tell Even, as I want to surprise him. No idea how to do it though. Any ideas?  
EINAR added MACHIAVELLI BN to the Group chat  
EINAR: Leave it with us. Are you staying here?  
ISAK: Mum has booked an Airbnb room near yours, I was hoping I could stay with Even?  
MACHIAVELLI BN: ISAK dude, tell your mum to cancel the Airbnb. Mum will have a fit if she doesn’t come stay here. I promise. I will talk to Mum now. Even is out, we will sort something out. Can’t wait to see you.  
EINAR: OK, when you get to the airport, take the airport train to the central station, and one of us will meet you there. Or do you want us to send Even? He will freak. Make a big scene. He is so highly strung as it is he might just pass out.  
ISAK: I don’t know, I just want to see him. Without the drama.  
EINAR: Let’s get you home then, stick you in Even’s room and let him find you. Will that do?  
ISAK: What about Mum?  
EINAR: Our Mum will be here. She says hello. We have plans. Safe flight! Text me when you are on the airport train.  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Pissing myself. Even is going to freak out.  
ISAK: Now I am freaking out.  
MACHIAVELLI BN: No, you are not. You are chill dude. 

%&%&%&%&%&%&

I leave my room for the last time, staring at the mattress on the floor. The marks on the carpet where the furniture once stood. The childish markings on the doorframe where I scratched my height. Every year until I was 10. 

I glance into the bathroom. Into Even’s empty space.

I have made my peace. Said my farewells. It’s OK. 

‘’Are you sure this is OK Mum? Me leaving?’’  
‘’This place is not good for you Isak. It’s not good for me either. We both need to start afresh, and this is the day we do it. You need to be with Even, I can tell. You need him more than you need me and that is exactly how it should be. I am coming with you, because there is no way I would send you off on your own after today, and I kind of fancy a trip to Oslo. And I might secretly want to see Even too. And the boys. ‘’  
‘’What about driving the van?’’  
‘’I’ve got Pete, haven’t I? Time to make use of him don’t you think? He will come down and drive the van up. Help me sort the last of the stuff out. It’s fine Isak. And I want to see your flat, and meet Even’s parents. It will be fine.’’

Mum looks like an overexcited child off on a school trip. Jumping up and down throwing stuff in her bag straight from the tumble dryer. 

So that is what happens. Jonas and Magnus ride to the airport with us, With Mum and her overnight bag, and Me and my stupidly full suitcase and a rucksack. I also grab the chopping board. I know Even meant to bring it. I take one last look at the front door, just standing there whilst Magnus hand weighs on my shoulder.

‘’End of an era Isak. It’s OK. We are growing up. At least we have each other. We are not losing you again however many oceans you decide to move across.’’

‘’I know Magnus. I am not losing you guys again. I have, despite all the shit that went down, had the best time this summer thanks to you. ‘’

Magnus has a tear in his eye. Calling me a fucktard for making him all emotional. 

We ride out to Heathrow remembering things from when we were small. Listening to Mum’s stories of drama with our old primary school teacher who had an affair with one of the married Dad’s and then screaming with laughter when it transpired that Mum went on a date with the said Dad once the divorce came through. Because he was hot. And Mum said she needed to tap that. I am blushing with shame. My Mum is ridiculous. At least Jonas and Magnus are finding it amusing.

The hugs at the airport are ridiculously long. The wait for our seats bare minutes. And before I know it Mum and I are toasting in champagne in business class flying high over the North Sea. 

I don’t even look back at the UK. I don’t. My hands have stopped shaking. I am free.

EVEN-BABY: Are you OK? Is the court case finished? Please text me!  
EVEN-BABY: I am dying here. Please be OK  
EVEN-BABY: I am being clingy and ridiculous I know. I love you.  
EVEN-BABY: I am googling the phone number for the court now. I am so worried. I have eaten enough chocolate to last me weeks. I might have spent the budget I had set aside for lamps, on chocolate.   
EVEN-BABY: Not your fault.  
EVEN-BABY: Ring me please  
EVEN-BABY: I love you

EVEN: JONAS what is happening??? Crapping myself here.  
JONAS: Chill dude. All is well  
EVEN: Tell Isak to call me. When he can. Tell him I love him.  
JONAS: EVEN. CHILL.  
EVEN. Sorry.  
EVEN: I have no chill.  
JONAS: LOL


	30. Chapter 30

30  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Even, where are you?  
EVEN: At Yousef’s? Why?  
MACHIAVELLI BN: I might have fucked up.  
EVEN: WTF  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Have locked myself out. Need you to let me in.  
EVEN: Mum and Dad are home? Einar? The Klebers next door have a key? What is wrong with you?  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Mum and Dad have gone out for a drink. Einar is out. Ringing the Klebers but no reply.   
EVEN: Mum and Dad NEVER go out for a drink. I leave for 2 months and they start going out drinking?   
MACHIAVELLI BN: You are an arse. I am 15 FGS. You can’t just leave me to sit here all night.  
EVEN: Watch me. 

Isak

Oslo is nothing like I thought it would be. I thought it would be huge. Bustling. Busy. Instead the sun is shining, people are milling about and it’s calm. Almost quiet, for a Friday evening when people are going out and the parties should be in full swing. Trams are rustling past the front of the central station, Kids are running around on the square and groups of people in summer dresses and cool t-shirts are spilling out of the Central Station, whilst stressed workers in suits are running for their trains, no doubt heading home for the weekend. 

Mum is jumping up and down pointing out landmarks, waving her arms around telling me stories of coming here and how things have changed and the smell, God she can smell the sea even if we are well away from the water.

I am just smiling, I love this town already. This is my kind of place, a smaller, kinder, slower pace of living. Even though I feel like a bit of a twat standing here with a suitcase and a chopping board and a Mother that looks like she should swallow a couple of Valium before she combusts, and then maybe have another glass of champagne. She might have had a few on the plane and now she is buzzing. 

In a good way, I suppose. My stomach is churning and my veins are bubbling with adrenaline at the thought of being so close to Even again. He is nearby. I will have him in my arms within an hour. I will kiss him. I am going to sleep on top of him tonight, I mean there is no way I won’t. I know myself now, lying next to him just won’t be enough. I will be climbing him like a tree in my sleep until I have him all wrapped up in my arms. Baby. My baby. 

EINAR: I am on the tram. Getting off in 3 minutes. Stay right in front of the building. Don’t move.  
ISAK: Not moving. Ha-ha.  
EINAR: Fab. Coming now.   
EINAR: I can see you! Yay

I get the biggest hug, and slaps on my back and Mum squeals in delight when Einar hugs her too. They only met for a few hours, but Mum adopted the two of them there and then. ‘’Her four boys’’ as we are now known. I wonder if Even’s parents know what they have let themselves into inviting Mum to stay. God help us all.

‘’Even hasn’t got a clue Isak, this is going to be so much fun!!’’  
‘’Even doesn’t know we are here??’’ Mum is squealing.   
‘’Nope! He is going to freak!!’’ Einar is supposed to be the quiet reasonable one. Einar is jumping up and down in the middle of the square holding Mum’ hands and behaving like an idiot. Well Mum is screaming and Einar is doing a little dance and then he grabs my suitcase and starts herding us towards the tram stop. 

‘’Isak What the hell have you got in your bag? It weighs a ton!’’  
‘’Dead bodies’’ I deadpan. ‘’No, I think Even packed a load of crap in there, and the rest is everything I own. I am officially homeless. Until next week. I hope.’’  
‘’Bullshit. You are a fucking Bech Naesheim now, you live with us. Sorry Birgit. He’s ours. We decided.’’  
‘’Fuck off Einar. You are all Valtersens. You just don’t know it yet. ‘’ Mum is winking. Looking stupidly excited as we get on the tram. 

‘’They all speak Norwegian!’’ she whispers to me. Looking overjoyed.  
‘’Mum. We are in fucking NORWAY. Of course they speak Norwegian.’’ I think Mum has lost the plot.  
‘’But it’s so cool! I love it! I love hearing it! I never hear people speak Norwegian, and it’s making me all sentimental. I should have made Pete move to Norway. We could have bought a hytte and he could just commute. Work from home or something. I want to live here too.’’  
‘’Mum, you are a bonkers.’’  
‘’I know baby boy, but I don’t care. I love being bonkers. Look! You are smiling! See? It’s all good. Bonkers is good.’’

‘’Bonkers is brilliant.’’ Einar quips. ‘’OK, the plan is that we get home. We hide you in Even’s room, and let him come home and find you. He is out but Mach is making him come home. So, it should be fun.   
‘’Ohhhh!!’’ Mum is clapping her hands. 

Einar is just laughing. Pointing out the National theatre. The Castle in the park. The crowds soaking in the evening sun along the street café’s and the people sitting in groups on the grass drinking and laughing. I can’t believe that this is home. That this is where I am going to live from now on. It is just so different. Calm. There are people everywhere, but the pace is different. Just a little slower, and I suppose it would be different on a grey and cold evening, but the sunshine makes the colours brighter and the mood lighter and I love it.

I feel like I want to get my shoes off and run around on the grass like some deranged farm animal. Well I have clearly lost the plot on 3 glasses of champagne as I am sitting here looking out the window and grinning like an idiot.

I am home. I belong here. I can feel it in my bones already.

EINAR: BLACK KNIGHT to RED LEADER. Target acquired and will reach destination in 5 minutes.   
MACH: You are such a nerd.  
MACH: Still can’t get Even to come home. Tried everything. He is being a dick.  
EINAR: Shall I pull out the big guns?  
MACH: What are you thinking?  
EINAR: No idea. Hahaha  
MACH: OK. He just replied. Dad is texting him now. Telling him that he has broken down in the van. Hahahaha.  
EINAR: *thumbs up emoji*

The Bech Naesheims live in a flat. In England that usually means small. Very Small. Not much room. It's usually nothing like this building, that is beautiful and ornate with a big entrance door, a wide staircase snaking up with an old-fashioned lift and big showy windows. There are even pot plants on every landing, and racks of shoes outside the doors. Home-made signs with long double-barrelled names. Children’s drawings and notes to ‘’beware of the hamster’’ and ‘’no adverts or free papers please’’. It’s noisy, homely sounds blending in with loud TV’s and the beats of music in the stairwell as we make our way up to the 3rd floor. 

My heart jumps a little when I read the sign on the door. Bech Naesheim. A small wooden plaque above saying ‘’Her bor Merethe Birk Even Einar og Machiavelli’’ in swirled letters. 

‘’Home sweet home’’ Einar smiles as he pushes the handle down. ‘’Yo! Were here’’

The hallway is wide and the ceilings are high. This is not what I expected. Double doors leading into the kitchen and what looks like a sitting room on the side. Shoes and coats everywhere and a woman that looks so much like Even that I kind of get a lump in my throat. 

‘’Oh God, Isak!! I am so pleased to meet you! Oh sweetie, we have been looking forwards to you coming home! Even will be so pleased. He has missed you.’’ Even’s mother is cupping my face. Shaking my shoulders. Mum-hugging me. I think she might be related to my mother. Which scares me a little as the two of them squeal loudly and embrace next to me. 

‘’Welcome Honey!!! Come in Come in!! Birk!!! Come and greet Birgit and Isak! ‘’

Everything is loud. Everyone is chatting. And Even’s Dad shakes my hand, firm and strong and nods as he introduces himself with a loud ‘’Birk Naesheim.’’.   
‘’Isak’’ I quip back. Feeling all shy all of a sudden. I need Even. Why is Even not here. I need him. I need him to hug me so I can bury my face in his neck and make everything all right. 

‘’Come with me Isak. Let the girls chat. We need a beer and a comfy seat on the balcony whilst we wait for Even.’’

‘’Is he coming?’’ My voice is all small still, as I stumble along the hall through the kitchen. Birk is grabbing a pack of beers from the fridge and Einar is following behind with a bag of crisps. 

 

‘’Is there dip Dad?’’ Einar shouts as we reach the balcony. Well it’s more like a small terrace with wicker seats and cushions and some kind of garden lanterns with fairy lights and pot plants. It’s beautiful, like something you would see in some interior design magazine I suppose. All pink flowers and floral cushions and blankets casually thrown over the seatbacks.   
‘’Take a seat Isak. Put your feet up.’’ Birk cracks a beer can and hands it to me. Puts his feet up on the table and leans back letting the cold beer hit as he closes his eyes for a second and sighs.  
‘’That’s better. Peace and quiet. Dip is in the Fridge Einar!’’

We are in the middle of the city. But it’s quiet. Just some quiet birdsong and rustling of trees. Soft music from somewhere and Einar plonks down a glass bowl of what must be dip on the table.

‘’Cosy. Friday evening cosiness. Perfect’’ He sighs as he throws himself down next to me. ‘’Put your feet up Isak. We are all at home here. ‘’ Einar’s socked feet are on the table next to his Dad’s. And I carefully place mine up too. Thinking that it’s a little rude maybe. But whatever. Everyone is chilling.

‘’Welcome home Isak. We hope that you will be happy here. Whatever happens, you can always come to us, you should know that. You are family now, and whatever Even and You need, you come to us. OK?’’

‘’Thank you Birk.’’ I try to keep my voice steady whilst my nerves are firing on all cylinders. 

‘’Call me Dad. The boys do. The only one that calls me Birk is Mum, but only when she is angry. So, stick to Dad. I like it better.’’

I smile weakly. Lean back and sip my beer. 

‘’Any news from Even?’’ Einar giggles softly, and Birk gets his phone out. 

‘’I told him he needs to come here and collect my tool box so I can fix the van. I stupidly left it in the hallway. Silly me.’’ Both of them are laughing.   
‘’Is he coming?’’  
‘’He is not happy. His choice of words is interesting. Apparently, he was in the middle of dinner at Yousef’s.’’  
‘’Oh.’’ I say. ‘’He won’t be happy then. He was looking forwards to Yousef’s Mum’s cooking.’’  
‘’Shaheena is a fantastic cook. I wouldn’t mind getting another invite for dinner myself’’ Birk laughs and pats his stomach as Mum and Merethe come outside amongst a flutter of words and ‘’Ohhh’s!! ‘’And ‘’Ahhh’s!’’. Mum is squealing and Merethe is howling with laughter and the two of them are clinking their glasses of something bubbly.  
‘’Toast to Isak! Welcome home sweetie! ‘’ She holds her glass up and smiles.   
‘’Isak!’’ Birk nods at me and holds his beer up.  
‘’Bro’’ Einar fist pumps. 

I have butterflies in my stomach. A tentative smile on my face. I need Even. I will be fine once I get Even.

EVEN: Fucking Dad and his FUCKING van. I am on my way home to pick up his tools. Are you still there?   
MACHIAVELLI BN: Aww so you will rescue Dad, but let me sit all alone and locked out on my own doorstep.  
EVEN: You should have brought your freaking key, shouldn’t you?  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Grumpy arsehole  
EVEN: Do you want me to let you in or not?  
MACHIAVELLI BN: I am on my way back. See you in 5?  
EVEN: I am not staying. I will let you in and split. If you are not there then you are fucked. I have a perfect lamb biryani on a plate in Briskeby with my name on it. Not happy.  
MACHIAVELLI BN: *Rolling eyes emoji*

Even

I have had the best day. And the worst. Isak wont reply to my texts and something is wrong. Jonas is just telling me to chill and gave me some shit about talking to the legal team and his battery being dead. Isak’s battery is never dead. He is obsessed with charging his phone. I just have this bad feeling in my stomach and I just need to know he is OK. That he is fine.

The last thing I need is traipsing across Oslo with a bloody tool kit to rescue my Dad and his clapped-out van from some back street, when I would rather sit in Yousef’s kitchen and drown my sorrows in his Mum’s home cooking whilst I stare at my phone. Ringing Isak every 20 minutes. Looking at the photos of him in my phone. Letting Yousef pat my shoulder and call me an idiot. Its fine. Isak will be fine. I have 2 more days. 2 more nights until he is back in my arms. Oh Isak. Oh baby.

Instead I am half jogging down the street with my phone in my hand and an angry scowl on my face. Cursing at Mach for being so reckless. I mean Mum and Dad are always home in the evenings so yes, I might have done the same thing. Gone out with no keys. But the dude is 15 and needs to learn his lesson. 

I saw our flat today, and I am gobsmacked. It’s small. Top floor with curved ceilings and quirky beams, but it’s perfect. Beautiful. Clean. And it has a proper kitchen area with lots of room to move, two small study areas and a bedroom with a massive bed. They are leaving their bed. Which is a big bonus as I can’t really afford one, but the dude made a deal. They leave the bed, and then we sort out a new mattress when we move out, I mean it’s only IKEA, and the bed looks great. We shook on that. Perfect. I like the guy, and I am more than a little jealous of his gap year thing, even though his girlfriend has arranged for them to volunteer in some orangutan shelter in Burma for 6 months before they hit Australia. Not sure that I would do that, but hey, everyone to their own.

I can’t wait to live there with Isak. To come home in the evenings and find him pottering around in our flat. Watching our tiny second-hand TV that I have scored on the free-cycling site. Curling up on the little loveseat in the corner. Eating at the breakfast bar. Two stools and just enough space for a plate and a cup each. I love it. I love it so much already and I haven’t even moved in. 

 

EVEN: Home in 1. Are you there.  
MACHIAVELLI BN: Sitting on the fucking stairs arsehole. 

MACH: Red alert. Even is walking through the door now. I am running up the stairs. I don’t want to miss this! Let me in!

Isak:  
The front door is slamming and Mach comes running through the flat like some deranged whirlwind.  
‘’ISAAAAK’’ He grins and throws his arms around me from behind, tugging at my T-shirt and pulling at my arms. ‘’Even is walking up the stairs. We need to hide you!!’’

I scramble. Climb across Mum’s lap as she squeals and Merethe giggles and Birk takes another swig of his beer with an amused smile on his face.

‘’Even is going to faint’’ Einar laughs, whilst dipping a crisp in to the dip and stuffing it in his mouth.  
‘’Come!!’’ Mach is dragging me down the hall. Pushing me through the door right in time as I hear the front door open and Even’s voice calling out.   
‘’MACH, You fucker. Where are you?’’ Even sounds pissed.

‘’Even darling, we are on the balcony’’ That’s his mum, and Mach is stifling a laugh next to me.  
‘’I am going back out there. Stay here. I will send him in to find you. ‘’ Mach walks out the door and closes it carefully behind him.

I am in Even’s room, that is obvious. Pictures and posters on the walls. Drawings and art. Cookery books on the shelves. Books about baking. About art. Drawing. Boxes and boxes of art supplies on his desk. 

I walk over to the bed. Lean over and grab the pillow. Bury my face in the softness that smells so very much like him.   
My hands are shaking again. Footsteps walking down the hallway outside the door. Even’s voice calling out that he is just picking up his jacket and he will be off again. 

I wonder where they have hidden Mum. She must be pissing herself laughing in a closet somewhere. 

I wonder if I should hide, or just stand there.

I don’t have time to think after that. I just stand there holding onto the pillow as Even flings the door open and freezes. He stands there with his mouth wide open and his arms half up in the air. 

His chest is rising and falling. His eyes wide and dark.

He bursts into tears. Ugly sobs rising from his throat. Tears spilling down his cheeks as his arms fall and his shoulders hunch. 

‘’Oh fuck’’ I whisper. Because what can I say? 

My legs move on their own. My arms reaching for him. My face burrowing into his neck as my arms grasp and my body lands exactly where it needs to be.

‘’Oh baby. Oh Even. I’m home. I’m here. I am never ever leaving you again.’’

He just wails. Sobs and slobbers into my shoulder as his body shakes and his lips try to find mine. He misses the first couple of times, planting wet sloppy kisses on my cheeks and my chin and my smile is so wide that our teeth clash and it’s not pretty. 

It’s not romantic. It’s desperate and tearful and my eyes are streaming with tears for some reason that I don’t understand. I am not crying. I am just so desperately happy to see him, and so incredibly hurt that he is such a mess because I have not been here. That I let him go home on his own when we so obviously needed each other. 

He needed me. Just as much as I needed him. That is clear to me now and my chest is so full of love and pride and happiness that I don’t know what to do with myself apart from holding on to him and placing uncoordinated messy kisses all over his face.

‘’You little fucker, never ever do that to me again. I have been hysterically worried all evening because I couldn’t get hold of you. You bastard!!’’ 

He is playfighting. Slapping my chest, then tugging me in and holding me close. Pushing me away and pulling me back. Laughing and crying all at the same time, whilst I am smiling so hard that my cheeks are aching. 

‘’I couldn’t stay in London for a minute longer. As soon as the court thing was done we left. I have never seen Mum pack as fast. ‘’

‘’Is your Mum here too?’’ Even looks shocked. Again, and I stifle another laugh.

‘’She’s on the balcony with your Parents. Hiding’’

He grabs my hand and drags me back outside, not letting go when Mum scoops him up in a hug and calls him her darling second son and goes into an epic rant of how he ruined our lives and that her and I were fine until Even showed up and now we are both a mess as Even left us on our own so we had to take matters into our own hands and come to Oslo so we could get our fix of Even, because apparently everyone needs an Even in their lives, and we are all lucky to have him. Or Something. I haven’t got a clue what Mum is on about but everyone is howling with laughter and Even’s face is all red and there are flutes of champagne being passed around and my face is back where it belongs. Snuggled up tight in Even’s neck as his arms are around my shoulders and his lips are in my hair. Snuggling and kissing.

‘’Are you smelling me again? Sniffing my hair?’’ I whisper. 

‘’Drinking you in baby. I missed you so much. I missed how good you smell. How your body fits against mine. I missed your kisses.’’ He kisses me. Right on the lips with tongue and hands in my hair and fingers on my cheek and everyone cheers and holds their glasses up in the air.

‘’To our darling Even and Isak. Welcome home boys!’’ Even’s Mum is raising her glass, smiling at us and aiming her phone at us to capture the moment.

‘’Even and Isak!’’ Everyone cheers. Glasses clinking. The faint sounds of applause and laughter. 

I kiss him back. Soft pecks on his skin. His smile against my lips. 

‘’Welcome home baby’’

‘’I love you.’’ 

He lets his glass clink against mine, standing in the evening sun on a balcony surrounded by the people I love. It’s a strange feeling, watching my Mum smile at Even’s Mum. Mach showing Einar something on his phone. Even’s Dad laughing and holding his glass up at us as I meet his eye. 

I look at Even. His eyes still wet and a little bit pink. His face flushed and his grin making his cheeks wrinkle and his eyes crinkle around the edges. 

‘’I love you too’’ he whispers. ‘’This is to us. To you and me. Forever’’

We clink our glasses. 

He is absolutely right. This is us. This is where us begins. Even and Isak. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there guys. I am as always overwhelmed by the response this fic has had, the love and the hysterically funny comments it has generated, the meme (!!!) and the love on the Instagram account. It has been such a ride, and I am honoured and stupidly happy to have had you all along for the ride. 
> 
> We have one more chapter, and then, well if you know me, I tend to add epilogues at random moments when the urge hits, so I wouldn't be surprised if this is not the end. There might be a sequel at some point but bear with me as Little Harbour needs some love and attention too. 
> 
> I am hoping to update next week. Sit tight. xxxx


	31. A few months later

Isak

Even is a tiny bit pissed off with me, I can tell. Well it’s not a bad thing and in a way, I deserve it, but it’s just too much fun to string him along and he falls for every little white lie, hook line and sinker. It’s hysterically funny. 

It was really funny this morning when I woke him up and told him to get dressed. I had all our clothes laid out, shirts ironed and ties ready to put on. Black skinny jeans and the matching leather boots Mum bought us from China. They are probably made from plastic but they look amazing on, and with the skinny jeans I feel cool. Effortlessly hip. Letting my shirt unbutton so the collar of my t-shirt shows underneath. It looks fine. I look OK.

Even though. He got it as soon as he saw the tie. Throwing pillows at me and calling me every name under the sun for not letting him know what I had planned. Well it wasn’t all me. Mum was desperate to see us and she had this perfect layover over this weekend so we booked. 

I told Even we were under contract to help tidy the communal gardens and scrub the staircase at our apartment building, so he wouldn’t plan anything else. He has been moaning about it for days, that he can’t believe they make us clean the outside of the building as well. Weed the lawns. Scrub the crap garden furniture and the BBQ thing.

I won’t tell him where we are going though, which is pissing him off as he throws his stuff in his rucksack. I mean it’s much more fun for him to find out when we get there. And anyway, we both deserve a break. We deserve this. Because we have both worked so damn hard over the last couple of months to get ourselves into the swing of things, with studying and living on our own and making the money stretch. We are getting better at it. Much better. 

We still treat ourselves sometimes, we deserve it. Like Hot chocolate Tuesdays at the Bristol Hotel. It started as just the two of us, and now we have a rolling booking for 10 people, and there are usually more of us that actually turn up. The waiter doesn’t even ask anymore, he just quietly rearranges the armchairs and lays out the cups when we take our seats. It’s bloody expensive, but it is chocolate. It’s us. It’s so us and I absolutely love it.

Even has a job in the coffee shop on campus, which he blagged himself after convincing the lady in charge of his community service that he was the man for the job and that he could achieve greatness casually chatting to the students buying coffee and sneak in the odd comment about staying away from the dangers of drugs. He even wears a badge with his name on it and ‘’ASK ME ABOUT DRUGS’’ printed underneath. It’s the most ridiculous thing, but he owns it and people tend to ask him all sorts of questions. So somehow, he does community service and gets paid for it and it’s so freaking sneaky that I laugh every time I walk past him and blow him a kiss through the windows. He still has to meet up with his probation officer once a week, and sit in on these group meetings, but he doesn't mind. It's OK. He is OK.

My course is hard, not that I didn’t expect it to be, but whilst I could whizz up an essay in English in two hours flat, writing one in Norwegian is proving to be a challenge, and then some. Thank God for spellchecking and Google Translate. Thank God for Even. Thank God for Merethe who has the patience of a saint explaining grammar to me over the phone late at night when my brain just cannot function anymore. Even’s Mum is nothing like my Mum, with her soft voice and calm kindness. Yet she is just as crazy as my mother in so many ways, funny and bubbly and kind. Just like her sons.

I have made friends, and I haven’t stopped laughing. Espen and Soren are keeping me amused, and have so far managed to get me into more trouble than I ever thought I would. We are at University for God’s sake, not in bloody Nursery school! 

It hasn’t stopped the two of them yet. Espen and Soren, they introduced themselves the first day as ‘’The most bullied twins in Yorkshire with the most ridiculous names ever know to the English race’’. Their parents run some scandi inspired communal hippie farm thing up north, and the lads decided to get the hell out of there after surviving sixth form by the skin of their teeth. Not that it surprises me, Espen can’t dress himself to save his life and Soren seriously needs to rethink his choice of eyewear but fuck me they make me laugh.

We bonded over scoring points for worst injuries, number of hospital visits and court cases, then sharing my last Cadbury’s bar after our initial exam, all breathing a sigh of relief that we could speak English to each other and try to figure out where to get a decent cup of tea. Then we ran into Kwazi who turned out to be on our course as well, who made us laugh in his home made self-taught Norwegian before it turned out that he is from South Africa and speaks better posher English than all of us.

So somehow, we have become this seriously deranged band of English speaking total nerds. I mean we can’t beat Kwazi in the nerd department, even though he looks like a total supermodel with his dark skin, loud tunics and serious microphone hairdo. The guy decided to teach himself Norwegian after falling in love with some NRK web show he watched on You tube, and he is now totally obsessed with one of the actors. It’s borderline creepy but he made Even and myself binge-watch the whole thing over a beer fuelled weekend and, well, fuck me. We have all now been roped into going to some Musical thing in January to see one of the actors live. I mean the dude is talented. And apparently, he can sing. And secretly I am fan-boying over the whole thing. Not as bad as Kwazi but I kind of don’t mind the shit he sends me that he has screenshotted on twitter, and I might have saved a few GIFs on my phone. That show is hot shit. Damn. 

Einar has become a good friend too. He tried to get me into playing hockey, but fuck me no thanks. I did join his Drama group on a dare though, and somehow, I still haven’t left. It’s something I never thought I would do, but I am loving it. Pretending to be someone completely different once a week is almost therapeutic, like I don’t even have to pretend to be me with those guys. We just make it up as we go along, and I am playing an absolute arsehole in our current play, which somehow is exorcizing my demons. I am putting all my anger into trying to think up lines to say. Working on the script with a passion I never thought I had in me. I am a University student. And funnily enough I have turned out to be a drama nerd. Part of a clique at school that is so nerdy that people actually think that we are cool. We get invited to parties. We have girls asking for our numbers, hoping that we will join their study groups. Sending me emails asking if Kwazi is single, if he would consider going on a date. I show them all to him of course, because Kwazi is so gay that it’s not even funny. And he is too obsessed with this poor Tarjei guy to even consider dating anyone. 

I am having the best time. I love our flat. Our tiny little piece of rooftop heaven. It’s messy. It’s homely. It’s so us that I smile every time that I put my key in the door. Home. It’s my home. Even’s home. Our home. 

We also seem to have a steady stream of people coming to visit. Mach practically lives with us at the weekends. Einar comes and goes like he owns the place. Not that I mind. I love having them there. Even’s boys turn up unannounced at random times, and Kwazi wants to move in. He loves Even. Adores him. Keeps asking if we are interested in a ménage marriage. Or a foursome as this Tarjei would have to be involved too. Bonkers he is that boy. Total fruit loop. 

So, Anyway. We left home at 5 this morning, and by 7 we were taking off towards London, high on sugar fuelled by the ''4 buns for 100 kroner'' deal at the airport bakery. 

By 11 we were on the floor in the waiting lounge, and by 1 o clock my Mum was making a spectacle of herself in front of everyone as Even and I walked down the jetty. I think people thought we were some kind of celebrities or something by the way Mum was squealing and hugging us.

So now Even and I are stuck on the fold down crew seats at the back of a 747, still dressed in our posh clothes and huddled together watching a movie on My laptop and eating our posh pick nick lunches. We got Gordon Ramsey ones this time, ploughman’s sandwiches and chocolate mousse. And crisps. I didn’t realize how much I had missed English crisps. The crew are awesome, they keep bringing us drinks and stealing chocolate bars from business class for us so we have something to keep us going. No seats equals no crap meal tray so I am glad we bought food, but at least we got on. We are going to New York for 24 hours, which is totally bonkers but why the hell not.

It’s quality time with my little family, and Mum is just so happy to have us with her, as she sweeps past us in a mist of her Chanel perfume and kissing us both on the head as she passes by, looking all teary eyed and proud. 

She’s looking good. She looks really happy. 

Things are good. Life is good. 

Even 

I love Isak. I also absolutely adore my mother in law who is like the most award-winning Mum in the history of spare mothers. Especially when she buys us stupid presents and posts us care-packages from around the world.

Like the box we got 2 weeks ago. A pair of boots each in the right sizes, a family sized bar of Galaxy chocolate and a small painting she picked up in SaoPaolo that she thought would go in our bathroom. I mean WTF Birgit? In the bathroom? But then it is a lovely painting of a lonely toilet in a field of poppies made of loo rolls. It’s probably supposed to be a surrealistic piece but it still made me laugh hysterically. Birgit knows me well. She knows us both well. So, the painting has pride of place sat on Isak’s story chair in the hallway, and we love our boots. We are both wearing them. 

And anyway, we are off to New York, which is so cool that I am haven’t stopped shaking since this morning. We are somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean in the sunshine and the clouds below us are stacking up like fluffy meringues and I am just smiling. Discreetly kissing Isak every couple of minutes and holding his hand whilst we are watching Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. I love that film. And I think Isak secretly loves it too. 

The day has just gone so fast and before we know it we are walking through immigration and getting our passports stamped. We are in America. In Fucking New York.  
The bus ride into town is just as thrilling. I am behaving like a 3-year-old, pointing out cars to Isak and asking questions and there are like 7 lanes on the freeway and I can see the skyline of Manhattan and it is just crazy stupid exciting. 

There is just so much I want to do, and so many things to see, but Isak has done this before and has promised me that we are going to pretend we live in Manhattan, so we are going to do what any self-respecting New Yorker would do. We are going for Pizza. Which we do. Followed by beers, which we kind of mess up as they won’t serve us as we are not 21. Fucking hell. Birgit is pissing herself with her gin and Tonic as Isak and I sip our Cokes and swear under our breaths. Not that it matters. There is some baseball match happening on the screen behind the bar and there are honey roasted peanuts and we move along to a different bar with a live band and my head starts to spin. So Isak takes me home. Wandering along the streets on Manhattan holding my hand whilst the sun sets and the traffic roars. 

This morning I woke up in our bed in Oslo. Now it is stupidly late and I am crawling into Isak’s arms in a hotel room in New York. Deliriously tired and feeling happy and loved as my baby kisses my lips and strokes my hair, only to wake up 2 hours later when Birgit stumbles in and trips over our boots. My mother in law also snores when she is drunk. Charming. 

We still get up at 6, because HELLO it’s like 11 in the morning in Europe so it’s definitely time to get up. And Birgit takes us to a diner for breakfast for ridiculous crispy bacon over scrambled eggs with pancakes on the side, with coffee on tap served by a waitress that must be at least 90 years old. We still tip her, which makes her smile. At least I think it was a smile. Gee.

Manhattan is a crazy place, all buildings and people and taxis and there are fire trucks whizzing past and people walk so fast than I can barely keep up. I am glad Isak is holding my hand because I can’t stop looking up at the buildings. Tracing the skyline and turning in circles on the pavement. I just want to sit down and draw. Take photos so I will remember. Marvel at Central Park that just appears out of nowhere when we turn a corner. Laughing at the Plaza hotel remembering watching ''Home Alone'' as a child and wishing I was Macaulay Culkin checking into a hotel on my own. And now I am standing right here, letting the love of my life wrap his arms around me and kiss me whilst my mother in law shouts ‘’SAY CHEESE’’ and takes photos of us on her phone.

We go to the Apple store. Which is basically an underground glass bunker. I am so gobsmacked that I forget what I wanted to buy. Then we lose Birgit in something called ''Sephora'' before she texts us to say that she is now in Bloomingdales across the road. Well once in there get totally lost in the kitchenware department before Isak threatens to divorce me and tells me that we are going to ''Williams Sonoma'' next which will apparently blow my mind. It does. Totally. I am now a proud owner of the most incredible whisk known to man, and industrial strength kitchen gloves. 

Isak refuses to let me go into ''The Container Store'', which looks awesome, but I let him buy another snapback in ''Nike town'' so we are kind of OK, and we both snarl at the Disney Store even though I secretly really wanted that Winnie the poo teddy in the window. I did. It was cute.

We have selfies at the Rockefeller plaza. Cupcakes from the bakery next door. Coffee in giant containers from Starbucks, and my neck creaks from the Empire state. It’s amazing. Nothing like I thought it would be in its art deco glory and strange looking shopfronts. 

I buy a t-shirt in Times square. A tub of Chinese takeaway in a cardboard box for lunch, just like you see in the movies, that we eat with wooden chopsticks at Bryant park in the sun.

We buy a box of Lucky Charms cereal that I will probably eat dry before we even get back to Oslo. Bloody addictive sugary shit, but whatever. Isak gets some toiletries for us that cost like NOTHING compared to what we would have to pay in Oslo. Birgit hugs us more than she should, but we don’t mind. We laugh. We are family. It’s pretty cool.

Birgit leaves us to head back to the hotel for a nap and Isak and I have one last hour to kill. Walking aimlessly in the crowds. Kissing slow and deep on a street corner. Nobody bats an eyelid. This is New York after all. 

‘’I never got to fuck you in New York’’ I whisper in his ear.

‘’You never got to fuck me in Rio either baby’’ he sing songs back. Sassy little shit.

‘’I blew you on the plane though’’ I am talking to his neck. Lazy kisses on his skin.

‘’Wasn’t going to happen on the way here though, was it. Not with and audience of 200 listening in at those loos in the back.’’

‘’Nope, I don’t do public sex’’ I laugh. ‘’So, Mr New York expert, where can you take me that gives us enough privacy that I can fuck you?’’

‘’Well Mr Horny Goat, have you got supplies?’’ 

I just wink. Cheeky sod, of course I have supplies. Who does he think I am? I have the sexiest boyfriend on the planet, and I am always prepared. You just never know when the urge comes on. And I definitely have the urge. Bad.

Well My boyfriend is the absolute best. He is totally the worst. Because now he is dragging me through some posh department store called Macy’s and they have toilets. In the menswear department on the 5th floor, where there are metal doors which have gaps, bloody gaps on the stall doors, which makes me whine in frustration. Isak though, he doesn’t lose his chill. Just drags me to the back where there is a disabled toilet. With a door. 

It’s wrong. I know we shouldn’t be hogging the disabled toilets. They are there for a reason. There are people who need to use them more than us. Not that I particularly care right now as Isak is tugging my jeans down and scratching my hips with his fingernails dragging my boxers down over my hips and catching my cock with his lips as my semi bounces across the elastic. Such a pro, my baby.

I whine. Moan. I love making sounds when he blows me, I mean it’s not like I could actually not make sounds. I am no good at quiet sex. I don’t do silent. Not when he is letting that tongue of his do evil things to my cock. Licking and sucking and rolling his tongue the way he does. Using his hands and cupping my balls. Squeezing them lightly with every pull. Oh God Isak. 

I pull him off, making him make those frustrated noises he does. Huffing and whinging in the same breath. I silence him with my mouth, tasting a little of myself on his tongue. I am leaking. Pulsing liquid out of my cock with every tug of his hand. Kissing him hard and deep, whilst my hand is trying to find the sachet of lube in my wallet. I spill it all on the floor. Credit cards and coins bouncing against the tiles as I rip the sachet open and let the liquid spill over my fingers. 

‘’Bend over the sink like a good boy’’ I snarl in his ear. I am being a dick. But he loves it. I know he does. Angling his arse at me and gripping the edges of the porcelain. His breath is hitched. Fast. Whinging when I don’t touch him fast enough. 

My cock is slick. My fingers pushing inside him. Scissoring and twisting. I am going too fast. Pushing too hard. I am just a little desperate, so fucking horny and he is hanging his head and leaning down further, meeting my fingers with his hips. Fucking against them. Urging me on. 

‘’More baby, don’t go easy on me. Just do it. Hard and fast. Give it to me’’ 

He doesn’t whisper anymore. He is so good to me, so responsive. So bloody bossy when he wants to be. I might be fucking the hell out of him today, but believe you me, Isak is one hell of a top. And I might have turned out to be a bit of a power-bottom, especially when Isak goes all Daddy-mode on me. Fucking hell Isak. 

My fingers are done. He is telling me, well half shouting for me to bloody get on with it and fuck him before he comes all over the sink, because he is going to be fucking pissed off if he comes before my cock is inside him. 

Who am I to argue with that? I push in in one go. Hard. Fast. He is going to be sore. Poor baby. I still fuck him, because he is too far gone now to care. Shoving his hips against me, meeting me in every thrust. Grunting loudly as my hips slap against his arse. One hand on the tiled wall, the other digging into the skin on my hip, pulling me against him.

‘’Fuck Even, Faster. Give me more’’

I do. I slam into him with all I have got. We can probably be heard in the entire men’s restroom. There are stall doors slamming. Toilets flushing. The sounds of people moving around. 

Not that I care. I have my baby here. I am making my baby come. I am giving him what he needs. What I need. What we need.

I know when he comes. When his body freezes and stills. When his back arches back up against me so that I can get my mouth on his neck and my hand around his cock so I can take him through. I want to be with him when he comes. Holding him tight against me, shushing quietly as he roars into my cheek. Tugging carefully at his cock milking the last of the come out of him. Letting it all spill over the sink. Over my hand. Probably dripping on his jeans that are pooled around his ankles. 

It doesn’t take much for me to follow. Just watching his face in the mirror, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth frozen in a grimace, his cheeks flushed and his fingers white against the tiles. 

I come. I let my eyes close, just for a second, as I shoot deep inside him. Quiet and silent as his breaths are loud like thunder in my ear. 

‘’Thank you’’ I whisper into his ear, his body limp leaning back into my embrace. My cock still inside him, and his come still warm on my hand.

‘’I love you’’ He whispers back. 

I love him too. I am just too tired to say it back. Too caught up in my love for him to make it come out of my mouth. I know he knows. I know he knows how much he means to me. That I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for Isak. He is everything. Everything that matters to me is in this room. In this small toilet in some department store in New York. The only thing that I will ever need is right here in my arms. 

I’m almost 20, and I have got him. I am one hell of a lucky bastard.

 

Approved copy  
Inmate E Sanchez 4438947  
HM Prison Feltham  
Bedfont Road  
Feltham Middlesex TW13 4ND

Hi Isak.

As part of my rehabilitation I have been told I must write to you and apologize for what I did to you. So here it is. I am sorry. 

I don’t know what I could have done differently. I am not sure why I did it. I don’t know shit to be honest.

I am supposed to explain why I was mean to you, and why I chose to attack you. I don’t know. 

We were friends once when we were little. I don’t know when that changed, when you stopped playing with me and when you and the others didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. I suppose I was jealous. I always wanted to be your friend. You were always happy and smiling, and made everyone laugh. The girls liked you too, and you had good friends. I think I wanted what you had, and I hated that you had all that and I didn’t I suppose. I never understood why people liked you and why nobody liked me. 

I got into trouble at home. Then I got into trouble everywhere else. It was just easier to blame it on you for some fucking reason. I am talking out of my arse here.

I can tell you that I am never going back to prison though. This place is seriously fucked up. I suppose I should thank you for getting me arrested, because I am going to turn this shit around when I get out. I am going to try to get a job and do something with my life instead of bumming around like my brothers. I am getting help to figure stuff out here, and they are making us write CV’s and apply for training.

I don’t know why I am telling you all this. I hope that you had a good summer and that you are OK. 

Sorry.  
Elias

 

$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%

 

BIRGIT: Boys, thank you for an awesome time. Loved having you with me. Love you both so much. Just got in the car, so I should be home in time for lunch. Call me when you get home. Safe flight my darling boys.

ISAK: Thank you Mum. We had the best time. Love you. Thank you for everything. Even stashed a bag of cinnamon rolls in your suitcase, you might want to get it out before you hit the motorway.

EVEN: Spoilsport Isak!!! Enjoy your buns Birgit-most-awesome-mother-in-law-ever, Thank you. Loved the trip. You are the best. I am going to get a fake id for next time so I can have a beer!!!

BIRGIT: Good idea! I know a place to have them done in Bangkok! I will make you some! How old do you want to be?

BIRGIT: SCRAP THAT. I don’t want to be THAT mother that gets my sons into trouble. 

ISAK: Yes you do. We can go to that cool LBGQT night at that club in Grünerløkka if we have fake ids! Do it Mum.

EVEN: (thumbs up emoji) (love heart emoji) 

BIRGIT: OH FUCK, forgot to tell you the best gossip!!

EVEN: Spill

ISAK: What? Magnus has a girlfriend?  
BIRGIT: No! LOL.

BIRGIT: Uncle Harry got home the other day and found Louis sitting on his doorstep. Girlfriend kicked him out. Uncle Harry was hopping mad and made him sleep on the sofa.

ISAK: Good on him. Go Uncle Harry. 

BIRGIT: Apparently Louis is no longer sleeping on the sofa. 

ISAK: For Real?

BIRGIT: Yup. Fuck me. 

ISAK: Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Will text Uncle Harry now. Drive safe Mum. Love you.

BIRGIT: Love you too baby boy. Xxxx

BIRGIT: Tell me all the gossip if you speak to Harry!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic started on a whim, with a silly idea in my head. It turned out to be my most successful story and has been such a hysterically funny rollercoaster to write. I have made some amazing friends along the way, and even met some of you who started reading this story and found me to tell me that you were enjoying it. 
> 
> I had no idea where the story was going to go when I wrote the first chapter. I had no idea how to make it all fit, how to make Even like Isak, why Isak was so angry, why Birgit was such a flake and what the hell I was going to do with them all. Well as you know it all turned out OK in the end.
> 
> It is all thanks to you. You read. You commented. You encouraged me and gave me ideas when I was loosing the plot. You pushed when I was slow to update and pushed even more when I didn't know what the hell I was doing. 
> 
> I hope I have done you proud to the end and that you can all pat yourself on the back and say. Phew. We did it. Because this is your story as well as mine. 
> 
> Thank you. Thank you for hanging in there and making it happen. 
> 
> Thank you all for being so incredibly cool.
> 
> Will there be a sequel? God knows. But you all know me and my ridiculous epilogues. They will happen. Trust me. 
> 
> All the love, Always. S xxx
> 
> Ready for another fic? Come over to Little Harbour, the all grown up OMG Evak are 40 fic, featuring Hot Dad Even, the Sassy Bech Naesheim kids and Midwife Isak. http://archiveofourown.org/works/10820427/chapters/24007881


	32. 717 miles the song by @worthlessaccountunfollow

One of you lovely readers sent me ''717 miles'': the song lyrics. Which is so lovely and kind and amazing that I just had to share it. 

All credit to @worthlessaccountunfollow on Instagram. Thank you Darling. xxxx

 

717Miles

717 Miles from home, you wanna know the story?  
Here it goes, Even hopped on a plane, watch him go  
as he flew off to London from the place he called home.  
And now he is 717 miles from home.

Pretty pictures, watch him draw.  
As the boy he was watching was being beaten up.  
His heart ached when he saw him.   
''Just a couple of weeks and I'll be gone''

717 miles from home, you wanna know the story?  
Here it goes. Even's friends hate him for something he's done.  
So he had no choice but to run.  
717 miles from home. 717 Miles from home.

He kissed the boy in the kitchen.  
The boy had him absolutely smitten.  
Their romance was sweet, but not sweet enough.  
Soon Even would leave, and Isak would be alone.

717miles from home, you wanna know the story?  
Here it goes. Even hopped on a plane, watch him go.  
as he flew off to London from the place he called home.  
And now he is 717 miles from home.


	33. Epilogue 1: Happy National Skolebroed Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Even bakes and Isak is extremely helpful. In every way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For The Grease girls. You know who you are. 
> 
> Happy National Skolebroed day! The Norwegian cardamon bun topped with custard, icing and coconut, has it's own national holiday, so of course the boys had to bake. 
> 
> The Grease girls prompted me to bake this morning, and also coined the newest genre in fan fiction. Porn with flour. Baking porn. Flour fluff. Well I just couldn't not write it, could I. So thank you. And enjoy.

EVEN  
It’s not that we don’t have any clean clothes to wear. There are some clothes in the wardrobe. Some winter jumpers. Long johns. Some formal clothes. Our shirts and Isak’s posh interview suit. My bunad and Russ reds. I just can’t really be seen wearing any of that even though I am just lounging around the flat. It’s 27 degrees outside and the balcony doors are open casting a breeze through the kitchen where the baking machine is whizzing away making dough. 

I have a proper kitchen machine. A real live genuine Kitchen-aid. In red. It’s bloody gorgeous. Brilliantly lovely. I still can’t believe we own one, and Isak keeps calling me an idiot for just standing in the kitchen stroking it. Looking at it. I polish it. A lot. Which is kind of stupid since I used it almost every day. I bloody love it. Adore it. It's my baby, and even has a name. Gretchen. Gretchen the Kitchen-aid. My other baby.

Mum and Dad bought Gretchen for us as a moving in present and gave it to me to open the first night we were in our flat. Birgit was still here, and there was champagne. Pizza. People everywhere and everything we owned in boxes stacked in the hallway. 

I kind of lost it a little when I opened the box. Not for the first time I might add, I tend to lose my shit a lot these days, especially when it comes to Isak. Anyway, I was just opening the box and then I realized what it was and I burst into tears. I cried like a baby, huge ugly sobs and tears running down my face and everyone laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. There is a video on YouTube apparently, still doing the rounds. Yousef made a meme that he makes sure to send me every time I say something stupid. Yes. That’s me. Sobbing like a baby, over a kitchen appliance. Thanks mate. 

I was just a little overwhelmed that day. Just a little. I cried because I was happy OK? Because Isak was there spoon-hugging me on the carpet in front of everyone, and my life was just so brilliant at that moment that it all became a little too much. I might also have wanted a Kitchen-aid machine for as long as I can remember. 

Well back to why I am standing in the kitchen naked then. Well. We kind of suck at the laundry appointment thing. Because there is a laundry room in the basement, and you must book an appointment to use it. Which we kind of forget. Every week. So, we have two big baskets of clothes that are just too rank to be reused, and Isak won the argument over who got to wear the last clean pair of underpants. I kind of had to back down since he had classes today and I didn’t. But it also means I had to wear a pair of seriously washed out body tight long johns commando to run down and throw a load of washing in, during someone else’s laundry time, which is the kind of thing that causes perfectly normal neighbours to sue one another and never speak again. But whatever. There was no sign of anyone down there so I snuck one in. And those bloody long-johns are horrible and itchy. 

So, here I am. Naked. Pouring flour into the revolving bowl and watching it form little clouds every time the dough hits the side of the bowl. It’s freaking perfect dough. Soft and fluffy and picking up the flour from the edges with every turn. Smelling of butter and cardamom and reminding me of home. Of my Dad teaching me to bake when I was a little kid. Writing out our recipe and sticking my fingers in the liquid to get the temperature correct. ‘’It needs to be just right’’ he would say. ‘’The temperature of a nice bath. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right’’. My Dad taught me to love baking, he still needs to bake to de-stress, just letting himself stand in the kitchen with his bread dough, pounding it into the kitchen worktop with flour flying everywhere. I get it, I totally get it. 

I am pounding my dough into the worktop, lifting it high in the air and letting it drop down with a dull flop, revelling in the clouds of flour.   
He scares the living daylights out of me when he snakes his arms around me from behind. 

‘’FUCK!’’ I shout out, making him giggle softly in my ear. His lips pressing into my neck. 

‘’This is one hell of a sight. Not even an apron Even, I better not be finding pubes in my Skolebroed.’’

I flick some flour at him for that, causing him to flinch backwards, only to let his arms hold me even tighter.

‘’Wash your hands baby, and you can help’’ I say, trying to get a kiss from him behind me. 

‘’Already clean, I picked up our laundry on the way in. There was nobody there. I also managed to book a slot on Sunday morning. 6 o clock in the morning.’’

‘’Oh hell, that will be fun. You do the first load and I will do the second.’’

‘’No chance. You get up at 6 and do the first load, and I will do all the ironing.’’

‘’Very funny. When have you ever done the ironing?’’

‘’Well you are so incredibly good at it, so why would I try to compete with your ironing brilliance? Anyway, shift over so I can have a go at this dough.’’

Isak is picking up all kinds of Norwegian habits, after only a few months here. He has picked up this soft Oslo twang when he speaks, and he talks really fast now, not the tentative slow Norwegian he always spoke in London. I am teaching him to bake too. And cook. Well mostly we heat up frozen pizza during the week as I am too knackered to cook, but I do try to do big batches at the weekend so we can bring lunchboxes into school. I am getting there. We are both trying to get there. 

Isak is pounding the dough like a pro, using the flat dough chopper to divide it into equal lumps. 

‘’How many? 24?’’ 

‘’Yes, that would be great. Then we are going to shape them into balls and let them rise. ‘’

‘’I know that bit now. Rise an hour first time, then 30 minutes second time. Stick your thumb in the middle, dollop of custard, egg round the sides and in the oven. Can’t remember how long though. ‘’

‘’12 minutes. Give our take.’’ I give him a quick peck and yank his t-shirt over his head. I am just being practical OK? Because it is clean (-ish) OK? And anyway, he is much more fun naked than clothed. Even when we are baking. 

‘’Would you unbutton my jeans baby? So I can step out of them? They are still clean and I wouldn’t like to get custard on them.’’

‘’Yeah, that would be a shame. Custard stains are hard to get out aren’t they.‘’ I deadpan as he giggles into my mouth and I give him a tiny little flick of my tongue. A tiny kiss on the tip of his nose as I drag his jeans down. He steps out of them and kicks them out of the kitchen with a little whoop. 

I get the baking parchment out of the drawer and smooth it out on the baking tray whilst Isak rolls the dough into little balls and throws them at me, so I have to catch them and re shape them all over again. A few end up where they shouldn’t. Not that it matters. There won’t be any buns left tomorrow anyway. I know us. I know what will happen. 

‘’Incoming’’ Isak shouts and lobby’s a dough ball at me. I miss completely. Of course. The ball is now stuck on the toaster, making a slow sticky descent down its side. 

‘’Twat’’ I mutter with a smile. I know what he’s doing. Smiling like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, every little freaking dimple on show in his face. Curls damp with sweat at his temples and flour leaving little traces on his stomach. 

He deserves it OK? He deserves everything I give him because he is just too handsome for his own good. He deserves the handful of flour I throw in his face. He does. Because I love him and he is such a tease and I probably deserve the doughball he throws back in my face. Damn him for being good at this shit. Damn him for making me a little bit crazy. Well I will have to clean all this up later but for now I am screeching with laughter as I throw another handful of flour at him and he picks up an egg. Just walking towards me with that mischievous look on his face. 

‘’Even….’’ He warns. Doing a little evil cackle. ‘’Do you really want to play this game?’’

‘’Isak’’ I say back, trying to use that stern tone of voice, when all I want to do is explode with laughter, that is bubbling in my stomach. Making me shake a little when he pretends to throw the egg at me. He doesn’t though. Just stands there with his arm raised and giggles escaping his lips. 

I make a run for it. Hurl myself over the back of the sofa so that I land on my back on the seat. 

‘’You cheat! ‘’ He shouts and comes after me. Just as I knew he would. Throwing himself on top of me, his hands covered in dough, leaving a cloud of flour in his wake.

‘’You are so easy baby’’ I sing song. ‘’All it takes is a little flour and I get you right where I want you.’’

‘’You want me, do you?’’ he teases, leaving a little kiss on my cheek.

‘’I do. I always want you.’’ 

I love when he looks at me like this, when the world stops and his eyes soften and his pupils widen until his eyes are almost fully black. When he looks at me like I am everything, like I am the only person in his whole world. That I am the only thing that matters to him. Like he is to me. Because He is everything to me. He is my world. He is the only thing I will ever need.

‘’You can have me, anyway you want. Anytime you need me. I am yours.’’ He is looking straight at me, with a face so full of love and wonder that I feel a little bit crushed. Almost distraught as I can feel the tears pool in the corner of my eyes.

I don’t know what to say to that. And anyway, he knows. He knows how much I need him. He knows how much I love every little molecule of his body. His big heart. This incredible human being that he is. 

I just kiss him, letting myself fall under his spell. He just lies on top of me, letting his hands cup my face and then he kisses me right back. Soft little pecks. Over and over, letting his mouth claim every inch of my face. My eyelids. The hair on my head that is damp with sweat at the temples. The skin below my ears that he licks. Sucks. He marks my skin on my shoulder, just under the line that my t-shirt will cover. Bites my skin on my chest, just enough to make my body arch underneath him.

His mouth worships my nipples, sucking the skin into his mouth. Flicking his tongue over the buds, that harden and sting under his assault. Fingers are gripping my hips, his mouth painting a wet trail down my groin. His face buried in the course hair, his nose rubbing my cock. Teasing my skin with his cheeks, letting the warmth of his breath stroke me. Feel me. Touch me. 

All I can do is desperately whimper whilst my fingers lace in his hands. I hold on tight. Grasp for him. I need him to hold onto me when I fall. When I go under. When he makes me disappear into the dark. 

It’s amazing how far we have come. How much we have learned. How he has memorized every little part of me, everything he knows about what makes me shiver. What makes my body react. Everything he does to me that makes me fall for him. Over and over again. 

He takes me down to the back of his throat. Swallows around the head of my cock. His tongue swirling around the skin that is filling up his mouth as he moves back up. Breathes through his nose and let’s his eyes meet mine, just for a second before he swallows me back down again and my body roars. I shout. Just a little bit. Digging my fingernails into his hands when he lets drags his lips upwards, cool air hitting the wet skin on my cock, only for him to shoot back down engulfing my length in the wet warmth of him. In pleasure. In sensations, so intense that I just know I won’t make it very far. He is good at this. He is so fucking good at this. I never stand a chance however hard I try. 

The movements are faster now. His hand pulling at my skin to meet his mouth. My balls sitting high and tight nudging his chin when I hit the back of his throat. When I fill him completely and he lets his nose bury in my skin. 

It’s overwhelming when I get to come this hard. When he makes it all about me and my pleasure. When he gives me this so selflessly. 

I feel it coming. Just tingling up my spine as my body starts to zone out. When my brain goes fuzzy and my hearing turns to static. 

My eyes are already closed. It’s just so intense. So good. So incredibly good.

My hips jerk up against him and my muscles freeze as I shoot. Letting my voice scream his name as I am coming down his throat. He doesn’t pull away, he never does. Just swallows everything I give him, sucking and lapping at me. Licking me clean. Flicking his tongue over my slit to catch the very last drop. 

‘’You dirty little shit’’ I laugh as he catches my eye. I am blinking into the light. Slowly coming back to life. Letting my legs move down so that I can relax my hips again. Let myself fall back on the sofa. 

‘’You love it’’ he laughs back. ‘’You love every dirty little second’’ he whispers with a wink. 

I do. There is no denying it. I wouldn’t change a thing.

We wash our hands, I promise. I splash water on my face too, whilst Isak makes thumbprints in the dough balls and spoons custard into the gaps. I follow behind with the egg, painting a thin layer around the custard. The oven is good and hot, and Isak sets the timer. Leaning back against the worktop and crossing his arms over his chest.

‘’So, baby. We have 12 minutes to spare before the buns should come out of the oven.’’

‘’12 minutes you say? Oh, I wonder what I could do with 12 minutes. I could hang the laundry maybe?’’ I wink. I am smiling so hard that my cheeks are aching as Isak laughs in my face and pulls me in for a kiss.

‘’You owe me one baby’’ He whispers whilst his fingers are combing through my hair and my cock is jumping against his leg. 

‘’I have no idea what you are talking about’’ I whisper back, letting my tongue flick into his mouth. 

The dirty ways Isak can kiss, it never seizes to amaze me. How he holds his hand around the back of my neck and devours me, making me breathless as I forget to breathe. Not that he lets me breathe. His mouth on mine and his tongue in my mouth and his cock in my hand. Breathing is secondary. I can breathe later. Right now, I need to kiss him, the way he kisses me. 

I let go of his mouth and look him straight in the eye. Eyes dark with lust. Breathing a little too fast. Cheeks pink and a little blush over his chest. I just stare at him and let my finger slip into his mouth, that he opens so willingly. His tongue flicks around my finger, sucking and making it nice and wet. I know how Isak likes his cock sucked. Hard and deep with my fingers pushing into him. 

I pull my finger out and sink to my knees, whilst Isak’s hands grab onto the worktop behind him, letting his legs widen their stance. 

‘’Hold on tight baby’’ I whisper and give him a wink as I take him into my mouth. I take him as deep as I can go. I am no pro at this deep-throating thing, that Isak seems to have mastered. I can give him what he needs though, my fingers and my mouth and my eyes that keep meeting his above me. 

His legs shiver when I breach him. His breath short and fast. My fingers hard and firm inside him, moving slow so he can adjust. Feeling his muscles relax under my touch.   
It doesn’t take long before I can feel him lose control. My mouth working him and my fingers stroking the hard bump inside of him. Just little nudges that make his hips jerk and his fingers tighten their grip. He has one hand in my hair now, pulling at me with every stroke of my tongue. With every mouthful of him that I take. With every push and pull of my finger.

‘’Oh Even’’ He whimpers. ‘’Oh baby’’ 

My movements are faster. Uncoordinated. Messy. I might also be humping into thin air. I love giving him head, listening to the sounds he makes. Feeling him come apart as I push him over the edge. I give him a second finger. Stretching him wide as I swallow him down. 

He is shouting into thin air, saying words that don’t make any sense. Just sounds and ‘’fuck’’ and ‘’ahhrhgh’’ as the taste of him fills my mouth. Tingles on my tongue. Warms my throat as I swallow his come down. 

‘’Oh fuck you are so fucking good at that’’ he whines. ‘’I fucking love you baby, so freaking much.’’

I pull off him and lick my lips. Place a final little kiss on the tip of his softening cock. 

‘’I love you too’’ I smile. 

‘’There are 3 more minutes on the timer baby.’’

‘’3 minutes?’’ 

‘’It would be a shame to waste them wouldn’t you think?’’

‘’Well I can think of a little something you could do to pass the time’’ I say with a smile. Rising off the floor and grabbing hold of his hips. Nudging my hard cock against his leg. Humping him a little whilst he kisses my lips. Smiling into my face. 

‘’What did you have in mind baby? He smiles back letting a soft giggle escape his lips.

I don’t have to tell him. He knows. He always knows. 

I ice the skolebrod whilst Isak gets clean in the shower. I had to have one too, whilst the buns were cooling on the rack, golden brown and with the custard bubbling on the top as I pulled them out of the oven. Not that I had time to put them on the rack straight away, as Isak was waiting on the sofa, fingers slick with lube and shouting that I had 20 seconds to pull them out before he would come and fuck me there and then over the worktop by the stove. 

The icing is perfect, sticking to the buns and picking up the coconut as I roll them into the bowl. 

‘’They’re perfect’’ Isak says as he wraps his arms around my shoulders, smelling of soap and shampoo. And a little bit of me. 

‘’Of course they are’’ I laugh. I pick up the last bun and dip it into the coconut, wiping it gently around the base to pick up the last shards of coconut at the bottom of the bowl.  
He takes it out of my hand and bites into it. He doesn’t even speak. Just closes his eyes and leans his chin against my shoulder as he chews. Little content sighs escaping. Smiling into my skin. 

‘’Happy National Skolebrod day baby’’ I laugh. ‘’Best day of the year.’’

‘’I think we should do this every afternoon. Have masses of sex and bake. Best thing ever.’’

He takes another bite and places a kiss on my cheek. I can only agree. I can’t think of anything I would rather do. Bake and have sex. I love my life. I do. I fucking do. 

Ms B's SKOLEBRØD

100 g butter  
3 ½ dl milk  
50 g Dry yeast  
½ ts baking powder  
½ ts ground cardamom  
½ ts salt  
75 g sugar  
600 g white stong bread flour

1 beaten egg to brush the buns before baking 

Filling  
3 dl vanilla cream custard

Topping  
2 dl powdered sugar  
2 teaspoons (approx) egg whites  
2 teaspoons (approx) water  
2 dl shredded coconut

This is how you do it:  
Make the dough, and set to rise for approx 1 hr.  
Shape the buns, push them firmly down in the middle and fill with custard (approx 1 tablespoon per bun).   
Let rise, and then bake at 200 degrees C for approximate 12-15 minutes (until golden).

When cooled, make the glazing/topping and spread on the buns. Dip them in the shredded coconut and leave to set.


	34. Epilogue 2. A year later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when Julie drops an Even clip. This. This right here. Ridiculous outbursts of writing. Total word-vomiting. So I apologize but I had to do something with ALL THOSE FEELINGS!!!!
> 
> Just, It's just too much. Too much. xxxx

It’s a year later.

A whole year and a bit later and Isak wakes up like he does every morning. 

With his head on Even’s shoulder and his arm dead from the weight of Even’s head. He still doesn’t understand how they get into these positions in their sleep but it’s just the way things are. He chases Even’s warmth in his sleep like he is some kind of homing beacon, just forcing Isak’s body to plaster himself to his skin. In whatever way he can. Any way he can really.

He sleeps on top of him when he has a bad day. When things sometimes become too much. When the thoughts and doubts come crawling back into the back of his mind. When he thinks he is not enough. When he starts to doubt that this is real. 

It is. It is real. He knows that, but sometimes he just needs Even to be there, underneath him. Anchoring him to the ground. Squashed and sweaty underneath the weight of him, fidgeting in his sleep. 

He knows it must be really uncomfortable for Even, having Isak’s body on top of him like that. His arms tightly wound around his neck. His mouth stuck to his skin. Even never ever complains though, he never moves him. Never pushes him away. Never ever sighs that he is too heavy or that Even is too hot. Even just holds him. Tight against his skin. Whispering that he is loved. That he is important. That he is all he ever needs. 

Even is his home. His everything. The force that keeps him tethered to the ground. To him.

Because it is what it is. They are not married, not engaged. Not any kind of supernatural soulmates o anything like that. They are just them. Isak and Even. Bound together by some kind of invisible shit that Isak can’t even begin to get his head around. He loves. He loves that man so fucking much it hurts.

He tries to raise his head to look at the clock on the bedside table, but his hair is glued to Even’s sleeping face, so he can barely see. He should get a haircut, really. As a treat. Not skimp on his appearance. Although Even says it’s sexy as fuck when Isak’s hair grows long and unruly, framing his face like some golden halo. That’s Even’s words. Not his.  
Anyway, Isak quite likes the man-bun thing, and his Mum had squealed in delight when she saw it. His hair wound up in a knot at the back of his head. She had laughed and cried and hugged him and snapped photos of him on her phone, rabbiting on about how gorgeous he looked. Even didn’t help of course. Turning him around right there on the jetty so she could get a better shot.

He is jetlagged as fuck. Tired and weary. Hungry. Bloody starving. They only got back late last night and their bags are still in the hallway, clothes strewn all over the floor. Mexico. Bloody Epic trip. Again. Even had loved the pyramids. The cactus farms. The horse riding. Isak’s thighs are burnt to a crisp. He really needs to get the hang of this sun cream shit.

‘’Baby’’ He whispers. Kissing Even’s forehead. Just softly, trying to get him just to move his head enough that he can reclaim his hair. Maybe get a little blood flow back in his arm.  
‘’Love you’’ Even murmurs and wraps his arms around Isak’s waist, pulling him in against his chest.  
‘’Love you too baby, but I need food. Starving baby. Do you want some coffee if I make some? A piece of bread? I think we have butter. Marmalade?’’  
‘’Oh, fuck baby!’’ Even sits up with a jerk. Hair all over his face and a pink flush over his cheeks.  
Isak just laughs. He can’t help himself.  
‘’It’s your birthday!! You can’t have marmalade sandwiches for your birthday breakfast. Silly silly Isak.’’  
That’s Even’s lips on his. His arms around his shoulders. His tongue in his mouth.

‘’Happy birthday my darling’’ he whispers between kisses. Kisses full of morning breath and sweat. Aircraft smells and stale aftershave. Not that it matters. It is all Even. All him. He loves his sweaty stinky boyfriend. He loves this crazy idiot of a fucktard that is smiling his crazy ass smile at him and crawling out of bed stark naked. 

‘’I’m making you pancakes. Fuck the rest. You make coffee, I’ll make pancakes and then we are off out.’’

‘’Haven’t you got class today Even?’’ Isak shouts over the noise of the coffee bean grinder. The most hated kitchen machinery in Isak’s book. Bloody noisy thing. Even though he must agree that it makes epic coffee when the grounds are freshly ground and Even is sniffing the dark grounds as they hit the filter in the coffee maker. And Even loves Greta the Grinder, almost as much as he loves Gretchen the Kitchen-Aid.

‘’I have a double lecture and lab, then I will be home after 2. I’ll do all the preps for the party. ‘’ Even has his head in the cupboard, rummaging for the pancake pan.  
‘’I want to help too, it’s my party.’’ Isak whines. With a laugh. He doesn’t really mind. He loves Even. Loves his crazy ideas. Loves the surprises. The funny decorations. The food. Their friends. 

‘’Nope. You have classes all day and Espen is taking you for a proper British Birthday-cup-of-tea remember? ‘’  
‘’Birthday tea, how very grown up.’’ Isak sneaks in another kiss. Because he can. 

‘’Ohhh!! Present!!’’ Even is jumping up and down, then pushes past Isak as he hops down the hallway like some deranged kangaroo. Isak just shakes his head. He truly has the craziest boyfriend on the planet.  
‘’I want my present!!’’ Isak is jumping up and down, taking a leap up on the sofa and bouncing like his life depends on it. He can do crazy too. 

Even just jumps him. Crashing down on the sofa with a worrying thump, as the sofa moves another few inches into the room. Cradling Isak’s face with his hands as Isak’s arms make their way down Even’s back. Letting his hands sneak under the elastic of Even’s boxers. His hands resting cupping those gorgeous globes of his arse.

‘’I wanted to do something special for you. Maybe embarrass the hell out of you in public. I just couldn’t find the right place. The right time. Then I was going to take you out somewhere, but I thought what the hell. What better place to do it than here.’’

‘’Do what?’’ Isak is smiling into the kiss Even places on his lips. Letting his hands squeeze that butt a little bit harder. He would expect Even to grind into him. To give him another kiss. A good one, with tongues. He doesn’t. Just lies there on top of Isak and stares at him like he has never quite looked at him before. 

His eyes are dark, and he is all serious. Staring at Isak with that little fear in his eyes. The tiny bit of uncertainty that comes out when he worries. Yet with so much love that Isak’s knees would have given out just a tiny bit if he had been standing up.

‘’I love you Isak. I really really love you.’’ Even’s voice is barely a whisper.  
‘’I love you too Ev. I do. More than anything in the world. ‘’ Isak tries to figure him out. Tries to hold his gaze. Smiling.  
‘’Now where is my present?’’  
‘’So impatient oh little one’’ Even singsong’s in his face.  
‘’Well I’m excited!’’ Isak chirps. Laughing as Even completely misses his mouth with his kisses.  
‘’OK. The pancakes will be burning in a sec, so let me say this quickly before I chicken out.’’  
‘’Okay…’’

Isak can’t help noticing how Even’s face has gone pink. Blushed and smiling. His eyes crinkled up in laughter. 

‘’I don’t know how to do this. I’m almost 22, and I never thought that I would say these words, I never thought that I would want to. But with you there is nothing else I can think about. I’ve been quite obsessed with this idea for some time now.’’

‘’Now I am getting scared Even. Just spit it out.’’

So, he does. He reaches down in his underpants and pulls something out. Something he has had nestled in his pants, which makes Isak chuckle with laughter.  
‘’You hid a ring in your pants man?’’  
‘’I was going to get you to blow me and tie it around my cock but I thought you might not take me seriously if I did.’’  
‘’I’m not taking you seriously now, baby, what is this? Is this what I think it is?’’  
‘’I hope so. If you will have me? Look, I got an inscription too. ‘’Even forever’’.  
‘’Even forever? ‘’  
‘’Yup. And mine says Isak Forever. It’s on the side in the kitchen. So, you can ask me too.’’

There are times when Isak cries. When he sobs like a baby. There are times when Even loses all his chill. When he curls up in Isak’s arms for hours. Crying and sobbing until Isak’s arms can calm him down. Put him back together. Love him until there is no sadness left in his body.  
This is not one of those times, even if Isak has tears prickling in the corner of his eyes. This is not one of those times as Even presses his lips to Isak’s mouth.

‘’Isak Valtersen-Naesheim. Would you mind calling yourself that for the rest of your life? Please? Would you please please please get married to me one day? Would you do me the massive incredible honour of being mine forever?’’ 

Isak just laughs. His stomach warm and squashed under the weight of the man he loves. His face cradled in the hands of the man that saved him. The man that made him who he is. The one that stood up and said enough. 

He loves this man. He truly does. And that’s not quite the whole truth, in any shape or form. He breathes for this man, lives voraciously through his love. Survives every day because Even is there with him. Holding his hand and guiding him carefully through life. Catching him when he falls. Rocking his body to sleep at night. Soothing his nightmares with kisses.

‘’Even, you ridiculous crazy boy. You know I will always say yes. Yes of course. I am yours already. Yours forever.’’

There is a suspicious waft of burning through the apartment as they break their kiss. Their faces scrunched up in laughter and tears. 

It’s Isak’s 19th birthday. 

Even slips the ring on his finger. Gently lifts the weight off him and walks out in the kitchen, not breaking their gaze until the last second.

It’s Isak’s 19th birthday. The day they got engaged.


	35. 717miles - the Christmas Epilogue - for #skamchristmas17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a good few years later, two have become 3, and Isak finds himself back in the last place he ever wanted to be. London. But he has Even. He has his Mum. He has Uncle Harry and Uncle Louis. And Christmas is about to become a little complicated. 
> 
> This is a monster of an epilogue, but I hope you enjoy it. Merry Christmas! xxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Massive thankyou to Evakkk who bounced ideas and proofread with me. xxxx
> 
> All images/manips are owned by/ credited to their makers. The first image has no credit as I have not found a source, if you know who made it let me know so I can credit them.

miles – the Christmas epilogue

 

ISAK

I promised myself many years ago that I would never set foot in London again. I promised. I said I wouldn’t. I was done. I was so done with this place.

Well technically I am not in London, our new little house in in one of the little commuter towns on the Berkshire side, close enough to the city for those who need to work, with the planes from Heathrow crisscrossing the sky, taking off every 40 seconds like clockwork. It’s OK. It’s fine.

I know I am being stupid, it’s years since I went to school here. Years since my life was a nightmare of worries and hiding and being unhappy and scared, I mean my life is a million miles away from that now. I shouldn’t even think about it. I shouldn’t even care that this place was part of a life that is long gone.

I still do. I can’t help worrying. I can’t hide away that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should be frightened in this country. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t belong here anymore.

It’s even strange speaking English, having spent the last 7 years almost exclusively speaking Norwegian, even though English is the language I grew up with. The language I think in. The language I always dreamt in. I don’t even know what language I think in most of the time now, having blended myself into some kind of pseudo-Norwegian.

People in Norway stopped asking where I was from years ago, as my accent slowly blended away. I tried hard to copy the way Even spoke, picking up the Oslo twang with ease. Instead I find myself saying sentences in English the wrong way around, asking for ‘’the Cup of mine’’, instead of ‘’My Cup’’ like some twat in the local Coffee shop. The barista was kind though, just laughing at me and handing me my latte whilst cooing over Wolf who was fast asleep in the sling on my chest.

Yes Wolf. I can hear you laughing. It wasn’t our first choice of name for our precious firstborn. Wolf. I mean, poor child. But it was just one of those things that happened. Something that became a monster out of our control.

You see we are parents now, Even and I. Mr and Mr Valtersheim. Another of those ridiculous made up names that just stuck like a bad virus. We couldn’t get it out of our heads once Mach said it out loud one evening as we were all elbowing each other for space around the Bech Naesheim kitchen table. The Valtersheim’s. It became us and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

We even made it legal when we got married, two stupid kids, barely 20 years old who trapesed down to the city hall in borrowed cheap suits and promised to love each other forever and ever, amen. We did that. We didn’t have a clue. Not a clue.

I press my lips to Wolf’s soft forehead and adjust his woolly knitted hat. He’s my son. The most precious thing in my life, with his little potato nose, his jet-black hair that is impossible to tame down even though he is barely 6 months old, and the little grin he gives me when I lift him out of his baby bouncer in the morning.  I thought I loved Even more than life itself, and then this little thing appeared, the most precious gift in the world, and smack bang hello baby bang, we were parents.

Well there was a little more to it, as you may well figure out.

Francesca was in Even’s last year of uni, a quiet pretty girl on an exchange year from Spain. And Even being Even, couldn’t help himself. It’s just the way he is. He looks after people. He has this inbuilt need to feed and nourish. So in amongst this crazy bunch of misfit friends we had gathered around us, in the long procession of rented flats we had lived in during our uni years, Francesca found herself a little home from home with the Valtersheim’s. We had people crashing with us most weekends, movie marathons and pizza nights. Sometimes there was just Even and myself, curled up in each other on the sofa. Other days there were languages mixing with dancing and music, and always food. We were poor as fuck, but somehow, Even always fed us all. And Francesca became part of who we were, the quiet family girl from a village in the mountains, who had slipped into studying Scandinavian languages on a whim. Francesca became a solid ally. A fellow cook who fed us spicy chorizo stews and hearty paellas, making us laugh with her impressions of her mother, pretending to scold us all for our ungodly ways and evil thoughts.

She returned to Spain, with promises to visit and a high-flying job in the bag, and we barely heard from her until a year ago when she turned up on our doorstep, a former shadow of herself.

Her rounded belly gave her away, her always slim figure now a pale ghost of the girl she had been.

She refused to tell us much, but we figured it out without her having to give us words.

Her family would not have approved, and she wouldn’t tell us who the father of the child was. But she was adamant in her decision, having landed herself an internship in Oslo so she could ride out her pregnancy away from the prying eyes of relatives, and she would return home as soon as the baby was born. She had a promised promotion in Madrid. She had a life to live. And we would become parents.

We had laughed when she first brought it up, so strong and adamant in her well laid out plans. She had appointments set up, and the forms we needed already printed out. Her midwife in Oslo had already been in touch and apparently Even and I would attend our first information meeting for parents hoping to adopt a child, the following week. She was prepared. She was stubborn. And she promised us that this was what she wanted. That we should raise this child.

Francesca is one of the strongest women I have ever met. One of the most courageous and ridiculous people on this planet. She kept every promise she made. Had it put on paper that we signed and double signed.

She would make no claim on this baby, but would keep the adoption open. If this child wanted anything from her she would gladly give it, but we would be its’ parents and we would decide on the rules.

Wolf Francesco Valtersheim was born in the early hours of a scorching hot summers day, making his way into the world kicking and screaming, howling like a wolf. We had thought about Tarjei for a name. Maybe Henrik. Solid good Scandinavian names that he would have worn with pride. But Francesca had shouted out ‘’He howls like a wolf!’’ in her thick accent, and Even had cried uncontrollably as he cut the umbilical cord whilst I had stood there with this screaming infant in my arms, thinking ‘’what the hell have we done?’’

The nurses had nicknamed him ‘the wolf’. He had thick jet-black hair, olive skin and a wild temper from his very first breath, howling with anger at the cruel world he had been so unwillingly thrust into.

Whilst Even had been terrified of him at first, handing him back to the nurses with a distraught look on his face, I had fallen irrevocably in love. Wolf looked nothing like me. Nothing like Even. But this was a child just like me, born from a moment of madness, from a man who would never love him. From a beautiful mother who loved him to the point of insanity. Because Francesca was insane to give him up, and I would never let this boy live the life I had lived. He would never be rejected. Never be forgotten. He would live his life cradled in love and support, and I would spend the rest of my life making him the strongest happiest man alive.

It was madness on my behalf as well, I realize that. But I had never been a quitter, and I had realized there was no lack love in my heart. I was good at this love thing. I loved Even. I loved him more than life itself, and now we had a son.

My life had never been more ridiculous.

 

 

BIRGIT: I’m in Target, and they have these amazing Christmas clothes. Please tell me you won’t tell me off if I buy this for Wolfie? It’s Adorbs!

ISAK: Mamma that is sized for a small child. Wolf is 6 months old.

BIRGIT: Irrelevant details. He will grow into it.

ISAK: Mamma No. Buy him something in the right size if you must, but we haven’t got space to store all these things. Calm down the shopping spree! We love you, you don’t need to shop for us.

BIRGIT: What is life without shopping? Just let me shop. Anyway I asked Even and he said to get it. So that’s that.

ISAK: Mamma.

BIRGIT: Isak my darling son.

ISAK: I give up.

BIRGIT: Yay!

 

 

EVEN

 

I wake up every morning and wonder when I will stop worrying. I worry. I never thought I would. Maybe it’s part of growing older. Realizing that I have all this responsibility. Not only to keep myself alive so I can look after my family, but that it is my job, my place in life, to look after them too.

I didn’t realize how much you can love someone. I mean it’s not like that first year, when we were young and naïve and in love. When every touch from him made me shiver, every look he gave me was loaded with promises. Now things are calm. Love is there, but on a completely different level. Like we are not two people anymore. He is part of me, just as much as I am part of him. And we argue. We fight like crazy people sometimes, hurling hurtful words and childish insults. It’s stress most of the time, I realize that, but worries as well. I worry he gives up too much of himself for me and my ridiculous dreams. I worry that I ask too much of him. That he takes on too much and that I give too little.

I also know I promised we would never come back, yet here we are.

It’s my fault. Me and my ridiculous career. I ended up being pretty damn good at what I do, and then this opportunity came up. It was just too good to turn down. I mean interning at NRK was bloody amazing, and having abandoned graphic design completely and gone full on media studies had been the absolute right decision for me, and here I am. The new temporary ‘’first assistant camera’’ on set of a major American remake at Pinewood studios. Which means I do all the legwork for the actual camera man, but fuck I don’t care, it’s amazing. I get to do all these things I could only have dreamt of, and I am learning so much it’s pretty ridiculous. I come home late at night and my mouth just can’t shut off, I talk for about 40 minutes non-stop until Isak places his hand over my mouth and tells me to shut up or he will shove his cock in my mouth and make me. Well that usually works. Either by me being stunned into silence or, well. His cock is delicious. Let’s just leave it at that.

I come home to a pretty little traditional two up two down house in an English small town. I have even leased us a Mini. It’s like history is repeating itself. Which is why I worry.

I watch his face in the morning when I wake up. Stroke the blonde curls away from his sleeping face.

He has gained a few crows feet around his eyes. A little puffiness in his perfect face. He is still the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. I remember being stunned by him all those years ago, and I still am. I am stunned he is mine, and that he lets me love him. That he wants to be mine as much as I want to be his. And we are. We are each other’s. My husband. My darling boy. The love of my bloody life. The father of our son.

We’re fucking parents. I still can’t believe that. We were gifted this incredible gift. I told Francesca she was crazy when she first told us her plans. I told her no. We couldn’t take her child away, I mean we were not ready. We were in no way ready.

She told us that once she had come to a foreign country, alone and afraid. Overwhelmed by having to stand on her own two feet and take care of herself without the support of her family. She said she had felt like her life had fallen apart, that she had cried herself to sleep every night during her first weeks in Oslo.

Then something had changed, and these two strangers had given her what she had needed the most. We had gifted her a family, invited her into our home and showered her with the support and love that she had so dearly craved. Now she was stuck in a situation she couldn’t control, and she was doing the only thing she could think of. She was giving back. Karma, she had said and flashed us a rare smile. ‘’You once gave me a family, now I am giving you yours.’’

We stopped arguing with her after that.

He is more than my family though, this beautiful man sleeping in our bed. He is curled up around the pillow in his arms, the one he holds when I am not there to fill his embrace. Instead I am next to him on my back with our baby boy asleep on my chest. It’s funny how he already plays us, being only 6 months old. He will only settle with Isak during the day, falling asleep on his shoulder as Isak bounces around the room on his heels, gently humming to him in that out of tune chant he tends to sing. Yet in the evenings it’s me he craves, falling asleep against my skin, grumbling if I try to wear a shirt. He wants me on my back, grasping at the pathetic wisps of hair that grow on my chest with his tiny fingers, stroking my skin with his fingernails until he settles into his deep peaceful sleep.

We have never bothered with a cot. Nor do we own a pram. We are doing ‘’Parenting Light’’ as Isak laughs when people ask. Wolf has always slept with us in our bed, we just couldn’t bear to not be near him. We bought the baby sling and the car-seat on our way to the hospital, in a mad panic when reality set in and the truth was dawning on us that we were about to have a baby. A real life human child.

 My parents bought enough clothes for Wolf that he rarely wore the same outfit twice, before swiftly outgrowing everything. Now we tend to have a few baby-gros around and that’s basically all he needs. Apart from the industrial sized boxes of nappies, wipes and the never-ending supply of baby formula milk powder that we expertly shake up for the hourly ‘’happy hour’’ when the milk flows and Wolf grins in delight as his deranged fathers do the milk dance. Yes. It’s all jazz hands and silly hip bumps from his Daddies as Wolf squeals in delight and kicks his legs hard enough to make the baby bouncer jump on the thick English carpet.

We’re only renting this house but it already feels like home. Despite the grey and the rain and the damp cold of the UK in December, I have to admit I love it here. It’s different from the white snow on the streets of Oslo. The freezing temperatures way below zero and the almost constant darkness during the day. London is damp, dusky and grey, yet it’s cosy in a different way. The shop windows down the road are decorated in Christmas cheer, the roads twinkling with lights strung across the buildings. TV is churning out Christmas specials like they are going out of fashion, mingled with the constant adverts for posh food from overpriced shops and plastic tat that children will be going nuts over.

I know Isak is struggling with the thought of being here, but he is being brave trying to deal with the demons that will forever live in his head. I don’t expect him to forget. I was here for such a short time of the way he lived his life, but I understand. I saw him then, and I see him now. I just hope he will forgive me. Forgive me for taking him back here.

 I hope we can make this year happy. It’s just a year. A year out of our lives where we can try to heal, to make this place different, make it the place where we raised our son when he was young. The place he celebrated his first birthday.

This is the place where Isak should feel at home. I hope I can gift him this, for all the things he has given me. I hope I can finally exorcize his demons, and let him take London back. Because this city should be his. It’s the city that gifted me Isak, and now I am gifting him back.

He coughs a little in his sleep, burrowing his head further into the pillow. I reach out and stroke his cheek. Let my fingertip trace the bridge of his nose. My Isak.

I will have to wake him with a kiss in a minute, let my lips slowly stroke his. I love these lazy mornings when I wake up in time to have this, this hour in the darkness where Wolf will stay asleep and I can indulge in just watching my boys. The two most important people in the world.

The bed is big enough, but I have this down to a fine art now. The way I can roll out of bed with Wolf in my arms, holding him tightly against me so he doesn’t wake up. The bouncer is where I left it, just by the door, facing the wall. Poor kid. He has almost been caught out watching us get up to stuff no child should have to witness too many times. I place him gently into the bouncer, fastening the straps around his waist. Tucking my tshirt around his body and placing a tiny kiss on his forehead. We have maybe fifteen minutes before he will realize where he is. Wake up and howl in anger that he is not in bed with us. Where he belongs. Because in Wolf-World he rules the roost and his place is with his daddies in bed. Sprawled out like a starfish between us begging for kisses and kicking the duvet off us both.  It makes me guilty for leaving him on the floor, facing the wall away from the bed. I’m the worst dad. An awful parent. I should be spending time with my son not having dirty thoughts about my husband. I shrug my shoulders and let my boxers drop to the floor. All whilst I am trying to convince myself that I am just trying to balance our life as parents. Find a little time to just be us again. It’s not easy when you have the most gorgeous husband in the world lying right there in bed just waiting for you to go and ravish him. When I probably should go downstairs and make Wolf’s breakfast and get the coffee going.  

Instead I carefully straddle Isak and pull the covers to the side so I can get to him. Reach inside his flannel pyjama pants and let his cock out in the chilly morning air.

He snuffles again, not quite awake.

I love how he tastes, warm and a little sweaty from the thick duvet that has covered him all night.

I lick him like a lollypop, letting my tongue coat him in kisses and strokes. Flick at his slit and suck gently on the head as he slowly fills up in the soft grip of my hand.

‘’Baby’’ he moans and shifts his hips so he lies flat on his back, letting his arms stretch out over his head.

He knows. He knows what’s coming, and if I looked up I bet I could see his mouth curved into a smug grin. Lucky little fucker he is.

I work him slowly with my hand and let my tongue dance across the head of his now erect cock. Little flicks of my tongue, open mouthed kisses covering the thick head, the salty taste of his pre-come hitting my taste buds.

 I smile with my mouth full. I moan helplessly. Very quietly of course. I don’t want Wolf to wake up just yet, I just want us to have this moment. A few minutes of just being us. Of giving Isak something to remember during the day, something he can think of and smile when he misses me.

He groans out loud when I swallow him down. I can deepthroat like a pro now, swallowing around the head of his cock that is firmly wedged at the back of my throat. He tries to say something but all he can get out is a syllable or two before he swallows his words with a helpless whimper. I release him briefly only to take him straight back down again making his hips arch off the bed and his fingers pull at my hair.

It only takes a few more bobs of my head. A few heady swallows around his leaking cock, before I swallow his seed. Spurt after spurt of salty warmth hitting the back of my tongue as his head falls to the side and his chest pumps with the effort.

I love that I can make him come like that, that I can wake him up with my mouth on his dick and sex on his mind. That he can wake up with out any worries scrambling his thought, and I hope that he wakes up thinking of me, that Its me that brings that smile on his face as he switches the bedside light on.

‘’Come up here and let me have you.’’ He whispers and rubs his eyes.

I know what he wants. He knows me too well. He knows that I love this and that he will probably have another orgasm from what I am about to do to him.

I kneel with my legs wrapped under his shoulders as he leans his head right back. I only need one hand to steady myself against the wall whilst I feed my now rock-hard cock down his throat.

He hums in pleasure as I sink into him. Locks his lips tightly around me and does that thing he does with his tongue that sends shivers right up my spine.

We have this down to a fine art now. How he angles his mouth just right, and how my hips just seem to find a rhythm that he can cope with. His eyes water under my thrusts. His finger nails digging marks into my hips as he guides my movements. Harder and a little deeper every time, increasing the speed a little until I start to lose control.

My head falls back and I close my eyes as I get closer. His grip tightens and he urges me on. If he could speak he would tell me he can take it. Not to hold back. To just give it to him.

My hand is already pumping him behind my back, I can just about reach as his hips lift off the bed. Hard jerking movements, his cock still wet enough from my mouth that I can create a slide.

He coughs with surprise as I come, harder than I thought I would. It’s always good, but today. I see stars. Deep and black and breathless as I seem to come forever. My hand is wet from his orgasm, a few drops of white slick against the palm of my hand as I fall forward, shuffling down the bed so I can lie down next to him. I want to shout that I love him. I want to howl to the world that I can’t believe this man is mine. Instead I whimper and lean my forehead against his shoulder.

‘’How did I get this lucky?’’ he whispers as I kiss his skin, letting my head find a place to rest on his chest.

‘’I love you so much. Love you. Fuck I love you.’’ I am rambling. But it makes him smile, his chest jumping with the giggles that escape from his mouth as he wraps his arms tightly around me and buries his face in my hair.

‘’I love your wake-up calls. Beats that annoying ringtone on my phone. ‘’ he laughs and tangles his fingers in a firm fist in my hair. He tugs my head back so he can take my lips. Kisses me with those lips of his that are swollen and chapped from pleasuring me, letting me taste the faint remains of myself on his tongue. His hand tugs at my hair, just hard enough to make my breath hitch, but soft enough to make me remember who I belong to.

His. I am his. Always.

ISAK

I could get a job if I wanted to. And sometimes I do want. I have a degree in programming, I have experience in IT. I could work from home. I just don’t want to. Not right now. And anyway, I am still on paternity leave from my job in Norway. They know I won’t be coming back. It wasn’t the job of my dreams, not the kind of thing I want to do for the rest of my life. God knows why I decided to go down that route at uni. Somehow it was a kneejerk decision. I had the grades to get in. I sat the entry exams and topped up my points. I got in and I went with it.

Thinking back now I should have studied sociology. Maybe nursing. I want to make a difference. Social work appeals to me, and maybe even teaching. Maybe If I had been that teacher at the front of the classroom at school all those years ago, maybe I would have noticed. Maybe things would have changed.

I want to bring things to people. I want to give back. Put some of the skewed karma right in the world. And I won’t do that sitting at a desk at some godforsaken call centre programming stupid forms.

So, I am going to retrain, and figure my life out. Again. It makes Even laugh at me and kiss my forehead, when I start to grumble over my life choices. He says I can do whatever I want. He will provide for us all until I get another job, and we won’t starve. We never did, however poor we were.

Well with all the well laid plans I have in my head I still spend most mornings exhausted on the sofa with Wolf on my chest watching talk shows where people with no sense and fewer teeth than normal air their dirty laundry on morning TV for the world to see.

I also think a lot about my Dad. The sperm donor. The man who wants nothing to do with me.

I am a Father now, to a child that has none of my DNA or genes. Yet I couldn’t imagine a world where he is not my son. Where I wouldn’t see him every day and kiss his little cheeks good night.

I googled my Dad the other day, and added another piece of info to my little list of things I know about the man who fathered me. He hasn’t got a clue about internet safety and has a Facebook profile with his mobile number visible.

 I didn’t tell Even, because he would have gone into a full-blown rant about how the sperm donor dip wit of an arsehole didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as me. I wouldn’t tell Mum either. She would go straight into one and side with Even. Like they do, ganging up on me and calling me ridiculous. Sometimes I think Mum loves Even more than she loves me. Well I don’t blame her. I love him too. Loads.

Instead I pick up the phone and dial Uncle Harry. Good old Uncle Harry who picks up on the second ring, just as I knew he would. The most reliable human being in the world.

‘’Wass-up Kid’’ he drawls down the line. I can hear him flicking his super fancy coffee maker on in the background, the ping and hiss of steam loud and clear.

‘’I’m being stupid again. Thinking too much.’’ I sigh and kiss Wolf’s mop of hair. Twirl my feet that are resting on the coffee table in miss matched socks. One russ-red woolly ski sock and one green cotton one with ‘’The Grinch’’ written on the side.

‘’What’s bugging you now Isak. You know you can tell me anything and If I don’t have the answer then Lou will.’’

I can hear Lou’s ‘’Yo Isak’’ In the background, and the low hum of Harry as he zones out.

Ok. They are snogging.

‘’You two are disgusting. At your age.’’ I try to sound stern, but Harry just laughs in my ear.

‘’Gotta have some of your man in the morning’’ Harry hums, and I can hear the suppressed laughter in his voice. The slap of bare skin. The clink of coffee cups and metal.

‘’it’s almost 11, it’s practically lunchtime.’’ I sound like I am telling him off.

‘’I’m on LA time. Always. I can never get up in the morning’s here. And fuck it’s cold in here.’’

‘’Turn up the bloody heating then’’ I snarl, letting a small giggle escape as I can hear Lou rant in the background.

‘’I’ve never met anyone as frugal as Lou.’’ Harry sighs.’’ Millions in the bank and he turns down the heating, and he booked us business class again. I mean _LOUIS_!! ‘’

I just laugh. Small giggles making my stomach jump as Harry takes a loud slurp of what must be coffee. Humming in approval and sitting down on the chair by their breakfast bar. I can hear the tell-tale signs of the scraping of the chair against the stone tiles in their kitchen.

‘’Isak. Talk to me. Whass-up. Is Even being a bitch or are you bored? Do you hate London as much as I do? It’s a dump, I have always told you it is. Which is why we _SHOULD BE IN LA LOUIS_ , I don’t care that you have meetings. _IT’S TOO BLOODY COLD HERE IN DECEMBER_!!’’

I can hear Louis shouting ‘’Calm your fucking tits man‘’ in the background. Doors slamming. And Harry’s soft laugh.

‘’God, I love him Isak. Now talk.’’

‘’I am thinking I should ring my Dad. See if he will talk to me. Kind of go full circle. Get some answers. I feel that there are so many unresolved parts of my life I need to kind of finish. I don’t want to have all these questions, knowing they will never be answered.’’

‘’Hmm’’ Harry goes quiet, and slurps his coffee. ‘’What do you feel you need to know?’’

‘’Why? Why he never contacted me? Why he pretends I don’t exist? Has he got other kids? I mean I could have a bunch of siblings out there? ‘’

‘’I think you would be disappointed Isak. He is a twat. He will always be a twat. You know he was married to someone and yes, he probably has a family. But he wouldn’t have told them about you. I know people like that, people who just brush inconvenient things like a random pregnancy under the carpet and don’t even think of it again. I just don’t want you to get hurt. By some asshole twat that hurt your mum. You know I love your mum. Adore her. Would happily have married her and adopted you, you know that. Don’t you?’’

‘’Yeah, apart from that you were already with Lou, who you married. Twice.’’

‘’Everything is better twice. Told you.’’

‘’Idiot’’

‘’Asstwat’’

I let another giggle escape. Talking to Harry is like talking to some hormonal teenaged younger brother sometimes.

‘’Anyway, you had me. You were the kid we never had Isak. You know that. Lou and I love you, and if we had had a kid, we would have wanted a kid just like you. We would even have named him Isak. Random I know but it’s a good name. Reminds me of this kid we know.’’

Harry chuckles to himself and if I had been next to him I would have swatted him over the head. Drunk his coffee. Done something stupid to annoy him.

‘’You have been the best Dad Uncle Harry. You have always picked up the phone, and never forgotten my birthday. Or Christmas. ‘’

‘’That’s because I have the best PA in the world. A thoughtful gift and matching card delivered yearly on the right date without having to think. I’m a lazy git Isak.’’

‘’Yeah, but you still do it. And it meant the world to me growing up, and it still does. ‘’

‘’I don’t even know what I am getting you for Christmas, although I am pretty sure that Elaine has had it ordered and ready for you since June.’’

‘’Love Elaine. Please give her a hug from me.’’

‘’We wouldn’t manage without her. I will do. Now Isak, have you got your heating on? Because my husband is now wearing two woolly jumpers and I am about to divorce him for letting me freeze to death. So please tell me your heating is on and I will sling him over my shoulder and get in our car that has _HEATED SEATS LOUIS_ , and we will come and have lunch with you. Or dinner. Whatever fuck the time is. I will order in from Nobu. Or whatever. I don’t even know if Nobu delivers out in the sticks. ‘’

‘’Were not in the sticks Harry, but we have NANDO’s down the road who deliver. Extra hot wings with Mozzarella sticks.’’

Harry doesn’t even reply, just slams the phone down as Louis shrieks echo through the receiver before the line goes dead.

I just shake my head. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I have good people around me. Mum is great and I actually still like Pete, despite his insistence on having Mum live with him in the Cotswolds instead of moving to a nice civilized place like Oslo. She visits all the time though. Comes over and sleeps on the sofa, and spoils Wolf with kisses. And the stack of completely unsuitable toys she has bought for her grandchild is embarrassing, as I spot the Transformer ride on car still In it’s box over by the kitchen table. Another one of her mad ideas. Another one of her jetlagged purchases she has dragged home across the Atlantic, turning up with her face blushed apologizing for another inappropriate gift, only to dissolve in fits of laughter trying to assemble whatever toy she brought, with Even being totally overexcited egging her on. Trying to get me to understand how awesome her gift is. How Wolf will adore it.

‘’He is 6 months old Even!!!’’ I will shout in disbelief, holding up some brightly coloured packaging in front of him. ‘’it says suitable from age 8, 8 Even! Mum! He’s a baby!!’’

 

They never listen. They never do. I grab the remote and put my feet up on the coffee table. Flick aimlessly through the channels trying to remember if I filled up the automatic formula maker that Even had insisted on. Totally over the top. But we both love it. Press a button and perfectly tempered formula milk ready to go within 3 minutes flat. Bliss.

I wouldn’t change a thing. And I pity my Dad who missed out on me. Who never held me against his chest and shushed me to sleep. Who never learned the scent of my head, or the way I liked to curl my hand around Mums finger before going to sleep. He never knew me.

I am angry at so many things. Things that don’t matter anymore. They don’t. I need to remember what matters. The people that are important.

Like Magnus, who lives in Canada with his wife Holly. The most hilarious girl who has made his life complete. Who trusts Even and Myself to recruit a Norwegian aupair for them every summer, bright cheerful girls and boys who must be able to bake, drive and tie up ice hockey laces with one hand. Holly and Magnus have 3-year-old twins, and Magnus has plans that involve big money and NHL contracts. We all love them to bits.

Like Jonas who works in the city, and struggles to get a girlfriend to stick with him long enough to matter. He needs to change his job. Step off the carousel. Take that Gap year he always said he should have taken. Maybe go and work with Mahdi at the restaurant. He’s there full time now, cooking with his dad. They have expanded and made it much bigger, bought more orange plastic chairs. Invested in a glass chiller for the bottles of Fanta.

And do I need more brothers? I have Einar and Mach. I have Espen and Soren. I have bloody Kwazi and his gorgeous boyfriend Tom.

I am a twat. I have Even. Wolf.

I even have myself. I kind of like myself these days.

 

MAGNUS: YO GAY-DADS-OF-THE-YEAR

ISAK: Yo Parenting guru.

MAGNUS: *Proud*

ISAK: What’s up dude.

MAGNUS: Kids both scored at Mini-Pro’s today. I screamed the rink down and got told off by the coaches. Love all this shit. Holly says I am a pushy hockey dad and need to find my inner chill.

ISAK: Inner Chill? You have never had any inner chill.

MAGNUS: I know right? Ridiculous. Anyway just wanted to say Merry Christmas. Heading up to the in-laws tomorrow so the wife will confiscate my phone. They are doing this *no technology Christmas* thing. Watch it all implode after a few hours without the kids iPads. I will be the one on the sofa laughing reading the latest Dan Brown. *Evil Cackle*.

ISAK: Sounds fantastic. Even would kill me.

MAGNUS: Anyway, Merry Christmas dudes. Love you. Seasons Greetings and all that. Enjoy the snow, knowing that we still have more of it. Everything is bigger and better in Canada. Ho Ho Ho.

ISAK: Love you too. Santa is Norwegian. Fact. Ho Ho Ho. *Places Magnus on Naughty list* Give my love to Holly and the kids.

MAGNUS: *Sulks and plots evil come back* *Invents Canadian Santa* *Dirty Tackles Norwegian Santa to the ground.*

ISAK: LOL. Norwegian Santa has ancient superpowers. *Paralyses Canadian fake Santa*

MAGNUS: My all knowing all singing all dancing amazing wife tells me that Santa, is , according to Google:  From Finland. FACT. *sticks out tongue*.

ISAK: Goes to ask my awesome super fantastic Husband for a suitable comeback. God. What would we do without our spouses?

MAGNUS: I have no idea. We are hopeless, aren’t we?

ISAK: Yes. Love you.

MAGNUS: Love you too. Kiss that gorgeous boy of yours. Tell him Godfather Magnus loves him.

ISAK: Will do. Merry Christmas.

MAGNUS: Merry Christmas. Xxxx

MAGNUS:

 

 

EVEN

 

I stumble across the threshold, almost losing my footing at the number of boots carelessly strewn across the hallway. Smile at myself and take a deep breath to prepare myself for what I might find beyond the closed living room door. You never know these days. I thought we would live a quiet peaceful life out here, miles away from anyone we knew, yet life some days feels like we have morphed back into our student days where our flat would fill with random people and we were lucky if we had space to sit on our own sofa.

‘’Eveeeen’’ Louis does a weak attempt at a high five from his position in my armchair, his socked feet sharing space with discarded beer cans and empty milk bottles up on the coffee table and Wolf in his pyjamas wrapped up in a blanket on his chest. He’s asleep. Snuffling gently as I bend down and place a kiss on my son’s head. Ruffling Louis unkept hair with my fingers as he shushes me and points across the room.

Harry is fast asleep sprawled across the on the sofa, his feet resting awkwardly on Isak’s lap. Isak who is half curled up towards the other end drooling into a cushion.

I can’t help it. This little cackling laugh escapes through my mouth.

‘’So, they left you babysitting?’’ I half whisper to Louis who just nods and throws his hands up in despair as someone just scores a goal on TV.

‘’Liverpool, I mean come on. Shoenfield had him just there, _that_ should have been a foul.’’

I just nod and shake my head. I haven’t got a clue on football. None. But I laugh out loud at the shopping bags strewn across the kitchen table. Rich thick paper bags with GUCCI in bold letters embossed across the front.

‘’Sorry about the shopping’’ Louis calls from behind me. ‘’You know what H is like. He got some crazy idea about picking out your Christmas gifts himself and made me double park outside Gucci so he could run in and impulse buy overpriced tat. ‘’

‘’You guys are ridiculous.’’ I smile back at him. ‘’We don’t need anything, you know that.’’

‘’Yeah, well just so you don’t think I am the tight asshole H makes me out to be, I have topped up Wolf’s investment fund for Christmas, and added another portfolio for Isak. He needs to do one of those online courses in Share trading so he can start to manage it himself one day. It’s a decent portfolio he has now, steady growth. ‘’

‘’Lou, you are far too generous. And we appreciate it. We do. I just wish we could do something for you back. The two of you are just hopeless to buy for.’’

Louis just waves his hand in the air, and fist pumps into the air as another attempted goal falls flat on the screen on the wall.

‘’We don’t need anything. Just buy H some Nespresso pods and get me another mug or something.’’

‘’Whilst we get GUCCI jumpers?’’ I smile and pull the knitted jumper out of the bag. It’s bright yellow with dark brown accent stripes. Ridiculously soft. Very Uncle Harry. Totally unusable but I will make a point of wearing it. Because I want to. Because I love that they care enough to always make a point of making us feel like family.

‘’Sorry.’’ Louis sighs on the sofa. ‘’I can get you some freebies from Adidas instead. I still have contacts there who tend to send me the latest stuff. I just have to ask for a bigger size. You know for blokes who are built like giraffes.’’

I chuckle as he turns his head around to wink at me. And Wolf doesn’t even twitch in his sleep. Warm and safe.

‘’You are like some kind of baby whisperer Lou. What’s your secret?’’ I pull the yellow monstrosity of a jumper over my head. Pull a beer bottle out of the fridge and giggle to myself as I have to fold myself into a corner by the TV. There is no space anywhere, and there are remains of some massive takeaway feast strewn across the floor. I pick up a chicken wing from the carton nearest to me. Look around for dip that surely must be in one of these boxes under the table. I bet they finished it all. Twats.

Louis just shrugs his shoulders and does a silent scream at the TV where someone has just scored.

‘’I deal with H every day. He’s like a bloody infant. I have had lots of practice.’’

‘’He’s hilarious. Love H. ‘’

I look over at the sofa where both the ridiculous creatures perched on there are snoring. H with his arm slung over his head. Isak with his mouth open leaning back on the sofa.

‘’He’s the most precious thing, my H. He drives me crazy. Makes me angrier than anyone else in this world. He pushes every fucking button in me. But in some stupid way my brain can’t make me stay away from him. Like a freaking magnet that boy. He just pulls me in, every fucking time. I love him. I suppose that’s what it is? When two complete opposites just can’t live without each other?’’

I take a sip of my beer. Swallow the cool liquid down and look over at the window where frost has formed on the glass, letting the electric candle arch throw light on the crystal shapes.

‘’I suppose a magnet is a good way to describe it, but for me, I think it’s like having your right arm chopped of if Isak is not near me. I miss him desperately during the day, and then we come home and whinge and shout at each other. But at the end of the day I wouldn’t have it any other way. I need him in my bed to be able to wind down. I reach out for him in my sleep. I adore him. He’s mine, and I am his. Sounds corny but that’s just me.’’

‘’There’s nothing corny about loving someone Even’’, Louis says and strokes Wolf’s back. Little soft taps over his bum. Soothing hums as my son wriggles in his sleep. ‘’Love makes us soft around the edges. Cut’s those sharp corners from our lives. It took me a long time to accept that, that I could let H love me, and It didn’t make me a different person. And that loving him, in our own fucked up state of affairs, was right. ‘’

‘’I never stood a chance.’’ I laugh. ‘’Isak had me the first time I even saw him. He was angry and scowling and shouting at me. And I fell in love. Just like that. ‘’

‘’You did good kiddo. And you have been everything he needed. We worried about him for so long and then BANG! He is a different kid. Happy. Content and full of life. All because of this tall fucker that showed up out of nowhere and whisked him off to the Norway hills or whatever.’’

I laugh softly and reach out to clink my beer bottle against his can. Meet his eye and we both wink.

‘’The Norway Hills. Sounds like LA. Full of twatty names.’’ I know how to tease him. I know he hates LA. And how H would live there full time if Louis didn’t keep dragging him back for a few weeks at a time to indulge in English football, Yorkshire Tea and woolly sweaters from Gucci.

‘’LA is a freaking dump. But. Well it’s where H loves to be. And I love him. I have no fucking choice.’’

‘’I get that.’’ I say. I do get it. I would follow Isak wherever he would go. Like he blindly followed me.

I get emotional just thinking about it, how he fought with himself. The emotions written all over his face the day I told him about this job. The opportunities. The Money. The future. All tied in to returning to the one place he never wanted to see again. Yet he did it. He did it for me. For us.

‘’You should come out to LA and stay, do some freelance work. Get some contacts, and throw your name about. There is always space for another good camera man in LA.’’ Louis eyes are firmly fixed on the TV.

‘’Nah. I love it here, but I think I need to get my boys home at the end of the year. I want Wolf to grow up running around in the snow. And I want Isak to feel safe. He’s a scandi boy at heart, it’s his home now.’’

I turn around and face Isak, who is still leaning back on the sofa, his eyes now open, softly gazing at me.

It’s funny how he can just look at me and I melt. His eyes so full of love and his smile that cracks his face into that mass of dimples.

‘’It’s just a year baby. Then we are going home.’’ I smile at him.

My darling boy. The man who carries me on his shoulders. The one who makes everything right. The father of my son.

‘’Whatever you want,’’ He says softly. ‘’Because I will follow you wherever you go.’’

 

MATTHIAS: YO DUDES! Merry Christmas!!!

JON: Merry Christmas Arseholes. And Happy Eid and all that.

FREDRIK: Eid has already been. Keep Up Jon!

YOUSEF: Happy Hanukkah! Oh yeah. None of us are Jewish. Whatever.

JON: We are supposed to be a multicultural inclusive society. Happy whatever you fuckers.

FREDRIK: Ahw. Did you not get what you wanted for Christmas? Or did you not get laid again.

JON: She broke up with me. Again. At Christmas. Heartless biatch.

EVEN: She didn’t. Oh Jon. I am so sorry. You are a bad lay, admit it. I can give you some tips.

JON: You wouldn’t know your way around pussy if your life depended on it. I am an awesome lover. And you are gay.

EVEN: I am an equal opportunities lover who doesn’t believe in labelling my sexuality. And I am freaking awesome when it comes to sex. So there.

YOUSEF: Even. You need to get Jon laid. He keeps hooking up with these women that are just no good to him. Any chance you know of anyone who needs a desperately awesome boyfriend? And who is willing to give him some pointers in bed?

JON: What is this? Tease Jon about his lack of sexual exploits? Can I remind you that at least I am getting some?

YOUSEF: I am getting married in 30 days. 30 days Dude. Give me a break.

JON: Then you won’t come up for air for weeks. Get ready to hibernate in bed. Yousef. Happy to give you some tips.

YOUSEF: No thanks. I would like my wife to stay with me for many happy years, Inshallah.

EVEN: You will Youss. You will be insanely happy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

FREDRIK: I feel all left out. One dude married to a dude, one virgin who is finally getting laid on his wedding night, one guy who needs sex lessons and what does that leave? Matthias?

MATTHIAS: One dude who doesn’t feel the need to talk about his sex life. So there.

EVEN: Respect Man.

FREDRIK: I am going on tinder. For Christmas.

JON: I am going to go and sulk and watch some porn and wank.

FREDRIK: Shall we make a pact Jon? If we haven’t found everlasting love by next Christmas we will join Even and marry each other. Shall we? It can’t be all bad this gay thing if Even and Isak are still at it. Don’t you miss pussy and boobs Even?

EVEN: NOOOOOOOO.

EVEN: I get everything I could ever need with my husband thank you very much. And that is all I am going to say on that matter.

MATTHIAS: High Five brother.

MATTHIAS: I am going to have to delete this convo.

YOUSEF: Prude. I am saving it. Printing it and locking it in my safe. I will hold you to the gay pact next Christmas. Fredrik loves Jon forever and ever and all that shit.

EVEN: Amen brother. I will teach you the ways of the gays. Even though I am not one. Once you go gay you never stray.

JON: God I hate you all.

FREDRIK: No you don’t. You love our sorry asses. Especially mine.

YOUSEF: Anyone fancy dinner tomorrow? Mum’s cooking Biryani again. Again. Even is not invited since he couldn’t get his ass across the sea in time for Christmas.

EVEN: My baby is poorly!

YOUSEF: Yeah. Kiss baby Wolfie. Miss him. When are you back?

EVEN: New years. Hopefully. He should be allowed to fly as soon as the pox scabs over. Can’t wait to see you all. Give Mama Bakkoush a big hug.

YOUSEF: Will do.

EVEN: Off out with the Other Parents.. Miss you guys. Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

 

ISAK

 

Christmas morning feels nothing like Christmas, with the rain belting down hard against the windowsills, and Wolf has got chickenpox. I mean hello. Where on earth did he catch chicken pox?

Well I suppose we have been going to the local baby-clinic. I took him to the Scandinavian sing-a-long group at the library, where we all hummed along to Christmas songs none of us really knew the words to. I have been walking around the shops. I went to see a movie, at the parents and babies screening. Wolf howled all through the first ten minutes until he fell asleep and I sat through an entire film for the first time in months. It was bliss. It was hysterical. I still loved it.

And now Wolf is lying in the bouncer kicking his legs and waving his arms around like there is nothing wrong with the world, except that the photos of his first Christmas has him looking like he is a spotty teen. Covered in ugly blisters and one eye is half shut, swollen from the pox. He’s only little and it’s breaking my heart. Whilst he is happily chewing on the remote control for the TV and squealing every time Even dances past him to the Christmas music he keeps on repeat on Spotify.

We were supposed to be in Norway. 717 miles away from here. We were supposed to be lying around at the Bech Næsheim’s, feeling loved and full and happy and Christmassy as the snow belted down outside and the air filled with the scent of oranges and cloves and cardamom and meatballs, and I was going to get a plastic sleigh and pull Wolf around in it. All the best laid out plans eh. Instead Wolf woke up in the morning covered in blisters and everything went to shit. Well at least I have Even. At least we are together. And Even doesn’t care. He just shrugged his shoulders and went to get his coat. Blurted out something about finding that last turkey on the shelf and getting Christmas dinner sorted. Because if we were going to do English Christmas we would do it properly. All the trimmings and all that shit.

Whilst I am sitting on the sofa nursing some leftover Julegrøt in a bowl watching some educational baby signing DVD on mute with a sulking scowl on my face.

So, Even is now cooking a traditional Christmas lunch. All turkey and vegetables and he has even made homemade mince pies. Ridiculous little pies topped with a perfect dusting of icing sugar that my mum would have killed for. She would have, if she wasn’t half way across the Atlantic heading to Phoenix for some sunshine and retail therapy in the after-Christmas sales. It’s work. It’s always work. I know what it’s like, she has to work like the rest of the world. But somehow as I get older I feel like throwing a long overdue tantrum. I feel like screaming ME ME ME at her. US! And WOLF! We need you to stay for once and be a family.

I know I am being unreasonable. Being all childish instead of turning this around and making Wolf’s first Christmas special. He’s wearing a ‘’My first Christmas pyjamas. A russ-red Santa hat. And the Pox.

‘’I’m going to go and take a shower.’’ I shout at Even, trying to make myself heard over the music screaming out of the speakers. Wolf kicks his legs and shrieks at something outside the window. Even just dances past us and places a kiss on my lips. A kiss tasting of sugar and spices and gravy and food as the smells from the kitchen swirl around in his aftermath.

I don’t know why I feel so down today. It’s like I had all these expectations about having a perfect Family Christmas, and instead it’s just us. In the rain. With the Pox. Fucking Pox. My darling baby boy.

I’m being stupid. I am being completely unreasonable.

I have everything I need right here. Wolf is high on Infant paracetamol having a ball in the bouncer. Even is in his own baking fuelled Christmas frenzy. Powered by Christmas inspired wailing on Spotify.

Whilst I am being childish and numb. For no reason at all.

So, I intended to take a shower. Instead I jog upstairs and curl up in bed with my phone and sulk. Like a baby.

I am angry. I have issues. I know that. I just need to get the fuck over them.

My hands shake as I press in the digits on the screen, almost in anger. Like I am punishing the phone. Like I am punishing myself. I know this will end badly. I know this is the worst idea in the history of incredibly bad ideas. I know. I still do it.

My hands are shaking as the call connects. At least it’s a live number. At least I am trying.

The call picks up and a gruff voice answers with a simple stern Hello. And my heart is pounding in my ears.

‘’Hi’’ I say, my voice breaking. ‘’My name is Isak Valtersen.’’ I even say it like I would in Norwegian. Like I am taunting him. I am nothing like you. I am not even English you bastard.

‘’Oh’’ The voice says back.

‘’I’m sorry if this is a bad time, I just wanted to introduce myself and say hello.’’

I can hear a door being closed at the end of the line. He is clearing his throat. My heart beating in my ears. Bolting against my eardrums like a deafening drum.

‘’It’s fine. I can talk. ‘’

He seems OK. At least he hasn’t hung up. At least he is not shouting abuse at me.

‘’I’m your son. In case you didn’t remember.’’ I don’t mean to sound snarky. But honestly. Just in case he doesn’t remember he has a son. Called Isak. I don’t even know if he ever found out my name.

‘’I remember.’’ He says. ‘’How are you?’’

It sounds lame. So formal. Like I am nothing. Like this is a sales call, and I am trying to sell him some hyped-up product against his will.

‘’I’m back in the UK. I am married and have a son. You are a grandfather. I just thought you should know. ‘’

‘’Oh Congratulations. And your Mother is keeping well I presume?’’ Oh fuck. He _is_ a pompous twat. I don’t even know why I am bothering.

‘’She’s very well. Mum is the best. She is amazing.’’ Well she is. She deserves the praise. I could easily continue that sentence. Spend the next hour screaming out the story of how she raised me alone. How she struggled. How my life fell apart and there was nothing she could have done to stop it. How strangers stepped in and filled his shoes. How I had amazing father figures who loved me. How much he missed out on. How I wish things had been different. How I know they wouldn’t have been. Because seriously. There is nothing wrong with my life. My life is fucking brilliant. All without any input from him. Not even a freaking penny. Wanker.

‘’I am glad to hear that. I’m sorry Isak but I have somewhere I need to be. It was a… Pleasure to speak to you. ‘’

I want to laugh out loud. He sounds so uncomfortable that it’s not even funny. There is no warmth in his voice. No pride. No regret. He can’t even think to ask the name of his grandchild.

There is this pregnant pause. He doesn’t speak. I don’t know what to say.

‘’Merry Christmas Dad.’’ I blurt out.

I thought I would cry. I thought it would be emotional. Instead I am feeling ridiculous. Like I finally see the light. Like this whole hurdle I thought I had to overcome has just crumbled to dust underneath me.

I don’t know why I thought I needed him. Why I thought his approval and concern would change anything.

‘’Merry Christmas’’ he stutters, ‘’and give my best to your wife.’’

I don’t even correct him. Just hang up and jump out of bed. I run. I run down the stairs and jump over the baby bouncer so I can get to him. Throw myself at him, apron across his chest and a chopping knife still in his hand. I just throw myself into his arms, laughing like I have lost my mind.

‘’He’s a twat. He’s a pompous idiot of a twat. ‘’

‘’Who? Who’s a twat?’’ Even just laughs into my hair. Nuzzles my ear. Totally misses my lips when I try to catch a kiss.

‘’The sperm donor. I just rang him.’’ I laugh hysterically. My breathing far too fast. Laughing like I am deranged.

‘’Oh fuck. What did he say?’’

I giggle and pant. Lean over and rest my hands on my knees. In and out. Phew. Ugh.

‘’He said he had somewhere he needed to be.’’

‘’Somewhere as far away as possible away from the phone call he was receiving?’’ Even’s voice is soft as he leans down and picks me up. Drags me in for a proper hug.

‘’He was just cold. Indifferent.’’

‘’I’m so sorry baby. I’m so so sorry.’’ Even’s hands are everywhere. Trying to soothe every part of my body. Grounding me back onto earth.

‘’Don’t be. I guess I always knew it would be like that. I just needed to prove it to myself. And I did. I can put it behind me now. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone else in my life.’’ My voice is defiant. I am actually quite proud of myself.

‘’Just me. You just need me.’’ Even has my face in his hands, His nose against mine. His voice stern like he is telling me off.

‘’Of course. You. As long as I have you everything is right in the world.’’ I pout. Pout and nuzzle until he kisses me. Hard and strong claiming my mouth with his, his tongue in my mouth and my hands tugging at his hair.

‘’That was a brave thing to do.’’ He whispers. ‘’You are the bravest person I know Isak. Don’t ever forget that. ‘’

‘’It wasn’t brave, it was stupid. But I am glad I did it. I feel almost relieved. ‘’

‘’Good.’’ Even kisses me again. ‘’Now go text your Mum and tell her you love her. Text my parents and say Happy English Fake Christmas. Text Harry and call him Daddy Harry. That will make Louis laugh no end. Oh, and call Louis Daddy Louis. He will get off on that and you know what will happen.’’

I just laugh in his face. Blush a little at the dirty looks he is giving me. Uncle Harry tends to over share. We all know about his Daddy kink. His little ways of getting Louis all wound up.

‘’Well, Daddy Even….’’ I try to pout suggestively. Wink and wiggle my hips.

‘’That doesn’t work on me baby. No kinks here. Apart from your mouth. And your arse. And your legs and fuck. I think you are my kink. All of you. Any chance of getting you naked in the next couple of minutes?’’

‘’Eh, you mean like this?’’ I tug at the belt on my trousers. Unbutton the top button and slowly grip the zip.

‘’Oh yeah’’ Even licks his lips. Leans over and turns the dials on the cooker. Unties the apron from around his waist.

‘’He’s asleep’’ I whisper, leaning over Wolf, placing a soft kiss on his head, my heart twisting at the sight of his scarred skin. His beautiful perfect face swollen with the damn pox.

I move slowly backwards reaching out to tug at the cord for the window blinds so I can shut out the world. Make sure there will be no indecent show to the poor people walking past our house. Because there is about to be one hell of a show I laugh to myself as my husband steps out of his jeans. His underwear cast aside on the floor. His cock hard, bouncing against his thigh as he walks up towards me.

‘’Now, where were we..’’ He smiles and pushes me down on the sofa. Straddles me and lets his lips dance over mine. Hard open-mouthed kisses. His cock grinding against my bare stomach. My hips jerking in anticipation. His tongue trying to tickle my tonsils. Honestly Even.

‘’Right here’’ I pant back. Wrapping my legs around his waist. Smiling into his assault on my mouth.

‘’Merry Christmas baby’’ He whispers as his hand grabs my chin, licking a line across my jaw.

‘’Merry Christmas you tease’’ I pant back.

‘’We have 15 minutes until I need to get the carrots in the pan. How do you want me?’’

‘’Talk about shifting the mood’’ I laugh. ‘’You have me naked and at your mercy and you talk about carrots?’’

‘’Not just any carrots, glazed honey carrots with sesame seeds. Oven roasted to perfection.’’ He purrs in my ear. His tongue doing indecent things to the back of my neck.

‘’Oh, you can talk about honey glazed carrots all you like’’ I tease back and let my finger tease his crack. Stroking gently letting my fingers work into the creased fold of his arse. His pleasure hole. My favourite place to be. ‘’As long as I can get in here and have my way with you.’’

I don’t even blush anymore. We are way beyond getting embarrassed in bed. He knows all my spots. The secret kinks in my head. The way I love when he fucks me. How I would rather have it hard and fast than slow and drawn out. How much I can take. How little I can handle.

‘’I’m all yours’’ he whispers and grinds against my fingers. Moves up and down when I breach him. Rides my digits with his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. His eyes closed and his breath just slightly too fast.

It’s strange how something as simple as his hitched breath turns me on. How the expression on his face makes my cock fill with blood. How I love him. How I fucking adore him. Every little inch of his skin as my mouth sucks on his nipple. Licks his chest. Tastes his skin, warm and damp from the heat in the kitchen. The taste so familiar and soothing that I whimper. I need. I need him.

I wriggle my hips until he is right on top of me, comfortably leaning over me and using his own fingers now. Opening himself up for me as I reach down under the sofa. Letting my fingers feel around among the dust bunnies and long-lost socks. A stray dummy that I throw to the side. The bottle of lube I knew would be there. We always keep them handy. Just in case. You know.

He takes it off me, not a word spoken. Just a soft kiss against my lips as I grind. Grab myself and give myself a few good strokes. Up and down as he smothers himself in lube, his chest pink and flushed. Eyes firmly on me. Giving me that little smirk he does so well as he covers me in slick, his movements making little squelches along my skin as he strokes me. Hard firm movements as I throw my head back and let myself feel.

‘’Gonna ride you’’ He mumbles. ‘’Like a fucking Christmas elf.’’

‘’What?’’ I splutter out a giggle. Fucking ridiculous boy. He’s got one of Wolf’s novelty Santa hats on his head. A cheap felt stripy thing with a bell on the top, chirping weakly as he lowers himself over me in little jerks. Let’s my cock get strangled into his warm heat, making me arch my hips and moan, my arms flying out and grabbing at the backrest of the sofa.

‘’Fuck’’ I gasp.

‘’So big. Fucking hell Isak. ‘’ he pants back. His eyes closed. Hair in his eyes. Freaking Elf hat falling off his head as he starts to move. Riding me like he means it.

‘’Ride that sleigh baby’’ I blurt out, my eyes still closed and a ridiculous smile on my face as I grab his hips trying to get him to move faster. Harder. Give it to me baby. I can take it. I know you can too.

‘’Fuck me Santa’’ He laughs back, groaning as he speaks. He is close. I can tell as I reach out and stroke him. He’s lubed himself up ready for me, my fist sliding over him with ease as he roars. Deep and raspy, his voice buried somewhere in his stomach.

‘’Yeessss. Make me come baby.’’ He goes faster. Slams down into me as I try to shift my hips to get the angle right. The angle where I hit his spot. Make him come. I can do it with my fingers in under a minute. We tried. Even timed it one drunken night. It’s not as easy with my cock, when I can’t use my mouth on him, but fuck I can do this. I am the fucking master of making my husband come. Make him loose his fucking mind as he sees stars and shouts and roars and comes. I love when he comes. I love that it’s me that makes him do it. That it’s me he thinks about when he closes those eyes. Or Armie Hammer. He has a thing for Armie Hammer. Well fuck he’s awesome. I agree. And Even spends ever single day aiming that monstrosity of a camera he works on at bloody Armie Hammer. I am not jealous. Not a little bid.

‘’Issak’’ Even hisses as his voice falls apart. A weak whimper and a deep-rooted sigh coming out of his mouth as I get it right. And he spills. Warm white stripes shooting out of his cock over my fist that flies over him. Twisting over his foreskin on the up. Loosening on the down. Catching his seed on my stomach as I feel myself falling.

It’s still the same. The white static creeping up on me as the blood in my brain floods my senses. Everything white and black and quiet in my head as pleasure rolls over me in waves. Crashing and banging and overpowering everything as I know it as my cock pulses inside him.

I love him. I fucking love him so much it hurts. My husband. My fucking everything.

He has fallen back against the opposite armrest of the sofa, my deflating cock slowly sliding out of him. His legs twisted in some almost bizarre pose. Arms over his head. Face flushed. Eyes closed.

‘’You kill me. Fucking hell Isak. Pounding me like that.’’

I just giggle weakly, too exhausted to even think. Panting like I have run a bloody marathon.

‘’you are going to make a mess on the sofa.’’ I pant. Like I care. I honestly don’t care.

‘’Don’t care’’ He sighs. Pats my leg weakly with his fingers. Little soothing strokes.

‘’I’m sorry we are not at home. But this is OK. Just us.’’ It is. Honestly. It’s ok.

He laughs softly, making me raise my head to see what’s funny.

Oh hell.

‘’Our poor baby. Darling Wolf. Please tell me that you were asleep through out that little…..display. Please tell Pappa you didn’t see a thing. ‘’ Even is rolling over on his side. Reaching out to pull the bouncer towards him so he can stroke Wolf’s cheek. Wolf who is kicking and bouncing and smiling that toothless grin that makes my heart ache with love.

I pull a cushion over my head. Groan with a tiny bit of amusement in my voice. Shame. We are ridiculous. Worst parents ever. Whoever decided we would be allowed to parent deserves a medal for bravery.

‘’We will have scarred him for life. I hope you are putting money away to pay for therapy for our son. He will never be the same again.’’ I laugh. Poor baby. Poor poor Wolf.

Wolf who just howls. His little mouth shaped like a perfect little circle as he coos and howls. Kicking his legs. Waving his arms at me like he does when he wants to get up. When he wants me. Needs me.

My little boy.

‘’Let me just wash my hands baby boy and Daddy will get you changed. Give you a big cuddle and get you a nice warm bottle of special Christmas day milk. Would you like that baby boy? Cuddles with Daddy and Milk? And we might even get Pappa to come and sit down and watch another episode of ‘’First Norwegian words and rhymes?’’ with us? Yes? Shall we?’’

Even just sighs at me. Does that little resigned smile. ‘’I hate First Norwegian words and Rhymes’’ can’t we just watch ‘’Peppa Pig’’ like normal parents?

‘’His brain is like a sponge at this age. We want him to be bilingual when he starts to speak so we can introduce a third language before school. Get that Spanish Aupair so he can start speaking his mother tongue too. ‘’ I am the stern parent. Even is the fun parent. Good cop bad cop. Totally.

‘’Can I get him Peppa Pig in Spanish then? All your educational videos drive me nuts at the weekends. I love Peppa Pig.’’ He sulks. His bottom lip sticking out as he sits on our sofa. Stark naked. With our pox ridden son looking like a spotty mini Santa on his lap. ‘’Wolfie and Pappa love Peppa pig don’t we? Yes we do. Let’s put Peppa Pig on. Snort Snort.’’

He looks at me like he does. When he wants something. Giving me that look he does when he wants me to melt into a puddle and give in, give him anything he asks for. Because I will. I have no willpower with Even. I will happily give him anything he wants as long as he keeps looking at me like he does right now.

When he wants to remind me that I love him. That he loves me right back. When he showers me with hugs and butterflies and snowflakes with his eyes. He looks at me and everything goes quiet. Still and soothing in the chaos of our rented living room.

The house is a mess. Christmas is a nothing like I planned it and our son is sick.

 It doesn’t matter. It fucking doesn’t matter.

‘’I love you. ‘’ I say. Strong and defiant and with a smile on my face. ‘’I fucking love you Even.’’

He just laughs. Laughs and plants a kiss on our son’s head.

He is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

HARRY: Isak? I know it’s like in the middle of the night there but I wanted to tell you before we tell anyone else.

HARRY: Isak?

HARRY: Sleeping like the dead. I want to ring you but I don’t want to end up with Even shouting at me. Even is scarier than Louis when he is mad. Anyway. Sorry if I am waking you up.

HARRY: Surprise! You have a sister. I know we should maybe have told you but it’s been a total mess and emotionally draining and Louis didn’t want to jinx anything but we picked her up today and she is amazing and I am a mess and Louis cried in the car all the way home.

HARRY: So we adopted, in case you didn’t get the jest of that last text.

HARRY: ISSIE JOANNE TOMLINSSON STYLES. She was born in September and she is bloody gorgeous. I am so in love it’s a little bit embarrassing. We were allowed to pick her up and take her home today and we hadn’t even finished the nursery.

HARRY: Please tell me that you will come out and visit! We can’t travel with her until all the paperwork is done and her passport has come through, but she would love to meet her uncle Wolf. Seriously. Please think about it. I need someone to show me how to do this parenting thing and you are such a natural. Help. Please.

HARRY: Anyway. Love you. Merry Christmas my gorgeous oldest child. Father of two me. Haha. Love you to the moon and back. Louis loves you too. Always.

HARRY: I am a soppy twat. I am crying again. Love you. Daddy Harry. Xxxxx

HARRY:

 


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